Joyride

Stumbled out of bed early on a Thursday (well, earlier than usual hehe) for a daytrip round town and country with the HB. I love long rides, and I squealed (squeal gid ya, daw pig!) when I found out Mang Gil would be driving. He’s this nice man who drove us – the naughty crowd – on an office trip to Pagudpod last summer (the one who didn’t quite manage to get the “welcome to Pagudpod” archway onto our pics, spoiling the cheesy campy effect :D).

So away we went to Microtel hotel at Gen. Trias, Cavite. Cavite always reminds me of an old flame (the one that always blew out but kept being reignited.) It was once no-man’s land to me, area of he-who-shall-not-be-named, now back to being just Cavite at the far side of the world. We checked out Microtel for a seminar we’re having soon.

MICROTEL marks: Great coffee!!!! (as roomie did say repeatedly). Spacious rooms. Newish and that counts. But the thing that got my attention were two seagrass lounge chairs that are so comfy, once you sink into it, you never want to get up.



Off we went to Tagaytay. There’s this nice traffic-less road that takes you directly from Microtel to Tagaytay in less than an hour. It made M. Gil very happy! We went to Residence Inn.

RESIDENCE Inn: It ain’t gonna work for our purposes. Since Tagaytay was the epicenter of one of two quakes that happened recently, the venue has to be earthquake-proof (as if). It didn’t pass my earthquake test because it has a zoo in it full of pythons and snakes and in the event of earthquakes those babies could break out of their glass cages and swallow me whole. Hehe, me who still has loads of plans cooking in the oven.


But I love driving around Tagaytay. There’s the great view, one can hop restaurants and go on a fruit-buying spree. Bag of Beans coffee shop and restaurant is such a sweet lil place. I fancy a boisterous and cozy brunch there with good friends galore on my birthday. Come, let’s squeeze into a van, and go! I hope to pick at everyone’s choice of dessert, and sit there, simply beaming. [Tita Eds, let’s go?! Say yes or you’ll break my heart!]


ESTANCIA Resort had this small pool bubbling invitingly when we drove in. It has a bigger pool that looks simply divine (I am always attracted to swimming pools and have been known to pick a place on the beauty of its swimming pool); you can swim around and around it without ever stopping. Its restaurant though looks like just the kind of place to go to if you’re having an affair (hehe HB and I both thought this at almost the same time). The de luxe rooms look ok – great view, and spacious. Overall though, the air is that of a place that once was new but isn’t anymore. What’s with old musty resorts that don’t sit quite right? How can hotels and resorts age gracefully, or are we too fixated with newness and shiny paint?


A longish nap thru roads strewn with wooden furniture stalls (hehe) and we were in Binangonan, Rizal. We drove into LAKE ISLAND RESORT, and it was heaven. I immediately felt rested, so peaceful is its atmosphere. Am not normally drawn to places made of all-native materials but this place, it’s like there’s not a hair out of place. We drove in at sunset, my least favorite time of day and it was just idyllic, didn’t feel depressing. You can fish, sing, swim, run, sing, kayak, eat, and seminar (hehe, new verb) at Lake Island. The food’s said to be great too!




HB and I started sweet-talking the Lake Island person to allow us to book a wedding there (they don’t do weddings anymore). It’s such a cozy-cozy family gathering kind of place, I can just picture relatives from all over the islands congregating for an exchange of vows (HB’s and her Lovey’s ceremony, silly :-P).

Last stop, we went up the hills again, this time to SEVEN SUITES at Antipolo, near Valley Golf and Bali Gulp resto (hehe, nice humor there). This place has loads of potential. It’s also great for a romantic dusk wedding (HB’s and her Lovey’s!!!!!!). They seem to be in the process of fixing themselves (lots of repainting, renovating, reconceptualizing going on) so I truly hope they do it right because they have a great little spot.

Up on the third floor, they have this balcony where they regularly book romantic dinners for two overlooking Metro Manila (yes, you can order privacy to go with your dinner.) It’s so perfect for when HB proposes!!!!!!!! Hehehehe!!!! Even though, they ARE already married!!!! Who cares!!!!! It’s still perfect for a proposal, and when he says yes HB, you both can step into the jacuzzi. Hehehehe!!!


Tita Eds, you can cap your anniversary at the Seven Suites!!!!!! (you should know, you’ve been there!!). “Cap”, because as you know, in the morning and noontime of that day, you will be in Tagaytay. Hehehehe!

They have a pool too. Ms. Comfy Capricorn that I am though, I think they need to update their rooms some more.

But the best thing about the joyride is quality time with the HB. The woman whose personal motto/ rejoinder and favorite line is and has got to be “But why?????” HB, no one else has your all-abiding curiosity and need to know exactly why or why not simply because your intelligent mind requires consistency between ideas and action, and your big heart requires unity of mind and heart.




Hehe, I always learn a lot from you, kulit. :D

that dress

I don't know about headaches and restlessness HB. joanna says the earth is fixing itself at its core, and we can feel it.

all i know is it's that dress of mine. it makes noteworthy natural/ environmental events happen (hehe superstar complex to the trillionth degree) along with good stuff. last year it was a typhoon that literally stopped me on my tracks on my way to boracay, and almost sideswiped my scrabble game (aha but i still won). and yet the sisig was quite good that night.

last friday, it was that earthquake while at the topmost floor of a mall. and getting accepted into a new MA program.

that dress :D

my second quake at Galleria with another C

Yes, we were at the topmost floor of that mall that's said to have been designed to sway safely in the event of earthquakes [I truly hope so!], engrossed in a happy movie when the row moved. Not that the Priestess noticed, so engrossed was she in Kate Hudson's enviable curls hehe!

Everyone looked around at the others to see if they too had noticed. No one panicked or immediately ran out for the quaking had stopped. Everyone looked to see what others would do. Slowly people began filing out coolly and calmly. The movie kept on playing.

Outside Cinema 10, the air was more tense and more people were exiting the other cinemas more quickly. C and I held each other's hands and walked purposefully to the back part of the mall, down three floors by the escalator and out the back entrance. It was eerie to see the mall's ceiling lamps swaying high above us. The ground didn't seem to be moving no more but the sight of those lamps made the possibility of a stronger tremor more real.

In the cool October air, we breathed easier, flagging cabs and looking up at more high-rises that could come toppling down.

Thus capped a week wherein, try as she might (five times!), Claudette just isn't allowed to catch Helen. Perhaps, more details on this later.

News Brief courtesy of A, sick in bed with tonsilitis.

6.4 Quake Shakes Philippine Capital
Friday, October 08, 2004

MANILA, Philippines — An earthquake with a magnitude of 6.4 shook
Manila on Friday night, swaying high rises, knocking out power over a
wide area and sending frightened residents into the streets. There
were no immediate reports of injuries or damage.

The shaking began at 10:36 p.m. and lasted for more than a minute.
The epicenter of the quake was on Mindoro island (search), 55 miles
south-southwest of Manila (search).

The temblor was felt over a wide area, including nearly 90 miles
north of the sprawling capital on the main Philippine island of Luzon
(search).

The U.S. Geological Survey (search) in Colorado said on its Web site
the magnitude was 6.4 at a depth of about 73 miles.

A magnitude 6 quake can cause severe damage, but the depth appeared
to have eased the effect Friday's temblor, said Renato Solidum Jr.,
director of the Philippine Institute of Vulcanology and Seismology
(search).

Panicked residents and hotel guests poured into the capital's
streets. Police were easing traffic away from a condemned building
that was cracking and dropping debris. Utility company Meralco
reported widespread power outages, possibly due to damaged power
lines.

The Philippines is along the so-called Pacific "Ring of Fire,"
(search) where earthquakes and volcanic activity are common. A
magnitude 6.2 quake shook Manila and surrounding areas of Luzon three
weeks ago.

The Institute of Vulcanology and Seismology said Friday's quake was
believed to be in the same fault line, along the Manila Trench.

Solidum said that raised concerns that the area is becoming active.

"It means that part is moving. We could have more earthquakes, so we
should always be careful," Solidum said.

A magnitude 7.7 earthquake in 1990 killed nearly 2,000 people on
Luzon.

Copyright 2004 FOX News Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

Furniture Issues

My favorite problematique* these days (from a long list, I have to tell you) is where and how should I place my writing desk.

Yes, I want a writing desk. Perhaps, this one. Maybe it will be my Christmas gift to myself.



Yes, I want it in the bedroom for those quiet moments with myself. Yes I want it in the office/ study room because that’s where it belongs, conceptually, so the bedroom is a place for rest and for tackling fashion issues (hehe). Yes I want it in the attic because it’s the quietest part so far (but hot). Yes I want it in the living room, which is right now the comfiest place. Yes, I want it in the kitchen coz it’s alive.

Yes, I want it.

In the bedroom, I want it by the window so I can look down on the street (but I’ll have my back to the door …oh poop). Yes I want it by the other window (but it’s near the aircon and I dislike being too close to the aircon.). Do I want to be facing a wall? Eurgh.

