good vibes hehehe!

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Pansy under an umbrella

The pansy wants to make pabukot under a huge yellow dotted payong muna and not talk much. You can make kalabit of course! Pansies like being connected even if they're hiding out under an umbrella. Just as long as you don't want to make me come out and show my face, you can hold my hand, :-D (now you know how my sociable roomie feels when she wants to talk and i just want to be mum hehe! i love you roomie, we are one in rental, if not in communication. but that's ok ;-))

Having said that about wanting to be alone, how to say this -- to take me seriously but please don't take me seriously :D hehehe!

Ahh, so much to write up to share ...
1. the summer camp for young men on gender issues and baguio :-)
2. my crystal ball reading!!!
3. my replies to cancer dude on some women points we were once chatting about
4. the trip to pagudpod that seems like eons ago but that i still want to write up. hehe.

the "reality show" is off the air :D :-P ohmmmm.....

p.s. new template though ;-) gfs, do you like it???

p.s. and the last two lines are what i mean exactly by don't take me seriously at all but take me seriously :-D :-) ... oh mwah to you!

A Pansy Votes

I was a pansy.

From an article in the Seattle Times entitled Suitably Sultry "...reveals what Georgia O'Keefe's paintings glorified — that flowers are a plant's reproductive parts. The discreetly ruffled petals of pansies or roses lull the nonbotanists among us into forgetting the sexual potency of flowers."

I had a past life reading last Friday, and according to the reader, I was a pansy. Which struck an immediate chord because a viola is a type of pansy. (A viola is also a type of violin, and a lead character in a play by Shakespeare.)

I was asked by the reader how I felt as a pansy. I answered solitary, prominent, etc. And she asked, "Isn't a pansy bursting with sexuality?" And a pansy is a flower near the ground. A grounded flower bursting with sexuality. A CAPRICORN. :-P

Here are some pictures of pansies, and a viola too, to entertain you while I write up the transcript of my reading.

Bless.



a painting by Georgia O'Keefe (black pansy)


a painting by Dorothy Pyle


VIOLAs!!!!!

P.S. the yellow pansy up on this page is by Annie LaPoint

Fall from Grace

Tuesday this week was welcomed with both excitement and trepidation as my weekly horoscope had this to say -- Tuesday could be the most interesting day this week, as you might need to rise to a challenge, while still retaining your dignity. The question of dignity isn't usually a problem, as you naturally bear yourself with grandeur. But as there is going to be a Full Moon in Scorpio at this time, you might find that despite your best intentions, one social outing could prove too much, and you might end up disgracing yourself in one way or another before the night is over.

While I was interested to find out how things could get interesting (and they did too, a bit starting with a dead cat on my doorstep, but this is a story at another blog :D), I was also fearful of how I would disgrace myself. Would I be running around the campus streets naked? Would I fall into an emotional pool, and spend the night crying into my friend's shoulders?

Aquarius herself was a tad fearful -- if Cappie broke down, what was she to do? (hehehehe! Maybe she was visualizing having to carry me over her shoulders bawling! :-P). On the other hand, Pisces gf clapped her hands in glee, and soon was lost in happy remembrances of her various disgraceful encounters many of which involved moonlight, stars, sand, water, and males (hehe!).

Sad to say, there were no scandalous encounters beyond me persisting in singing reggae (wanna make you sweat, sweat till you can't sweat no more) and being politely ignored.

However, Wednesday this week, there was a "fall from grace" as Cancer gf confirmed that I am no longer the one she looks up to! No longer the one she solely admires because since my days as her heroine, many wonderful people have come into her life. She has also come to appreciate and celebrate the goddess within her. I've become simply normal, just another friend in a huge web of wonderful friends. And am so relieved. Hehehe! I didn't think getting disgraced would feel this good ;-).

As I did write in this blog a few weeks back -- ... I think when some friends have to describe me, it comes out as if I'm dead already. Hey! I'm as petty as petty can be, just a hot and bothered molecule in the middle of matiaga. If you pinch me, I'll bite you. Please don't put me a step higher coz that means you won't bother with me and anyway am too lazy to stand still. I'd rather be sitting on the step eating crunchy green mangga. And I don't like being a step lower either although that's often where I place myself. Because belly to belly is best :D. ... I don't want to be an oracle, no one wants to go to bed with the oracle, who could sleep????.

