reming is coming

tips for tomorrow ;)

1. charge your cellphone
2. charge your lamps/ get batteries for flashlight
3. secure candles and matches
4. store water
5. cool loads of drinking water
6. withdraw money
7. stock up on canned goods
8. warn loved ones far away a typhoon is coming and you could be out of touch for a while.

sit tight, and stay dry. you're loved.

TYPHOON UPDATES HERE.

i happy

heehee. spent all day getting "tested." yes, they made me run over hurdles (ka-blam!), do the jungle jim, do push-ups, and recite the alphabet backwards :D :P nah.

i filled out this super extra long personal data form, then did the personality test mmpi-2 (i asked miss after if i tested neurotic -- the stripe on the strip keeps changing color! she's neurotic! -- but like a good examiner, she ignored my comments and questions, heehee), then had lunch. where perched on a bench under a tree observing young people's fashion whilst eating beef and mushroon, i got my sister's commendation ("brava") for texting her that shouldn't belts be on the hips?

then i did the job satisfaction questionnaire which was amusing because it revealed to me that at this moment, what i want in an ideal job is mentoring, and it doesn't matter to me whether or not it would be hard to make friends with work colleagues. heehee. it's because i have friends already, and what i want right now is to learn more. there's so much more still to learn!

then i did a report-writing test. pity i only knew how to do half of it, as the other half i'm still learning this semester. then i had to do some TAT cards which was fun. out of the 6 stories i imagined, only 1 had to do with lab. woohoo! hahaha. a contrast from last time i did the TAT.

so now am in trouble. hahaha. on thursday, i start practicum doing something i am not at all good at. woohoo! that is the entire point of practicum. heehee.

* * *

then sister and i congregated at this parking lot corner with cafes, and great green tea shakes, sharing good news. later, i was attracted by some music going on at a nearby stage, and peeked at a ceremony for women writers. saw a friend running with his camera every time his wife was called to stage.

then, hightailing it to class, i kept bumping into male classmates. one was T who found out am into feminism, then traded the customary insults and greetings with R, then i gossiped with G whether he liked it or not (well the classroom was still closed), then later had dinner with Fr. B who appeared so very hungry. haha. he was nice, he treated me to dinner.

then mmr said i look prettier, does that mean before today, i looked so very ugly? hehehehe! now obviously just fishing.

* * *

ok, off now, to duni's cinema, to catch the last full show of high school musical. unfortunately, am not allowed to fall asleep there. sisters! hehehe.

living in with someone new

i'm an unhappy peanut.

there's a reason why i stuck with the weekly cleaner for most of my manila life. reasons galore. (i don't want to have to worry about what someone else can eat. about whether someone else is happy or not. about whether just cleaning and watching tv is healthy. basically, all about the existence of someone else.)

but the tide changed. i needed to have someone else to be responsible for many things i can't handle on my own anymore. (like cleaning, like being there for all the delivery people who have to follow crap policy that doesn't allow them to deliver bills without you signing for it, like watching over maintenance people, etc). most of all, i needed another warm body because contrary to my expectations of myself, i am not a security guard but a psychologist in training. so i wanted someone else trustworthy and nice in this house.

still, the fact is, getting household help, even with all angelic assistance, is still getting a stranger to live with you. with all the attendant adjustments that need to be done -- explanations, time, training, attention.

even when you get someone who seems outstandingly good on many aspects -- very tidy, hardworking, likes to cook, cooks well, introverted, nice.

and for the last few days, it has been getting on my last nerve ending that every day i end up "getting arranged."

NO, I like you and all that but please do not arrange me and all my stuff :(. It makes me very very unhappy. I don't want to be arranged in front of me, or behind my back. Just leave me alone. WAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I do not like having things tidy per se. Tidy is not my priority. I like for my stuff to make sense to me (pumps this shelf, flats this shelf, trainers here, hehe) so they're easier to pick out, rather than for them to be just tidy.

I have stuff from when we moved years back that are in storage because there's just too much to deal with. Am trying to sort through them so I know what to give away. Please do not put them away while am still going through them because I'll just have to pull them back out again. Every day till I'm done.

So there. I'm having to have to spell out the don'ts. It takes hard work to be happy.

I have a right to my mess, and I'm claiming it :P

X marks the spot :P

Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
by Joe Butt
Profile: ENTJ
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 27 Feb 2005


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?"

