whew

Challenging the status quo ***
Valid during many months: At this time there is a balance between the old and the new in your life, between conservatism and the desire to experiment. You are able to take a new experience, see its potential and give it a concrete form in your life. You approach life with patience, willing to give everything a chance to prove itself. Consequently this is an excellent time for studying any kind of demanding new material. You can also teach the techniques you have learned to others.
You may find it desirable to work with other people in the projects that you undertake now. Their insights will help you transcend your own limitations.

The changes you made in your life several years ago have taken a concrete form now. You may have moved, changed the structure of your relationships or changed your job at that time. Under this influence, these matters are stable, for you realize that your life is different now and perhaps more appropriate to what you are.

You may feel that you can encompass anything new that comes along now, and it is quite likely that you are more able to do so than usual. And it is good for you to try new approaches - don't reject challenges to the status quo. Incorporate them into yourself if they reveal valid flaws in your life as it is. In a few years it will be much harder to make these challenges a part of your life, and you may be forced to make changes under less desirable conditions. Your sense of internal pressure will be much greater then, and you are more likely to act in a disordered or disruptive way.



Transit selected for today (by user):
Saturn Sextile Uranus
activity period from 26 August 2006 until end of May 2007.

love you

aguinaldo chatted me up today on the occasion of my new YM profile pic of a red flower.

aguinaldo: gumamela....... napakaganda...... napakayumi.......;)

aguinaldo: dati, pumipitas ng gumamela, bulaklak at dahon, didikdikin ng bato, hahaluin sa isang basong tubig na may konting sabon

aguinaldo: kukuha ng alambre sa dulo ng sampayan, paiikutin na bilog na may hawakan, babalutin ang bilog ng retasong tela

aguinaldo: ilulubog ang alambreng bilog sa hinalog dinikdik na gumamela at sabon, saka hihipan......ooooooo000000000 daming bubbles

aguinaldo: ngayon, bibili ka na lang sa toys r us, isang palstic bubble gun. just pull the trigger and out will come millions of bubbles galore

violeta: ;))

aguinaldo: kawawang mga bata ngayon, wa nila knows ang power ng gumamela and the journey to a million bubbles.

aguinaldo: kung wala silang ades, wala silang bubbles

i didn't have the heart to say, 'twas a pansy not a gumamela.

(perhaps, in the same way that chester minds that i don't know that vivi walker is not shirley maclaine. hehehe!)

bad trip, pare

bad trip! SOBRA. someone tried to get into the house last night. tried three ways. broke my window.

buti na lang i woke up when he was trying to get in at a different part. i sensed and saw something was hugely amiss, all my hair stood on end. i made noise and buti na lang, he went away. he jumped down from the balcony, heard his thud. i called the police and the tanods came over. we discovered he broke a window.

fuck, there is nothing to steal from my house i swear. so just don't.

my face is set in concrete from lack of sleep. i hope i don't go into hyper vigilance.

i should cry the terror out.

<salamat sa pagpunta. nahiya ako sabihin eh sa unang tawag. hehehe.

i interrupt my monologues for a brief announcement

did i say i'm tired? i'm very tired.

(and i'm not even done yet. eurgh.)

did i say i'm happy? i'm very happy.

i will get back to all and sundry when i am done.

next week promises to be more flexible.

(more space to ping-pong between feelings, hehehe!)

i would rather be busy. i would rather be tired.

i would rather be happy.

and for now

i am.

:)

*just spreadin' the bug*

is it safe? part 2

is it safe for me to cook in your presence :D?

NO! no way! :D get outta my sight! :D i embark on my kitchen adventures alone!in the middle of the night when the kitchen's all clear! that way if it doesn't taste good, the evidence will have been discarded by morning! :P

but here's the evidence for the happy-kind-of-ending :D



and no, i didn't eat it all by myself :D

rooommieee: namiiiit! this is how i like my chicken macaroni.

ate jo: ansaraaaap!!!!

dd via text: namit! just my kind of mac! thanks!
dd, still: buti na lang pumayag (insert name of officemates here) na akin na lang lahat at banana-q na lang sa kanila!

(hehe! i apologize in advance for not so tactful publication of texts here :D but i have to give you credit for enumerating the magic list of ingredients! thanks, d ;))

am GLAD.

but i might not do it again anytime soon as it like took me all night!!!! it took all night to mince the onions, and "ouido" the taste since i had no idea of the portions.

my brave conclusion: if you have mastered the art of making great sawsawan, you can ouido mostly anything :D

is it safe?

di kasali itraks sa is-it-the-truth series ng mga rotarian hehehe.

but this question is it for me when it comes to counseling.

is it safe to be vulnerable with you? :)

can i be at my most pained, most irrational,
most scared, most annoying,
and will you receive me?
without any judgment whatsoever
on my person, and with no
impact on your unwavering faith
that i too will eventually find my way again?

this is the way counseling is taught too (by books and at school)

and looking back at life, i always know the moment someone is dismissive
of me and my "unburdening" myself on them "you'll be ok," "move on"
because inwardly she or he would rather not hear more,
or pitying rather than empathic, "oh no, you're always like that"
or judgmental rather than accepting "why are you like that?"

