Wednesday, December 07, 2005

back to the books

A growing number of theorists have suggested that many men experience a psychic woundedness related to overly harsh disidentification, separation/ individuation issues (Bergman, 1995; Betcher & Pollack, 1995; Blazina, 1997; Chodorow, 1978; Pollack, 1998) and gender role socialization (O'Neil etal., 1986; Pleck, 1981). It comes in part from the traditional message that boys' separation/individuation process is synonymous with and implies disavowing needing others. These boys feel the strain of gender role conflict even at this young age when they are mandated to renounce yearnings for unmet emotional needs and instead portray themselves as solely self-reliant. From this, psychic wounds arise in part from the empathic failures of caregivers regarding gender identity issues, ranging from mild misunderstandings to harsh punishment and rejection for dependent "nonmasculine" behaviors. We believe the gender role conflicted male is fueled by, yet vigorously defended against, the resulting fragility he feels. The psyche's response to this dilemma of needing others versus being solely self-sufficient is to fragment in order to accommodate both disparate perspectives. This leaves the self weakened and in need of defensive bolstering.

from the journal article Separation/Individuation, Parental Attachment, and Male Gender Role Conflict: Attitudes Toward the Feminine and the Fragile Masculine Self
by Blazina, and Watkins, Jr., p. 163 in the Psychology of Men & Masculinity
2000, Vol. I, No. 2.

p.s. kawawa naman little boys! can you imagine being forced to be "stoic" and non-emotional because men are supposed to be "strong" that way?! sheesh kebab.

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