Yes to x where x marks the spot but x is still the unknown variable. Hehe.

Yes, a desk needs a chair. Hmmmm (more surfing needed).


Let me ask you this?

A question I think underrated, ignored. Begging to be addressed.

Where does one place one’s bags/ stuff when one enters the house (first) and when one enters the bedroom (last)? There has to be somewhere. It can’t be on the floor (or someone will get mad ;-) ) or the chair (not when there are limited chairs) or the dining table (not when one loves to eat hehe!) or the sofa (for it will surely get displaced) or even the bed!

How petty?! How surreal but real! One needs a place for stuff, a place to call its own just before it leaves and when it arrives.

If even the toothbrush has a home.



*"favorite problematique" indicates enjoyment and pleasure from perusal and reflection even with the furrowed brow :-P

Maldita rants

Disclaimer
Daily Reading for 06 OCTOBER 2004
Today you're in danger of behaving in an worrying, even violent way that those around you will have difficulty in understanding, V___. Under the influence of the Tower, there's a risk that impulsiveness may lead you to speak too plainly or abruptly. This may result in comments or conflict which you will find difficult to resolve.

Only inspired by Buddha's Piscean "How are you's" but entirely about everyone who asks that I don't care to answer because .... NO OFFENSE MEANT :p ... This is supposed to be a truthful comic post.


“How are you?” is a question with no answer. I dunno, another Capricorn friend almost dropped off his seat one time when I asked him that question, replying with “Where did that come from?” so maybe it’s a Capricorn thing (sneaky, suspicious and controlling like, “What?!? Just what do you mean by that?”)

Or it could be the vagueness of the question, the one hundred possible (and a million other) contexts for such a question expressed in three simple words. Instead, be clear. What are you referring to? Why are you asking? Are you asking with ulterior motives? LOL. Will I agree with your ulterior motives? Do you just want something from me? Are you actually looking to put me down? Am I paranoid?

Hahahaha (sounds weird I know but I’m coming from past experiences) I don’t want to have to figure it out myself so tell it to me straight. Racking my brains, I find “How are you’s” that are cool. Like when close gfs ask, I usually know what they’re really asking about similar to when I’m the one doing the asking, usually in reference to something specific – a bad mood, an awarding ceremony, the rain, coffee, a life-changing recent circumstance, a skirt far too long or for that matter, far too short.

Or in the case of another friend, it starts off our ritual for shooting the breeze. He asks, “How are you?” I go, “Talking with the birds about the bees.” He replies, “What’s wrong with humans?” I could go “They have too much hair.” Or whatever pops into our heads, providing of course that we have the time, the mood, and the text load to pass off the time so pleasantly. Chuckle chuckle. (Which reminds me, I still haven’t answered his last message: “I know you’re a feminist, but isn’t it wrong to stalk a man?”)

Or in the case of my mother who asks directly, "Are you ok?" so I know she wants reassurance that I'm ok. (Hehe, yes Ma, am ok.)

What are you “how are you-ing” me for? Typewritten, ten pages, double-spaced or Times New Roman, 12 points. Due by Friday.

And in the meantime, … so, how are you? (insert knowing look, smirk, mischievous smile, caring heart, vague persona, genuine curiosity or boredom as entirely appropriate.)

Hehehe!

red letter days

My astrologer refuses to cooperate so I'll go and create my own horoscope. Wadahel, it's my life *GRIN*

iT'S MY life, i JUST waNNA LiVE FOREVER :D

Here goes:

All your planets are in disarray, now and then swanning off to other galaxies in boredom, spinning back in fright, staring into spaaaaaaaaaaaaaace, coming back to life to tell stories or laugh galore. Also broody (broody does not mean you want to hatch eggs, but you tend to brood.) Also one or two seen flagging down tricycles with much haste, wet hair and bags of files. Hihihi.

Conclusion: confused :D and easily tired. Generally happy, momentarily annoyed, occasionally angry, busy as a bee fixing things up. Yes, your twelve houses need sorting.

Preoccupied as hell. All sectors need attention = lots and lots of work, family updating needed, house awaiting, education in the balance, no lovelife to speak of except love for friends, family and inanimate objects (read: all new soft sofas) -- no time for a lovelife (have just contradicted myself). Loves everyone but scattered in all directions. Just blown over by an entire school of bangus.

It's all quite good.

The Priestess calls it Boisterous Beige

Restless At Three AM, Bugged And Bitchy

Fry Day

I want to fly to Boracay on the Cebu-Pacific twin-share promo of just over five thousand bucks!

I am on the brink of a very bad mood/ tantrum but luckily it ebbs and flows!

I want HB to call her landlord again (and again) so I can just listen in on their conversation, hihihihihi! Promise HB it suits you!

Oh, and again, Joanna's giving hope ;-) sister, am so glad to be reunited with your sense of humor (along with your wisdom) or perhaps they are often one and the same.

Raising Helen

Why the Priestess needs to watch Raising Helen:

1. Because sometimes, she wants to be a mom.
2. Or not
3. Or yes
4. Or not
5. Or yes
6. (space reserved for next decision)
7. Because the Kate Hudson character seems very Aquarian, tireless and enthusiastic :-P
8. Because she’s a popular tita to many
9. Because she could be Lutheran if the need arises (hehehe movie giveaway)
10. and would probably have earned herself one leg of ham.
11. oh, last but not the least, all that lovely curly hair :D.
12. (This space reserved for Priestess)

Ponder the strange patterns that occur.

In my organization, patterns of five, eight years ago are reappearing. It is time for resolutions, doing good, and moving on.

We live our life in ever widening circles of love, and growth, better versions of our selves.

***

Pounce upon the air heavy with things unsaid.
But existing still, ignored
As if they weren't there.

I want it cleared. I want the sun to shine thru. I want the air to flow.

Am done with tiptoeing softly around feelings, thoughts, hopes, careful not to hurt.

Let's cut to the chase.

Grasp the unsaid question, issue by the collar, and tell it to its face:
No means no.

I don't play games. Worse, I hate campaigns.

As parents often say, You'll thank me for this some other day.

Blog Birthday Soon.

And before you know it, almost 12 months has passed.

Writing centers me.

I have blogging to thank for bringing me back to thoughts and words. I’ve always written sporadically (letters, emails, the occasional poem and essay, the rare diary entry, writing for work) but I’ve always been at home with the written word – mine and others’. I was born a bookworm. I did take up journalism in college, on the principle of taking the most obvious and easy route.

I didn’t do my diary entries religiously though because oftentimes life happened too fast, no time to scribble. Or in the grip of a painful moment, or the middle of a circuitous and guilt-ridden process, I just didn’t want to pen a final word. Writing requires honesty and up-frontness with one’s self. It doesn’t work to do PR with your spirit.

Then too, when I started working with words, it became stressful. In fact when I discovered another field, I let it – writing – go (though the skill came in quite handy in writing reports and proposals.)

I thought it was time to develop other aspects of myself. But I missed the point.

Writing centers me.

Now I know.

I mostly write to put down funny thoughts or to unclutter my mind. Blogging works because I know that when I let go of a thought or an idea or an event by writing it, these stuff of mine still exist somewhere, pinned up on the information highway. My own little billboard. It’s letting go at peeking distance. Like you know that in a parallel life somewhere you’re living the life you would have lived had you made the other decision.


Or I write as rumination. A question tickles me and I write down all the varied thoughts I have about it, like would you move a million miles for love? At the end of writing, I am satisfied, having thought it out in full. Amusing sometimes how having written it all out and posted, I promptly lose my attachment to the topic or the theme, no matter sometimes how people react or get a good discussion going. It doesn’t matter anymore, it’s done.

It’s also like collecting the mundane stuff written on differently colored post-it notes and putting it all in one box. The mundane and the divine.


I miss that old URL/ blogspot address.
The mundane and the divine is me :D but I had to move because I don’t really want to be read by everyone around me. Just those who need to or like to for the right reasons.

Or sometimes I post stuff I want to put out there. If you want to find it, it’s just there. Follow your nose.

Even so, I hold that many things are too sacred to be put into words, simply because the sum of the words is not equal to the sacredness of the experience or the wish. Hence, some things will never find their way here. Or maybe it’s also about respecting other people’s privacy.

Be that as it may, we are different from moment to moment, and my last moment may no longer be true. I mean, read me but don’t hold me to it :D.

And if in the process of writing, I may have tickled your funny bone, sparked your own questions, pushed your buttons, and entertained you, that is my bonus. The fifteenth month pay like a gentle kiss to the forehead.

Tsup.

Pink Froth Returns

High Heels

Bridesmaid

About one

Getting Married
When one is part of a wedding entourage, one always bloats :D hehehe. The last one I was bridesmaid at, I looked like your round squishy siopao, minus the red dot. Three weeks after that particular wedding, I was at my thinnest in years!

This Sunday am going to look like a perfect pink cupcake. Waheeheehee. Complete with ruffles. Hmmm now, does a cupcake wear silver? gold? or pink high heeled shoes?

