time of your life

Song for the closing of the year, and the coming of the new.

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"
by Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I dare you

I dared me! But am too shy to advertise my Mondo Beyondo List so openly. It's somewhere available to those who really want to know :P

After all, Mondo Beyondo lists, says artist Andrea are the dreams and wishes you are scared to admit even to yourself. But with writing down, you begin to create the energy that could actually manifest them!

May we have the courage of all our dreams :D

It's three days before 2005, perfect timing. Click click!

Notes from Christmas Eve

Twas the night before Christmas, and I had momentary peace and quiet and my Dad's laptop.

When I don’t try to force something into what it is not then I save myself the anxiety of ensuring that it becomes so.

@ my grandparent's house in Oz
My brother can remember from as far back as he was three. While my memory is generally zilch, this house and I contain some pretty startling and memorable stuff from many years particularly from when I was in college and onwards. After all, I have probably spent at least 20 and at most 29 of the 32 past Christmases of my life in this, my grandparents’ home. And Christmases is nothing if not a significant season.

I remember lining up with some cousins to use the landline back when mobile phones were not the norm. We lined up so we could call our sweethearts spending Christmas with their families in other parts of the Philippines. I remember setting aside some of my Christmas money so I could leave behind my share of the phone bill.

Then there was the Christmas I was greatly worried over another boyfriend. My girlfriend antenna was up but there was nothing I could do from practically the other end of the country. A psychic relative, an aunt once removed who told fortunes from a deck of cards and once predicted another uncle’s demise scared the shit out of me by commenting that I seemed to be having problems in my love life. I barely breathed every time I passed by her; her unsolicited but ultimately accurate prediction sent chills up and down my spine.

Then there was the Christmas I stayed on the cellphone till morning giggling and chatting with another guy, oblivious to or rather ignoring the fact that in the silence of the night, each one of my sleeping relatives could hear my end of the conversation.

Another secretly despondent Yuletide, I would sneak to our bedroom and grab some precious privacy to be able to cry my heart out, at the beginning of a lingering process of saying goodbye. And wasn’t it just the other year when I all too regularly checked my email for messages from another guy, which came or didn’t come but at a different pace from the one my heart desired.

This year, I am willfully without longing, and circumstantially without attachment. I think of mostly my friends as I idly watch and smile at the antics of countless nephews and nieces. I have no angst but am simply nursing a cold.

A-choo! Bless me and you :-)

Whew

Five cities in eight days. I am back in the first one for the next five days. It's been fun so far, if tiring (it's this insane trip we make every year and tiring is right at the center of it along with the perks :-).

In the meantime, prayers for those who perished in the tsunamis :( Unbelievable.

Today, my agenda is work and THE LAST TWO EPISODES OF SATC!!!!!!!

Maligayang Pasko :P

Dahil sa iniiwasan kong mag-panic sa mga usaping buhay-buhay (buhay ko), inaalagaan at inaalalayan ko muna ang aking sarili. Minamasdan (sabay akbay) ko ang mga sandaling nakakatuwa. Kapag hinhayaan kong bukas ang aking mga mata at bukas ang aking isip, mas nagiging malinaw sa akin na madali lang din naman pala matuwa at maging masaya.

Hindi mabigat ang buhay kung ito ay napapaloob lamang sa bawat hininga. Kapag tinatatanggal ang lahat na maiingay na laman ng isip. Nakakapagod din kasi ang magalala. Hindi ko na muna bibitbitin ang mga hindi ko kailangang dalhin.

Sisikapin kong magawa ito.

Ay! Iyan na nga ang ibig kong sabihin. Ayaw ko ng may kailangang iisipin.

Gusto kong mabuhay sa bawat hininga, sa bawa't sandali.

Hanggang sa muli :P

Merry Christmas

Happy Christmas everyone :-)

And happy birthday to all my Capricorn friends, lovers and brother, starting tomorrow. Hehe!

[Interesting excerpt: "The swings in mood are not the only reason some Capricornians deserve the adjective based on their name - capricious. They can be surprisingly and suddenly witty and subtle for the quiet, reserved individuals they seem to be, and they also have a tendency to ruin things by unexpected and utterly irresponsible bouts of flippancy. In certain individuals in whom the characteristic is strong, the temptation to do this has to be resisted with iron self-control. Another unexpected quality in some Capricornians is an interest in the occult which persists in spite of their naturally skeptical turn of mind."]

It's exactly 12 hours before I fly and start my official Christmas break, and I want to thank everyone for being part of my life. [Hehe! Everyone talaga?!?].

Love to you and yours :-D,

Pansy on a journey.

