Hmmm. Just came from another blog, Akira's, where the two characters in a series of stories often spend time with each other without saying much. I don't know why, but this appeals to me so much. I am drawn to togetherness that needs no words. I would like to be in more relationships that don't need so many words spoken.
And that desire is not even a judgment on all my relationships that are full of words and conversations, and laughter. I love and enjoy those. But I still can't help wanting more silence, hahaha! Am sure it would make others uneasy, and others would find it strange.
And it's not like I don't even appreciate the magic and power, the necessity and clarity, of words. In fact, am even too particular about words and concepts. But I would like to revel in the silence! A silence that needs no explanations, that attracts no notice, is just part, another marvelous part, of the passing of the day.
:-D
P.S. And I would like this silence, or I imagine this silence -- togetherness and silence -- with someone someone (lol).
Pagmamahal
I still think (it's like my streamer of the moment) that you really can't go wrong with true love. And I really would rather not explain and elaborate because the answer is in the silence (now words necessary ;-)ehehehe, or a truth that takes no verbal proof!).
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Walang Salita
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Aha!!!!
lovely-warm-pinks
Originally uploaded by Pansy.
Guess what this color palette means?!?! Hahahahaha! Am so happy to be me :P :D
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Again, please
You know when you're happy for no reason? :-D Well, this week it's not like that. Three days into the week and I feel so blessed. As my friends and I like to say, there's more more reasons.
1. I finally have cable again (hahaha!)
2. I had such a great time with a great friend last Sunday, discussing house things over while seated on the floor of our soon-to-be attic.
3. Another friend called up from out of the blue :D
4. We finally gave notice to our landlady, and paid our rent. All is well and she is an angel.
5. I had such a great time walking in the rain and in the breeze in UP last Sunday with another great friend.
6. I had such a great time eating adobo pan de sal from Alex Grill (P39 for i love you - 3 pieces hehehe - pan de sal) while watching Amazing Race 5!
Whew!!!
And then yesterday, even if the rally bored me (there are rallies I greatly enjoy),
7. I had such a great meal when I got back to the house from the rally. Barbecue, rice, indian mango and bagoong! YUM! YUM!
8. And then we've started regular meditations on Mondays!
Finally,
9. Today, I am finally on holiday which gives me time to do some personal stuff that have been waiting to be done for some time now.
WOW.
Bless me and everyone :D
P.S. Oh and in a month's time, I had about a thousand page views here, never mind that about 800 of that is by me, hihihihihihi!
Monday, July 26, 2004
Sunday, July 25, 2004
The animal in me
The weekend could be quite intense, as Mars trines Pluto and Venus opposes it. Some less than desirable feelings may begin to show through - so take it easy, and don't say the wrong thing in a fit of temper.
Ahhh yes, did my share of ranting this weekend. I felt a tad guilty for raining on Customer Service's day but they just weren't giving appropriate service beyond the "We'll note that down Ma'am," which really just means "Adios baby, kiss your request goodbye!" or "Tweedle your thumbs till the next century comes to a close."
And my rant did get results :-(. Surely, I do not wish to have to rant to get things done.
Still, I note the lesson from this experience which is to pay my bills on time! It's not hard to do but I have a particular dislike to paying my cable tv bills.
So it's also true that I did sabotage my service. Now, however, I am paid up and reconnected, and beginning a new chapter in my life with my cable tv provider. Hehehe. Thanks to that Angel who finally got things done when she realized I wasn't getting off the phone till she did something. Thanks Angel, I hope never to rain on your parade again, but you were the sixth I had talked to in six days.
I actually had another bout with the learn-how-to-put-foot-down universal lesson plan this weekend, but ok, ok, the lesson is learned already, the story need not be told :-).
oOo
Imelda
Jee wiz, cheez whiz!
oOo
And, :D!!!! Hehe. "Strangely sweet," in the words of a dear emotera friend.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Velvet beneath persnickety petals
A palpable change. Have been slowly but surely clearing my room of stuff, organized and paid my bills
the last few days, and suddenly I am home again. In my room where I am me. I feel connected. I breathe again.