The bride, my housemate of many many years and many side stories about boys, says pink.

Watch Out
The danger of liking pink and painting a pink wall is that one has to be careful never to stand next to the wall when one is wearing pink! Or one simply disappears!

*Blink*

Celibate carabaos
I meant, it was one of the funniest Amazing Race 5 moments ever when that temperamental Colin told the carabao he hated it! Wahehehehehehe! Luckily, the carabao spoke no English :D or it might have been mortally offended!

According to a wise and uber cute woman a few days ago, celibacy is sexy! I can imagine, promise :D.

And another one responded, yeah, she doesn't have sex with the hubby anymore. But it's not like it's the saddest thing ever.

No they didn't talk about carabaos :D It's just that I can't get over Colin fuming over the innocent but frisky carabao!

sunrise

Image061
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

hello :D

sorry, our internet connection at work has died and gone to he*#!!! hehe.

no idea when it's going to work again. perhaps when my hair reaches my waist. or the next blue moon. or when i grow tall, little girl.

:D

Commitment-phobic

I’m commitment-phobic :D

Selectively, anyway. (So now you say, who isn’t?)

I find it hard to give away my weekends on a regular basis so for instance, I can’t commit to hosting a belly-dancing class regularly. I always want an out option, just in case I don’t feel like it :D or rather, feel like something else more. Like disappearing with Harry Potter’s magical cloak.

I don’t like having people keeping tabs on me either, even if they don’t mean anything by it or planning on me without me knowing or wanting to. Waheeheeheeheehee, such a control-freaky Capricorn.

I don’t want to be answerable to anyone that I don’t want to be answerable to. Or to get noticed. That’s why am freaky about my private space because I always want my options, like the option to throw my socks in a corner if I want to :-P just because I can, and it need not bother anyone or have to be noticed by anyone else but me.

Some people like to be in the limelight, and I’d rather not be a star to too many people. To each her own little quirks.

Still, am not bothered because I know that I can love and last a long time with the best of them (perhaps too much!), or work away determinedly at something (perhaps too much!) for an indeterminate amount of time.

Until a Capricorn decides, a Capricorn chooses to have choices.

So, am I really commitment phobic?

(I love the idea because it breaks the stereotypes of women always ready to faint into the arms of forever and ever, and of men forever and ever shying away).

Just a pansy too particular and persnickety :P

No Parking

Neigbors' cars or their relatives' parked in front of our home sweet home!

*shock*

Car-less but territorial roomie and I deliberating sign possibilities:
1. Don't block the driveway
2. Don't block the driveway, people passing!
3. Don't block the driveway, people getting in and out of friends' cars! (or cabs hehe)

Dessert!

Powwow with a Peacock (Davao)

Image027.jpg

My brandnew roommate

missed and found

Moving house entails playing many games simultaneously for an extended period.

There is of course the most obvious obstacle race, involving navigating various boxes and bags, in a house in a state of relaxed flux. How to get from point a to point b or to point b.1.2 without snagging one's clothes on a wayward hanger or tripping on a light bulb?

Then there is the more complicated jigsaw puzzle, where one has to ponder which part goes where, so many many many pieces of all sizes, weight and feel that could go into so many different spots and corners. But take note, when the puzzle is solved, the picture won't be the same!

Oblivious to the fact that it's a different forest altogether, our ate is expert at this game. On day one, she recreated our kitchen, complete to the placement of the pots from our former kitchen, to even the placement of my sorority sister's 2 x 2 id picture at the side of the ref! Yes, my poor unknowing sis, whose picture that I filched, no asked for, from her wallet, was posted at the side of our ref in our old apartment, simply because I did not often see it and did not remember to keep it amongst my photos of friends, is back at her place of glory, able to observe the washing of the dishes with her smiling eyes.

Then there is the game I seem to be more deeply involved in, a combination game of hide and seek, and lost and found. On day one, I practically had to spend an hour assembling stuff I needed to get out of the house and get a massage. Where was my shampoo? Towel? Undies? Top? Shorts? Sandals? Toothbrush? Comb? All right, maybe it took more than an hour :D.

As the days passed, I got better at this game, only spending more time hunting down needed documents on some mornings before I go to the office. Or maybe because I've chosen to simplify my life lately, going for the wash and wear (rugged chic? :p) look by wearing only the pairs of shoes and tee-shirts that I see, nevermind complicated outfits for now.

It hasn't all been delays and wearing down the staircase hunting down stuff though. I have also had occasion to find some surprises. A poem I wrote for an old lover that no longer makes me wistful, but glad for the existence of a poem. I've also come across the aircon man's precious number, after two weeks of bringing up its lost state to friends. (It was there all along but just didn't want to be found, in the tradition of a Mercury retrograde.)

And this morning, flipping thru notebooks for a school document, I found an old letter from the first lover, the one he wrote soon after it was truly over (yes HB, the one you and I bonded over, for the first time, more than a decade ago, hahaha!, when, you claim, you lost a hanky to me :D). I pounced on the letter delightedly, eager to show it to a girlfriend. However, rereading thru it brought tears to my eyes, on a morning when I'd already done some crying (it was that blasted book three of the Josephine Bonaparte trilogy, soooo heartbreaking). The thoughts and emotions described in the letter were real, it was like reading a novel of another time.

As I read thru the letter -back to back on a piece of bondpaper- I could almost recite precious parts from memory, so repeatedly must I have read it all those years ago.

The point? The game-playing continues. :D

true stories

For emoteras.

The music man croons songs that make the young woman's hair crinkle, curl. Shivery.

A young wife grips a steaming mug of coffee at recess. To keep warm, and to stay awake.

Suddenly, all the tables at a bistro seem so short. We did not, did we, grow tall?

The nanny banters with the townhouse caretaker from next door, the one who allegedly looks like a movie star.

Suddenly, three friends talk only in straight Filipino, eliminating English entirely from the repertoire. One girlfriend needs to internalize a foreign tongue, now home.

My love does not think of me nor I of him. Perhaps, tomorrow. Or the day after that.

On automatic, the booster pump comes to life at every toilet flush and open faucet, sending my electric meter spiralling into the universe. So then, I turn it off. But what of it being automatic in the first place?

I mustn't rush headlong. Lest I forget to feel, to touch, to smell. To enjoy.

Deconstructing my astrocenter tarotscope

If you've been thinking about putting your romantic situation on a firmer footing, today's the time to do it, according to the Pope and Judgment. It looks as though you could get the emotional happiness and security you're looking for. Your partner's love for you is sincere and you enjoy many moments of togetherness and harmony. Don't keep hunting for the buried treasure, V - you've found it!

Problematizing Firmer Footing:
1. Stop wearing high heels.
I was wondering why I woke up tired today and I remembered I had been walking around Congress and SM in high heels yesterday.
2. Better yet, wear trainers.
I love sneakers, and trainers :D
3. Stay away from staircases and shaky ground.
Yes, I once had a bad fall down the stairs.
4. Love the firm ground.
5. Love earth.
6. Love Capricorns!
7. Love me!

Yey!!! Hahaha. ...And yes, i have many many things to do today. See you later ;-)

Mmmmmm

They arrive in nondescript carton boxes.

Placed casually on our conference-dining-chika tables, a delicious smell wafts from the boxes.

Put your hand inside a box, feel around, and pull out a piece of ...

Warm, soft, freshly baked pan de coco.

Delish!

*eats one with relish*

and another,

and another,

why is it with pan de coco, one is never enough?

P.S. Desire one for yourself? Join our Congress troopings supporting the creation of the Commission on Debt, to look into all these debts of ours, and why we continue to owe and pay! Read more at the Freedom from Debt Coalition website.

We bring the pan de coco to Congress, in packets, in the company of mamon.

Geee Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Image175
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Witches Watch Over It

I am amazed at my SPEEDY laser printer HP Laserjet 1010. Faster than you can say green mangoes and bagoong, it spurts out a printed page.

It's brand new. The last one assigned to me, an HP flatbed model [in fact it was a printer-demotion but I got a room to myself in exchange for the use of a cranky printer] had to be caressed into printing-readiness, and didn't spurt out pages as much as it chewed them up. Its speed induced sleep and muscle cramp as I had to press down on the cover so it would budge.

The latter printer finally went back to printer-purgatory during our last Mercury retrograde cycle.

And today, exactly eight years after I started working in this activist organization, I print my first page.

Yet again.



Sniffing the Air
I am also entranced by the air. Ang bango ng room ko. An Aquarian ex-officemate has just left, leaving traces of his perfume.

He is laughing though he "wants to die."* And his perfume laughs still.

*not literal :-D

Me and the workers

(hehehe, what a title. never in my life did i think i would problematize a relationship with people working on our house! :-p)

Really, it's me. It's not them, it's me. :D

I realized this crying myself to sleep the other night, depressed. I don't know why :D but I feel vulnerable and stressed the way one does after breaking up with a significant other. Hehehe! Strange but true.

