happy birthday, duni!

p.s. pero mas malaki ichu ko hahahaha. alam mo na, protectib ;)

3 kuwentos bago takbo at weewee

Good newses!!! As will T , I get to do a workshop with psych undergrads at their upcoming convention :P will try to inject more psychs with ka-genderan. wehehehe. wushu! am excited. Also, we're now wireless! Thanks to our in-house IT, also called roommie.

* * *

In an old CSI episode, there's been a kidnapping, with a three-hour window of opportunity, when the vic possibly dies. The hubby wants the CSI guys to speed up the investigation. However, the forensic scientist knows the value of being thorough:

Grissom: "In cases like this, we have learned that to go fast, we need to go slow."

Sabat naman si ate, "Sister, that goes for love too." (laughter)

Di papalecture si sister, "So is that why you're still not married?"

Ehehehe! Palusot na lang si Ate, "Yeah, i went fast."

* * *

But seriously, I have had to fend off a thousand well-meaning but tiresome inquiries as to my getting married, and the state of my fats. Ahahahaha. Haaay, I mean I don't care at all except that questions like this seem to put me in a position of having to apologize to people for who I am. Which is unreal. As I already like myselp :D

;)

hi

been busy. you know those weeks in a year when life accelerates and you focus on each moment as it passes, you only have time to wave?

i finished my semester. whew. it helped that i didn't know the deadline had been moved for later. hahaha. i finished it the best that i could, while still relating to people around me, hehehe. what's the point of finishing a sem, if you end up not talking to loved ones near and nearer.

my sister arrived. being with her has reminded me of how good friends we really are. she makes me laugh, she's British and quite funny. and i tease her endlessly.

we all went to Boracay. it was fun. me being a weirdo Capricorn, going to Boracay is always a bit tricky because i always feel like i have to deserve it ('cause it costs too much money, and eating really well for three days takes its toll on my conscience. hahaha. coz it's so unrealistic! :P) but i just lab dozing on the beach in the morning when the sun still doesn't hurt.

then i went to Camp. it was good. that place in Caliraya is really nice (but really too cold when i was there. i got sick). it was fun teaching young men about sex. hahahaha. no, really. Filipinos are the most tortured souls about sex, and i love that i can help make better boyfriends for young women. hehe. or more sensitive open connecting nurturing persons. hehehe. also i talked to an ex-student from last summer, and it was good. he's a better boyfriend, he told me. and i think i did well :).

now sister and i are re-setting-up house, and will be getting ready for school. plus many things are coming up in the next two weeks too.

bless us all :)

no talking allowed :D

Ako ay nababaliw na sa ka-bisihan. Today, I marry Fiolo, and we are soulmates for the entire week.

Sheesh. Goodluck to me. I need two finish two papers today so I can move on to two exams and two more papers. OH SHIT.

Trusting in the prusis

Teeheehee. It’s 2 am and in the past hour I got the energy rush, no, the get-up-and-go that I had been waiting for the whole day. The whole day I had been needing to go and put away my stuff from the immediately preceding-now has to be shelved for three days- project in order to move on to the next one. But first I couldn’t get out of bed. When I did, I couldn’t get motivated at all. C’mon, it took me four hours from getting up to get to my cup of coffee (only after I read on yahoo how caffeine in cola puts women at risk for osteoporosis hehehe). I just couldn’t see myself working myself up again into the state I had been in in the past week for the next in a still long-list of projects. Unimaginable. How to get to there again from where I was.

So I took it slow. Let myself be. Even DD must have found it weird when she asked about plans for next week. It took me, VV the arranger, ages to answer, I didn’t know what to say and I couldn’t locate any energy into looking for answers or even saying what I needed to do next to find the answers. But she let me. And later, without any effort, I was reunited with my enthusiasm for our “sem-break” plans. It just came.