Yes, thats it, I thought to myself earlier tonight in a reunion with old gfs, perched cozily on bean bags
around a low table with an open box of pizza (but it was the spicy pasta we all took a liking to). Thats
love. Love transcends all barriers, defies logic, is after all beyond it. It is a true impulse and is not
any less for having been given. Having recognized it, I am inspired.
=====
*Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey*
-At the beginning from Anastasia the movie
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Literary Promiscuity
The truth is, I am a book slut. I cant stick to just
one. I am passionate about many - I am passionate
about the back of the book blurbs on books I have yet
to start, I am ecstatic about the first chapters of
those Ive finally begun, and I quite lust for the what
happens next in books I am in the thick of. ...
Tonight on the verge of finishing two dear tomes, I
start on MOTHER WIT: A feminist guide to psychic
development. It reads like the answer to a personal
plea. :D
=====
*Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey*
-At the beginning from Anastasia the movie
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
On a Binky Lampano afternoon
He's singing, and crooning, and screaming, and shrieking. My soul nods and sways and grooves to his every note and gyration-- for Binky Lampano never stays still, singing. He's nodding and shaking, and singing from the walls, the door, the stage.
"But I was told if you got your heart in the right place, everything's gonna be just fine!"
We find ourselves on the same vibration, well-matched, this Tuesday afternoon, him on my PC speakers, and me at blogger. It's been going on an hour now, and we are quite well-matched.
"Just get outta here and live your life! Don't be a fool and never try! "
(Lyrics from Alley Song by Lampano Alley)
oOo
Here's what my horoscope readings have to say about me today. Patronizing buggers! Think they know better than me!
1. You're in a right sulk today, dear Viola (hmm patronizing tone! I take offense hahaha, joke). ... Instead of retreating into your shell with an ugly smirk, just say straight out what you want from your relationships, be they with lover or family.
Ehehe!
2. Better get out that to-do list -- you know, the one you've been deliberately hiding from yourself.
Hehehe! I have lots in different bags and pockets :-P
oOo
I miss Binky Lampano. DD, Buddha and I used to follow his band around.
"Ganyan lang, ganyan lang, ganyan lang. Ang buhay natin ay ganyan lang!"
Sunday, July 18, 2004
TV giggles
Let me just imitate that great (greatly ambiguous) compliment: My friends, congratulations for being true persons! Totoong tao, mwahahahaha :D I dig ya!
2. Two funny (so truly Pinoy :-P) ads I caught for the first time today: the Rexona guy raising his arms at every available opportunity (nagyayabang ba), and the "brownout" ad for Globe text and receive (pasaway at pasweet na anak).
3. Yehehey, the Amazing Race 5!!!! Saw a full episode for the first time!!! Cheering for the cousins' tandem for taking their fun moments, and for the father-daughter duo for comeback gumption! Can't wait till they get to the Philippines. There's no telling what can happen!
Giggled at that Ch. 23 Amazing Race teaser for next week: "Natanggal si Alison and Donny. Away kasi ng away!" Hehehe! Cute pa naman ang Donny.
Necessary Violence
Damn, it hurt. I was pummeled, hit, stepped on, pulled and pushed from side to side. Many times I felt like shouting ouch! Damn, it felt good! I was on the brink of pleasure and pain and laughter because many times it was also very ticklish.
I was hurt. Yet I only paid P300 for it! (and even less actually because they were late).
Hehehe. Talk about violence with the aim of getting de-stressed!
Worth every peso. Visit the Family Indulgence Spa, across Fersal Hotel on Malakas St.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Closing shop
After a solid six days of meetings (wow, new blogger posting interface, I just noticed), and eating, broken only when on Monday we went to a mob, INDEED, I am a tired vegetable in red and white. And to think for the most part I just 'actively' listened and took notes, but still. And to think that of all the people in my organization, I am already at the bottom quarter for tolerance for long meetings and endless days of work! (Meaning, it's been longer days and nights for the others). And to think, other colleagues still have activities tomorrow!