Living In

Coming home at midnight from church* I find a note on the kitchen table for me: “There’s an unhealthy fruit salad in the veggie part of the fridge. Check it out.-HH”

Hehe. That made me grin. It’s my friends, the German couple with the Filipino family name. I’ve been living in with them for a week now.**

It all started last week when they arrived straight from the airport on their flight from Europe, and I sent them away. Yes, I did! Hehehe! I had them literally drop their bags and made them go away, shoo shoo. For at least an hour and a half, I said!

It all sounds terrible and un-Filipino like in hospitality, but ‘twas utterly necessary, believe me. They arrived a bit earlier than expected on an evening that capped a mad week of putting things in order – some construction and electrical work, some carpentry, some putting things away and a lot of continuous cleaning! And to put it bluntly, I wasn’t done. My files were still strewn across the floor. Yes the dust covered floor and I stank after a day of cleaning.

An hour or so later, with help from friends, the place was in order and we all succeeded in half-scaring the European guests out of their wits. “Surprise!” everyone yelled, when they returned from temporary exile.

So, now it’s been a week of meeting up at the dining table in the kitchen or even on the stairs, chatting long into the night or over morning coffee until it’s time to run to our respective appointments and schedules for the day.

It’s comforting to hear other people moving about in the house, to have impromptu in-house coffees and snacks, as well as the space and freedom to spread ourselves around without getting in each other’s way.

And it’s mighty convenient to have a six-footer in the house when the light bulbs need tweaking. Hehe.

Merry Christmas, Emote Gal and HH. Great to see you.

_____
*or to put it more accurately, coming home from browsing at a bookstore after coffee after a church Christmas cantata starring friends
**because roommie abandoned me early in the Christmas season!

Christmas Prezzies!

Yes! I've been getting some prezzies! Here they are:

1. a yellow racerback tanktop
2. a box of incense
3. a pink bag
4. a purple scarf
5. blue silk lipstick case with mirror
oh, and i won a tea set in a raffle. hahaha! it's cute though.

My favorite prezzies to myself! Here they are:
1. my silky blue tube top :D (I lab it)
2. my light blue slip dress
3. my new denim mini skirt
4. my copy of The Time Traveler's Wife

I am accepting (hehe kapal!)
1. letters
2. plants
3. original works of art

I'll post my birthday wish-list another time :P Don't worry, it'll be a from me to me list. Also the presents from my ever loving parents would take over this blog so that's another list.

My wild wish list includes a laptop and a trip to the other side of the world :P ... and more lab. hahahaha.

So.

Is it my fault if I feel attached? Anyway, is it a fault? Do I really have to change? Do I have to change everything? Change some?

I don't know.

[Why do I have to change something that makes me happy, also unhappy sometimes? Perhaps to let in more happiness, and other "unhappinesses." Hehe. How can I lose something that's been in my pocket for so long? How can I just throw it out over the water?]

Maybe that's a really good answer, this I don't know.

I'm sure I'll know soon enough. After all, I have graduated from other goodbyes. They needed a firming up of resolve, a time frame. If it's really letting go that's needed, I'll come round to it. Just not this minute.

Not while I'm still standing on shaky legs. At least, am not holding on to the walls. Hehe!

Everything is a good thing, even when the world turns blue. Today it's yellow ;-)

(Sssssshhh. Just thinking aloud ;-)

angels on the loose

in addition to my usual protectors :D

M whose good humor and enthusiasm (especially for activities requiring costumes hehe!) beyond 40 is a daily inspiration,
another Virgo M who said to give my my salary before my receipts (hehe!),
E or B or G whose blood boiled many times over in behalf of my transcript (many many thanks, you didn't have to but you wanted to, to my great benefit),
and my brother P who's been really nice about our sked.

MANY THANKS.

Project

Unsticking from the moment. Day one.

Fractious 2

Alvik: Help. What bookstore has the best collection of children's books? :-)

Me: Tuloy later 730 sharp second and last belly dancing practice :) :) :)

Ay mali.

Fractious

I'm fractious because ...

I can't get my Mindanao sked right. I mean I can't get my own way hahaha. Well I might be able to but I also don't want people to be unhappy about it. So my problem is how to make sure that everyone is happy. Not that they are overtly unhappy or that they can't handle their unhappiness. I am worried that they will be unhappy and I don't want them to be so.

I'm also fractious because belly dancing is sitting squarely in the middle of a desired (by me) work stretch, but am not really in a bad mood about it. I just wish it wasn't in the way hahaha. But I can take it.

I'm also not in a position to ask for anymore concessions, favors, and considerations from everyone, or to complain, because I already have :D and I want to start pulling all my weight and more again. Because I want to.

I'm also feeling very teary today. But I feel it's self-indulgent. Sometimes being tearful is just because you're choosing not to be busy when you ought to be.

And yes, I had a great, if tiring weekend.

