duni wrote

Love is... great but it's awful, it's healing but it hurts, hard work yet so easy, it happens or it doesn't, blinds you but opens your eyes... it is beyond anyone's control so let it be.

sige na nga

home thoughts from athome

i never work on Saturday evenings because by that time i've really have had quite enough of anything that can be called work, and all i have time for by then is a little play.

so no matter if i still have a paper or two or three that needs doing, i lay off it on Saturday nights because by then i've had an afternoon of facilitating a group therapy session; days and days of work for classes and practicum, and preparing for the session.

i'm not run ragged :D (i don't know how to do that). i'm just full. very full, super full. such that when the top reaches the end of the line, it spins another dance. by itself.

and tomorrow is another day.

* * * *

things am happy about.

1. that our project is good enough.
it's not the best. it's not like brilliant, about to-eclipse-all-other-projects-for-a mega-million-sems-to-come great, but it's well worth the effort. interesting for the experience, good for the practice, not the best context for therapy but now i know that for myself. hihi.

you don't know how liberating that is. that not everything has to be so earth-shattering. i think well worth the effort is very good for me for now.

2. and my bestest talent is still, understanding and putting it all into words. what i liked about my last practicum site was being trained to have support for all of my words. mwehehehe. you know not go off into strange paths just following your vocabulary.

* * *

I could be a millionaire if I had the money
I could own a mansion, no I don't think I'd like that
But I might write a song that makes you laugh, now that would be funny
And you could tell your friends in England you'd like that
But now I've chosen aeroplanes and boats to come between us
And a line or two on paper wouldn't go amiss
How is Worcestershire? Is it still the same between us?
Do you still use television to send you fast asleep?
Can you last another week? Does the cistern still leak?
Or have you found a man to mend it?
Oh, and by the way, how's your broken heart?
Is that mended too? I miss you
I miss you, I really do.

I've been reading Browning, Keats and William Wordsworth
And they all seem to be saying the same thing for me
Well I like the words they use, and I like the way they use them
You know, Home Thoughts From Abroad is such a beautiful poem
And I know how Robert Browning must have felt
'Cause I'm feeling the same way about you
Wondering what you're doing and if you need some help
Do I still occupy your mind? Am I being so unkind?
Do you find it very lonely, or have you found someone to laugh with?
Oh, and by the way, are you laughing now?
'Cause I'm not, I miss you
I miss you, I really do.

I really do.

Home Thoughts from Abroad by Clifford T. Ward

* * * *

oh, i don't know.

i found Music and Lyrics the type of movie i could watch again
and again, and find comfort in it.

and i can't say that about most movies.

i don't even have a crush on hugh grant.
i even think he felt too old.

just that his character seemed real.
was hers?

well, i'd watch it again on a sunny late aftrnoon.

Way back into love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration 
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

the wee hours

different reasons to pulaw. worked on this long paper on monday. worked on my report on tuesday. working on a therapy proposal tonight. and watching the grey's anatomy rerun. yes the one where something blows up. wehehehe.

me and the cabbage

apparently, 2007 is the year of the viola.

Cool Season Blooming Beauties for the Flower Garden
The National Gardening Bureau picked violas as their flower of the year for 2007. Violas and pansies are such relied upon stalwarts that many gardeners take them for granted and think they know everything there is to know about them. True, violas are easy care plants. But in the gardening world, nothing stands still. Newer varieties of violas are being introduced with bolder colors and larger flowers that bloom longer. Even better, they exhibit better heat and cold tolerance than the remarkably hardy varieties where familiar with.

however, it too is the year of the cabbage. the same gardening society has picked cabbage and kale as the plants for 2007.

hihi. what fun.

i love cabbage and corned beef soup.

super love

the sugar had us bouncing off the walls:

freshly baked mini-cookies giving us joy
chocolate frosted muffins lending us warmth
chocolate fudgy brownies giving us thrills
the boxes going round the tables, going once going twice
gone for good!
cold coke soothing our throats.


the whole sprinkled class in love
in acceptance in amusement in affection
being quick to connect to critique
no pain no gain; no hurt feelings

just increased understanding all around.

and my god, the calories.

