how labli dat lately

my interviewee said, ay sayang ate v, ang ganda pa naman ng conversation natin.

fave godson A laughed at the puppet show requested of ninang v, where gandalf asked the nazgul for more tilapia. wahahaha. sorry fave godson, ninang is too literal. turned over to him, gandalf and the nazgul resumed their fight scene. hiyahh!

my research teach said she'll give me back my proposal on friday, and that it's a very good study.

and a beloved friend emphatically telling another beloved friend -- referring to me while i was sitting beside them both -- don't believe anything she has to say about me. listen only to me and i'll listen only to you. hahahaha. da best. ;))

gremlins

pag umuulan, dumarami. incidentally, gremlins is one of the very first movies i saw on betamax in my dad's office way out in the middle of the fishponds in those bonding times we had long ago when i was a little girl.

naku, type ko siya. the sudden intimacy of veritable strangers in sweet conversation.

bakit ba kami nagkakaintindihan ng batang ito? crush ko.

ang galing galing niya. the first thing that actually got me really lusting after the men i later on wholeheartedly loved, is the way we talked. the quality of the air when we chatted. the scent of sympathy and comradeship. the acknowledgment of spirit.

soul, here we are.

say hi!

thigh-high burgundy boot

and so it goes that atenina comes over to the Philippines, and watches an English movie first thing with me. hehe.

and when the germans come, there'll be a German filmfest on, so maybe this is just the thing to do :D. when watching Rome, find a Roman.

but i've asked three young men lately what it means to them to be a man, and the movie was about what makes a man, and so that thought form is bouncing all over the place.

and in this sweet movie, this sweet guy says to a sweeter, broader, bigger mama of a sexy drag queen, "I don't know what makes a man but if it's something about being brave, then I can never be half the man that you are."

and as this soulful sexy man of a big mama hella singer drag queen said,* "I didn't do it for what you said, I did it for the adulation."

oh my foot, the kinky boot!

*and he also said, a man can change his mind about someone :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HIMAYA ;), her who is plenty parts heart :D

*applause*

some kind of hostess

there are times when am a very weird host to houseguests :D. two years ago, friends arrived an hour or so earlier than i thought they would so i sent them away. wahehehe! i mean our cleaner and i were still frantically sorting out stuff in their "guest space" so i let them leave their bags, and made them go away for a meal till house was ready.

yesterday, atening texted from the taxi, and i warned her i was all dusty and ugly from sorting out my papers, still (was still at it after lunch, after staying up all night doing so). said no beso-beso muna, hehehe. and so it went, atening arrived, and had some pan de sal with her host who looked like someone the cat dragged in! hehe.

atening has loooong hair, and bangs! :D (titaeds, mahaba na rin ba ang hair mo? :D)

applause

for other, exciting news ... i have finally sorted out almost a decade worth of files!!!! YAHOO!! YIHEE!! YEBAH!

truly, 9 years. from when i joined my last office and left it last year (1996-2005). (my files from last year to now are in order because am newly-OC with my psych stuff). when we last moved house, i had just shoved them in boxes but now they are properly sorted and labeled according to type of material, and topic for easy retrieval. and easy movement because my files are now in those carton shopping boxes. hahaha. buking ang shopping. hindi, Christmas gift shopping bags yon! di ba? ;)

so to name some of my bags and boxes of so-called files, tantananan: gender planning, feminist economics, reproductive rights and women's health, feminism, and my ex-office files sorted as gender program, campaigns and issues, org files. hahaha, weird happinesses.

but no, i still have one entire room to sort. other stuff aside from ex-office and ex-school papers ;))

now i must go and munch some organic dark choccies hehehe

strange, stranger, strangest

1. whoopeedoodee choclit
soon i'll have more choclit. ate nina asked what i wanted, i said dark choclit. tita eds asked what i wanted, i said choclit with yogurt (milka!). her hubby, hh, asked me too months ago (being german and well prepared :P) and am sure i answered choclit! i must remember to ask my sister to bring choclit, too! hmmm, wait a minute. knickers or kitkat? knickers! hehe. chocolate-colored knickers with a splash of fuschia ;)is sister's assignment.

hehe.

if anyone asks me if i have choclit in the next few weeks, no i don't have any! brown sugar you want? hehehe!

2. speaking of underwear.
am supposed to pretest my interview sked at this hour. my respondent is probably still hurrying from his class to our appointment. to prepare, i showered, and dressed. i even put on a bra! for a pretest interview over the internet! how formal can i get, huh? ;) it's black, too.

