a secret

Was debating whether to tell you or to keep it to myself. Isn't it true that some things so simple can give you so much pleasure, you just want to keep it to yourself for a while.

I know something you don't know. :D

I walked to work from the new house today.

:D *GRIN*

Now you know.

P.S.

Everything's fine now.

Hahaha having gotten past them, I actually can't relate anymore with most of the angst in the post before this.

Letting go is a thing of beauty and a joy forever :-P

Huhuhu, we moved :D :-P

We call it the house of bless.

Frankly I don’t know where to begin. It has been MAJOR. The house is wonderful but I am not yet at the point where I can say that I feel wonderful as well :D. I feel glimmer of the possibilities but for the most part I have been tired and stressed. I am sure I’ll feel the rewards in the years to come. But not now.

Actually I do feel better today :D. Still, roomie, the stressed soul assigned to oversee the work today, has been sending text messages every few minutes reminding me of just how stressful this whole thing has been, is. Hehehe. I hesitate to say this for fear of being said to be a drama queen, too complaining, grossly unappreciative or failing to enjoy the moment. Fax! All that may be true. Or not, since the moments have been telling me that I have been very stressed. And so I cannot help but stay stressed, in the moments. Hehehe!

But I guess what I just want to say is, this is not an easy task. And yet am not meaning that I don’t want to be in this position. Who wouldn’t? This is like a dream. Sitting in the big garage last night contemplating on the full moon, I savored the feeling of being in our own place. I realized it’s been such a looooong time since I’ve had that feeling, been in that situation where I was at our own place. Not since I graduated from high school all of eons ago.

Just that it’s difficult. Especially when there’s only one of me, and of roomie, and of our ate who helps clean and sort, and we have to deal with all this men who keep half-amused smiles on their faces thinking they’re only dealing with little girls. Thank goddess their biggest boss is a mother hen who can crack the whip if necessary. But am getting ahead of my story.

Here are some of the good and funny bits to take the edge away:

I love the kitchen/ dining area. I always thought this would be my least-liked room because it looked like it was going to be the least airy part of the house. But hey! It’s all right, and bright too. And with the tv in the other room, people in the dining room can’t help but concentrate on eating and talking with each other :-P. I like it so much, it even makes me feel like I want to start cooking! And I swear, I’ve never had that feeling before! Just the thought but not the feeling. Hahaha. Not that I want to announce that too much though because people might start expecting :-D Especially cooks I know.

Had to transport stuff five times in the last four weeks because if we didn’t do that, we couldn’t pack the rest still standing, that was how much stuff I had. There was nowhere to move in our previous apartment once we got seriously packing. But voila! Every time we transported stuff to the new place, it just ate up the stuff. I mean, it didn’t look in the least bit full at any point, that’s how spacious it is. Happy. It’s possible to breathe.

The space also means one has to take a walk just to get a glass of water! Hahahaha. This amuses me no end because I can really feel the difference, I really have to walk. In our old apartment it only took like twelve steps from the couch to the ref. Now, it’s like more more. Hehehe. I’ve never done so much walking and climbing just staying in one place. (Also because there’s no cellphone signal in the living room and I keep the phone half-way up the stairs so which means more stair time everytime my jazz sax text tone goes on.)

Then too, my former nemesis cable company came and reconnected our cable tv on the very day that we moved in. Hihihihi, how’s that for cable continuity! Three cheers for you!

By day two at new house, I had unpacked the coffeemaker. Extremely good news.

For the not so good stuff:

Armed and Dangerous
On Friday, after delivering a jeepney’s worth of stuff to the house, HB and I went to SM to pick up the aircon. It could not be delivered because I couldn’t say for sure when there would be someone to sign for it at the house, and I wanted it delivered just when it could be installed. On the way back, along this sidestreet with an urban poor community to one side, traffic stopped by three men (two in uniform) wielding machine guns! Moving about, shouting, wielding their guns menacingly as if they had just fired it and were about to fire again! HB and I were frightened they or whoever it was they were targeting would hop into the jeep and take off with us and my aircon in it. Or else surely if they fired we were very vulnerable as a jeep is a very open vehicle. Luckily when traffic moved, the jeepney sped thru. (All this time, I was pleading with the driver to back the jeep but he could not as traffic was also stopped behind us.)