I guess the similarities lie this way: the recognition that there's so much still to be done, the knowing that one's life has been turned upside down (somewhat... somehow :P), the internalizing that one has no control and things will just come up, and the feelings of loneliness and vulnerability. Hehehe! Wala lang, ganon lang talaga.

It's not even that I've been doing this by myself, either. Roomie has already stretched herself loooooong, and been stressed too, and I am forever grateful. And many friends have helped, and there's Ate B, and Mumsicle would let me do anything I wanted, even.

In fact, I'm almost dedma na nga eh -- I haven't been hanging out at the house stressing because I've needed to work this week. But am tired from all the 4-5 hour nights sleep' because they work at 7 am and they work in my bathroom and my room. And lack of sleep never contributes to my wellbeing. I am a sleep hog. I was born in the Year of the Pig. Hehehe! That's unconnected but I appreciate the link :-P

Anyway, what I wanted to say for now is that these men, they're ok. I would recommend them if you needed builders. They know what they're doing :-), and they're mabait. I probably gave the wrong impression from my previous post. It was just the straw that broke the camel's back. Or rather the pig's :-P. This is the other part of it. In fact, some of them look cute pa nga. Ehehehe! And there's two that are my favorites for being very efficient and helpful. Tama na :D.

I guess the lack of privacy just gets on my nerves, even with mabait people. I was just born this way. Hanging out time with myself without having to relate to anyone else, is just as essential to me as breathing.

It's not you, it's not them. It's me.

:D

Three Postcards

Postcard #1

[In warm pink and aqua blue :D (my favorite colors)]
Front:

I try to take one day at a time/
But sometimes several days attack me at once

[extremely appropriate quote like you wouldn't believe :p]

Back:

Dear J,
We’re off to Japan in a few hours! … Will try to get in touch. Since you’re into pinks (and blues!) thought you might like this postcard. Take care and take on day at a time! Love, Mum

Postcard #2

Dear J, You’ll love Japan! Not only is sashimi here aplenty but it also seems to be full of C look-a-likes! Each day is an adventure, foodwise. Went to Kobe yesterday and to Kyoto today. Kyoto offers a more traditional experience of Japan – we saw a geisha or two, a shrine or two. Hilarious experience in a traditional Japanese restaurant where we ended up with a funny mix of food and T’s legs going dead as we sat on tatami mats. Off to Tokyo on Friday. Take care. Love, M and D and T

Postcard # 3
[in pink ink. This might likely be a hereditary disease hehehe :-p]

Hi sister! Wow Japan is ace! I was amazed by the geisha in Kyoto. I was like jumping around in excitement “it’s just like my book!!!” I’ve tried sushi but I didn’t like it :-( Blurgh.

The shops are cool, I love the clothes :-)

The guys look funny here – they have very 80s ‘new romantics’ hair. I saw this guy that looked just like C yesterday! Lol.

Going to Tokyo and Hiroshima sometime. I’m tired as I have to stay up till 2 am to call Maggot. Yawn. Love you, Duni xx

Wahahahaha! :D Cheered me up no end!

P.S. Back to original version :-P

a secret

Was debating whether to tell you or to keep it to myself. Isn't it true that some things so simple can give you so much pleasure, you just want to keep it to yourself for a while.

I know something you don't know. :D

I walked to work from the new house today.

:D *GRIN*

Now you know.

P.S.

Everything's fine now.

Hahaha having gotten past them, I actually can't relate anymore with most of the angst in the post before this.

Letting go is a thing of beauty and a joy forever :-P

Huhuhu, we moved :D :-P

We call it the house of bless.

Frankly I don’t know where to begin. It has been MAJOR. The house is wonderful but I am not yet at the point where I can say that I feel wonderful as well :D. I feel glimmer of the possibilities but for the most part I have been tired and stressed. I am sure I’ll feel the rewards in the years to come. But not now.

Actually I do feel better today :D. Still, roomie, the stressed soul assigned to oversee the work today, has been sending text messages every few minutes reminding me of just how stressful this whole thing has been, is. Hehehe. I hesitate to say this for fear of being said to be a drama queen, too complaining, grossly unappreciative or failing to enjoy the moment. Fax! All that may be true. Or not, since the moments have been telling me that I have been very stressed. And so I cannot help but stay stressed, in the moments. Hehehe!

But I guess what I just want to say is, this is not an easy task. And yet am not meaning that I don’t want to be in this position. Who wouldn’t? This is like a dream. Sitting in the big garage last night contemplating on the full moon, I savored the feeling of being in our own place. I realized it’s been such a looooong time since I’ve had that feeling, been in that situation where I was at our own place. Not since I graduated from high school all of eons ago.

Just that it’s difficult. Especially when there’s only one of me, and of roomie, and of our ate who helps clean and sort, and we have to deal with all this men who keep half-amused smiles on their faces thinking they’re only dealing with little girls. Thank goddess their biggest boss is a mother hen who can crack the whip if necessary. But am getting ahead of my story.

Here are some of the good and funny bits to take the edge away:

I love the kitchen/ dining area. I always thought this would be my least-liked room because it looked like it was going to be the least airy part of the house. But hey! It’s all right, and bright too. And with the tv in the other room, people in the dining room can’t help but concentrate on eating and talking with each other :-P. I like it so much, it even makes me feel like I want to start cooking! And I swear, I’ve never had that feeling before! Just the thought but not the feeling. Hahaha. Not that I want to announce that too much though because people might start expecting :-D Especially cooks I know.

Had to transport stuff five times in the last four weeks because if we didn’t do that, we couldn’t pack the rest still standing, that was how much stuff I had. There was nowhere to move in our previous apartment once we got seriously packing. But voila! Every time we transported stuff to the new place, it just ate up the stuff. I mean, it didn’t look in the least bit full at any point, that’s how spacious it is. Happy. It’s possible to breathe.

The space also means one has to take a walk just to get a glass of water! Hahahaha. This amuses me no end because I can really feel the difference, I really have to walk. In our old apartment it only took like twelve steps from the couch to the ref. Now, it’s like more more. Hehehe. I’ve never done so much walking and climbing just staying in one place. (Also because there’s no cellphone signal in the living room and I keep the phone half-way up the stairs so which means more stair time everytime my jazz sax text tone goes on.)

Then too, my former nemesis cable company came and reconnected our cable tv on the very day that we moved in. Hihihihi, how’s that for cable continuity! Three cheers for you!

By day two at new house, I had unpacked the coffeemaker. Extremely good news.

For the not so good stuff:

Armed and Dangerous
On Friday, after delivering a jeepney’s worth of stuff to the house, HB and I went to SM to pick up the aircon. It could not be delivered because I couldn’t say for sure when there would be someone to sign for it at the house, and I wanted it delivered just when it could be installed. On the way back, along this sidestreet with an urban poor community to one side, traffic stopped by three men (two in uniform) wielding machine guns! Moving about, shouting, wielding their guns menacingly as if they had just fired it and were about to fire again! HB and I were frightened they or whoever it was they were targeting would hop into the jeep and take off with us and my aircon in it. Or else surely if they fired we were very vulnerable as a jeep is a very open vehicle. Luckily when traffic moved, the jeepney sped thru. (All this time, I was pleading with the driver to back the jeep but he could not as traffic was also stopped behind us.)

Feeling Bratty
On Saturday, after three intense days of packing and moving and little sleep, I was my most-tired, at-the-end-of--tether self when we finally packed an elf truck full of the-last-of-it-all. At that point, I didn’t care if we just upped and left, nevermind our belongings. I only wanted the two pillows I had hung on to, dust mites and all. Actually, by then I just mostly stood or sat and pointed which went where. I had no more energy left to clean up and unpack. I mostly frowned and sighed and ordered food. I stress ate and frowned some more.

And the blank hit the fan :-P
Then too, could not really do much when we moved in because so many things still needed to be done that hampered the unpacking process ;-). Couldn’t jazz up my bathroom with this hole in the ceiling done to check out a leak. Couldn’t unpack my clothes because the closet needed extra rods. Worried about the aircon installation as the unit wasn’t draining. Could not replace the energy consuming light bulbs as that needed a ladder. Could not fix books because the bookshelf needed assembling. Could not store away half the kitchen stuff because the kitchen counter was still a shell.

It was all the more frustrating because the foreman with whom I was coordinating wasn’t sending on pertinent information. I had been counting on the fact that there would be people to work on the things that needed to be done that Friday afternoon, Saturday morning and first thing Monday. However, people had gone home to their province on Friday at lunch because of the typhoon. That’s fine, of course, but I only discovered that fact, wasn’t told of it, and spent the weekend in a stew wondering if they could work on Monday, my only free day left from the office. The foreman refused to reply to text messages. The list was long, the wait long, and the answers not forthcoming.

The foreman stopped by at 9 am on Monday and dropped off the kitchen cabinet doors. He left again and didn’t say for sure what was going to happen that day. Said he was looking for the plumber and the carpenter. I texted him the list that needed doing and asked if he could give me definite answers on people and times so I could at least feel reassured that something was going to happen since I had been waiting for information and results from him since Friday. He texted back after lunch, his message implying that I was some classist heartless bitch who could not understand that people needed to go home to their families because of the floods, and that if I needed anything I should just go next door where the workers were staying and ask for help.

