I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life
I work till I ache my bones
At the end (at the end of the day)
I take home my hard earned pay all on my own
I get down (down) on my knees (knees)
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord, somebody, somebody, ooh somebody
(Please) Can anybody find me somebody to love ?

i don't know why I do it, really. seek love from you repeatedly, like some hapless child snatched of its glittery toy. over and over again, a record spinner gone wrong. and all because at some point in your life, and my life, we exchanged some well-intentioned ill-thought out promises gone super awry. it was such a long time ago, and so much time has passed. these are already tired and trite reasons for hanging on to you, and wilted hopes. i should already know, and have learned, and moved on to something more true, and sweeter. the promise of freedom from the scent of flowers stuck in the moment should be enough.

i feel sorry for you, too. nothing you do will ever be right or be enough, given the weight of all the things that have gone wrong. i apologize repeatedly for hurting you at moments when i cannot help but leak or burst out of the self-contained containers i try to put myself in in my encounters with you. some people can take it, and will let me, and there would have been no need for the apologies. but i know you too well, part-twin of my contradictory soul, and know that your fragile self that dares reach out so rarely, snaps shut with every hurtful word, meant only to convey a need for more constant attention and affection. that's all. people do it every day, why can't you? why can't we? silly, silly me.

i need for you to dance with me. with my commander personality, i need only for you to cooperate. to come when needed, to stay away when i have to be alone. but your only rule is to break all my rules: whatever i say you go against. don't flirt with my friends, there you go. i'll make time when i can but if you're not coming when i am free please don't stress me out for i am super stretched, and that's when you come knocking. what about my bags? the other people who need me and whom i love? my work? i cannot let them go to pot just because it is at this moment you want to show love. yes, i love you too, but please i need your cooperation. do it for me, for love?

chastised by my better self, and lured by the peace of mind that comes when we are nowhere near each other, i have said goodbye repeatedly. in fact, i do it all the time. and gone for weeks and weeks without you. then we say hello, again, and my eyes sparkle at the thought of building a constant friendship with you. i want to be understood by you, and i want you to feel that i understand you. who will believe me when i say i am better at it each time. i weep now but i am far from the grieving woman i was last year. i am.

i am distressed by having quarreled with you again. birthdays are such an emotional time. everyone's text messages make me want to cry. who would know Capricorns wanted to be loved so badly? so let them, let you, let me.