(it's not even the words, it's the spirit in which they are said. and my antenna never fails when it comes to me being the "counselee")

and my most sacred of relationships are those where it is completely safe to be vulnerable.

and likewise. i am at my best when friends can feel safe to be completely vulnerable with me.

and this is the change that i would like to see in myself :)
(as of now, my "it is safe to be vulnerable with me" capacity is limited edition only hahaha)

they'll talk

yesterday a friend texted me in distress over breaking up with her boyf. today, she said they're meeting up "to talk."

ay kanami. they're going to talk. that made me really happy :D

let's not talk

i'm currently in the process of pulling myself back, down, into the ground, flat on it, for my mind to stop, and my pedals to slow ...

so i can flow with my counselees. one is not supposed to drag one's counselees ;))

the other day i dragged my counselee into some quiet time, feeling that it was time, not to talk :D

except that i shouldn't be the one to decide all that. hahaha! (yes, t, i have resolved to try ever so much harder to be girl Carl R. :P) but it was good!

do for fun?

an old boyf asked me today what i do for fun (and commenced to tell me what he does for fun).

that threw me for a loop.

i was anguished for a few minutes. am i so boring? i don't do anything fun?

but then i realized, i don't "do" fun. life just is. fun. many's the time. :D. i don't have to do it to have fun.

hihi.

i was lost and i was saved again.

these are the words to say, ilabyuisdatok?

many years from now if i keep all my trash, hehe, my notes i mean. ... i'll come upon this piece of yellow pad paper with the main ideas from my first set of research readings ... my entourage list to my wedding... and this lyric framed in a huge star: these are the words to say, i love you is that ok?

the lyrics were lodged in my brain for the evening though i didn't have the title or the singer to go with it. googling it another day, i discovered girlfriend natasha bedingfield.

These Words

These words are my own
Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
It's who I am, it's what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you
I try to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it's not coming easily)
Whoah oh...

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don't you know, don't you know, don't you know?
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

and as the soundtrack to the mtv of me that deedee has volunteered to direct, her other song

Unwritten

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

;))

funny but it seems i always wind up here with you :)

masyado na naman akong natutuwa.

wooooohoooo! sabay wave!

pano kasi, i'm learning a lot. wushu!

wala lang. (the greatest misnomer of all Filipino time):

natuwa kasi ako dun sa nakikita ko. dun sa mga katrabaho ko.
kung paano sa gitna ng maraming puna, may pagmamahal.
ay mali.
kung paano ang puna ay bunga ng pagmamahal at wala nang iba.
nang dahil dito napapaisip ako na kapag may pagmamahal
kayang tumulay sa lahat ng bagay.

kasi,
minamahal.

;)
*sarap ng kilig*

don't always stick together but stay close to each other

dd and i love to lurk over where it's a perfect day for bananafish. rollerblading, kala said she tries to keep the following things in mind: Go at your own pace. Find your rhythm. Take turns in taking the lead. Don’t always try to stick together. But stay close to each other. Don’t be scared to say you think you’re tired, because maybe the other is thinking the same thing... and the only thing needed to be able to make it to the end, together, is to admit it. And always have a psychological drink to keep you going, even if you think it is only overpriced water and lemon.

go and read the full post :).

i really must fix my links one of these days but in the meantime

the state of grace! ang saya! kakaiyak! da best!

and she free-fallin' my most active/ only (?) commenter. hehehe! goodluck, T. :D

how do you train an elephant so you don't get trampled on? :)

(the child said his father was like an elephant who only moved to eat.

the counselor wondered aloud, maybe you can learn how to train an elephant?

still, the child is but a child.

the counselor wondered some more, hmmm, how to train an elephant without getting trampled on?

-- from brief counselling: narratives and solutions by judith milner and patrick o'byrne ~it's described to be adding to the story/ thickening the plot in order to arrive at a new story, and seeing what a person sometimes does right so she can do more things "right")

mahal ko si ma'am

dalawa kasi ang teacher na mahal ko. hehe.