His text message drove me to tears. I felt so wronged, I sobbed uncontrollably for an hour. I could not help it. First of all I’m not at all hard to please. I have always been direct and clear in communicating with these people. I simply wanted someone straightforward to work with on this house thing, particularly as it’s not easy. I hardly know anything about this, and Capricorn-like, if only I could --paint, drill, install aircons, locks, rods, heaters and so on and so forth -- I would. I wanted straightforward answers and information from him because he is the foreman, he’s the one in charge of the people who are working on the house. And in the first place, why do I have to go chasing after him for information and assistance as if I was the one who owed him, and needed to beg when we have paid for the house and the service as we should. The developer assured me of all assistance that I needed. In fact, I have been careful not to abuse this offer.

I asked the Mrs, the developer to intervene, telling her that I was having difficulties talking with her foreman. He arrived back after an hour, and I opened the gate, red-rimmed eyes and all, shaking from anger, and went into this huge screaming tirade telling him not treat me that way, and that I didn’t deserve insults when all I wanted was someone straightforward to talk to. Not someone who would just brush you aside, and leave you wondering, till you want to shoot him the next time you see him.

Fortunately, he apologized profusely, and after drinking glasses of water to calm me down, I told him to go ahead and have the men over to do the work. After another hour, the Engr., his boss, came and started inquiring about the things that needed doing. They were stood there planning, and setting deadlines, and I said wait a minute, you need to coordinate this with me, as you should have done, because no one is going to be in the house on some days. And in this macho overbearing I’m-a-man-and-I-can-do-this-you-need-not-worry-your-pea-brain-or-get-all-emotional way, he brushed aside my complaints about them not coordinating properly. Having had enough of his overbearing attitude from the day I first met him, I put my hand up to his face and said wait a minute, you have to listen to me. You can’t brush aside what I have to say about my experience with you all because these are valid concerns and I want them recognized.

I guess I hurt his pride, a little girl like me disrespecting an engineer like him coz he went storming up the stairs and commanding the foreman in this loud voice, "Ok finish this by Friday, we have to finish this by Friday (implying that they didn’t want to have anything to do with me by Friday.)"

By this time, it was getting funny. I put the engineer in a temper, hihihi :-P. So I waited for him to calm down while he commanded his men about, and then followed him upstairs where they were doing stuff. By then he had calmed down too, and we started talking calmly and straightforwardly about all the things that needed doing.

As we should have done from the start. If only they didn’t carry around this attitude with them that this little girl need not be taken so seriously!!!! Well @#*@ really!!!!

In the middle of the afternoon there were like 8 men swirling around the house doing many things simultaneously – fixing the aircon, doing the shelves, doing the leak, putting in bulbs. See what can get done if only people do their work as they should. And now I know who to talk to for each specific task.

Well hopefully, things settle down by the end of this week, and I can start beaming :-), not just wait for happiness to catch me unawares.

P.S. Incidentally, my horoscope this week says this about yesterday: On Monday there is a Full Moon in Pisces in the communications section of your chart. This is likely to blow one or two conversations out of all proportion, and facts may get lost in an emotional haze. The Full Moon is also in opposition to Mars, and this could mean that tempers become frayed if things aren't 'just so'. If you feel yourself getting annoyed, then be prepared to stand back and count to ten.

*GRIN.*

7 days later

I adore the new place, I do.

But in the meantime, I feel like I've just been thru the meat grinder, and I'm pork giniling [ground pork].

P.S. Why didn't my mobile post to flicker include the text? Anyone know? :-( Had to edit this, this am when I feel much better. :-)

I long

For Sunday when I won't care if the rest of the house is a mess, for as long as I can lie all day in my cool aircon room, empty of stuff save for me, a book, and my bed.

I will read the Josephine book until the very last page.

And if these lashings of rain should continue, I'll sit on the parquet floor and watch it lash away, as if Metro Manila were one big washing machine.

Wednesday

Torrents of rain.

Torrents of RAIN.

TORRENTS of rain.

Torrential rains.

TORRENTIAL RAINS.

MEGA TORRENTIAL RAINS

!!!!

(giggle)

askew but spinning

Something’s not quite right in my universe. It’s like when your Nokia cellphone batteries are old, and the indicator says it’s full but at the last minute, ooops, dead batt.

The Elusive Back Massage
Have been feeling the stress on my back in the last few days and dreamed of getting the ache kneaded away at the neighborhood salon, the only salon left around here that still does a full back, head and arm massage for a hot oil treatment.

Last night, no go. Had to wait for the boss to emerge from a meeting lasting well after dinner so I could discuss some matters with her. It’s also called the art of boss-ambush, now and then needing the sacrifice of a chance for a back massage. The non-ambush option meant more headaches later, so might as well.

Ahh, tonight. Another golden chance. Only to find out a few minutes before leaving for the salon that my boss went there to get a haircut herself. Quick! Cancel cancel! If life that moment were a browser I was hitting the back button repeatedly!

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with meeting the boss at the salon. :D In fact, it could be fun. But there are good days for such, and better days for such, and tonight was not the better day, in my humble opinion :D


Detour to the mall
Another salon.
Receptionist: Name please
Pansy: V______
Receptionist: With a B for Baboy or V for Victory?
Pansy: (Huh???! but recovers after a second) Victory.


Victory not

On with the hot oil.

Attentive Assistant: (asks several friendly questions to set up some chemistry between us)
Attentive Assistant: Oooh, are you pregnant?? (obviously noticing my belly bilbil buy-on puson tiyanich :-P)
Pansy: Err, no (smiles)
Attentive Heedless Assistant, still persisting in the warm niceties: Oooh, you just gave birth?
Pansy: (So sorry to disappoint this continuing to be heedless assistant) Err, no (smiles)

Sigh. Hahahaha. What to do. (laughing YM emoticon right here).

And I still didn’t get a back massage. :-( Just a head one.


Hihihihi. ... Ok, time to pack. I pack from 11 pm to 2 am daily. I have almost completely moved. My books – done. My butt – soon. My belly -- ditto.

Sanity and stuff

Fantasy1
Ahhh, it's but 1:30 pm on a Monday and I am a tired flower (LOL, how seedy that sounds).

I want to hide in the cabinet from the rest of the world. Maybe I can bring a reading lamp with me, and the Josephine B. book.

Fast forward thru time and space, and cash considerations: Me on a beach in my pumpkin bikini, glorious sunshine. SNOOZIN'.

Wahahahaha! This fantasy rocks.

Prelude to a looming post on labels
I was walking to the office yesterday (it never fails when I walk by myself I get to think) and I thought that, fortunately, each one of us is always a little mad.

And if I seem perhaps more sane than others a greater portion of the time, this is in fact, my particular version of crazy. So sane as to be mad. As to be me ;-).

Pink Pansy

You know those scenes in Sleeping Beauty where two fairy godmothers have a running argument on the color of Aurora's gown?

With magic wands,
One goes, "Pink!"
The other, "Blue!"
And then back to "Pink!"
Then, "Blue!"

And so on and so forth, while Aurora is twirled around the dance floor by a Prince Charming.

Currently, I am Pink!

I didn't plan on it. I didn't expect it to happen. I used to be BLUE - in all sorts of shades. But now, am somehow always some kind of pink. Not all, but some, sometimes straight thru all the weekdays.

Song break

Working late at the office tonight, we could hear the office caretaker singing to the videoke channel downstairs. Priestess and I got jealous. Besides, Peepai brought up that poetic song Insensitive that's probably every girl's song at one or two or three points in her life.

So, a newly downloaded song later, peek at Peepai's site for the lyrics, and the volume turned up, we were singing along ...

Ending up with a partial astrological analysis of the lyrics!

How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch? - Saggitarius line
How do you slow your blood, after the body rush? - Capricorn line
How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend? - Aquarius line
How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again? - Pisces line

All together now:
Oh you probably won't remember me
It's probably ancient history
I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have, some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

sisterly love

miss_donna: sister!!! help
miss_donna: i get my exam results in less than an hour
miss_donna: SCARED
themundaneandthedivine: exam results of?
miss_donna: heh?
miss_donna: AS exams
miss_donna: half an a-level
themundaneandthedivine: hehe
themundaneandthedivine: sister
themundaneandthedivine: hug thyself
themundaneandthedivine: :-P
themundaneandthedivine: there's nothing we can do at this point except be happy
themundaneandthedivine: :-D
miss_donna: hmph.
miss_donna: jonny just rang me to tell me his
miss_donna: he got 2 B's, 2 C's and an E
themundaneandthedivine: so how come he got his first?!?@!
themundaneandthedivine: that's cheating!
miss_donna: he goes to a different school
miss_donna: he gets more than me
miss_donna: i only get 3!
miss_donna: he's already done his general studies (a load of crap in my opinion) and i only do 3 subjects instead of the normal 4
themundaneandthedivine: that's what i like about you sister
themundaneandthedivine: you're not normal
themundaneandthedivine: :-D
miss_donna: lol

Some Lessons on the Run

on currently one of Life’s More Major Agenda Items:

also

Sometimes it’s like we’re all still, and supposed to be, in kindergarten

1. It helps to hold each other’s hands.
2. It’s great to keep the hopeful face and the positive heart of the trusting child. We don’t know everything but we have faith that everything will work out, when it’s supposed to.
3. No single person has THE answer to the question or the problem. And yet paradoxically, the answer lies in each one and in all.
4. The Goddess helps those who help themselves. While there are no certain answers, we seek and traverse each path that seems the most loving at each time.
5. We each have our things to contribute and to share, each contribution not exactly the same as the others; some have more to give, but each gift is precious. Di ko kaya ang ginagawa niya pero ang mga kaya ko ay gagawin ko.

