Dun

Sabi ni Scott Peck, maigi daw ang taong may "perception of the miraculous." Kasi life is amazing.

Sa ibang/kabilang (lol, priestess) banda, i claimed my porch last night. Una kasi bagong linis so di maalikabok. Pangalawa kasi home alone ako tapos parang I needed air (airing? :P). Tapos ang sarap kasi ng view at kaharap talaga ang moon-rise. May modern-art touch pa dahil minsan sumisilip-silip pa ang buwan sa gitna ng mga electric wire ng Meralco. Tapos malamig pero di sobrang lamig. So yun, happy. With matching pangungulit sa lahat ng mga souls na gustong mag text back sa akin (super text din kasi ako at ayaw ko kasing akalain ng mga dumadaan na tinitingnan ko sila).

Sa ibang banda, kakatuwa yong may mutual kilig moment (wala lang). O di kaya yong may mutual recognition that an important conversation is taking place.

Sa ibang banda pa, ayaw aminin ni HB na siya talaga ang trainor ko sa kakulitan. Hahaha.

halt the presses

stop!

i need a one-week all-food-supplies-in vacation from my wonderful life!

to file my files, clean my floors, think my thoughts, smile at my pictures, read my books, and massage my aching calves.

hehe.

red stuff chase

bigla na lang nagsulputan sa aking buhay ang mga bagay na kulay pula.

pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko sa opisina nitong bagong taon, may bago akong ergo chair na sobrang ganda ang pagka-RED. bright red siya. hindi ko siya hiningi, di ko nga alam na nag-order pala sila dito ng mga ergo chair. pero sa totoo lang, ako ang may pinakamagandang kulay ng silya dito. grabe.

pangalawa, bigla na lamang nila akong binigyan ng red optical mouse (si fred ba ang pangalan ng aking optical mouse? hehehe). eh, truthfully (titulo ng isang kanta na hinahanap ko sa win mix pero di ko mahanap) sobrang daming taon ko na tiniis ang dati kong mouse na ayaw magparamdam sa aking CPU. may morning ritual na nga kami nun kung saan hinihila ko at hinahampas si old mouse para maramdaman siya ng CPU. magkaibigan na nga kami nun sa tagal ng aming pinagsamahan.

tapos, noong isang linggo sinabihan ako ng ka-opisina ko na binilhan niya daw ako ng optical mouse. na red. grabe. ganda.

noong isang araw naman nakatanggap ako ng red bag na gamit na gamit ko na at kasya ang aking mga papeles na bitbit araw-araw (mapagkunyari kasi ako). sa katunayan, natapunan na nga yata ng kape ang bag. hay nakupo.

nakakatuwa naman. at maraming salamat.

nangangailangan din po pala ako ng red thong sandals dahil sobrang paborito ko ang aking red thong sandals. gusto na niya ng substitute, lalo na kung mas bouncy sana ang kapalit.

o siya, itaas ang bandilang pula :D

p.s. nahihilig talaga ako ngayon sa pagmuni-muni sa mga pattern ng mga pangyayari.

from song to song (365 days in between)

last year, a showband sang the songs.

this year, "we" did it ourselves :D

@ the priestess' party


26th year of pisces-rising freedom (hehe)


my hand is better than the mic!


my other bf and i
(hmmmmpf, the one who often changes his minds about dates, at the last minute, but sings a mean sinatra... hehehe bitter)

ALL PICS COURTESY OF OUR GODDESS FRIEND :-) (thanks HB for sharing!)

Big But

But, frankly, my dear, that is not the point.

And so goes, my wise and inspired self to my awed self, in my own personal version of "Gone With The Wind."


(And I really really really love it that that* is not the point! Hehehe!)



