Advice

I am lying in the middle of bed, horizontally, legs crossed in the air, wondering if dare i suggest that you read Should You Leave?

Might it not be the last thing I ought to do, to suggest so directly, and thus, destroy in one fell swoop any chances that you would do so?

I myself am in the middle of many dilemmas, to read further and further, ignoring my need to get my pink pen and mark the passages that move me or make me think or make me laugh? Or why not stop and ponder these passages more in the silence of my room in the middle of bed, in the middle of fever breaking?

If I left the book lying around somewhere you might find it, would you pick it up and read one of my smileys or two, or find for yourself, bits of you and me and us together in the stories and the thoughts and the adventures of intimacy and autonomy? Or would you ignore such a pointed hint, knowing already that this is a book I am presently holding close to my chest?

Or maybe I have, in the course of being a weird girl who reads "self-helpy" books for fun, already made too many suggestions and recommendations, that you can't help but think, oh, this is another one of those, and one that can wait. It too, shall pass, like some of my enthusiasms? I understand that over-enthusiasm can be off-putting, and drive one to retreat, instead.

Or how about if i read to you or tell you some of the stuff in it that excited me, would that interest you too? And would some of the warm glow and expanded understanding that I have experienced, rub off too on you?

But maybe this book is really all about me, and I am the one who needs to read it. I should quit wanting to share all my I-likes with all my I-likes, them who are also preoccupied with all their They-Likes or They Like Not. (But what about the part where he, a guy, discusses and enthuses over what a feminist psychologist pointed out, that in modern society, too much is made of autonomy at the expense of the special skill in connection that women have? That couples will seek partners for their ability to be autonomous, and yet give no value for the special skill to connect? Was that not food for thought?)

(But don't let me give you the wrong idea here either. Kramer doesn't simply make the case for connection. Rather he even goes on at length about the need to stay yourself in groups, in interpersonal relations. Still, he tends to want to tell those who want to bolt their relationships because they can't stay, to stay and try it the other way; and those who can't leave because they want to connect, to leave.)

Maybe I can leave it to chance, knowing that the books we need to read will come upon us. After all, I was looking for Kramer because of his other book Listening to Prozac that is listed on my syllabus, but I ended up with Should You Leave? instead.

Maybe I should just blog.