Soon it was dark again, as it does so much faster this time of the year. Still, I couldn’t. I only felt I needed a walk, and to get out of the house for a while. So in the light of streetlamps and brandishing my umbrella I walked to the grocery store, and bought myself a meal. Then ate to Grey’s Anatomy (woohoo) which I had been wanting to catch, introduced roommie to my Wednesday NCIS, and saw more tv while sleeping, hehehe, a particular talent of ours. Soon it was past midnight but my body still said lie down. I couldn’t see myself sleeping on the work I had to do though.

Finally at about one, I got up, went to my room, and in the span of 45 minutes put away everything, to my satisfaction, even. Hahahaha. And so the sun rises at one am. I am renewed, revived from screensaver mode, back from automatic hibernation.

the roommate conversations

it was a relaxing day, in a way. or rather, the kind of day where you will hold close the moments when it's possible to relax (kind of holding "relaxing" in a tight grip hahaha). roommie and i decided to walk to the restaurant where it's possible to get one of the best sisig. having gotten there, we sat down to enjoy our pla-pla and pakbet (hehe).

she told me of her friend who is depressed because she has no migo. and this friend lives in an environment where everyone is paired up. roommie told her depressed friend that maybe a migo still won't bring you happiness. and then proceeded to point out to the depressed all their friends who were married/paired, and presently unhappy specifically due to pairing. the depressed said she felt better (hehe).

so i went, "do you think we're single because we're so picky?"
she said, "yah."
and it appeared to both of us that we were not wanting so much the usual, as much as the fun. really, a good funny conversation.
but then, a fun conversation is not a relationship. it's just a conversation :D. hihi.

***

today we were chatting about thesis.

i went, "actually the thing to do is find the one thing that interests you the most. to make kalikot. you pray to find that one thing coz when you do, it's just a joy to do."
she said, "yes, mam."
added, "is it like a migo?"
errr, no. "if you find a migo that you want to make kalikot, goodluck to you."
"hahahahaha!"
"a migo is not kalikot."
;))


***

there was a man in the house in the last week (currently, gone to samar with the cutie wife) ;).

ahh, this must be a bit like how "men" feel. to come home to someone ;)). we all three/four women in the house last week went home to HH and had much fun around the dining table. there were tasting expeditions of cakes made/mixed in colorful piss pots(hehehe long story), and stories of how german men piss (as heard from the safety of a toilet cubicle), debates about masculinity and "hope for mankind," as well as ruminations on the Japanese term for "the big loser" (hehe).

can't wait to be piled on a sarong on sand, eating fruit, gone sailing, and laughing gaily at the ridiculousness of being serious. (goodluck to me, i hope i get to go ;))

go talk

Daily Extended Forecast for October 11, 2006
Provided by Astrology.com Daily Teen Forecast

Have you been giving someone the silent treatment? It won't do you much good ... you can't make your point unless you clearly communicate your feelings and needs. People cannot read your mind, so get in touch and clear the air. If you are the one receiving silent treatment from someone else, reach out and check in with them. Find out whether they are ready to talk. Approach things compassionately and with your defenses down.

hmmm. not giving anyone the silent treatment lately (err, just one, but it's clear to me that i will talk when the time comes :) ). but just thought, how many many many people in the world, heck, in my world could be helped in their relations if they could approach things compassionately, with their defenses down, and just talk. Go! :)

eager beaver :D

i'm so excited.

i met my targeted number of respondents after charming, cajoling, harassing, pleading, chasing the young men from all over the Philippines, with much help from the org peeps (HB for one, thanks HB!). it's a very small n, but still it took ages and lots of energy to complete!!!!

now i have the whole night to conjure up a research report... err initial report/ presentation. hihihi.

thanks to all the graduates of the CATW YMCs for sharing.

gathering

i must be the most kulit ate ever already, from all my email and text follow-ups to the young men, to respond to my survey sent thru the email. have been doing interviews thru chat, and yesterday, thru text. anything to get the task done.

i console myself with the thought that it's for a good cause- an interesting and worthwhile research endeavor (i would say that since it's my project, hehehe). my mantra of the moment would have to be: no, i am not a pest, i am not a pest, not a pest, not a pest. i am a feminist researcher, researcher, researcher, researcher.

if i believe that i am not a pest, but a worthwhile psych student researcher, then i will surely get the response i need.

so help me angels ;)) (and quickly! hehehe).