*That being when you feel _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ... BUT ...(again please) that is not the point. hehehe!

da bes da bes

i have a new bed. i like it. it's new but it has character. i feel it will grow along with me. i'm beginning my life with my bed with a single mattress in the middle of a queen-size cute four-poster :D. it's a metaphor for my new life (lol).

for the past two days i've found myself walking shoulder to shoulder with girlfriends along side strees, cold streets, warm in the sisterhood. that's the real "'Hood," dude.

i've also been spouting scott peck :). am on page 51 of A Road Less Travelled. when the reader is ready, the book is waiting.

i also like this song, vonda shepard's version -- "could i have this dance for the rest of my ... (week)?" *warble, warble, warble*

more warble *happy birthday dear priestess, happy birthday to you*
you're dabes, dabes ;-)

truliliks

Just like for the men of your sign, V, the position of today's planets, could put an end to the relatively bleak period (lol) you've been going through in your love life and in your creativity. If you haven't found your "soul sister" or "soul brother" yet, this period of time is quite promising. You're going to have fun and meet some very interesting people, who are able to change your life around!

O YE! BRING IT ON! (lol)

uhuh

It was funny how in the smoky bar, Cancer gf and I kept tilting heads and nodding eyebrows in agreement over many many things. Went with the sound “uhhhm,” but with the jazz music it was really all head nodding and eyebrow action. In the almost darkness.

One, we agreed (and I lifted my bottle to her in salute) that yes, I had no right to disturb her wallowing in her moment of sorrow and disappointment by pointing out the good things in her future (particularly that moment in her future when she will look back at this moment, and remember this sorrow so fondly and affectionately like a dear benighted friend).

Two, when she asked about this guy who breezed by last week whom I found charming, and I said, nah he’s not gonna “work” ‘coz he’s got criterias, we nodded heads once more. There’s no love to be found in criteria. True, it helps to know what you would appreciate but love is not a job application process. You see a person’s pathos, a person’s joy. You love a person. That’s it.*

Three, we each brought up work but nodded once, twice in agreement to postpone the discussion.

Often, we nodded in between conversations and confessions, knowing where the other is.

When we were not nodding, we were talking about stuff other people other matters that we haven’t placed our hearts and souls in, so.

Beside us, Aquarius gf jotted down things in the dark, so too absorbed.


*It can also mean a committed relationship if in settling with one's self one decides for love to involve a relationship or marriage. But then again, one can also decide to marry for convenience. The same gf, two weeks ago, dipping her hand into a bag of Chippy said that she could probably live with marrying for convenience. :P

W is for Wednesday

Hahaha. I don't know what they made of my thought -- said in class -- that a family of two Virgo people and two Capricorn kids makes for a quiet family (but a loving one, i said ;-) ). I just feel this is so true, and hence why I often feel I have a ready understanding of "earth" men. I have been in training for it all my life, the female version of the "father of the zodiac" - Capricorn. Anyway, I really just wanted to say it out loud -- hihihihi. I am all ready to be the psychologist with zodiac and feminist perspectives! There'll be no one like me!

Other "funny" things are that my teach said she wanted to be "parented" by me, after reading my reflection paper on parenting. Hehehe! I am scared for my future children, promise. Just a two-page amalgamation of thoughts from here there and everywhere including the very loving and wonderful nanay maya to scorpio aemon.

Also, I think there's nothing like a Capricorn that's showered with love and affirmation -- that's the Capricorn that flies! My theory is that there's something in the Capricorn psyche that needs affirmation that s/he is lovable and good enough, and with that kind of assurance, there's no telling what Capricorn can do and can be.

Anyway, am pretty sure this is the week when I know what I want and that makes things "sparkling." I can picture it, almost unconsciously.