ENTJs have a natural tendency to marshall and direct. This may be expressed with the charm and finesse of a world leader or with the insensitivity of a cult leader. The ENTJ requires little encouragement to make a plan. One ENTJ put it this way... "I make these little plans that really don't have any importance to anyone else, and then feel compelled to carry them out." While "compelled" may not describe ENTJs as a group, nevertheless the bent to plan creatively and to make those plans reality is a common theme for NJ types.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Everyone who has ever flown with me on a plane knows what this is about. (I never never never look out the window, I just wait for the crash. Wahahahaha). So do those I have trained my big-eyed bossy gaze on (and claim to have trembled in fear). Wahahahahaha. I guess the MBTI personality profile is a smart'un. Wahahahaha.

"TRADEMARK: -- "I'm really sorry you have to die." (I realize this is an overstatement. However, most Fs and other gentle souls usually chuckle knowingly at this description.)

ENTJs are decisive. They see what needs to be done, and frequently assign roles to their fellows. Few other types can equal their ability to remain resolute in conflict, sending the valiant (and often leading the charge) into the mouth of hell. When challenged, the ENTJ may by reflex become argumentative. Alternatively (s)he may unleash an icy gaze that serves notice: the ENTJ is not one to be trifled with."

pamana

sa lahat ng mga mahal ko,

naisip ko lang na ang isang gusto kong pamana sa inyo, ay ang

PAGIGING DEDMA (sometimes hehe)

Christmas-wrapper you want? hehe.

extra-large portions!

anyway, my ISTJ self has transformed into an ENTJ.

Long live mutants!

nagmamahal,

heartbrokening kaibigan :)

errrr, now i feel better :D hihi. it helps to list down (as in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ...) all the intricate specifics of your sadness, and have someone simply listen, and understand. thanks gid joannie.

here's an excerpt from the latest version of my autobiography, the nth one i've had to write for grad school. hehe.

"I always wrote well.

I always got on the school paper. I remember one weekend, my family camped in my Dad's office doing my elementary school paper. It was called the Bud and Blossom. I was editor in chief. (It appears now that my parents were my staff, hehe).

I graduated honorable mention from grade school. I had two "best friends". One of them has been my housemate for ten years now .... (Wow, we're like, married!) ... The three of us best chums girls, picked three boys to be best friends with us. They agreed. It was strictly arrived at by contract.

Wait. Before all that, came my moment of glory as a beauty queen/ ms. universe (I feel every Filipino girl born to a middle class family grows up thinking she's the most beautiful girl in the world, destined to be ms. universe.)

When I moved schools in fourth grade (my family moved back to the city proper, from two towns away), every guy in class had a crush on me. One Saturday in school, they all hung around me at the playground while I was waiting for my parents to pick me up. I also kept getting calls from them at home but they didn't really talk to me. They pretended to be scary.

I had no idea what it was all about, really.

Years later, I would regret having been too introverted, shy, and out of it, to have made the most of my heyday with boys.

I would never have that much appeal to the opposite sex again, ever."

imp ossi ble

it's staring at impossible in the face
and accepting it so.

i am faced with the Goliath
of my own conjuring.

but where's my pebble?

* * * *

1. i have sat by it
2. i have listened to it
3. i have turned my back on it
4. i have walked round and past it
5. i walked back to look at it
6. i have largely ignored it
7. i have let it be a speck in my peripheral version
8. i have talked to it.

But, Jeez. it's still there.

It must be David-girl who's the problem.

David-girl needs to stand still, till the earth swallows her whole, and not one little detail retains any meaning.

oh goodness me

you know sometimes, things happen that render me speechless, or to be honest, drive me to tears, in the face of what can only be called grace.

it's not like some big bang, it can happen so inconspicuously, so subtly, that if you hadn't been up for it all along, you would never have known how much the universe had shifted. it's like an earthquake where the earth never moved. something like how Phivolcs says the Philippines experiences ten earthquakes a day that are hardly felt.

it's like an all-pervading kindness that just watches out for you, no matter how long it takes. slowly, the continental plates shift and come back together in new arrangements you could hardly have imagined. and it's not you either because contrary to what we all know to be true -- that the solar system actually revolves around each of us, rather than the sun, hehe -- it's all about all of us.

it's also about paying attention. and attending to what comes up that is for you to attend to. i attend to what is so obviously for me to do, and the rest just takes care of itself.

we just each have roles to play in the service of something that can only be Goddess/God.

classic

shiet siya may ka-relasyon na daw siya.

hahahahaha.

today's friendster classic brought to you by

thisblog.

teeheee.

happy birthday, duni!

p.s. pero mas malaki ichu ko hahahaha. alam mo na, protectib ;)

3 kuwentos bago takbo at weewee

Good newses!!! As will T , I get to do a workshop with psych undergrads at their upcoming convention :P will try to inject more psychs with ka-genderan. wehehehe. wushu! am excited. Also, we're now wireless! Thanks to our in-house IT, also called roommie.