Milen-WHEW!

how labli dat lately

my interviewee said, ay sayang ate v, ang ganda pa naman ng conversation natin.

fave godson A laughed at the puppet show requested of ninang v, where gandalf asked the nazgul for more tilapia. wahahaha. sorry fave godson, ninang is too literal. turned over to him, gandalf and the nazgul resumed their fight scene. hiyahh!

my research teach said she'll give me back my proposal on friday, and that it's a very good study.

and a beloved friend emphatically telling another beloved friend -- referring to me while i was sitting beside them both -- don't believe anything she has to say about me. listen only to me and i'll listen only to you. hahahaha. da best. ;))

gremlins

pag umuulan, dumarami. incidentally, gremlins is one of the very first movies i saw on betamax in my dad's office way out in the middle of the fishponds in those bonding times we had long ago when i was a little girl.

naku, type ko siya. the sudden intimacy of veritable strangers in sweet conversation.

bakit ba kami nagkakaintindihan ng batang ito? crush ko.

ang galing galing niya. the first thing that actually got me really lusting after the men i later on wholeheartedly loved, is the way we talked. the quality of the air when we chatted. the scent of sympathy and comradeship. the acknowledgment of spirit.

soul, here we are.

say hi!

thigh-high burgundy boot

and so it goes that atenina comes over to the Philippines, and watches an English movie first thing with me. hehe.

and when the germans come, there'll be a German filmfest on, so maybe this is just the thing to do :D. when watching Rome, find a Roman.

but i've asked three young men lately what it means to them to be a man, and the movie was about what makes a man, and so that thought form is bouncing all over the place.

and in this sweet movie, this sweet guy says to a sweeter, broader, bigger mama of a sexy drag queen, "I don't know what makes a man but if it's something about being brave, then I can never be half the man that you are."

and as this soulful sexy man of a big mama hella singer drag queen said,* "I didn't do it for what you said, I did it for the adulation."

oh my foot, the kinky boot!

*and he also said, a man can change his mind about someone :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HIMAYA ;), her who is plenty parts heart :D

*applause*

some kind of hostess

there are times when am a very weird host to houseguests :D. two years ago, friends arrived an hour or so earlier than i thought they would so i sent them away. wahehehe! i mean our cleaner and i were still frantically sorting out stuff in their "guest space" so i let them leave their bags, and made them go away for a meal till house was ready.

yesterday, atening texted from the taxi, and i warned her i was all dusty and ugly from sorting out my papers, still (was still at it after lunch, after staying up all night doing so). said no beso-beso muna, hehehe. and so it went, atening arrived, and had some pan de sal with her host who looked like someone the cat dragged in! hehe.

atening has loooong hair, and bangs! :D (titaeds, mahaba na rin ba ang hair mo? :D)

applause

for other, exciting news ... i have finally sorted out almost a decade worth of files!!!! YAHOO!! YIHEE!! YEBAH!

truly, 9 years. from when i joined my last office and left it last year (1996-2005). (my files from last year to now are in order because am newly-OC with my psych stuff). when we last moved house, i had just shoved them in boxes but now they are properly sorted and labeled according to type of material, and topic for easy retrieval. and easy movement because my files are now in those carton shopping boxes. hahaha. buking ang shopping. hindi, Christmas gift shopping bags yon! di ba? ;)

so to name some of my bags and boxes of so-called files, tantananan: gender planning, feminist economics, reproductive rights and women's health, feminism, and my ex-office files sorted as gender program, campaigns and issues, org files. hahaha, weird happinesses.

but no, i still have one entire room to sort. other stuff aside from ex-office and ex-school papers ;))

now i must go and munch some organic dark choccies hehehe

strange, stranger, strangest

1. whoopeedoodee choclit
soon i'll have more choclit. ate nina asked what i wanted, i said dark choclit. tita eds asked what i wanted, i said choclit with yogurt (milka!). her hubby, hh, asked me too months ago (being german and well prepared :P) and am sure i answered choclit! i must remember to ask my sister to bring choclit, too! hmmm, wait a minute. knickers or kitkat? knickers! hehe. chocolate-colored knickers with a splash of fuschia ;)is sister's assignment.

hehe.

if anyone asks me if i have choclit in the next few weeks, no i don't have any! brown sugar you want? hehehe!