'Nuff said. Am sure, Libra gf can relate. :D I've long become normal to her goddess self too! Hehe!

Girl Goat

One of my pastimes is observing myself from an amused distance (because as that Charlotte Kasl author of If The Buddha Dated keeps saying in that book, we must treat ourselves with compassion, humor, and tenderness ;-)).

One, I always seem to end up asking after people's work. Am not even very conscious about it but it's true, much to the chagrin of Aquarius gf (hehehe! there's a story in here but let her tell it herself :-) ) and our combined amusement at each other. Maybe because work is part of personhood, particularly from the perspective of a mountain-climbing goat. Maybe because it's one of those shortcuts to getting to know people. If what they do means a lot to them or is part of their person, then it certainly is a clue :D. But don't worry about it, I don't think I box people according to what they do or their day jobs. It's just that I'll tend to ask :D.

Two is that I do tend to be quite reserved with people from the start, unconsciously wanting to wait and see muna. There's a good part to it, in that offhand, it seems like the "sensible" (lol) thing to do. ... Wait till you know more or are sure :D.

On the other hand, I'm also grateful to the people who leaped into the void, and "picked" me -- my silent smiling reserved self -- and chose to befriend me (off the top of my head, Taurus gf, Libra gf, Pisces gf and many more am sure, and a cute story to every encounter as well) and saved us a lot of time. Also those people who seem to have a thing for seeing the soft side of goats like Aries gf and Aquarius gf. I think also that Cancer gfs and I will tend to grow on each other -- it takes some time before we do trust each other with our selves or discover each other completely.

I find this trait funny when I remember passages on Capricorn in the one hundred and one astrology books we've browsed so far that says that courting a Cap is like going to a job interview! Hehehe! But I think this is less the "problem" of the "job applicant" that that of the shy and fearful-of-ridicule Cap. I think people just need to be themselves anyway, and Cap will be Cap until ...

They finally pick you ;-). I've also noticed that when I've finally picked the people who might or might not have picked me already, that I tend to be quite true (GRIN, this is not an ad, promise). I tend to be quite true to the spirit that is you, and will be quite ready to defend you to the death (naks, I did a quick mental survey of my dearest and closest and think that I've somehow "defended" each one at some point or the other, which is not to say that they have not done the same for me :-) ).

And last, I've observed that I'm hyper-observant! :D I can usually guess or sense where people are at, and often have a broad understanding of people's processes and persons.

But the challenge usually is, to connect knowledge with kindness and compassion. For of what use is it for me to know if I don't care? It's the caring that counts, and I thank you all who have brought and continue to bring me that lesson.

:D

P.S. Thank you's are in order to Aries gf who bought me that book a year ago, and to Libra gf who is currently reading it and enthusing about it, and thus inspiring me to go back to it. That book is just multiple O's. Hehehe.

Buddha blessed moon

Major solar and planetary alignments take the day off just before we reach one of the main Full Moons of the year -- what's called the Buddha Festival or Wesak -- scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Thus, even though there is a cosmic lull of sorts, intensity is still building hour after hour. Creative, artistic juices are flowing in the morning -- thanks to the Moon in Libra trining Venus in Gemini (1:06AM PDT) and Mars in Gemini (9:50AM PDT). This latter time begins a void lunar cycle lasting until 1:40PM PDT when the Moon dives into the passionate pools of Scorpio Moon. The sleuth within takes over once the Scorpio Moon begins in earnest. Ferret out secrets relating to your family tree or learn more about ancient places of magic and mystery. Research, library work, psychological studies and investigations of almost any kind make sense right now. The evening builds to a Moon-Uranus trine in water signs (11:51PM PDT). Let your intuition guide your intellect, logic and commonsense.

from Yahoo astrology (hehe!)

Distress is a clue...

to the wonder that is you :D.

Dear gfs or others in distress,

** DISCLAIMER FIRST: Not thinking of anyone in particular, just a thought I want to put out here and anyone may use it if it's useful, claim it and propagate it :-D

I find that it always helps me to recognize my distresses, to put my finger on them and allow myself those feelings. ... But not to stop there. To start meditating (thinking, reflecting, praying, dreaming) on where these feelings are coming from. Why is a good question that need not be feared. And often it takes a lot of why's to uncover the complex landscape within.... Why am I feeling this way? If so, then why? And then, why? Why is a journey to more of yourself, and a journey that you fully deserve (because it is a good journey to make :D).