* * *

In an old CSI episode, there's been a kidnapping, with a three-hour window of opportunity, when the vic possibly dies. The hubby wants the CSI guys to speed up the investigation. However, the forensic scientist knows the value of being thorough:

Grissom: "In cases like this, we have learned that to go fast, we need to go slow."

Sabat naman si ate, "Sister, that goes for love too." (laughter)

Di papalecture si sister, "So is that why you're still not married?"

Ehehehe! Palusot na lang si Ate, "Yeah, i went fast."

* * *

But seriously, I have had to fend off a thousand well-meaning but tiresome inquiries as to my getting married, and the state of my fats. Ahahahaha. Haaay, I mean I don't care at all except that questions like this seem to put me in a position of having to apologize to people for who I am. Which is unreal. As I already like myselp :D

;)

hi

been busy. you know those weeks in a year when life accelerates and you focus on each moment as it passes, you only have time to wave?

i finished my semester. whew. it helped that i didn't know the deadline had been moved for later. hahaha. i finished it the best that i could, while still relating to people around me, hehehe. what's the point of finishing a sem, if you end up not talking to loved ones near and nearer.

my sister arrived. being with her has reminded me of how good friends we really are. she makes me laugh, she's British and quite funny. and i tease her endlessly.

we all went to Boracay. it was fun. me being a weirdo Capricorn, going to Boracay is always a bit tricky because i always feel like i have to deserve it ('cause it costs too much money, and eating really well for three days takes its toll on my conscience. hahaha. coz it's so unrealistic! :P) but i just lab dozing on the beach in the morning when the sun still doesn't hurt.

then i went to Camp. it was good. that place in Caliraya is really nice (but really too cold when i was there. i got sick). it was fun teaching young men about sex. hahahaha. no, really. Filipinos are the most tortured souls about sex, and i love that i can help make better boyfriends for young women. hehe. or more sensitive open connecting nurturing persons. hehehe. also i talked to an ex-student from last summer, and it was good. he's a better boyfriend, he told me. and i think i did well :).

now sister and i are re-setting-up house, and will be getting ready for school. plus many things are coming up in the next two weeks too.

bless us all :)

no talking allowed :D

Ako ay nababaliw na sa ka-bisihan. Today, I marry Fiolo, and we are soulmates for the entire week.

Sheesh. Goodluck to me. I need two finish two papers today so I can move on to two exams and two more papers. OH SHIT.

Trusting in the prusis

Teeheehee. It’s 2 am and in the past hour I got the energy rush, no, the get-up-and-go that I had been waiting for the whole day. The whole day I had been needing to go and put away my stuff from the immediately preceding-now has to be shelved for three days- project in order to move on to the next one. But first I couldn’t get out of bed. When I did, I couldn’t get motivated at all. C’mon, it took me four hours from getting up to get to my cup of coffee (only after I read on yahoo how caffeine in cola puts women at risk for osteoporosis hehehe). I just couldn’t see myself working myself up again into the state I had been in in the past week for the next in a still long-list of projects. Unimaginable. How to get to there again from where I was.

So I took it slow. Let myself be. Even DD must have found it weird when she asked about plans for next week. It took me, VV the arranger, ages to answer, I didn’t know what to say and I couldn’t locate any energy into looking for answers or even saying what I needed to do next to find the answers. But she let me. And later, without any effort, I was reunited with my enthusiasm for our “sem-break” plans. It just came.

Soon it was dark again, as it does so much faster this time of the year. Still, I couldn’t. I only felt I needed a walk, and to get out of the house for a while. So in the light of streetlamps and brandishing my umbrella I walked to the grocery store, and bought myself a meal. Then ate to Grey’s Anatomy (woohoo) which I had been wanting to catch, introduced roommie to my Wednesday NCIS, and saw more tv while sleeping, hehehe, a particular talent of ours. Soon it was past midnight but my body still said lie down. I couldn’t see myself sleeping on the work I had to do though.