2. speaking of underwear.
am supposed to pretest my interview sked at this hour. my respondent is probably still hurrying from his class to our appointment. to prepare, i showered, and dressed. i even put on a bra! for a pretest interview over the internet! how formal can i get, huh? ;) it's black, too.

3. someone called
and asked if we wanted a dsl internet subscription. the very same thing we already have. haaaay. i told her and then she said, we're already so much kbps ma'am. right. lucky us already. hehe.

pleased :D

Your past life diagnosis:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern New Guinea around the year 925. Your profession was that of a medic, surgeon or herbalist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You had the mind of a scientist, always seeking new explanations. Your environment often misunderstood you, but respected your knowledge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to study, to practice and to use the wisdom that lies within the psychological sciences and in ancient manuscripts. With strong faith and hard work you will reach your real destiny in your present life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you remember now?

come to class, my love

how lovely is a lazy day.

with a lunch
and a dog
and a walk

and a peach-orange shirt
and shorts

and nothing nothing
to do but doo bee doo bee doo
doo bee dooo ;)

time, passing

1. finally passed my research proposal WHEEEEEEEEEEEW. what a relief. (now it's time to gather the data)

2. done with one group report (now need to do the written version)

3. almost done with another group report (and then move on to the written version)

4. counselees had another crisis, hope things are on the mend

5. went to the funeral of friends' stepmom

6. went shopping for parents. it was all various shades of green. hahaha. (take note, i didn't say mail :D)

7. organized titos and titas to greet dad in a simultaneous manner ;)) (sorry, it's not militaristic, but amusing)

8. bless my parents, for they are birthday-ing, and they are loved, and so am i :D

Full Moon Lunar eclipse (p)

Seeing clearly **
This influence confers patience and willingness to do difficult and exacting work. Therefore, this is a good time to do any work that you have to keep on plugging at, even though it isn't rewarding. If this influence comes during a period that is otherwise difficult, it guarantees that for the moment at least you will be able to cope with your situation, no matter how difficult it becomes. Intellectual or physical work that requires perseverance and great attention to detail is favored by this influence. Also, this influence will help you get to know yourself better. The close attention to detail that characterizes your way of seeing now will help you see yourself and your own reactions very clearly.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mars Trine Saturn exact at 15:30
activity period from 6 September 2006 to 9 September 2006.

pahingi nga ng pag-ibig

fart. am tired. i can scare myself to death and back several times a day on behalf of many things. like a sound upstairs while i'm in the middle. or the fact that my pages and pages and pages and pages pf psychologese might not make sense when i start to reread from the top down, somewhere on page three i might need to turn on my head and do the clown dance. like a sound downstairs while i'm in the middle.

YM and friends everywhere keep me sane. it helps me to have people to confess to that i still am not done done done done. aaaaaaaargh. or whatever. it is the connections that keep me sane while i try to distill pages and pages and pages of books and journals into something i like that is already long overdue. as i work nights and sleep days, or sleep and work half-nights and half-days and think about what to eat, and act like a sikyo to my queendom.

fart. i need a boyfriend. (or did i mean a girlfriend? or my mother? hehehe) someone who has the capacity to give you some full-on loving attention (food, hugs, and affirmation) for a concentrated period of time. because they can, and want to. when you want to. no apologies, no questions asked, no guilt, no hangups, no resistance. someone you can surrender to, for love, sometimes.

puwede ba yon, universe?????? i am tired of being strong. i want to be dependent, and let someone else take care of me, for a while.

hehehehe.