It also signifies that you're not giving away responsibility for your happiness to others around you. YOU are what makes you happy. Others can't make you happy. You can :D. I bet others also have their hands full with their own journeys and if we all journey side by side now and then, we're truly blessed.

Also, to backtrack a little, we give so much of our time, attention and a sense of importance to our joys and our happiness. Maybe we need to realize that our sorrows, our fears and our distress also need our attention. Sitting with them, making them our family, getting to know the other stuff behind those feelings, will help us bring ourselves to a better place.

A better place where we are able to communicate ourselves better to the people that we hold dear, and take up our issues and our feelings with them. But to do so from a centered place within ourselves, such that our encounters become mutual learning sessions, instead of blame-fests or more opportunities to be hurt :D

The thing is, we are together because we have much to learn from each other. And I betcha everyone has something important to learn.

Oh, and a last point for me and others: one thing I've learned from the past several months is that people are also fragile, handle with care. Compassion is a good thing to bring along, and if you can help it, try not to create more hurt. Be mindful.

Love you.

;-)

At the beginning

I can't help it. I've always always always LOVED this song :D (a bit like Let Your Love Flow that I also love especially the Sister Hazel version). Found it again today because my Windows Media Player always does that to me, surprise me with songs I've always had but don't pick all the time. Maybe because I think people might think it a cheesy choice. Maybe because the reverse psych side of me sometimes avoids things that are "good" for me or are "substantial" (hehe!)? Maybe because a long long time ago, I shared it with an ex-lover and don't want to be brought back to those songs and that time (wala lang).

Notwithstanding all that, here goes. For everyone who means a lot to me and whom I want to be standing with at the end of the world, at the beginning :D.

We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
At the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how are dreams could come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

Richard Marx And Donna Lewis
At The Beginning

Moments

I love those little moments of absolute certainty.

When I wake up in the morning and ask Myself whether I still want to sleep or not and the answer comes back loud and clear -- no, you're ok, you're ready to be up and about, and hopefully, running :D. Then I know that I want to be up and about and extra sleep will just make me miserable.

Or when in the middle of working -- reading, writing, thinking -- I ask myself if I want to take a break -- watch tv, eat something, text, read something light. And then I feel that no I want to be working.

I love those :D. At those times, it's not even my conscience or the boss in me speaking, but the totally "I".

:-&

feel greeeeen. feel like i drank water from the swimming pool. eeeeeew.

anyway, must go read work and multiply :D

love to all those who need it :D

from, feeling love parade :P

Justify My Love

The bidding has begun!

Last week, gooooogle email (gmail.com) opened its doors to active bloggers! Thus informed, we (the velveteen dd, leigh cheri and i) ran, pell-mell, post-haste into the arms of google (taking off high heels, sneakers in hand and trying to put on the comfy pair while running for greater speed)! We can certainly do with that one gig of email!!!

Nevertheless, we still somehow remained ignorant of our extremely good fortune. Leigh Cheri's most-loved felt peeved that for the moment, as a non-blogger, the doors still kept him out in the cold non-gmail world :-D. After all, wasn't he the one who had told Leigh weeks ago about the impending new google email???? (And Leigh felt equally peeved at herself, having missed one "r" in her login registration, hehehe but that's another story.)

The velveteen's friend, long-time google fan Dahon's heart was broken. She so admired google and wanted to be in too. A pleading email from velveteen to google on her behalf proved futile, as even the blogger founder [thanks leaf, for pointing out the faux pas :D i want to be in google's good graces, and yours ;-)] had this to say in his blog -- Sorry, I can't invite everyone to Gmail just because you write to me. Especially if I don't know you. And that's true even if you created a Blogger account and/or are a long-time Google user. For one thing, I don't have that many invites. And for another, I'd never get anything else done.

But today, this invitation winked at me from within my gmail -- Invite a friend! Thanks for using Gmail and helping us improve the service. We're ready to expand our test to a few more users, and because you've been a trusted early tester of Gmail, we're looking for your help. Please invite a few more people who you think would like Gmail and could help us make it even better.

And I still have one more invite left for anyonewho badly wants in into intelligent email -- for one, you get to see your emails as entire conversations!

It's like the last brownie game in Notting Hill, says Leigh. Tell the mundane and the divine, why you deserve gmail? :D Just write to themundaneandthedivine@gmail.com. The best entry wins!