3. someone called
and asked if we wanted a dsl internet subscription. the very same thing we already have. haaaay. i told her and then she said, we're already so much kbps ma'am. right. lucky us already. hehe.

pleased :D

Your past life diagnosis:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern New Guinea around the year 925. Your profession was that of a medic, surgeon or herbalist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You had the mind of a scientist, always seeking new explanations. Your environment often misunderstood you, but respected your knowledge.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to study, to practice and to use the wisdom that lies within the psychological sciences and in ancient manuscripts. With strong faith and hard work you will reach your real destiny in your present life.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you remember now?

come to class, my love

how lovely is a lazy day.

with a lunch
and a dog
and a walk

and a peach-orange shirt
and shorts

and nothing nothing
to do but doo bee doo bee doo
doo bee dooo ;)

time, passing

1. finally passed my research proposal WHEEEEEEEEEEEW. what a relief. (now it's time to gather the data)

2. done with one group report (now need to do the written version)

3. almost done with another group report (and then move on to the written version)

4. counselees had another crisis, hope things are on the mend

5. went to the funeral of friends' stepmom

6. went shopping for parents. it was all various shades of green. hahaha. (take note, i didn't say mail :D)

7. organized titos and titas to greet dad in a simultaneous manner ;)) (sorry, it's not militaristic, but amusing)

8. bless my parents, for they are birthday-ing, and they are loved, and so am i :D

Full Moon Lunar eclipse (p)

Seeing clearly **
This influence confers patience and willingness to do difficult and exacting work. Therefore, this is a good time to do any work that you have to keep on plugging at, even though it isn't rewarding. If this influence comes during a period that is otherwise difficult, it guarantees that for the moment at least you will be able to cope with your situation, no matter how difficult it becomes. Intellectual or physical work that requires perseverance and great attention to detail is favored by this influence. Also, this influence will help you get to know yourself better. The close attention to detail that characterizes your way of seeing now will help you see yourself and your own reactions very clearly.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mars Trine Saturn exact at 15:30
activity period from 6 September 2006 to 9 September 2006.

pahingi nga ng pag-ibig

fart. am tired. i can scare myself to death and back several times a day on behalf of many things. like a sound upstairs while i'm in the middle. or the fact that my pages and pages and pages and pages pf psychologese might not make sense when i start to reread from the top down, somewhere on page three i might need to turn on my head and do the clown dance. like a sound downstairs while i'm in the middle.

YM and friends everywhere keep me sane. it helps me to have people to confess to that i still am not done done done done. aaaaaaaargh. or whatever. it is the connections that keep me sane while i try to distill pages and pages and pages of books and journals into something i like that is already long overdue. as i work nights and sleep days, or sleep and work half-nights and half-days and think about what to eat, and act like a sikyo to my queendom.

fart. i need a boyfriend. (or did i mean a girlfriend? or my mother? hehehe) someone who has the capacity to give you some full-on loving attention (food, hugs, and affirmation) for a concentrated period of time. because they can, and want to. when you want to. no apologies, no questions asked, no guilt, no hangups, no resistance. someone you can surrender to, for love, sometimes.

puwede ba yon, universe?????? i am tired of being strong. i want to be dependent, and let someone else take care of me, for a while.

hehehehe.

ode to my tenderness

still, such tenderness exists.
perhaps it never really goes away.
just that it no longer defines ...
but stays still, in the air
a waft of something soft
and sad and sweet and
sure, still.

male Gender Role Conflict

I'm presently studying this psychological construct gender role conflict (O'Neil, 1981) that refers to men's patterns that arise when "rigid, sexist or restrictive gender roles, learned during socialization, result in personal restriction, devaluation or violation of others or self."

When seen in the context of interpersonal relations, gender role conflict implies that "men are shaped from an early age to develop a narrow range of dominant and emotionally withdrawn interpersonal responses that are recurring, inflexible, and harmful to themselves and to others" (Mahalik, 1999).

There are four empirically-tested patterns of male gender role conflict namely, Success Power and Competition; Restricted Emotionality; Restrictive Affectionate Behavior Between Men; and Conflict Between Work and Family.

Here's Mahalik's (1999) illustration of a man rigidly enacting the factor Restrictive Emotionality: "Thus, men may have difficulty telling others they care about them, disclosing and discussing vulnerabilities, and finding words to describe their feelings. At home, such a man would not readily show affection to family members or be able to ask for support and affection. For example, he may expect that his partner and children know what he feels for them even when he may himself have difficulty being able to name or experience his feelings. Also, he may expect that his partner be able to know when he needs support and is feeling bad even when he has difficulty knowing what he is feeling. Related to his discomfort with his own feelings, he may expect that his partner and children should not have the feelings that they experience. ..."