these are all the reasons why

i am very angry with you...

because i feel you made me run an obstacle course countless times just to be able to get close to you when after all i was made to believe that we could be close.

because i don't feel you appreciate just how many hurdles and jumps i had to get through just to have those precious moments of togetherness and connection with you.

because i was always available and you weren't.

because you left me in the lurch with no explanations, and though i appreciate that many things in life have no explanations or are very hard to explain, i don't know whether you understand that i deserve so much more than the words and thoughts you have sent my way. you could have tried harder.

because i showered you with my love and affection, and though i have all sorts of shortcomings and pained you in numerous ways, i still feel that you held out against me.

because when all was said and done, in the end, it turned out that you could, after all, show love and appreciation when you wanted. and i waited for it countless times for one and a half years.

because i thought you could be the one, and you weren't. hehehehe.

this is what happens with anger that is expressed. it is halfway to gone.

and i can't be friends with you because it's just going to be more of the same thing, only this time explicitly agreed upon, where you're going to be friends with me, playing footsie with me, and i'm still going to love you anyway.

and i really want to reach that beautiful place, where there is neither "hope" nor "agenda."

for after all, if i lose a love, it should only be fair that you lose a friend.

except that friends aren't really lost.

dammit.

;))

and then there is this blog.

i'll sing na lang, once again, meredith (hahaha):

i'm a bitch i'm a lover
i'm a child i'm a mother
i'm a sinner i'm a saint
i do not feel ashamed.