Tomorrow, I will think of other things :-) and take in new experiences:
1. I will to listen to the sound of rain falling on our soon-to-be new house.
2. I will daydream of each room, in that soon-to-be-new house.
3. I will go on some construction materials adventures with roomie.
4. I will accomodate her need to go on more laptop-discovery tours, or rather at this stage, they are already laptop choice-affirmation tours (hehe!).
5. And perhaps in the evening, I shall hang out with the pisces-girl somewhere cool and refreshing. (I think I want some kamias shake.)
I want to thank the good souls who have been kind and patient and loving with me this week, and lent a hand at the exact moment I needed it (yes you my cute cuddly charming and funny officemates) and those who continue to be kind and patient and loving with me, after so long :). May I in turn rise to the occasion.
And to those who are currently in the grip of their personal "lives," I wish you deep breaths, go on ... deep breaths, deep breaths, innn, ouuut, innn. If it weren't funny, it would be funny, right? Which probably means, it IS funny :D.
Not a moment too soon, and not a moment too late.
In the now.
In the now is in this moment, and what this moment is.
oOo
Thoughts on process.
(Hehe, right now, my blog is only for those who want to move on to page 2. Page 2 however has a beginning. It starts with page one, the main one, this one. :D)
My What Next
If you were to ask me what
I will be doing six months from now
I would say “I know what, but, I know not.”
“Yet.”
For the truth is, I know not exactly
Or where
Or how
Or what. (I lied, earlier :-)!)
Just that I know
I will know
When the time to know
Is right.
This is a time for learning to know all about listening to me in the moment. This is what the runes revealed, on my self I must rely. Guess what it meant? On my centred self, I must rely.
Monday, July 12, 2004
The Reluctant Spiderman Post
(For Dahon)
Uh-oh.
Am I going to be the only one with issues against Spiderman the movie?!?!
I must find some reinforcements before the pansy gets trampled by the madding crowd! Or worse, elephants! Hehehe!
Contain thine ire and read some more :D
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Leave A Tender Moment Alone
This song popped into my head tonight :D. This one's for you Saree, from our good ole college days (hahahaha, feeling ancient ... nah :D).
by Billy Joel
But if that's how I feel
Then it's the best feeling I've ever known
It's undeniably real
Leave a tender moment alone
@ Gmail
having colored conversations ;-):
themundaneandthedivine
yourgoddessfriend
comeflywithme
foliage
churyaa
chroniclesofprizefighter
spicytuyo
ninais
midnytpasta*
when you log in, check your blogger dashboard page for a link to your gmail account.
*under protest (hehehe!)
p.s. scooterbug, where are my postcards?!? :-(!?#*? ... one or two or three, sometime soon? ;-)
panoramic photo, in words
in my email inbox,
a gf's email - nice long meandering,
punk, well, lives
:D.
not,
his.
still,
i am.
lightning likes brgy. central, i think
rain follows shortly
as always.
maya and i: a raincheck
dd brought me mango crepe
a scoop of vanilla ice cream: still frozen
the mango: still warm.
she pretends she doesn't want any but eats some :D
online:
painting your walls viola, and shelves and beds
on blogs:
keri has a secret. pssst, she said; the color olive, among the greens on a leaf of faith.
later,
reports,
meditations,
peeks into books.
that's my
today.
i
think.
this week, a review:
Monday: meditations with gfs
Tuesday: three witches meet
Wednesday: online
Thursday: i forgot
Friday: disagreement with the central dilemma in Spiderman 2.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Monday, July 05, 2004
Would you move a million miles away for love?