33 Butingtings You Never Knew and Don’t Need to Know,

1. I wish I could talk feelings with ahem so we could help each other grow. I am tired of holding mine in a cute pink bag.
2. I am scared to death of ice-breakers! Hahahaha! I mean I’d hate to facilitate icebreakers!
3. I am a fan of blue jeans though I can’t wear them all the time.
4. I like string bikinis, they are easier to wear (particularly in some far-off beach somewhere where you don’t think you know anyone until a sorority sis from college yells out your name. Hehe!)
5. I liked the strawberry shake forays brother and I did over the Christmas break. Yummy!
6. I like that my sister can ask me advice on what clothes to pack for her trip to the Philippines and I know exactly what she means
7. I want to go to New York but not for work because I’m not convinced I’m convincing. Maybe on the lotto is a better idea, hehe!
8. Cancer girlfriends bring me comfort!
9. I am super territorial.
10. I am a lyrics person.
11. I lost my shoe lust last year but it has resurfaced this past week. Aaaaargh. It resurfaces when I am feeling impoverished during birthdays hehehe
12. I would like a new job, but what?
13. I live on a street where the numbers are not necessarily in order.
14. I like to make butingting, as in sometimes I really look for something to butingting and have many piles of butingtingkables
15. I like sitting at bars. Really.
16. I hate it when someone likes me just when I’m liking someone who doesn’t like me. I’d rather be left alone and not have to be reminded about rejection.
17. I also gather that the people who love us for no reason that you can think of are blessings and we must accept them as such but sometimes my grace urn runs dry.
18. So one of the things I’ve asked of myself this year is to have more grace.
19. One of my main pet peeves in life are People Who Mean Well, particularly the ones who mean well maliciously.
20. I was so pleased with a friend of mine who dropped by several days ago coz he was so very charming – very sweet. Nice.
21. I thought beginning the year with a trip to Boracay when the rest of humanity was already slaving away was too indulgent but it turned out to be one of the best things ever. It’s something warm and bright to think about when the blues hit you.
22. I will like a song to death and get tired of it and never want to hear it again till the next century.
23. I don’t feel the same way about books as I do about songs. I keep most books but have lately been training myself to give away those I can live without, and even to give away those I love just to be able to share the words.
24. I like it when sometimes I am aware I am consciously “loving” someone – a friend, family member – providing emotional support.
25. I'm so glad I feel better about work today than I did two days ago.
26. I hate it that ahem hardly ever reads my blog. It's indifference! What more evidence do I need that I must move on? (Oooops, back to angst ;-)

26 for now, perhaps 7 more tomorrow.

On second thoughts, sunny skies at night call for a celebration! Yahooo!
27. I want ahem to show me his world because when he once described showing it to me, I wanted to give him the chance to do so (hehe! may patronizing drama)
28. I have stopped relating my furniture to ahem. Hahahaha! Funny me but that's truly good news.
29. Actually when I'm at my most secure I have already moved on.
30. And when you've truly moved on, it's all right that you've moved on.
32. Who would have thought getting my leave and budget requests approved would make me feel this cheerful?
33. I am after all, quite simple.
34. I also believe that the Egyptian Temple Priestess has moved on. :D
35. What I envy about married couples is their regular sex life. Hahahaha.

And I meant to stop at 33.

bugger

i can't figure out why a friend has gone all tweetams on me. i mean i've still been me so i don't know what changed. obviously, it wasn't me. hehe. it makes me feel helpless coz if suddenly he becomes masungit it'll obviously be also not me (just another random occurrence in the universe).

as for this dance with another friend. i've decided not to like him anymore but then he talks to me so i feel open and then he withdraws, for whatever reason. oh bugger this stupid dance. so now i feel i have to withdraw again just so he won't think i'm chasing him. and withdrawing is so unnatural when you just want to be.

mwahahahaha. i have funny problems.

"if there was even the slightest doubt that tomorrow the sun would somehow not come out ..."

There's a particular block of streets north of my office that induces/ seduces/ catches me unaware with what-have-you thoughts. My short trek for pan de sal (following a hunger pang) made me think that love is recognizing, appreciating, and honoring a person's humanity (ang kanyang pagkatao). It's I love you because you move me, because I see you. :-)

*****************************************************

but of what use is it to see someone if they don't see you anyway. ;-) just for the heck of it, diet coca cola?

and then sometimes, some people see me and i know it looks like the real thing. but i don't see them the way they see me and them seeing me reminds me of me seeing someone else who doesn't see me, and all that convoluted arrangement of "see's" and "me's" just ends up as a lot of energy gone haywire.

ayaw ko talagang may gusto sa akin kapag may gusto akong iba na ayaw sa akin.

hehehehe.

*****************************************************

This afternoon, they moved me. (But it's not love yet ;-) hehehe!)

My friend saying she was transported by the sight of Van Gogh's Sunflowers. Our other friend saying, he does believe she will survive in New York.

Akira writing about the heartbreak kid and the heartbreak kid's ex-gf.

Apo Jim writing about his underwater buddies. Ang galing galing ni Redford White! Hehe.