Winners will be announced on Monday, May 3.

Bless you all for we will email :D

Soul Sister Conversations

The phrase "the mundane and the divine" is actually from soul sister on fire, Ms. Morgaine.

We had been talking about, love :-D. What a more complete "romantic" love connection should include. We thought how many relationships start from attraction and sex. Some ignite from intellectual conversations. Others are borne of emotional attachments. Then when the two people change, grow, the one other person is left behind or the two extend into different directions.

Perhaps if two are united and excited on many different levels at the same time, from the start, there would be a more complete and more fulfilling interaction. Things mundane like never forgetting to buy coffee (or else!!) or even saving up water in the summer when taps run dry.

Or, beyond the tastiest bedroom adventures and the most exciting discussions on how things should be run around here, things divine like a body massage (hehe!), and a shared silent prayer.

Hence, the mundane and the divine. After all, us little devils and occasional angels will have our rants and our moments of great wisdom.

Last Saturday, soulful living kept cropping up in yet another long conversation of the sisters of Avalon (:-P).

Maya Marches

Libra gf forwarded me a list of feminist jobs with this short note - ewan ko ba bakit forward ako ng mga ganito sa yo eh ayaw naman kitang umalis ng UP Village. he he he.

GF, am so glad you're in washington this weekend, marching for my condoms, among other things :-). Wanna be there too ;-) but since i'm not (and after all, we are also walking the walk and talking the talk here where condoms+++ are just as important and a million times more scarce), walk an extra step there just for me, gf! Am with you, and everyone who knows and does that "women are people." (Including the men :D.)

...And that anytime and everytime is not always the right time to have babies... And and that everyone wants a chance at having the babies they want in the best possible conditions... And and and that the best possible conditions include, when there is love, time, and money, for everyone including the kids already living.

O ye all who profess to know better than women what should be good for women, you have this to think about. It's this thing bandied about for the last century or so. Step into hershoes you priests and keepers of morality and the faith, and live her life. then perhaps, you too would know.

But really, gf, can't wait for you to get back so I can tell you about My Intuitive Reading at Runes Cafe :D. And listen to your stories!!!

Upside Down

One click of whateva and then my entire screen made a 180-degree turn! Hilarious! Was actually pretty good at reading upside down. Managed to save onto diskettes my most cherished files (:p) and most urgent work documents. Even did a virus scan, and searched thru control panel settings looking for an antidote. With increasing panic, uninstalled Kazaa even! It seemed like something only a virus could do, and one by a virus writer with a sense of humor (my mom still looked cute upside down on my screen with her short fluffy hair).

After lunch and a few panicked calls to the IT guy, I bumped into the Intel icon and did the rotation. Whew! Safe again for now! Still a week to go in Mercury Retrograde, when all things to do with communication can go wrong.

Could this be a metaphor for something that's about to happen? :D

Pagudpod, November 2000

Sister Sandra,

Thank you *mwah mwah mwah* for the instructions on posting pics (and thank you too DD). But I want to show you the BIGGER WAVES pictures from three years ago. The two above are after-the-storm pics. So, I need a scanner. Now na!!! Hehehe.

Sister Wendy Darling,

Where's the bikini album :-P. You sent again the moral true and right album. Hihihihi.

I must stop blogging,
Eula

Movie Recommendations

Note to me, the Capricorn girl with short-term memory loss:
1. Secret Lives of Dentists, says Libra honeybun
2. Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind, says Cancer dude
3. Whale Rider (I think. Hahaha.), says the FWI

Just so I remember who to blame :-P

The Honeybun Emails: Ilocos Tales

Libra so kindly agreed to post emails from the road during Our Holy Trip to Pagudpod. Decided to repost them as emails to her from last week. Next time, honeybun, we go on vacation together. Do you realize we've NEVER done that yet? -eulala

1. Dawn
Two hot pink Jansport backpacks, side by side. In a
line to get tickets at a bus station. A looong line.
Imagine, no peeing and no bath for the next ten hours
at least! Things checked: Joanna wala pungos (hehe!),
Aida maraming drugs (mefenamic acid, paracetamol,
loperamide), Eula walang kalaro walang tigabuhat ng
mabigat na bag :). Other stuff- J has 72 shots, A 72
shots, and E 40 shots and 100 poses. Hihihi. The line
refuses to move coz there are no buses. Its 510 in the
am. Lab you honeybun, am mega sleepy! Mwah!

