having fun with the sibs

do you know? no one reads me anymore ;))). i need new friends! hehehe.

i actually enjoyed my Christmas break :) (i didn't expect to, but that's just me being a sourpuss hehe). i enjoyed being photog at the Towers family reunion, it gave me something fun to do, at a series of events that are most fun for the kids, i think. as older single adults, i always feel a lil bit misplaced at Towers reunions simply because of the numbers. my brother and i are very out-numbered by the attached and the rearing. that's not a bad thing either, but what happens when you're with people who think they mean well, and probably do somehow mean well, and also do not know you very deeply, is that they focus on your status and your size/ shape. that convoluted sentence meaning that they will think what is primary about me is why the heck am i still single, and why the heck do i look like the way i do,... fat! me being me, i do not actually bleed because am not partnered or because i look like a pear. i know i could look better, be healthier; also know that i would like to be partnered, but still. i am actually happy. hehehe. and what i am offended about is not their seeing that i am a single pear, but judging me for it. like, something is wrong with me bcause i am one. as if, twin bananas made a fruit salad. the thing is, i happen to be a single smart funny loving grouchy angry sweet sourpuss pear. and besides, i like many fruits. so there. but tell that to the ignorant. (as you can see, i lapse into pseudo-superiority in self-defense. but rest assured, in my heart of hearts i know that they are simply human, like me, and beyond the judgments, they are also affectionate and loving. oh well.)

but as i was saying, a fine time was actually had by all (of me, teehee). i ate lechon five meals in a row. now that sounds simply horrible but i only actually get to have lechon at Christmas. it was soooo yummmy. wehehehehe. then, daddy drove us to my grandma's in most roundabout fashion, including a trip to the gorgeous waterfalls pictured below. said waterfalls involved 430 steps going up and down. that's 860 steps in all. oh my aching calves, my cold-sweaty body. i almost passed out at the last two sets of stairs coming back up. it was horrible. but the falls was simply gorgeous :D. then we went to his alma mater (also pictured below), and through the extremely locked glass doors, took a photo of his name framed at the hall of fame. also tried to find the spot where i lived as a baby, and my ninong had to place a frying pan over my head to protect me from whizzing bullets brought about by warring tribes.

at my lola's (and aunt's and cousins), had fun eating, chatting, running errands, driving around. missed them, after!

plus being with the sibs is really fun!

i am now sleepy and stopping writing. hehehe.

some snaps

even the tip of my nose is beautiful

d: i have to write a "short composition" in filipino. that's all well and good except all i've learnt is how to greet and how to ask where someone/something is. that doesn't make for a composition that is long or that makes any sense whatsoever. it's like... hi, i'm d. i'm fine. where are you?
d: me complaining more to my friends
v: say i'm 20 years old
v: i'm new here
v:: i'm beautiful
d: sssssssssssssh
d: plus... v.... i'm beautiful AND intelligent
v: yes yes
v: beautiful outside and inside
v: sigh. just like me.
d: jst everywhere, really.

hahaha. merry christmas.

niceties

the key for me was recognizing
that it no longer was what i thought it was,
or how i liked it, or wanted it to be ...
not all of it, anyway.

which is not to say, it's good or bad or worse --
just not for me, not right now, no longer,

which is not to say, i don't understand or can't
just not mine, and probably never was,

which is not to say, i made a mistake or you did --
just that it was good to have tried:

so; thanks.

so what's new?

tell me five new things about yourself. i want to hear about it. five new things that give you delight or sorrow or grief or amusement. or wadever :D. wadever is good. email me if you want violala@gmail.com. there. goodness gracious great balls of fayerrr.

1. i wore a new mustard-yellow shirt today.

2. i blushed.

3. i work the entire time i am at my practicum office. as in, i work! hahaha. sorry, you guys must do that, but even at my old office, we had days to dawdle. there, i work my ass off. haha. (i am not complaining)

4. i know his email address ;) i surfed it.

5. i am into dreams even though i haven't got any. rumor has it, when you don't remember dreams, you're not supposed to, so you may not interfere in it.

hello world :)

I love you :).

I hope you get to have a nice quiet Christmas filled with peace.

new calling

i've found
a new
TRUE
calling.

i want to cut and paste
for the rest of my life.

;))

wow! you just might get one of my
early pre-fame pieces!
hahaha.

BLESS :)

happy 87th (?) birthday to our ever dearest loleng, Lola Eps! we lab her!

adeeeeek

Jim Paredes humming:

If we engage in an activity just to feel good and then use it repeatedly to escape our problems so that we become dysfunctional without it, then, by Bradshaw’s definition, it is an addiction. I remember hearing a Jesuit compare religion to salt. One must have it in the right doses. Too much or too little is not good. I listened to him with some incredulity then. But he wasn’t the first to express a similar view. Karl Marx called religion the opiate of the masses. Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar criticized Jesus’ followers for having "too much heaven on their minds." Who was it who said that saints are hard to live with?

Moderation is the key. Basically, I think what the definition of addiction also implies is that we do not really need anything from the outside to be happy, and that putting ourselves in a situation of needing and obsessing on anything or anyone to the point that we need a constant fix makes us lose our autonomy and opens us to the feeling of being incomplete. Then, before we know it, we are hooked. We are not enough. Our happiness and reason for living have become dependent on something outside.

When we find ourselves in this situation, even the world will not be enough. We discover that we are devoid of creativity and the capacity to be happy just by being ourselves. When the Dalai Lama first came to know about anorexia, he was astounded that anyone could actually be like that. And then he cried, realizing the suffering and self-loathing that anorexics go through.

The idea, I believe, is to indulge in these poisons with full attention and mindfulness. Because being mindful makes us aware when what we are doing is already bad for us. Mindlessness gets us hooked. Mindless actions can easily become addictions while conscious ones make for good practice. We become aware of the difference between our real needs and our wants.

Then we can begin to live a real life in the real world.

a good day for Nicole, Filipinas, the Philippines, and women everywhere

DOWN WITH THE DICKS!

it's the thought i miss the most (in the MBTI, the third dimension asks how one decides, by thinking or by feeling? T or F). long after it no longer felt happy, the thought of it consumed me, like the irresistible book on the topmost shelf that i could not reach.

when i am lonely, i cannot help but reach for the thought. when i insist on disbelieving, daily life shows up the thought, an empty idea.

you were supposed to be the one for me.

* * * *

a nasty habit: like digging for pimples.
i am unable to forgive you for not living up to the idea.

there i go: taking the wrong tack again.
i need to forgive myself for having been so hurt.

i was very hurt.