This is a hypothetical question for me, because it has never come up. Maybe it belongs to that class of questions we often take up with intimate friends to while away many a lazy afternoon, something like that gut-wrenching dilemma -- toothache or heartbreak? Or it could be one of those non-applicable “trick” questions that seem to bring out “the true colors” of one’s character. Something in the realm of an ex-lover asking me -- if he were the Russell Crowe character in the movie A Beautiful Mind, would I also stand by him the way the wife did in the movie version? I think I answered no, and that is perhaps one of the main reasons why we haven’t ended up together! Hehehe! But I digress.
I think the above is an interesting and entertaining question, perhaps more applicable to Filipinos whom we see living – working heartbreakingly hard or thriving – in most parts of the world. In fact, if there were jobs and lovers to be found in Pluto, maybe we would be there too :-).
Mulling over it, I think I would have answered this question differently at various parts of my life. As a teenager awash in romance books, and firmly entrenched in the Cinderella syndrome, I probably would have said yes, faster than you can say, well, yes. After all, wasn’t lurvvveee the entire point of living? (At this point, I would like to assure everyone that I am definitely already at least 17 years older than this younger self, and much less blind, hehe!).
Several years ago, I might have said, well, maybe not move away strictly just for love?!?! Hello?!?! Aren’t we our own persons?! And isn’t love just the icing on the cake? What kind of crap is that to give up your personhood, and your world, just to be with your love?!? What a surefire way to end up unhappy, and ultimately, unloved. ... So maybe my final answer then might have been, yes, maybe move a million miles, but not just for love. I’d have to make sure that I would be moving for a job and love, or an education, and love. Love, alone, I would have said, just wouldn’t have been reason enough.
Well right where I am typing this at this very minute, the question brings to mind my many friends who have made such a leap, and yes, are still actually making many other leaps.
HB and her love made a pact to each other not to be separated for long periods. So while this decision entailed many sacrifices for HB, it was their decision, their judgment call as a couple to value their togetherness more than many of the other things that moving away together a million miles, placed in the balance.
Despite long nights with us pleading with her to proceed with more caution, my tita in Germany took a huge leap and left for Europe last year with the possibility of not coming back for a very long time -- to try and see if love with her German guy could work out. Before she left, a friend tried to shock her into being sensible by conjuring visions of Pinays’ heads in bottles stored in European basements by their murderers (sorry for this graphic illustration, but he was doing it with the aim of “making her see sense”). She’s still there with her now-hubby, and we are looking forward to rollicking on the beaches of Boracay with them this coming December.
I also remember a dear Kastila (hehehe!), a dear friend from Spain, who followed his Filipina girlfriend from their European university home to her country, in a spectacular reversal of roles. Turning his back on his decidedly bigger income, he came over, found himself a job, and started living a more austere and slightly poor life as a Spanish guy in the Philippines, victim to the constant kakulitan and jokes of his nice and sweet officemates (us, hehehe!). Many mosquito bites, and bouts with food poisoning later, he and his beloved were wed, and are now with kid, in Latin America.
My point is not the happy endings because, the truth is, there are no endings, and like I said, they are still taking leaps. I am just happy for the fact that these friends of mine looked closely at their options, and, probably with their hearts thudding in their throats, made their decisions aware that these involved making sacrifices, and yet also potentially involved reaping rewards.
Where I am right now, would I move a million miles away for love? Some thoughts, some more complete than others:
1. Sacrifices are sacrifices. They involve loss, heartbreak, and they probably won’t feel good. In fact, they probably will feel extremely painful. … My thought as of now is that maybe, if we learn to discern with our hearts, and follow our intuition regarding some “sacrifices,” maybe the “pain” that these sacrifices bring will actually lead us to more joy.
I think a person wondering whether or not to move a million miles for love, faces the huge great big unknown. As such, it would be easy to say, stop, enough already, be sensible. But what if out of fear of the unknown, out of fear of making too big a sacrifice, the person fails to see the potential for joy, and yes, love, that this sacrifice could bring?
I don’t have the answers, just the meditation that in making decisions, we be aware not just of the potential pain but also of the potential joy.
