the truth

the truth is, i am with someone. i'm not available. but i'm free.

last saturday, at a group discussion, someone asked, who among you are in a relationship? i was taken aback. i didn't know how to categorically answer the question. i hemmed-hawed*, said yes, then laughed at myself. my friend laughed along with me. the other friend stared, curious about my reaction.

i guess i hurt myself when i fail to acknowledge that i jumped into the pool. i'm not saying the water's all-good or that it's sunny skies. it's not about that.

it's that i jumped. and i'm in.

*the reason i fail to advertise is that it's been a challenged/ challenging relationship. i understand friends who don't fail to worry. thank you for your love. i have talked about it with those who have told/ asked me directly, and i think they have understood me somehow. all i can say is that there's always a little more space in which to widen our understanding. in the meantime, i guess it's called life :D