living in with someone new

i'm an unhappy peanut.

there's a reason why i stuck with the weekly cleaner for most of my manila life. reasons galore. (i don't want to have to worry about what someone else can eat. about whether someone else is happy or not. about whether just cleaning and watching tv is healthy. basically, all about the existence of someone else.)

but the tide changed. i needed to have someone else to be responsible for many things i can't handle on my own anymore. (like cleaning, like being there for all the delivery people who have to follow crap policy that doesn't allow them to deliver bills without you signing for it, like watching over maintenance people, etc). most of all, i needed another warm body because contrary to my expectations of myself, i am not a security guard but a psychologist in training. so i wanted someone else trustworthy and nice in this house.

still, the fact is, getting household help, even with all angelic assistance, is still getting a stranger to live with you. with all the attendant adjustments that need to be done -- explanations, time, training, attention.

even when you get someone who seems outstandingly good on many aspects -- very tidy, hardworking, likes to cook, cooks well, introverted, nice.

and for the last few days, it has been getting on my last nerve ending that every day i end up "getting arranged."

NO, I like you and all that but please do not arrange me and all my stuff :(. It makes me very very unhappy. I don't want to be arranged in front of me, or behind my back. Just leave me alone. WAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I do not like having things tidy per se. Tidy is not my priority. I like for my stuff to make sense to me (pumps this shelf, flats this shelf, trainers here, hehe) so they're easier to pick out, rather than for them to be just tidy.

I have stuff from when we moved years back that are in storage because there's just too much to deal with. Am trying to sort through them so I know what to give away. Please do not put them away while am still going through them because I'll just have to pull them back out again. Every day till I'm done.

So there. I'm having to have to spell out the don'ts. It takes hard work to be happy.

I have a right to my mess, and I'm claiming it :P