It has been liberating for me to know that I don’t know much, and I lend my support to those who know more than me, with the understanding that they don't know everything, either. We are just one in our love.

It has been ok to have been scared, to have been sad but in the end it has helped to surrender the outcome and yet have the faith that there is a bigger purpose to all of this, and to try and understand this purpose in our hearts at every step and turn.

It feels good to know that, damn, love always works! Love always begets love. Yong pagmamahal sa mga kaibigan at sa pamilya ay laging nagbubunga at bumabalik.

I am sorry to have to keep talking in riddles :-), and thus, end up sounding like one enormous cliché. But what I can do? It really is all that!

Those who know and understand will know and understand with their hearts of what I speak. Someday, this is going to be one long hearty chuckle, on an ocean of love, that is eternity.

I so ADORE

Kakapanggigil!!!!!! Galing-galing ni Jet Pangan and Agot Isidro sa Baby, the Musical!!!! Ang cute-cute!!!! Ang funny-funny!!! Bagay na bagay!!!!

Hehehehehe!!! Fan!!!!

By some stroke of good luck (thanks roomie and friends of roomie!), we got to see the full dress and technical rehearsal of Baby the musical last night. What fun!

Some of my favorite lines, phrases by the Lea Salonga character:
"...Marriage is an anti-social act."
"It turns talented men into husbands, and brilliant women into wives."
"...your disposition, and my inner beauty."

One of my favorite songs in it is, What does it matter that I love you? (ahem hehe!)

Of course, Lea Salonga is Lea Salonga. And Gerard Salonga is Gerard Salonga (very entertaining to watch him conduct). And the cast is great; the sound system, though, needs some more tweaking.

But really, Jet (!!! SIGH !!) and Agot stole the show!!!

They spent many minutes under the duvet together while scenes were played out in other parts of the stage. Huhuhuhu!

Text galore

Don't you agree sometimes that texting is like a full-time occupation?! There are days in the office when it seems like all I've done all day is text (for work)! My poor mouse-and-text hand. A thousand messages. Communication.

Those I cannot text, I heart you. ;-)

Capricorn, Aug. 15

Having a healthy sex life can be tremendously healing and therapeutic. That's why you need to take account of your sensual desires, even if you've been raised to ignore them. Give yourself permission to have lustful thoughts and feelings. These sentiments are a profound source of personal power. Your mate will be happy to indulge your need for physical intimacy. If you're single, look for a love interest who is comfortable in their skin.

Hehehehe!

Doing the Deed

Image230
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

And this is how I ended my three-day stint as an ultra-rich pansy. Hehehe!

CONGRATULATIONS, Everyone!!! There you go Mumsicle!! ;-) The deed is done! We have a house :D.

MWAH!

Blueberry Crepe

Image213
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

HEAVEN ON EARTH, Philippines, Metro Manila, Quezon City, Cafe Breton.

HEHEHE.

See the Priestess taking pic with her phone ;-)

Tonight, it's the singing, not the song ;-)

Love, love will keep us together
Think of me babe whenever
Some sweet talkin' girl comes along, singin' a song
Don't mess around, you just gotta be strong

You better stop (stop) cause I really love you (really love you)
Stop (stop) I been thinkin' of you (been thinkin' of you)
Look in my heart and let love keep us together
Whatever (a-ba-da whatever)
I will (ever), I will (ever), I will (ever), I will (ahh)

Clapping and whistling

(Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da)
(Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da)

Love will keep us together
Captain and Tennille

Wala lang, my life as an echo, and a visit from the goddess

How can I not but be an echo, echo, echo, surrounded as I am with witches and priestesses, and goddesses, (and samurais even), enveloped as I am in their eternal love, and ageless wisdom? Love and wisdom is in the air that we breathe, the water that we drink and the food that we partake of. ;-)

Hence, my life as an echo, echo, echo. I tend to repeat repeat repeat the things that I imbibe and understand in my efforts to practice love :-D

So I think that at any given moment, we are always faced with two choices, to go with fear or live in love. It is always a present choice, a choice with consequences rippling in ever widening circles, -- giving love now leading the way to giving more love later, and so on and so forth.

Pagmamahal was never easy, but it is so much easier than living in fear.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind!!!!!!!!!

Remember to open your eyes!!! ;-)

I should like! ;-)

I should like very much to glide down Maginoo St., in a paperboat, on the way to work. It was raining so hard. I wouldn't want to miss work because of rain. I like the people.

I should like to walk up the street, when it's cool and quiet after an afternoon of raining so much, to grab an adobo pan de sal with DD, to talk things over, but not too much. Some things can do with a little less talking over. (DD probably agrees.)

I should like to stop knitting my brows when so many people want so many things of me. Work things. I only want to put the phone down and say "Ssssshhh." (Still, I attend to the things they need when I've taken the time to unfurl my forehead.)

I should like to dab a large spot of avocado green paint on his nose just because I can.

I should like to wave my magic wand over roomie so she'll feel better enough to stand on the deck of SM Baguio (the best SM in the world, sigh) and admire the magnificent view.

I should like does not seem grammatical at all but I should like to make it so :-P (should, meaning I should because I feel like it; like because I like; I should like ;-) ). I should like to twist language to suit me.

Strange Trivia

1. How many pairs of shoes do I keep/ have in my office room? (It was spontaneous. They prefer it here than in my stuffed shoe cabinet.)
2. How many nights in a row have I had beef dinuguan at that airy resto up the road? (It's real good :D).

errr, that's all for now.

new things over, around and about me

1. read that at the time of Josephine Bonaparte, a book cautioned against exposing girls who were getting their periods to "spicy foods or to music in an immoral key"
2. a newfound instinct for incense
2. burn your fears in the fire of your love :-)
3. comb your hair to soothe your spirit
4. sway to the sound of your soul singing (hehe i like the alliteration)

7 things to tell from my cup of coffee

Image206
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

1. I like my coffee strong and sweet.
2. I like coffee.
3. I like to think am strong and sweet :D.
4. Aqua is my now favorite color (and pink :-P).
5. I was once a pansy, a crystal ball reader said, and I am fixated on the idea :-P (obviously)
6. I imagine our attic in the colors of my cup.
7. I tend to get distracted at longish meetings.
8. (In the style of Imelda who starts with 7 and ends up with more) I like to sit beside DD -- whose notebook that is -- at meetings because she's interesting to sit beside with :-P (it saves on text messages).
9. And as much as I like to be silent, I also like to blog about nothing much :-P

Walang Salita

Hmmm. Just came from another blog, Akira's, where the two characters in a series of stories often spend time with each other without saying much. I don't know why, but this appeals to me so much. I am drawn to togetherness that needs no words. I would like to be in more relationships that don't need so many words spoken.

And that desire is not even a judgment on all my relationships that are full of words and conversations, and laughter. I love and enjoy those. But I still can't help wanting more silence, hahaha! Am sure it would make others uneasy, and others would find it strange.

And it's not like I don't even appreciate the magic and power, the necessity and clarity, of words. In fact, am even too particular about words and concepts. But I would like to revel in the silence! A silence that needs no explanations, that attracts no notice, is just part, another marvelous part, of the passing of the day.

:-D

P.S. And I would like this silence, or I imagine this silence -- togetherness and silence -- with someone someone (lol).

Pagmamahal
I still think (it's like my streamer of the moment) that you really can't go wrong with true love. And I really would rather not explain and elaborate because the answer is in the silence (now words necessary ;-)ehehehe, or a truth that takes no verbal proof!).

Aha!!!!

lovely-warm-pinks
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Guess what this color palette means?!?! Hahahahaha! Am so happy to be me :P :D

Again, please

You know when you're happy for no reason? :-D Well, this week it's not like that. Three days into the week and I feel so blessed. As my friends and I like to say, there's more more reasons.

1. I finally have cable again (hahaha!)
2. I had such a great time with a great friend last Sunday, discussing house things over while seated on the floor of our soon-to-be attic.
3. Another friend called up from out of the blue :D
4. We finally gave notice to our landlady, and paid our rent. All is well and she is an angel.
5. I had such a great time walking in the rain and in the breeze in UP last Sunday with another great friend.
6. I had such a great time eating adobo pan de sal from Alex Grill (P39 for i love you - 3 pieces hehehe - pan de sal) while watching Amazing Race 5!

