is to keep believing

i think the hardest thing us women need to do, and therefore the thing that we need to do the most, is really not to settle.

not to settle for anything less than what we really truly want with all of us: our hearts, our bodies, our souls.

IT. IS. SO. HARD.

it's so hard because we don't know that we truly will get what we want. there are no guarantees. there's no one to complain to if nothing happens. it's just that, until we truly let go of what is now so unsatisfactory, unsatisfying, or even hurting, we don't create the space for that something new to be able to come in.

so in a way, it's really all or nothing. let go of it all or else, there just won't be any hope.

but it's so hard.

it goes against most of our socialization or how we've been raised or trained to be women in our society. we are pasensiyosa/ matiisin. we'll bear most things in the name of pagmamahal. because that's what love is, always patient, always kind, always forgiving. we are optimistic and often look for the silver lining: uy kahit sinisigawan niya ako, at least di niya ako binubugbog.

also we're so matiyaga, so nurturing and so trained in meeting the troubles that life throws our way that we can't help but try to solve the problem that is the man/men in our lives. it's like it's a puzzle that we just can't resist solving; like a Rubik's cube that we can never fully complete.

we're self-sacrifing to boot! we'll forget about our own dreams, our goals, our other relationships that also nourish us, in pursuit of love. when love sulks, we give up our other worlds. isang simangot lang, o sige na nga, di ko na aasikasuhin ang career ko. kasi mahal kita.

and the thing is, we believe in all this. what does it matter to us if all our friends adore us or our families support us or if a bright future beckons us, if this one guy that we just love to love but who just loves not to love us back in full measure, never does?

we even cry, and we don't understand.

we give away all our power. all our power to be the creators, the artists of our lives.

we settle.

what we need to do is never to settle.

and it's like the hardest thing!

this one's for all the sisters out there who are trying their best, like i am.

inspired by a heart-to-heart with my sister, whose lovelife, in some ways, mirrors mine.