Ala saying she does not want to migrate to Australia for two years starting next year but she will anyway.

Jazz Don’t

The emote-emote girls and I were discombobulated (dismayed, shocked, flabbergasted, banging heads against the wall) to discover that the universe had other ideas about our planned jazz date.

We’ve had plenty of jazz dates in the past and they have always turned out to be musical dates of beauty – we’ve trooped from Monk’s Dream (Jupiter) to Monk’s Dream (Rockwell), been present at Jazz Nights at the 70’s Bistro, and have even popped into other obscure jazz places in the metropolis. We have also swooned to free jazz concerts in the malls or at UP, and been to swoon in front of Diana Krall, etc etc and so on and so forth.

So when we decided to bring HH to Merk’s Bar at Greenbelt, we thought we’d be assured of a quality jazz night – after all Merk’s Bar is marketed as a jazz bar in one of the more tony places in town.

But, no. Nooooooooooooooooo.

Their Saturday showband was simply horrible. But I think it was mostly the shock that did us in – the shock of such a band at such a place and in view of the undeniable fact that we have loads of utterly cool jazz groups and jazz singers. We’ve seen them!

So what was this?!?!

Fortunately HH and his unfailing sense of the absurd came to his rescue and he had a hilarious time giggling at the percussionist’s expressions during performance.

As for me, I had vodka.

storytime

Once upon a time there was a certain siopao that wanted to know if it was espeyshal. And this zerten siopao didn't just want to know if it was espeyshal in its flavor and nutrition to just anyone! But no, no such thing and no such luck! This siopao specifically wanted to know if it's espeyshal to only one zerten chinez! We don't know why this is so. One reason could be the lack of certainty serves to fuel the siopao's fixation!

Adding to the siopao's dilemma was the one zerten thing in this edible situation. If the siopao asked, the answer would certainly be no. Promise. Because the chinez has yet to learn the word yes. (Much like a favorite two-year-old's and some adults whose favorite syllable is "No" just because.)

LOL. So the siopao is stuck in the steamer.

But not really. The siopao is bored in the hot steamer so has been making forays into other counters and kitchens, just seeing more of the world, and an occasional broad chest. Sometimes though, thru zerten occasions, it could seem like the siopao might could would know the answer to the siopao question.

But, no, foiled again. There's no answer to the espeyshal question. Not anytime soon, and perhaps never.

May the food gods and goddesses grant the siopao the best of luck, as it goes on to other cafes and food courts, with less regrets than the maximum possible number, even as in its heart, it does know that it is espeyshal to itself.

the end (as of today)

good am lyrics

If there was ever a chance
That the moon would never shine again
If there was ever the slightest doubt
That tomorrow the sun would
Somehow not come out
If such a thing could possibly come true

-More Than The Stars, NATALIE COLE

i asked joannie

if you were the goddess, what job would you give me? and she rattled off:

documentor
teacher
counsellor
events organizer
columnist
travel agent (joke daw)
tour guide
website manager
food critic
with matching comment: chester, kailangan mo nang sumulat ng travelogue

as for her, she would be: actor, ama and psychic reader.

thanks, chester!

but

1. it makes me feel really guilty, and
2. my internal brook bubbles forth spoiling the effect. lol.

i am being

unreasonable.

my last blog for the day

why is it that my idea of a great date is lying together outdoors on a banig/sarong reading books?

hehehe.

i can't imagine.

(re work re work. obviously it's a worthwhile project. but i can't imagine how.)

because i can't seem to shut up today

here's another post:

after years and years and years, i heard from my friend T from the UK who's now "doing the mortgage thing," hehe!

i also got a sweet letter from my favorite Pisces girl :-)

and this yet other Capricorn friend has been really thoughtful these past few days,

and did I tell you about my other friend's chest? hehehehe!

and I got touching a card from older wiser sister M, of whom I am often scared but who has the most love in her heart, promise.

and i got together with long time gf S yesterday --

here's to another year of unexpected surprises and blessings, and luuuurve, as Rudie sings it, "I feel it in my fingers..."

hahahaha!

kibit balikat "''Ma!" as in "no answer"

Sabi Nila (kung sino man sila) kailangan, "face your fears." So naisipan kong magtapang-tapangan ngayong araw ng Bagong Buwan (New Moon :P). Siguro kaya di niya pa rin ako binabati dahil may gusto siyang iba at nagugulohan siya sa sarili niya kung paano niya sasabihin ang news sa akin. Baka naging sila noong party kamakailan (hahahah :P!)