I'm tempted to bury myself in DVDs this Christmas at Sikatuna but that's just a passing feeling. I'm sure I'll both be bored and greatly enjoy the Christmas reunions.

Hahaha, I am fractious without a doubt.

Whew

Why does eight pm send me into a panic thinking there's little time left to finish?
But past midnight, I always get my second wind, sailing right past two,

and into my bed I go.

FULL DAY TOMORROW.
(and the day after that)
(and the day after that)

On Sunday, I spa and I shop. Mwahahahaha.

Or Maybe Not.
(Don't let Mercury hear me!)

Mercury Backing

Suffice for me to say that a Mercury retrograde period (about three weeks when the planet Mercury appears to move backward in the sky) means all sorts of foul-ups with regard to communications and detailed arrangements. Virus attack your pc? Lost your keys? Plane delayed? Misunderstandings over how and when to meet someone? These are all the symptoms of a Mercury retrograde.

Astrologers also say that there’s a good side to this period. It invites you to take a step back, and review. To take care of all that’s left burning on the back-burner, to assess where and how you are, some lag time utterly necessary for moving on.

My latest Mercury retrograde story: Finally, got the aircon. Cajoled, whined my way into getting the grills finished today. On the way home, it suddenly occurred to me that there might not be a proper socket/ saksakan for the thang?!?!.

Hahahaha! I was right, unfortunately. You ask, how could I have missed that. Honestly, I forgot all about it. There were all these boxes of files lining the walls. So had to arrange another day of workers. Huhuhuhu.

Ako at si Mercury ay walang kasing galing! Hehehe. And I’m not even an astrologer.

Excuse me while I sing

Let me interrupt your day with a song.
*adjust face to sufficiently mournful expression, proceed to about-to-wail stance*

I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
And all I know of love is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it

So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love

There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for

All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can

What lies in the future is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong
But for now this is my song

And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love


WAHAHAHA! I love it! It suits Christmas, the typhoon season and cold cold beer. I do declare, this song reserved for me in that videoke session that will surely happen when the Germans come to town. Right, tita eds? ;-)

Tizzy

Am in a tizzy. I have exactly six days (to the very hour :D) before our house guests/ house sitters arrive (hello there you two :P), and I have set myself the goal of putting everything in order before they arrive (to the very minute).

The bed is in a mysterious state somewhere. With this furniture maker, there’s no way to know if he’s actually putting in the last nail or still growing tree seedlings. The “ventilation” is going to be delivered tomorrow. Actually, there’s cement dust and my files all over the room they’re going to be sleeping in.

Still, even without the mattress that I hope to find and order on Tuesday, the sheets are ready. Roommie “stole” one of the pillows for them so we’re still awaiting those.

Elsewhere, not so important but also in the works are curtains, a center table, and knives. Haha. As a friend once joked at the mall, “Pasensiya na po. Bagong kasal.” Setting up house sure is hard work. Difficult but right up the coordinating Capricorns’ alley. (Other examples of Capricorn coordination are flight schedules and trips hahaha.)

Actually, all of the above is only 4/6 of the story but going into all the details at this point in the nation’s life, is just crass. (But true nevertheless.)

MORE HAHAHA’s. I had the greatest time at sweetie godson Aemon’s belated birthday party last Saturday. Wait, belated birthday COSTUME party. That was one of those classic my-colleagues-are-so-cute-and-funny episodes in life. I mean, isn’t a kids’ party where adults have fun before, during and after just the best? (Promise, I think Aemon had fun too :D). Some of the more cute endearing amusing and irreverent concepts, errr costumes (in no particular order):

1. B as person in a time of SARs
2. J as a lesbian (hahaha)
3. S as a DVD seller
4. M as one hot cowgirl-punk mama!!!! (my personal favorite for the no guts no glory factor)
5. William Wallace’s kin in magnificent kilt from Nova
6. his housemate Pocahontas, and
7. Wendy who never left Peter Pan’s side

So! Congratulations to that sashaying belly dancing mama, and the rustling by in a big robe tatay: parents of Peter Pan. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Am glad to be with you in this lifetime :D

(PICTURES MIGHT BE POSTED HERE SOON.)

Scary Shit

So, aside from this super-typhoon bigger than the Philippines heading our way tonight. ...

Guess what really releases the monster in me? I think it's an extremely Capricorn trait.

Getting humiliated in front of people is what. Especially being caught off-guard about it. Even if there never was any ill intention. Even if if you look at it another way, I was probably not humiliated. I can remember that the times I blew my top at people involved this type of scenario. Where from a Capricorn perspective, it was almost a "setup."

Sorry.

The good news is there's a better way. Think you've got a bone to pick with me? Take me aside, and bring it up, and we can talk about it.