no way if i can help it

hehe (rueful).

i have finally gotten tired of beating myself up over some things and can actually take myself in hand and say, stop it.

and the only reason i can do that really is because i know it. i've decided. some things i don't want to happen anymore if i can help it.

so i do.

and i can think of one other thing i also decided a long time ago that won't happen again if i can help it.

and i probably always can.

and i hope i get to helping it, really, on many more things.