come as you are

thursdays, www.astro.com lets you read all your significant stars for the coming, days, weeks months. it's become a thursday habit, it kinda helps too. for instance, here're some of my long-term influences:

A delicate equilibrium
Valid during several months: During this time you may try to assert your individuality in a relationship. Sometimes this occurs when you feel that you are giving too much in a relationship and getting too little. Or the situation can be the exact opposite; that is, you have been giving too little, and your partner is resentful. Any successful relationship, especially a sexual one, is a delicate balance between the needs and desires of each person as an individual ego and their desire to achieve meaning through a relationship. The equilibrium is very delicate and easily upset now. At this time the two of you have to define what you want from each other. It is sometimes necessary to be quite explicit about what you want, because whatever is left unsaid may very well be the main source of conflict between you.

Mars Square Venus
activity period from 4 September 2005 until end of January 2006.


or this

Checking your attitudes
Valid during many months: This time is usually characterized by self-confidence and assurance. You are able to see where you are going now and to obtain help in getting there. At the same time you are very concerned with knowing yourself on a deep inward level, usually to facilitate achieving your ambition.

This is a time when you try to rely primarily on yourself. You will not refuse help from others, but it is more desirable to go it alone or at least on your own. You need to prove yourself to yourself and, to a lesser extent, to others. It is also necessary to establish patterns in your life now that will lead to accomplishment later on. You must develop disciplined work habits and learn specific ways to deal with situations that arise. Here too you must rely on yourself, because you will be able to judge your effectiveness only if you know that what you are doing is entirely your own.

Most people are rather conservative in their ways of doing things at this time. You may be rather reluctant to experiment with new ways, but that is a pitfall. This should be a time for making careful and considered changes. Such changes can be made voluntarily and without much difficulty now, but later they will be forced upon you in a manner that may be quite unpleasant. Getting into a rut now will ensure the survival of inappropriate behavior patterns, which will create trouble later on.

You should specifically examine your attitudes toward authority figures, work and achievement, responsibility, change and most important, although somewhat abstract, your attitude toward reality. If you are trying to live by attitudes that you have been told to have and that are not really yours, you will feel tense and uneasy when you think about them. Normally you suppress these feelings because you consider it important to maintain your attitudes. But these are the attitudes that have to be changed, because they signify that your thinking is divided about that issue and that you cannot really put energy into making that part of your life work.

Saturn Trine Med.Coeli
activity period from 5 September 2005 until middle of June 2006.

***

Good and gone

Anyway, have talked to two friends lately whose stories have been prefaced with, "Maybe I'm just pms'ing, but..." Hehehe!

Me, I am premenstrual too (you know what they say, women who are with each other most times, will have harmonized monthly cycles, except maybe for the decidedly non-conformist who might decide to get pregnant just to be different :D :P) but I know crying over different things in the last three days isn't just the mens. It's been good though. Things just come up and I grieve over one, and get clarified with myself over another, and sit with myself over still another, and they're gone for good(er) that way when they're gone.

***

Verb

and then too understanding is to-do/ doing/ being done/
a dynamic, not as is, not found still the same
where you left it last
a process, not static, flowing
as we are speaking
i understand you.

but i am not you.
and this too we must understand.

***


Mindful Being

Three Wednesdays ago, had a class exercise on mindful eating (silent chewing, nourishing, savoring, still).

Yesterday, we did mindful being. The instructions were to sit with yourself, keep yourself company, feel how you are, how's your heart's beating, and just to follow what comes up.

Me and I, we had a concert (blame it on the rockstar inxs episode i caught before class). We were sat, nodding head:

Come as you are, as you were,
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend, as an old enemy.
Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late.
Take a rest, as a friend, as an old memory
memory, memory, memory

Twas' fun, me and I we enjoyed each other.

(there's more to the exercise but let's save that for next time.)