Kasi bakit pa ako pinagpayuhan ng psychic na sa loob ng isang taon, dapat isipin kong wala siya talaga, nang sa gayon pagkatapos ng taon, hindi na magiging mahalaga kung nandiyan pa siya o wala na nga. Di ba ang galing ng technique ng psychic? Kunyari wala para sa di katagalan wala na nga at ok lang. Pero relax lang muna kayo mga pare at mare, at iisang buwan pa lang, di pa isang taon. Hindi ko kayang ibigay ang buwan at araw ;-)

Tapos, balik trabaho na ako. Sa totoo lang, noong isang taon pa ako nagdesisyon na lilipat na talaga ako mula sa trabaho ko sa taong ito. Para maiba, dahil walong taon na po si bulaklak dito. So, medyo sawa na ako. Pero paano na yan at ang pinakamalaking proyekto ng aking programa ay magaganap sa taong ito. Hindi ba naman maging some kind of asshole ako pag iniwan ko yon? So in the meantime, stuck ako dito with my lukewarm feelings. Hindi magandang pangitain ang may lukewarm feelings ka sa isang proyektong mahalaga pero baka mas masamang iwanan ito kahit pa ba hindi ako ang pinakaimportanteng nilalang para sa mga magaganap (hindi talaga!). Kaya tinitiis ko ang aking lukewarm feelings at ang kagulohan ng lahat ng preparasyon.

Dagdag pa, hindi rin malinaw sa akin kung saan ko gustong lumipat. Hahaha. At sa krisis ng ekonomiya at krisis ng mundo, sakit ng ulo yata ang mawalan ng trabaho. Ewan ko. Sa ngayon, nabibighani ako sa aking inaaral pero hindi pa rin malinaw kung magiging maganda nga ba ang kalalabasan, kung ok nga ba ang area na ito, ayon sa aking kutob, at kung magiging magaling nga ba ako sa area na ito, ayon sa aking ini-imagine. At dahil kasisimula ko pa lamang, halos wala pa akong alam. Pero pinagmamabuti kong galingan ang aking puwede nang gawin sa ngayon. Pero dapat maging bukas pa rin ang aking isip at attitude sa ibang options para di rin ako ma stuck sa ideya ng bagong field na ito, kung saka-sakaling hindi pala bright future ang pinupuntahan.

At bago ko makalimutan, mahal ko talaga ang mga kasama ko sa trabaho. Bilang Capricorn, napamahal na sila sa akin, alam man nila yon o hindi at whether or not mahal man nila ako o hindi. Pero ang hirap na rin ng trabahong walang sinasantong skedyul dahil nakadepende sa mga developments sa mga isyung sinusubaybayan at nilalabanan. Hindi naman maiwasan, alangan namang hayaan na lamang natin na tumaas ng tumaas ang utang ng bansa, o kaya'y pagkitaan tayo ng husto sa mga bagay na lubos na mahalaga sa buhay tulad ng tubig at kuryente?

Kaya malinaw pa sa tubig sa baso ko, nasa kondisyon talaga ako ng hindi ko po alam at nagmamatyag pa ang aking puso kung ano ang maganda.

Pero bago ko makalimutan ang lahat, bagama't marami akong hindi alam, sobrang dami din naman ang aking kailangang ipasalamat katulad ng pagmamahal ng pamilya at kaibigan, kalusugan, tirahang maganda, at pati na rin ang aking sariling maganda, tabain, matalino, tamarin, nakakatawa at bornotin.

So, yon na nga, 33 na nga ako. Wish me well, at ako rin, ikaw, "I wish you ;-)!"

my happy thought for the day is that of a

BROAD CHEST.

hahahaha! i wish!

heart thanks

Am thankful to all those who specifically wished me all that my heart desires :D

The hitch is that currently i really don't know what exactly my heart desires. It is lost in thought and half-formed half-dissolving desires and prefers to go to sleep before midnight.