Finally at about one, I got up, went to my room, and in the span of 45 minutes put away everything, to my satisfaction, even. Hahahaha. And so the sun rises at one am. I am renewed, revived from screensaver mode, back from automatic hibernation.

the roommate conversations

it was a relaxing day, in a way. or rather, the kind of day where you will hold close the moments when it's possible to relax (kind of holding "relaxing" in a tight grip hahaha). roommie and i decided to walk to the restaurant where it's possible to get one of the best sisig. having gotten there, we sat down to enjoy our pla-pla and pakbet (hehe).

she told me of her friend who is depressed because she has no migo. and this friend lives in an environment where everyone is paired up. roommie told her depressed friend that maybe a migo still won't bring you happiness. and then proceeded to point out to the depressed all their friends who were married/paired, and presently unhappy specifically due to pairing. the depressed said she felt better (hehe).

so i went, "do you think we're single because we're so picky?"
she said, "yah."
and it appeared to both of us that we were not wanting so much the usual, as much as the fun. really, a good funny conversation.
but then, a fun conversation is not a relationship. it's just a conversation :D. hihi.

***

today we were chatting about thesis.

i went, "actually the thing to do is find the one thing that interests you the most. to make kalikot. you pray to find that one thing coz when you do, it's just a joy to do."
she said, "yes, mam."
added, "is it like a migo?"
errr, no. "if you find a migo that you want to make kalikot, goodluck to you."
"hahahahaha!"
"a migo is not kalikot."
;))


***

there was a man in the house in the last week (currently, gone to samar with the cutie wife) ;).

ahh, this must be a bit like how "men" feel. to come home to someone ;)). we all three/four women in the house last week went home to HH and had much fun around the dining table. there were tasting expeditions of cakes made/mixed in colorful piss pots(hehehe long story), and stories of how german men piss (as heard from the safety of a toilet cubicle), debates about masculinity and "hope for mankind," as well as ruminations on the Japanese term for "the big loser" (hehe).

can't wait to be piled on a sarong on sand, eating fruit, gone sailing, and laughing gaily at the ridiculousness of being serious. (goodluck to me, i hope i get to go ;))

go talk

Daily Extended Forecast for October 11, 2006
Provided by Astrology.com Daily Teen Forecast

Have you been giving someone the silent treatment? It won't do you much good ... you can't make your point unless you clearly communicate your feelings and needs. People cannot read your mind, so get in touch and clear the air. If you are the one receiving silent treatment from someone else, reach out and check in with them. Find out whether they are ready to talk. Approach things compassionately and with your defenses down.

hmmm. not giving anyone the silent treatment lately (err, just one, but it's clear to me that i will talk when the time comes :) ). but just thought, how many many many people in the world, heck, in my world could be helped in their relations if they could approach things compassionately, with their defenses down, and just talk. Go! :)

eager beaver :D

i'm so excited.

i met my targeted number of respondents after charming, cajoling, harassing, pleading, chasing the young men from all over the Philippines, with much help from the org peeps (HB for one, thanks HB!). it's a very small n, but still it took ages and lots of energy to complete!!!!

now i have the whole night to conjure up a research report... err initial report/ presentation. hihihi.

thanks to all the graduates of the CATW YMCs for sharing.

gathering

i must be the most kulit ate ever already, from all my email and text follow-ups to the young men, to respond to my survey sent thru the email. have been doing interviews thru chat, and yesterday, thru text. anything to get the task done.

i console myself with the thought that it's for a good cause- an interesting and worthwhile research endeavor (i would say that since it's my project, hehehe). my mantra of the moment would have to be: no, i am not a pest, i am not a pest, not a pest, not a pest. i am a feminist researcher, researcher, researcher, researcher.

if i believe that i am not a pest, but a worthwhile psych student researcher, then i will surely get the response i need.

so help me angels ;)) (and quickly! hehehe).

Milen-WHEW!

how labli dat lately

my interviewee said, ay sayang ate v, ang ganda pa naman ng conversation natin.

fave godson A laughed at the puppet show requested of ninang v, where gandalf asked the nazgul for more tilapia. wahahaha. sorry fave godson, ninang is too literal. turned over to him, gandalf and the nazgul resumed their fight scene. hiyahh!

my research teach said she'll give me back my proposal on friday, and that it's a very good study.

and a beloved friend emphatically telling another beloved friend -- referring to me while i was sitting beside them both -- don't believe anything she has to say about me. listen only to me and i'll listen only to you. hahahaha. da best. ;))