Would you move a million miles away for love?

This is a hypothetical question for me, because it has never come up. Maybe it belongs to that class of questions we often take up with intimate friends to while away many a lazy afternoon, something like that gut-wrenching dilemma -- toothache or heartbreak? Or it could be one of those non-applicable “trick” questions that seem to bring out “the true colors” of one’s character. Something in the realm of an ex-lover asking me -- if he were the Russell Crowe character in the movie A Beautiful Mind, would I also stand by him the way the wife did in the movie version? I think I answered no, and that is perhaps one of the main reasons why we haven’t ended up together! Hehehe! But I digress.

I think the above is an interesting and entertaining question, perhaps more applicable to Filipinos whom we see living – working heartbreakingly hard or thriving – in most parts of the world. In fact, if there were jobs and lovers to be found in Pluto, maybe we would be there too :-).

Mulling over it, I think I would have answered this question differently at various parts of my life. As a teenager awash in romance books, and firmly entrenched in the Cinderella syndrome, I probably would have said yes, faster than you can say, well, yes. After all, wasn’t lurvvveee the entire point of living? (At this point, I would like to assure everyone that I am definitely already at least 17 years older than this younger self, and much less blind, hehe!).

Several years ago, I might have said, well, maybe not move away strictly just for love?!?! Hello?!?! Aren’t we our own persons?! And isn’t love just the icing on the cake? What kind of crap is that to give up your personhood, and your world, just to be with your love?!? What a surefire way to end up unhappy, and ultimately, unloved. ... So maybe my final answer then might have been, yes, maybe move a million miles, but not just for love. I’d have to make sure that I would be moving for a job and love, or an education, and love. Love, alone, I would have said, just wouldn’t have been reason enough.

Well right where I am typing this at this very minute, the question brings to mind my many friends who have made such a leap, and yes, are still actually making many other leaps.

HB and her love made a pact to each other not to be separated for long periods. So while this decision entailed many sacrifices for HB, it was their decision, their judgment call as a couple to value their togetherness more than many of the other things that moving away together a million miles, placed in the balance.

Despite long nights with us pleading with her to proceed with more caution, my tita in Germany took a huge leap and left for Europe last year with the possibility of not coming back for a very long time -- to try and see if love with her German guy could work out. Before she left, a friend tried to shock her into being sensible by conjuring visions of Pinays’ heads in bottles stored in European basements by their murderers (sorry for this graphic illustration, but he was doing it with the aim of “making her see sense”). She’s still there with her now-hubby, and we are looking forward to rollicking on the beaches of Boracay with them this coming December.

I also remember a dear Kastila (hehehe!), a dear friend from Spain, who followed his Filipina girlfriend from their European university home to her country, in a spectacular reversal of roles. Turning his back on his decidedly bigger income, he came over, found himself a job, and started living a more austere and slightly poor life as a Spanish guy in the Philippines, victim to the constant kakulitan and jokes of his nice and sweet officemates (us, hehehe!). Many mosquito bites, and bouts with food poisoning later, he and his beloved were wed, and are now with kid, in Latin America.

My point is not the happy endings because, the truth is, there are no endings, and like I said, they are still taking leaps. I am just happy for the fact that these friends of mine looked closely at their options, and, probably with their hearts thudding in their throats, made their decisions aware that these involved making sacrifices, and yet also potentially involved reaping rewards.

Where I am right now, would I move a million miles away for love? Some thoughts, some more complete than others:

1. Sacrifices are sacrifices. They involve loss, heartbreak, and they probably won’t feel good. In fact, they probably will feel extremely painful. … My thought as of now is that maybe, if we learn to discern with our hearts, and follow our intuition regarding some “sacrifices,” maybe the “pain” that these sacrifices bring will actually lead us to more joy.

I think a person wondering whether or not to move a million miles for love, faces the huge great big unknown. As such, it would be easy to say, stop, enough already, be sensible. But what if out of fear of the unknown, out of fear of making too big a sacrifice, the person fails to see the potential for joy, and yes, love, that this sacrifice could bring?

I don’t have the answers, just the meditation that in making decisions, we be aware not just of the potential pain but also of the potential joy.

2. Let me also argue the flipside. Romance can be fatal, a dear teacher has said so many times. In our world women are socialized, brought up to think that they only prove their worth, become persons, when they are in romantic relationships. Without boyfriends, husbands, partners, men in their lives, women become losers. Hence, spinster and old maid are derogatory terms, rather than words simply stating one’s preference or current choice.

In the name of romance and love, many’s the woman with blinders who has ultimately given up herself and sacrificed her life. In that sense and that context, I say f*** romance! I ask you, f*** love too?

3. Hehehe! That latter query brings me to that classic autograph question. So dear Watson, What is love? What is the true nature of love?

Answer that for yourselves, dear readers, if you have gotten this far! (hehe!) All I really wanted was to shoo away the romantic notions we have of love that often quite literally bring us to our knees.

And also, if you are not yet on a journey, to interest you in a personal/ spiritual quest on love. :-)

Those who want to share about love, please do so freely on the comments box below. I would love to hear and learn from you. :-)

4. I think beyond fear, and pain and joy, we ARE love :D

Would I move a million miles away for love? ;-) At this point, your guess is as good as mine :-D.