a long lingering tale mostly of no consequence except to me

a few weeks ago i told myself to buy myself a book on the enneagram for christmas. i've been curious for the longest time what enneagram type i am. i wanted to take the enneagram class last summer but duties and responsibilities hindered me from doing so (I REALLY WANTED TO). and teachers last semester kept bringing the enneagram up.

today i got this sudden hankering for fuschia sneakers. especially because i wore this powder blue dress. (don't mind the frivolity too much, i genuinely need a break these days.)

so i fixed my route to include the mall, and stopped at six stores that could have possibly carried those fuschia sneakers but they didn't have it in my size. on my way to store three, i went past a book sale, glanced at the window, and doubled back in one second. one enneagram book for sale for P290 (brand new ones sell for P800 up). with a nice fuschia cover. (nice touch eh?)

four shoe stores after the book purchase, i sat down for a bite, sans shoes, and started reading. i read very quickly, i was due at school and was in a hurry to discover my enneagram type. ran off to school wondering why while i could relate with some types i read, there didn't seem to be one that was mostly me -- the good the bad and the beautiful, so to speak ;).

tonight, i KNOW it. at the very end of the checklists and the descriptions, i am type one. i know it even more from reading the recommendations for type one personalities. i'm sure you'll agree :D here goes some of "my journey" (from Understanding the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso):

1. Learn to relax. Take some time for yourself, without feeling that everything is up to you or that what you do not accomplish will result in chaos and disaster. Mercifully, the salvation of the world does not depend on you alone, even though you may sometimes feel it does.

2. You have a lot to teach others and are probably a good teacher, but do not expect others to change immediately. What is obvious to you may not be as obvious to them, especially if they are not used to being as self-disciplined and objective about themselves as you are about yourself. ...

3. It is easy for you to work yourself up into a lather about the wrongdoings of others. And it may sometimes be true that they are wrong. But what is it to you? ...

4. Your Achilles' heel is your self-righteous anger. You get angry easily and are offended by what seems to you to be the perverse refusal of others to do the right thing -- as you have defined it. ...

5. One of the most difficult things for Ones is to learn to allow people to be as they are and to come to decisions on their own. ...

at their best, Type Ones become The Wise Realists practicing tolerance. At their worst, they are The Punitive Avengers (with seven other levels in between).

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here are some recommendations for Type Fours:

1. always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.
2. avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." commit yourself to productive meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be.
3. self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. therefore put yourself in the way of good. commit yourself to something that will be good for you.
4. avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful or even excessively romantic. these conversations are essentially unreal ... instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.
5. talk openly with someone you trust. ... you need both to express your feelings spontaneously and to have someone react honestly. you may well discover that you are not as different or as much of an outsider as you sometimes feel you are. paradoxically, one of the surest ways of "finding yourself" is by being in a relationship with someone else.