mwahahahahaha

si rizal ba talaga yon?

it's the end of the world today.

i just felt like saying that. the sky fell on me yesterday. luckily, they were just nimbus clouds. but why did they have to fall on me?

hehehe. pa-victim.

anyway, "it's the end of the world today" appears to be on the same level as "there's dust motes galore under my bed."

you know, just the facts of life.

(the weight of my failed expectations)

(if truth be told, my knickers are in a twist because you missed my big day, and i wish you hadn't because i would have liked to have marked it with you; same as it felt like you missed last week though technically, you didn't, but only because i reminded you of it. or that's how it seems even if i could be very very wrong.)

(a further aside to this aside: when i was in college, my boyfriend gave me a rose -- and if i have already written this story then i repeat myself -- and i wasn't pleased because he had gotten it from the frat's barrel of roses. i thought, it was just there and he got one and gave it to me. it was just there, and he gave me one, and this meant i wasn't special enough. ... hahahaha. cute :)

but about today. i wore a white tank and blue jeans, and an itty bitty strip of belt. it made me very happy.

am going out tonight :) but all i want to do is sit quietly in a corner, without speaking much, hug my gfs and my sister, and cry.

because sometimes, i just get so disappointed.

the tenth of May

there's something about summer
that always sets my soul steaming with joy

* * * *

today, it rains, and rains,
and rains.

i stare out the window,
awed at the change.

* * * *

i am glad some things in life
need not be choices.

i like the sun.
i like the rain.

everything's fine.

comps confessions part 1

1. the comps was easy: meaning the questions were answerable, at least those from my profs :). i don't mean that it was easy for me, but that ... the questions were quite answerable. i can even locate precisely where in my handouts the answers lie! hehe.

2. it's just that i crammed! i didn't cram everything but i crammed fifty percent. i studied 50 percent of what i had to study reflectively and leisurely and the rest at a don't-stand-up-till-all-this-information-is-in-your-head manner. or maybe, the do-put-those-papers-in-your-bag-now-as-the-taxi-has-come-to-a-full-stop-and-it's-time-to-get-out-the-door-already pace(and-not-leave-your-thermos-of-water-with-manong-the-taxi-driver-especially-because-you're-coughing but ooops, too late for that :P. enjoy the yellow thermos, manong! :P)

3. the best way to study for comps really is to read and learn again the stuff that you have long forgotten and then make sure to have enough time to review that same stuff just before the exam. and, whilst you're reading and reviewing again, to explain/ re-tell what you're learning to someone willing to lend an ear, or write it up again yourself in paragraph or bullet form. because you need to learn and understand the material, master it, and be able to explain/expound on it.

4. it can't be all stock knowledge because after all, that's eight subjects you need to know by heart :P. as last-sem's comps-passer said to one of us takers, "you really need to study. you can't pass it on talent." hehehe!

5. but then again, maybe it's not possible to have all the time in the world to study. you can't make life wait for you while you read ;) (a likely story, eh? hehehe)

6. and so the questions i answered ok were one, the one i was explaining to mami about on our way back from bora; and the other, the one i was writing to myself about, in anticipation of such a question. the one i will probably have the lowest score on is the one i flipped to in the taxi because i couldn't remember any of it i had read two days prior! the one that was "easiest" and longest to answer was the one that was truly application :) and was more stock knowledge because that was how we did it in class. good one, ma'am.

7. it was fun though, figuring out afterwards which teacher had probably given which question for the subjects taught by more than one teacher in the last 2-3 years, as the profs were true to form! like, i don't think i could have answered properly the questions given by those i did not study with (some questions seemed impossible :P!)

8. i've been sick! still sick! it has to do with the clash of temperatures. aircon vs mindblowing humidity; ice vs no-ice. but can't really complain. comps is comps, sick or not.

9. once, i preyed on duni's pity and pulled rank: "please, get some coke with ice for your poor manang joyjoy!" hahahahha, it was hilarious. the look on her face was priceless, "i can't believe you would use that on me! my poor manang, really!"

10. but she messaged me goodluck "to my genius manang" so i guess, everything is all in sisterly fun! hahaha.

11. four more questions to go ;) next week uli ha. thanks to everyone who messaged :) made me feel like my birthday!

where i was :)

ok enough of this drama. hahaha! i'll do my best. if i don't pass, i'll do it again.

but in the meantime, i just want to mention the Teresas. (and the Aguedas and the Gabriela's.)

yes, i spent five days in Caliraya, Quezon for the Young Women's Camp.

it was awesome, awesome, awesome (echo: awesome, awesome, awesome).

it also left me with a lot of questions about myself, myself, myself. my life, my life, my life. and next time :).

but here, they are, beautiful young women all :)



after the Comps, i'll blog more about family, family vacations, corregidor, and the young women's camp :)... and the comps! hahaha.

comps=life

"The longing I have is life's longing for me and the longing itself becomes fulfillment if I listen to it amidst chaos."