Whew!!!

And then yesterday, even if the rally bored me (there are rallies I greatly enjoy),

7. I had such a great meal when I got back to the house from the rally. Barbecue, rice, indian mango and bagoong! YUM! YUM!
8. And then we've started regular meditations on Mondays!

Finally,
9. Today, I am finally on holiday which gives me time to do some personal stuff that have been waiting to be done for some time now.

WOW.

Bless me and everyone :D

P.S. Oh and in a month's time, I had about a thousand page views here, never mind that about 800 of that is by me, hihihihihihi!

cool!

Monday meditations :D

The animal in me

The weekend could be quite intense, as Mars trines Pluto and Venus opposes it. Some less than desirable feelings may begin to show through - so take it easy, and don't say the wrong thing in a fit of temper.

Ahhh yes, did my share of ranting this weekend. I felt a tad guilty for raining on Customer Service's day but they just weren't giving appropriate service beyond the "We'll note that down Ma'am," which really just means "Adios baby, kiss your request goodbye!" or "Tweedle your thumbs till the next century comes to a close."

And my rant did get results :-(. Surely, I do not wish to have to rant to get things done.

Still, I note the lesson from this experience which is to pay my bills on time! It's not hard to do but I have a particular dislike to paying my cable tv bills.

So it's also true that I did sabotage my service. Now, however, I am paid up and reconnected, and beginning a new chapter in my life with my cable tv provider. Hehehe. Thanks to that Angel who finally got things done when she realized I wasn't getting off the phone till she did something. Thanks Angel, I hope never to rain on your parade again, but you were the sixth I had talked to in six days.

I actually had another bout with the learn-how-to-put-foot-down universal lesson plan this weekend, but ok, ok, the lesson is learned already, the story need not be told :-).

oOo
Imelda
Jee wiz, cheez whiz!

oOo

And, :D!!!! Hehe. "Strangely sweet," in the words of a dear emotera friend.

Hehehehe!

bikinibabeandbro Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Aemon

"Phone." His cuteness!

Image169 Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Velvet beneath persnickety petals

A palpable change. Have been slowly but surely clearing my room of stuff, organized and paid my bills
the last few days, and suddenly I am home again. In my room where I am me. I feel connected. I breathe again.

oOo

Yes, thats it, I thought to myself earlier tonight in a reunion with old gfs, perched cozily on bean bags
around a low table with an open box of pizza (but it was the spicy pasta we all took a liking to). Thats
love. Love transcends all barriers, defies logic, is after all beyond it. It is a true impulse and is not
any less for having been given. Having recognized it, I am inspired.

=====
*Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey*

-At the beginning from Anastasia the movie

Literary Promiscuity

The truth is, I am a book slut. I cant stick to just
one. I am passionate about many - I am passionate
about the back of the book blurbs on books I have yet
to start, I am ecstatic about the first chapters of
those Ive finally begun, and I quite lust for the what
happens next in books I am in the thick of. ...
Tonight on the verge of finishing two dear tomes, I
start on MOTHER WIT: A feminist guide to psychic
development. It reads like the answer to a personal
plea. :D

=====
*Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey*

-At the beginning from Anastasia the movie

On a Binky Lampano afternoon

He's singing, and crooning, and screaming, and shrieking. My soul nods and sways and grooves to his every note and gyration-- for Binky Lampano never stays still, singing. He's nodding and shaking, and singing from the walls, the door, the stage.
 
"But I was told if you got your heart in the right place, everything's gonna be just fine!"
 
We find ourselves on the same vibration, well-matched, this Tuesday afternoon, him on my PC speakers, and me at blogger. It's been going on an hour now, and we are quite well-matched.
 
"Just get outta here and live your life! Don't be a fool and never try! "
 
(Lyrics from Alley Song by Lampano Alley)
 
oOo
 
Here's what my horoscope readings have to say about me today. Patronizing buggers! Think they know better than me!
 
1. You're in a right sulk today, dear Viola (hmm patronizing tone! I take offense hahaha, joke).  ...  Instead of retreating into your shell with an ugly smirk, just say straight out what you want from your relationships, be they with lover or family.
 
Ehehe!
 
2. Better get out that to-do list -- you know, the one you've been deliberately hiding from yourself.
 
Hehehe! I have lots in different bags and pockets :-P
 
oOo
 
I miss Binky Lampano. DD, Buddha and I used to follow his band around.
 
"Ganyan lang, ganyan lang, ganyan lang. Ang buhay natin ay ganyan lang!"
 

TV giggles

1. "Congratulations for being a true person!" Kris Aquino to Desiree del Valle on The Buzz! Hehehehe!
 
Let me just imitate that great (greatly ambiguous) compliment: My friends, congratulations for being true persons! Totoong tao, mwahahahaha :D I dig ya!
 
2. Two funny (so truly Pinoy :-P) ads I caught for the first time today: the Rexona guy raising his arms at every available opportunity (nagyayabang ba), and the "brownout" ad for Globe text and receive (pasaway at pasweet na anak).  
 
3. Yehehey, the Amazing Race 5!!!! Saw a full episode for the first time!!! Cheering for the cousins' tandem for taking their fun moments, and for the father-daughter duo for comeback gumption! Can't wait till they get to the Philippines. There's no telling what can happen!
 
Giggled at that Ch. 23 Amazing Race teaser for next week: "Natanggal si Alison and Donny. Away kasi ng away!" Hehehe! Cute pa naman ang Donny.

Necessary Violence

Damn, it hurt. I was pummeled, hit, stepped on, pulled and pushed from side to side. Many times I felt like shouting ouch! Damn, it felt good! I was on the brink of pleasure and pain and laughter because many times it was also very ticklish.
 
I was hurt. Yet I only paid P300 for it! (and even less actually because they were late).
 
Hehehe. Talk about violence with the aim of getting de-stressed!
 
Worth every peso. Visit the Family Indulgence Spa, across Fersal Hotel on Malakas St.

Closing shop

After a solid six days of meetings (wow, new blogger posting interface, I just noticed), and eating, broken only when on Monday we went to a mob, INDEED, I am a tired vegetable in red and white. And to think for the most part I just 'actively' listened and took notes, but still. And to think that of all the people in my organization, I am already at the bottom quarter for tolerance for long meetings and endless days of work! (Meaning, it's been longer days and nights for the others). And to think, other colleagues still have activities tomorrow!
 
Tomorrow, I will think of other things :-) and take in new experiences:
1. I will to listen to the sound of rain falling on our soon-to-be new house.
2. I will daydream of each room, in that soon-to-be-new house.
3. I will go on some construction materials adventures with roomie.
4. I will accomodate her need to go on more laptop-discovery tours, or rather at this stage, they are already laptop choice-affirmation tours (hehe!).
5. And perhaps in the evening, I shall hang out with the pisces-girl somewhere cool and refreshing. (I think I want some kamias shake.)
 
I want to thank the good souls who have been kind and patient and loving with me this week, and lent a hand at the exact moment I needed it (yes you my cute cuddly charming and funny officemates) and those who continue to be kind and patient and loving with me, after so long :). May I in turn rise to the occasion.
 
And to those who are currently in the grip of their personal "lives," I wish you deep breaths, go on ... deep breaths, deep breaths, innn, ouuut, innn. If it weren't funny, it would be funny, right? Which probably means, it IS funny :D.

Not a moment too soon, and not a moment too late.

In the now.

In the now is in this moment, and what this moment is.

oOo


Thoughts on process.

(Hehe, right now, my blog is only for those who want to move on to page 2. Page 2 however has a beginning. It starts with page one, the main one, this one. :D)

My What Next

If you were to ask me what
I will be doing six months from now
I would say “I know what, but, I know not.”
“Yet.”

For the truth is, I know not exactly
Or where
Or how
Or what. (I lied, earlier :-)!)

Just that I know
I will know
When the time to know
Is right.

This is a time for learning to know all about listening to me in the moment. This is what the runes revealed, on my self I must rely. Guess what it meant? On my centred self, I must rely.

The Reluctant Spiderman Post

(For Dahon)

Uh-oh.

Am I going to be the only one with issues against Spiderman the movie?!?!

I must find some reinforcements before the pansy gets trampled by the madding crowd! Or worse, elephants! Hehehe!

Contain thine ire and read some more :D

A pansy love story

FUN for the brave :-P

Here's how I stumbled upon my real love story.

Leave A Tender Moment Alone

This song popped into my head tonight :D. This one's for you Saree, from our good ole college days (hahahaha, feeling ancient ... nah :D).

by Billy Joel

But if that's how I feel
Then it's the best feeling I've ever known
It's undeniably real
Leave a tender moment alone

@ Gmail

having colored conversations ;-):

themundaneandthedivine
yourgoddessfriend
comeflywithme
foliage
churyaa
chroniclesofprizefighter
spicytuyo
ninais
midnytpasta*

when you log in, check your blogger dashboard page for a link to your gmail account.