=====
Every time I hold your hand it's not the same :P
Posted by Leigh for Me (Violie, honeybun)

2. G R E E T I N G S Capricorn
4/7/04 -You're pleased with the company you keep. Even if you just met these people or were thrown together by circumstances, you get along wonderfully. You're also ideally positioned and well stocked. Maybe you planned ahead and fulfilled your shopping list. Maybe you're just lucky. However you filled your shelves or cued up your resources, everything you need is exactly where it should be when you reach for it. Are you just tooling along, taking life as it comes? Are you lining up the factors for an important decision that you have to make? It's your move. You're pleased with the company you keep. Even if you just met these people or were thrown together by circumstances, you get along wonderfully.

posted by leigh for me (honeybun)

3. want some eggnog?
Mmmmmm. Having Vigan longganisa for the second time.
With sukang Iloko. Freezing cold Coke. Coffee after.
Heaven well deserved. It took 20 hours to get here! OH
MY GODDESS! hahaha. Six hours to get tickets, and
fourteen hours drive. Imagine the bus pulled out at
830 and we stumbled into Currimao at 1030 in the
evening! LOL. ... But the moon was beautiful (esp thru
a bridge darkly), the air so sweet, and the sea so
soothing. We fell into a deep and dreamless sleep ***
Daytime, four bikini-clad girls set themselves up on
the beach with the nicest little boy in the world! ***
I bet Aemon would adore the shore :D

=====
Every time I hold your hand it's not the same :)

You Ya?

I love this! It’s in Ilonggo English. It’s Aquarius’ answer to my question as to whether or not she’s happy up there in her tower.

I’m bored to death (pretending to be a teen). There’s nothing I want to read, nothing I want to watch on tv, nothing I want to eat! Don’t feel compelled to buy anything and am not in love with nor interested in anyone (well I am but not urgently, it can wait till I feel better). Not looking forward to anything exciting and am potentially depressed by work and school at the moment.

Nothing to do, nowhere to go, left to me, have to just be.
Am doing “be.”

But the real reason I’m out of sorts is that Destiny Cable has taken control of my day’s destiny and thrown it into the trash.

Do you think if I turned on the volume to Harry Connick Jr., super loud the people in the meeting downstairs will notice, and get into the grumpy mood too that I am promoting? The more the merrier. Oooops, the grumpier.

:-P

silly saturday

It's far too hot to be happy. I'm proofreading something that needs editing, not proofreading. I'd rather be at the beach. I'd rather be making kulit TNF to death till he wants nothing else but shove me into an icebox and sit on the lid but he's safely asleep or married or kissing someone not me or obsessing over his split ends (haha can't imagine this). Even honeybun kulit is also safely asleep and married and thankfully not kissing me but I can imagine her obsessing over her split ends (at least while the little scorpio cutie is asleep and the Philippines is at lunch on her laptop). I can't even pull my roommie's hair or pinch at her love handles coz she is safely a plane ride away. I can't inteview another emote-girl about her sex life as she has taken herself to another continent where it is cooler. I envy her right this minute. I would rather be in England obsessing over sweaters than in the Philippines being preoccupied with slippers. Right this minute alone.

Am just tripping and have already succeeded in cheering myself up. Am blogging without benefit of an internet connection. In the middle of everything, it died again. I don't really mean to cheer myself up. Why? Why did I cheer myself up?

Sometimes I think when some friends have to describe me, it comes out as if I'm dead already. Hey! I'm as petty as petty can be, just a hot and bothered molecule in the middle of matiaga. If you pinch me, I'll bite you. Please don't put me a step higher coz that means you won't bother with me and anyway am too lazy to stand still. I'd rather be sitting on the step eating crunchy green mangga. And I don't like being a step lower either although that's often where I place myself. Because belly to belly is best :D. I often think affectionately of my body but my clothes like to shrink themselves spontaneously :D.

I want the space and the freedom to be nothing, sometimes a lot, sometimes a pest, sometimes the cutest thing you can think of. For you to know that I make sense but am nonsense. I don't want to be an oracle, no one wants to go to bed with the oracle, who could sleep???? Am so sorry, I often live in my head and although I love to poke fun at my Saturn, it does exist. And anyway, with the right breeze, its head of hair turns wavy. Endearing.

:D