It only offers clear instructions about food trips, like last Saturday's to Breakfast at Antonio's, Tagaytay.


My Spanish Fritatas. Frightfully good ;-)

Thanks to this cute couple for the treat.

Happy Anniv! It's good to share January 8 with you.

And thanks too to all those who know who they are. Hehe!


P.S. There's a New Moon today full of good intentions :D

January 10: New Moon in Capricorn
This new Moon shines in Capricorn, a logical, persistent
earth sign that's very concerned with achievement. Put
these two forces together, and you've got a special celestial
opportunity to realize your highest ambitions. Start
planning to take over the world (or at least your little
piece of it) now, and the practical, efficient influence of
this new Moon will give a little rocket fuel to your
take-off. Just be prepared to hold onto another important
Capricorn quality as you see your plans through --
patience. It's a virtue, remember?

This new Moon will especially influence those of you born
under the cardinal signs, particularly Libras born October
10-14, Capricorns born January 9-13, Aries born April 7-11
and Cancers born July 10-14.

P.P.S.
I think love also means "worrying" about the state of mind and spirit of your friends. Wala lang, sometimes I find myself second-guessing where beloved creatures are at :-) (and i mean girls :P)

makahilibion

Huhuhu, claimed a present at the post office today that makes me want to weep! (oh yes, i am pisces rising and weepy! :P).

It's my A Woman's Diary for 2005 and each week you get to note down these things:

1. Last week: i enjoyed these blessings/ triumphs
2. Last week: I faced these challenges: disappointments
3. This week: I will
4. This week: I will hope for/ pray for/ meditate on

It also comes with marvelous quotations from women such as "there are many, many gates to the sacred, and they are as wide as we need them to be." by Sherry Ruth Anderson and Patricia Hopkins in The Feminine Face of God, 1991.

And, last but not the least, it comes beautifully illustrated with the magical works of Susan Seddon Boulet including Athena below.




As the velveteen dd said, "your wonderful mother." It's from my wonderful mother, indeed! Thanks so much Ma, love you ;-)

rituals: endings and beginnings

I've had a reflective (and food-happy hihihi) past few days, and am in a good spot on my mountain goat's climb (truly i am a pig slash mountain goat mwehehehehehe). It is sunny but cool on this spot!

I want to salute (*salutes* hehe) my favorite people on the web's rituals for ending 2004 and beginning 2005. Click the links and read more. It's never too late :-D.

1. the desire for a brown dog, and other such relevant things.

"on new years eve, keri and i sat by the fire, and made a list of 100 things about ourselves. the goal was for them to come out as quickly as possible, and completely devoid of thought. well, not devoid of thought, but the intent was for them not to be premeditated. a stream of consciousness if you will. though a rather long read, my list is below [above]. why i feel compelled to post this list here, is rather a mystery to me, but such it is."

2. Find the post entitled Let Go,
1 January 2005
"After the stroke of midnight, after we hooted and hollered and blew our horns, after we exchanged "Happy New Year"s and "I love you"s with our families via cell phone, after we clinked glasses brimming with champagne, we each grabbed a balloon and went outside.

Earlier, we'd made lists of fears, anxieties and issues we wanted to let go of this year. We rolled each scrap of paper into a tiny scroll and tied them to the balloons. "

3. Andrea made a list and placed it in a bottle.

4. Ala found 5 words or phrases to sum up 2004

5. And lastly Gingmaganda listed out 100 things she is thankful for in 2004. Hehe, I like her list! I initially wanted to make one but copped out, I would incriminate myself too much or feel too guilty! Wahahaha.

Happy growing! Lean towards the sun!

:-( :-) ;-)

I feel traumatized today from lugging my very full and heavy pink backpack and another satchel across sand dunes, over water, to the airport, to the plane, to the cab. Plus there wasn't time for breakfast or lunch. By the middle of the afternoon, in a meeting, you could barely coax a smile out of me, I felt so tired.

But dang, Boracay was so good for me. Sea, sun, sand, food and the best company. There's nothing like the real thing baby.



I've gotten back the gift of looking forward, instead of looking all the way baaack all the time. Yippeee, yippeee.