*under protest (hehehe!)

p.s. scooterbug, where are my postcards?!? :-(!?#*? ... one or two or three, sometime soon? ;-)

panoramic photo, in words

in my email inbox,
a gf's email - nice long meandering,
punk, well, lives
:D.

not,
his.
still,
i am.

lightning likes brgy. central, i think
rain follows shortly
as always.
maya and i: a raincheck

dd brought me mango crepe
a scoop of vanilla ice cream: still frozen
the mango: still warm.
she pretends she doesn't want any but eats some :D

online:
painting your walls viola, and shelves and beds
on blogs:
keri has a secret. pssst, she said; the color olive, among the greens on a leaf of faith.

later,
reports,
meditations,
peeks into books.

that's my
today.
i
think.

this week, a review:
Monday: meditations with gfs
Tuesday: three witches meet
Wednesday: online
Thursday: i forgot
Friday: disagreement with the central dilemma in Spiderman 2.

Obsessed

my-desktop, originally uploaded by Pansy.

Hehehehe! My desktop!

Would you move a million miles away for love?

This is a hypothetical question for me, because it has never come up. Maybe it belongs to that class of questions we often take up with intimate friends to while away many a lazy afternoon, something like that gut-wrenching dilemma -- toothache or heartbreak? Or it could be one of those non-applicable “trick” questions that seem to bring out “the true colors” of one’s character. Something in the realm of an ex-lover asking me -- if he were the Russell Crowe character in the movie A Beautiful Mind, would I also stand by him the way the wife did in the movie version? I think I answered no, and that is perhaps one of the main reasons why we haven’t ended up together! Hehehe! But I digress.

I think the above is an interesting and entertaining question, perhaps more applicable to Filipinos whom we see living – working heartbreakingly hard or thriving – in most parts of the world. In fact, if there were jobs and lovers to be found in Pluto, maybe we would be there too :-).

Mulling over it, I think I would have answered this question differently at various parts of my life. As a teenager awash in romance books, and firmly entrenched in the Cinderella syndrome, I probably would have said yes, faster than you can say, well, yes. After all, wasn’t lurvvveee the entire point of living? (At this point, I would like to assure everyone that I am definitely already at least 17 years older than this younger self, and much less blind, hehe!).

Several years ago, I might have said, well, maybe not move away strictly just for love?!?! Hello?!?! Aren’t we our own persons?! And isn’t love just the icing on the cake? What kind of crap is that to give up your personhood, and your world, just to be with your love?!? What a surefire way to end up unhappy, and ultimately, unloved. ... So maybe my final answer then might have been, yes, maybe move a million miles, but not just for love. I’d have to make sure that I would be moving for a job and love, or an education, and love. Love, alone, I would have said, just wouldn’t have been reason enough.

Well right where I am typing this at this very minute, the question brings to mind my many friends who have made such a leap, and yes, are still actually making many other leaps.

HB and her love made a pact to each other not to be separated for long periods. So while this decision entailed many sacrifices for HB, it was their decision, their judgment call as a couple to value their togetherness more than many of the other things that moving away together a million miles, placed in the balance.

Despite long nights with us pleading with her to proceed with more caution, my tita in Germany took a huge leap and left for Europe last year with the possibility of not coming back for a very long time -- to try and see if love with her German guy could work out. Before she left, a friend tried to shock her into being sensible by conjuring visions of Pinays’ heads in bottles stored in European basements by their murderers (sorry for this graphic illustration, but he was doing it with the aim of “making her see sense”). She’s still there with her now-hubby, and we are looking forward to rollicking on the beaches of Boracay with them this coming December.

I also remember a dear Kastila (hehehe!), a dear friend from Spain, who followed his Filipina girlfriend from their European university home to her country, in a spectacular reversal of roles. Turning his back on his decidedly bigger income, he came over, found himself a job, and started living a more austere and slightly poor life as a Spanish guy in the Philippines, victim to the constant kakulitan and jokes of his nice and sweet officemates (us, hehehe!). Many mosquito bites, and bouts with food poisoning later, he and his beloved were wed, and are now with kid, in Latin America.

My point is not the happy endings because, the truth is, there are no endings, and like I said, they are still taking leaps. I am just happy for the fact that these friends of mine looked closely at their options, and, probably with their hearts thudding in their throats, made their decisions aware that these involved making sacrifices, and yet also potentially involved reaping rewards.

Where I am right now, would I move a million miles away for love? Some thoughts, some more complete than others:

1. Sacrifices are sacrifices. They involve loss, heartbreak, and they probably won’t feel good. In fact, they probably will feel extremely painful. … My thought as of now is that maybe, if we learn to discern with our hearts, and follow our intuition regarding some “sacrifices,” maybe the “pain” that these sacrifices bring will actually lead us to more joy.

I think a person wondering whether or not to move a million miles for love, faces the huge great big unknown. As such, it would be easy to say, stop, enough already, be sensible. But what if out of fear of the unknown, out of fear of making too big a sacrifice, the person fails to see the potential for joy, and yes, love, that this sacrifice could bring?

I don’t have the answers, just the meditation that in making decisions, we be aware not just of the potential pain but also of the potential joy.

2. Let me also argue the flipside. Romance can be fatal, a dear teacher has said so many times. In our world women are socialized, brought up to think that they only prove their worth, become persons, when they are in romantic relationships. Without boyfriends, husbands, partners, men in their lives, women become losers. Hence, spinster and old maid are derogatory terms, rather than words simply stating one’s preference or current choice.

In the name of romance and love, many’s the woman with blinders who has ultimately given up herself and sacrificed her life. In that sense and that context, I say f*** romance! I ask you, f*** love too?

3. Hehehe! That latter query brings me to that classic autograph question. So dear Watson, What is love? What is the true nature of love?

Answer that for yourselves, dear readers, if you have gotten this far! (hehe!) All I really wanted was to shoo away the romantic notions we have of love that often quite literally bring us to our knees.

And also, if you are not yet on a journey, to interest you in a personal/ spiritual quest on love. :-)

Those who want to share about love, please do so freely on the comments box below. I would love to hear and learn from you. :-)

4. I think beyond fear, and pain and joy, we ARE love :D

Would I move a million miles away for love? ;-) At this point, your guess is as good as mine :-D.

Key Phrases

Energy drain.
Feel your center.
...
The off-kilter ferris wheel.
Listen to the silence in your heart.

SOUL CARD 1:

FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS
Will blaze a trail by finding the right words.
Listen to the silence in your heart, and you will know.
You are where you need to be right now, it is part of preparing yourself.
There is a lot of support from the universe for what you are supposed to do.
You have the vision, and the capacity to work towards that vision.

SOUL CARD 2:
Stop going around in circles.
Take the other option.
Another classroom with more friendly mentor-student energies. Brick.
Decisively, end this to free your thinking energy for the other thing.
Listen to the silence in your heart, and you will know.

SOUL CARD 3:
It's up to you.
You have the capacity to imbue the house with spirit.
A Sunday kind of day. Garden set, books around. Calamansi and pineapple juice.

SOUL CARD 4:
Conflicted but you can help it.
An impulse based on love is good.

:-)

Stop by the The Center for Touch Drawing and stare at those beautiful soul cards.

When Saturday is a Sunday

Image105, originally uploaded by Pansy.

A lovely lovely day ...

When I woke up on Saturday, I caught Tin Cup on HBO (nice!) and made arrangements with The Priestess for brunch. After fuming and feeling sad at the sheer stubborness of the Kevin Costner character, I showered and dressed in cheery RED and white SHORTS, a tee shirt and my nice chinelas (hehe!). Shorts are the pansy's ultimate favorite wear :D, and perfect for a breezy windy Saturday-Sunday.

We landed at Baang, our new favorite coffee shop down by Morato. (You see you can do Baang several different ways :-D: Such as Saturday brunch for a plate of Filipino tapa or tocino with great coffee, or as after-party place for nice coffee and cake, or for afternoon refreshments: dig their black forest freeze.)

Ordering, our goddess friend interrupted by cellphone, exclaiming over Milan the movie and protesting over the choice of lead actress (well HB, we still think, Claudine was great in that movie hehehe!)

Seated at Baang, had a wonderful time catching up with the Priestess, and this is when I thought that easy and effortless intimacy, between partners and between gfs -- between "mga magka-relate" really -- is a gift of time together, trust and unconditional acceptance.

Took a long walk along Morato and ended up poring over many yummy books at Books for Less at Roces including The Priestess current rave, a book of triangles, a shape I often reflect on, for its many advantages and unique strength :D.

A leisurely soulful freeflowing Saturday is in the tradition of Sunday's best. :D

Pictures to share

Mischief-maker, ever ;-)

lee Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Gf, I smile with your smile :)

rudie Originally uploaded by Pansy.

I have beautiful gfs :)! And I don't mean their looks :-) (they are cuties but that's not what I mean :-) )

greenbelt gfs Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Stolen shot by the Priestess. I wonder what those thoughts were about?!?

stolenshot Originally uploaded by Pansy.