2. Let me also argue the flipside. Romance can be fatal, a dear teacher has said so many times. In our world women are socialized, brought up to think that they only prove their worth, become persons, when they are in romantic relationships. Without boyfriends, husbands, partners, men in their lives, women become losers. Hence, spinster and old maid are derogatory terms, rather than words simply stating one’s preference or current choice.
In the name of romance and love, many’s the woman with blinders who has ultimately given up herself and sacrificed her life. In that sense and that context, I say f*** romance! I ask you, f*** love too?
3. Hehehe! That latter query brings me to that classic autograph question. So dear Watson, What is love? What is the true nature of love?
Answer that for yourselves, dear readers, if you have gotten this far! (hehe!) All I really wanted was to shoo away the romantic notions we have of love that often quite literally bring us to our knees.
And also, if you are not yet on a journey, to interest you in a personal/ spiritual quest on love. :-)
Those who want to share about love, please do so freely on the comments box below. I would love to hear and learn from you. :-)
4. I think beyond fear, and pain and joy, we ARE love :D
Would I move a million miles away for love? ;-) At this point, your guess is as good as mine :-D.
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Key Phrases
Energy drain.
Feel your center.
...
The off-kilter ferris wheel.
Listen to the silence in your heart.
SOUL CARD 1:
FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS
Will blaze a trail by finding the right words.
Listen to the silence in your heart, and you will know.
You are where you need to be right now, it is part of preparing yourself.
There is a lot of support from the universe for what you are supposed to do.
You have the vision, and the capacity to work towards that vision.
SOUL CARD 2:
Stop going around in circles.
Take the other option.
Another classroom with more friendly mentor-student energies. Brick.
Decisively, end this to free your thinking energy for the other thing.
Listen to the silence in your heart, and you will know.
SOUL CARD 3:
It's up to you.
You have the capacity to imbue the house with spirit.
A Sunday kind of day. Garden set, books around. Calamansi and pineapple juice.
SOUL CARD 4:
Conflicted but you can help it.
An impulse based on love is good.
:-)
Stop by the The Center for Touch Drawing and stare at those beautiful soul cards.
Friday, July 02, 2004
When Saturday is a Sunday
A lovely lovely day ...
When I woke up on Saturday, I caught Tin Cup on HBO (nice!) and made arrangements with The Priestess for brunch. After fuming and feeling sad at the sheer stubborness of the Kevin Costner character, I showered and dressed in cheery RED and white SHORTS, a tee shirt and my nice chinelas (hehe!). Shorts are the pansy's ultimate favorite wear :D, and perfect for a breezy windy Saturday-Sunday.
We landed at Baang, our new favorite coffee shop down by Morato. (You see you can do Baang several different ways :-D: Such as Saturday brunch for a plate of Filipino tapa or tocino with great coffee, or as after-party place for nice coffee and cake, or for afternoon refreshments: dig their black forest freeze.)
Ordering, our goddess friend interrupted by cellphone, exclaiming over Milan the movie and protesting over the choice of lead actress (well HB, we still think, Claudine was great in that movie hehehe!)
Seated at Baang, had a wonderful time catching up with the Priestess, and this is when I thought that easy and effortless intimacy, between partners and between gfs -- between "mga magka-relate" really -- is a gift of time together, trust and unconditional acceptance.
Took a long walk along Morato and ended up poring over many yummy books at Books for Less at Roces including The Priestess current rave, a book of triangles, a shape I often reflect on, for its many advantages and unique strength :D.
A leisurely soulful freeflowing Saturday is in the tradition of Sunday's best. :D
| I have beautiful gfs :)! And I don't mean their looks :-) (they are cuties but that's not what I mean :-) ) |  greenbelt gfs Originally uploaded by Pansy. |
| Stolen shot by the Priestess. I wonder what those thoughts were about?!? |  stolenshot Originally uploaded by Pansy. |