* * *

m: huwag ka muna matulog
m: dyan ka lang
m: hehehehe

* * *

at our house i specialize in
tv-interactive

i find it more fun than single-minded solitary watching
so i solicit views opinions and reruns whilst ... ssssshhh

hahaha. frankly, i just love disturbing my sister
who rolls her eyes, sighs, and explains anyway at the ads.

hihi. fun.

hearts and flowers

a few weeks ago when we met up, she was brimming over with stories. over full, she flowed over. and i sat beside her, and listened.

and at the end of it, there had been no time for me. and i felt a little deflated like no connection had been made. the energies hadn't been exchanged. i missed her being in the know about me.

but along with love, and acceptance, faith exists in friendship.

today, she asked after me. you, how are you?

and i wept as i told her this and that. not copiously. just wept. not heartbrokeningly, like gorgeous jude law wept. just wept.

sometimes, we just need to feel like we're worth the time to be listened to fully and well, to unburden without having burdened. to just be.

and life goes on :)

* * *

did i tell you about my guilt?
oh, the things i do to myself.

i feel guilty for not knowing/ remembering my favorite teacher's birthday.

i feel guilty for having a backlag of papers.

i feel guilty for having promised one last documentation for someone, that i've been putting in my planner every single week.

and until i feel i'm "good" again, i stay away.

guilt is no good at all.

* * *

a few weeks ago, my therapist and i played with some metaphors.

i told him i was a flower on a field, and that i felt exposed, like people could just step on me if they wanted to be mean.

when we were done, when we had uncovered that i wanted to be good because i wanted to be loved, because i believed that to be worthy of love, one needed to be good,

i told him i was a flower on a field, but i was exposed. there was a light that shone directly on me, so everyone knew not to step on the flower.

writing reports

perhaps psychotherapy is about creating spaces for that which is hidden/ repressed, and that which is yet to be. and saying, ok. recognizing and allowing. there is no good no bad, just flow.

*ruminating about a client: perhaps if you allowed yourself to need them (though they could hurt you, and they have), then they would feel needed, and could let go a little. such was the divide that you got hold of all the independence, and they the attachment, but if you could both learn to share the load, and ease up on the roles, then each would be free to ride the tide.*

perhaps psychotherapy is looking out for the one who's sorely preoccupied on the "lack" or the "loss" until having fully occupied the space for lost, he or she is left no choice but to look up and around. and see the bigger view.

sintonado na kung sintonado

masarap kausap masaya kasama nakakatawa seryoso masayahin nalulungkot din nagtatanong tahimik di ako sineseryoso sineseryoso ako naniniwala sa sarili natatawa sa sarili masarap kumain hindi puro pagkain maporma poging walang paki sa suot laging mabango naaasar iswit kyut matalino mapagmahal marunong mag-alaga nagbabasa nagsusulat bukas natututo nakakausap tama na usap yakap na lang korni astig nakikipagkaibigan di nagsasabay ng karelasyon alam na hindi siya mas nakakataas marunong sumunod marunong din manguna lumalangoy naglalaba nagluluto naglilinis nakikipaglaro sa bata marunong makiramdam pa-kiss nga kung sakali ikaw na yata.

existential sexy-stential

February is sexy.

wala lang. hehe.

just to check where you are in your layp right now,

get a pen and paper,

draw three balloons held by you :),

write in balloon 1what do you think is worth dying?

in balloon 2: if you had 1 week to leave what would you do?

and balloon 3: at present, how would you define love?

(stolen straight from my psychotherapy class but don't you think it's worth answering)

zee movies

i used to have zees declamation peeez dat involved a Russian ballet teacher. but anyway :D

i am loving my 2007 moveeez.

zeee blockbuster

roommmie can't get her head around jackie chan, but zis movie was quite hilarious. we almost had zee heart attack, and lotz of rolling around zee aisle ... laughing.

zee critically-acclaimed film

diz feeelm is fulll of crazeeees. a pedophile you wish to love ... not... yes ... not... it's your choice ... and other crazeees. it had my sister hiding behind the seats, but as her 13-year-old self used to say to my 28-year-one, "it's ace!"

zee literary film


oooh, it's deliciouz. emma thompson as the loony author with the writer's block is preciouz. as well as the lit professor tootsie, err, the rainman, nope, dustin hoffman. such cuties!

fresent

UY!

February na!

Ano kaya ang February?

Flowing? Fertile? eFFervescent?
Futuristic? Forever?
Fantabulous?
Feaceful? Fanicky?
Feeling-ed? Fashionable?

Full of flavor.