love lives

a boring reflection, don't say i didn't warn you :P

i was at my father's last christmas and left my sister in the company of my grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins on my mom's side. d got it going good with the cousins. they bonded and decided d needed to visit them in cebu last summer.

and so, we did.

i bonded as well with the cousins. the md asked me about my lovelife (they never had before hahaha. nor have i ever offered any information myself) while we were squashed together at the back of the very nice car with the individual tvs, on the way to the city to have dinner and coffee.

i said, i didn't know (i still don't). there was a guy but we could never get it going for very long. we liked each other fine. but we could never get a relationship off the ground for prolonged periods. our airplane just crashes.

and she said, and i really appreciated this from her, yes, i had the same experience too. there was this guy whom i really liked. i really liked him. but i knew that if we got together, i would have a very hard time.

and so, she said, sometimes it's just like that.

* * * *

even now, in the comfort and the pleasures of my solo-life
many things remind me of this guy i really like.

things on tv, things on the internet, and things in my head.

the way he is (but not with me) just makes me laugh.

when i was younger (maybe even just last week),
it seemed so unthinkable to like someone,
and have someone like you, and yet never have it work out between you.

i thought love and liking would surely make it work. as i only
ask of partners that we love and like each other.

mali pala ako.

i can't even be close friends with this guy because
we never fail to stray into something a little more
romantic after just a few days

and a little more never works out because we always
manage to also piss each other off, and when that happens
it gets really ridiculous in ways you can't imagine.

kaya ganun na lang muna. or forever.

* * * *

i also have this story of the-one-who-got-away

there's also this other guy who's also riduculously nice
(because ridiculous is my word for the day.)

he always treated me with consideration, with much niceness
and he also made me laugh (which seems to be my only standard hahaha).

and such was my frustration with guy above that i said:
if mr. nice guy ever came back to me, i'd marry him in a minute

because suddenly, nice seemed the only way to go
i craved for someone to treat me well.

i said it often enough that mr-nice-guy-the-one-who-got-away
who has not been in my life for some time now (as he is attached)
suddenly popped in for a second, and said (without my really asking)
that he really really is happily attached right now.

hahahaha! i enjoyed that, really. i thought that it was
a message to me straight from the universe to say
stop making psychic waves with such silly statements.

other things are in store.

oh yeah.