'yong isa pinadala ang powerpoint niya (sa email. alangan naman sa basket). habang binabasa ko ang email niya announcing the powerpoint, gusto ko sabihin, "ma'am, lab yu." i will follow you to the ends of the earth. i will attend all of your classes even though sometimes i am out of breath, or hungry, or red in the face, or wet, or late.

hehe.

mahal ko na talaga siya kasi nirescue niya ako from the ravages of losterdam. whatever that means :D. sa sobra ko siyang mahal, di ko ipagpapapalit ang klase niya sa premiere ng sine ng isa kong mega-crush na si Jet. ano ba naman ang crush kumpara sa mahal? (at magkakaroon pa ng ibang "showing", am sure of it, yeah).

singing out my enveloped ideas...


older men
lately, (i have had the strangest feeling) ... lately, tambay ako with older men. wala lang, nagkataon lang. sabi ng universe, hetong sayo, older men. hehe! (huwag mag-alala. tito ko ang isa). ay, katuwa. mother, andami kong natutunan. man, walang kasing bongga nang nagkukuwento ng lahat ng natutunan sa buhay, after everything. 'yon bang "ay, if you met me before, you wouldn't talk to me," sabi ng isa.

younger books
habang patuloy pa rin ang katuwaan ko sa mga nobelang pang young adult. ay, galing! pare, galing magsulat ng mga australiano tungkol sa buhay ng mga young adults. halimbawa na lang 'yong ed kennedy character sa book na I Am the Messenger. Pagmamahal, pare, hayup!

ting!

can't seem to get away from doing some form of "directive" counseling if only to give rise to possibilities. i have been noticing it lately. and it's not just me with one person, but with all of the people i talk to, in a "counseling" context.

I go, "what if ...? what do you think?"

so i've decided to swallow my advice, and try it out for myself.

with this magic wand of bamboo, i dare say:

let the possibilities exist! even though from my experience, and hence, from my fears, they wouldn't. i shove foregone conclusions to the side, and say! make room! for the welcome unexpected.

:D

yey

tuwang tuwa ako sa init.

"ang ineeeeeeeeeet. shiyet."

yihee!

oh heat, i've missed ya!

feminist psychologist

Jean Baker Miller, noted feminist, psychoanalyst, social activist;
1927-2006

BROOKLINE, MA - Jean Baker Miller, MD, noted feminist, psychoanalyst, and
social activist died at her Brookline, Massachusetts home July 29, 2006
after a 13-year struggle with emphysema and post-polio effects. Her 1976
groundbreaking book, Toward a New Psychology of Women, traced the
connection between women's mental health and sociopolitical forces. Dr.
Miller maintained that women's desire to connect with others and their
emotional accessibility were essential strengths, not weaknesses as they
were traditionally regarded.

...

Toward a New Psychology of Women, a bestseller and classic in the fields
of psychology and women's studies, was translated in over 20 languages and
distributed around the world. Dr. Miller also co-authored The Healing
Connection: How Women Form Relationships in Therapy and in Life and
Women's Growth in Connection; she edited Psychoanalysis and Women, and
authored and contributed to numerous articles on depression, dreams, and
the psychology of women.

an announcement from the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute, Wellesley.

:)

in the time it takes for my fingernails to grow the length when it's possible to cut them again, i have drunk 17 bottles of beer.

* * *

Bi-tols!, sigaw ng audience sa Beastrow, pakiusap lang po kay Chikoy Pura and the Jerks.

"Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try," panimulang kanta ni C.P. and the J. "No hell below us. Above us only sky."

Obligingly, in-imagine ko na nagsasampay ng kanyang labada ang seksing bajista. Doon sa bahagi ng bakod na naka-assign sa kanya sa apartment niyang pinagitnaan ng kanya-kanyang apartment ng dalawa kong kaibigan at ng kani-kanilang pamilya.

Baka sakali lang makabawas sa kaseksihan niya.

Sabay tanong nila, "Should I stay or should I go now? If I stay there will be trouble, if I go it will be double. So come on, and let me know, should i stay or should i go?"

* * *

"Rocker ka?" banggit ng kaibigan ko.

"You're the one that I want, whoo hoo hoo. The one that I need, oh yes, indeed," awit ng utak ko.

Kahit ano lang ako.

* * *

Natapos ang gabi/ nagsimula ang umaga,
nagdesisyon kami na magdasal.

Over tapsilog, we decided, we will pray.

* * *

(dasal)

* * *

:)

multiply life

now the parking lot is empty everyone's gone someplace i pick you up and in the trunk i've packed a cooler and a two-day suitcase




cause there's a place we like to drive way out in the country five miles out of the city limit we're singing and your hand's upon my knee




so we're okay we're fine baby i'm here to stop your crying chase all the ghosts from your head i'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed




smarter than the tricks played on your heart, we'll look at them together then we'll take them apart adding up the total of a love that's true multiply life by the power of two





secretly, happy birthday jedi knight! ;)