you and me both, babes

a young girlfriend, 21 to my 33, messaged me the other day. she misses the guy she has set her heart on, and is at a loss as to what to do. she asked, "bakit ganun ate v? bakit takot ang mga lalaki sa atin?"

i gave her lame replies. said we should drink. said too we need to pray over them men. but what, really, could i say? you and me both, babe.

one of you might say (as i have done to other females, many times), that women also need to get their hearts broken, in order to learn to stand on their own two feet. take charge of their own lives. not make their lovelifes their entire happiness. i believe in this because this happened to me.

or how about, being out of a romantic relationship means it's time to appreciate the other things in your life. value and cherish your friendships. spend time with your family. outshine yourself at work. take time for yourself. splurge, enjoy yourself.

or learn to appreciate yourself outside the context of your relationship with others. find happiness within you. you are your center.

or even learn from the heartbreak. accept the pain, soon it will flow thru you and away.

but what if the women we're talking about, are in charge of their lives? what if they too are in love with themselves? :) what if they are developing their talents and potentials, appreciate and value their non-romantic intimate relationships with others? what if they have an inner spirituality that shines thru?

that is why they know they would like to be in an intimate romantic relationship, with another. just because?

and so? and yet the men they meet, have gotten to know, love, want to be with, are scared. they still have their paths to take, have much to learn. they didn't grow up learning to be connecting with others, or valuing those connections. some of them get an idea what it would be like, that it could be good. some never do, growing up half-blind.

what to do then? you and me both babe.

we have to teach the little boys that love is good. for our daughters' daughters.

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in the meantime, another young friend, male, 25 to my 33, wails in the middle of a cold December night, i want to die. i don't want to wake up tomorrow.

psssht, i scold, your life is precious.

eat ice cream, i advise. give the universe another chance to show you love.

i don't know, he grumbles some more.

what? you giving in to pain? i retort and roll my eyes. he says, yes, yes, nobody loves me anyway.

i say, many more wonderful women exist. you will survive this.

i say to myself, you have to survive this. men who value connection are precious and few. and while there are those like you that exist, there's hope.

was that chocolate ice cream you wanted? i wave the spoon in front of his head.