Feeling Bratty
On Saturday, after three intense days of packing and moving and little sleep, I was my most-tired, at-the-end-of--tether self when we finally packed an elf truck full of the-last-of-it-all. At that point, I didn’t care if we just upped and left, nevermind our belongings. I only wanted the two pillows I had hung on to, dust mites and all. Actually, by then I just mostly stood or sat and pointed which went where. I had no more energy left to clean up and unpack. I mostly frowned and sighed and ordered food. I stress ate and frowned some more.

And the blank hit the fan :-P
Then too, could not really do much when we moved in because so many things still needed to be done that hampered the unpacking process ;-). Couldn’t jazz up my bathroom with this hole in the ceiling done to check out a leak. Couldn’t unpack my clothes because the closet needed extra rods. Worried about the aircon installation as the unit wasn’t draining. Could not replace the energy consuming light bulbs as that needed a ladder. Could not fix books because the bookshelf needed assembling. Could not store away half the kitchen stuff because the kitchen counter was still a shell.

It was all the more frustrating because the foreman with whom I was coordinating wasn’t sending on pertinent information. I had been counting on the fact that there would be people to work on the things that needed to be done that Friday afternoon, Saturday morning and first thing Monday. However, people had gone home to their province on Friday at lunch because of the typhoon. That’s fine, of course, but I only discovered that fact, wasn’t told of it, and spent the weekend in a stew wondering if they could work on Monday, my only free day left from the office. The foreman refused to reply to text messages. The list was long, the wait long, and the answers not forthcoming.

The foreman stopped by at 9 am on Monday and dropped off the kitchen cabinet doors. He left again and didn’t say for sure what was going to happen that day. Said he was looking for the plumber and the carpenter. I texted him the list that needed doing and asked if he could give me definite answers on people and times so I could at least feel reassured that something was going to happen since I had been waiting for information and results from him since Friday. He texted back after lunch, his message implying that I was some classist heartless bitch who could not understand that people needed to go home to their families because of the floods, and that if I needed anything I should just go next door where the workers were staying and ask for help.

His text message drove me to tears. I felt so wronged, I sobbed uncontrollably for an hour. I could not help it. First of all I’m not at all hard to please. I have always been direct and clear in communicating with these people. I simply wanted someone straightforward to work with on this house thing, particularly as it’s not easy. I hardly know anything about this, and Capricorn-like, if only I could --paint, drill, install aircons, locks, rods, heaters and so on and so forth -- I would. I wanted straightforward answers and information from him because he is the foreman, he’s the one in charge of the people who are working on the house. And in the first place, why do I have to go chasing after him for information and assistance as if I was the one who owed him, and needed to beg when we have paid for the house and the service as we should. The developer assured me of all assistance that I needed. In fact, I have been careful not to abuse this offer.

I asked the Mrs, the developer to intervene, telling her that I was having difficulties talking with her foreman. He arrived back after an hour, and I opened the gate, red-rimmed eyes and all, shaking from anger, and went into this huge screaming tirade telling him not treat me that way, and that I didn’t deserve insults when all I wanted was someone straightforward to talk to. Not someone who would just brush you aside, and leave you wondering, till you want to shoot him the next time you see him.

Fortunately, he apologized profusely, and after drinking glasses of water to calm me down, I told him to go ahead and have the men over to do the work. After another hour, the Engr., his boss, came and started inquiring about the things that needed doing. They were stood there planning, and setting deadlines, and I said wait a minute, you need to coordinate this with me, as you should have done, because no one is going to be in the house on some days. And in this macho overbearing I’m-a-man-and-I-can-do-this-you-need-not-worry-your-pea-brain-or-get-all-emotional way, he brushed aside my complaints about them not coordinating properly. Having had enough of his overbearing attitude from the day I first met him, I put my hand up to his face and said wait a minute, you have to listen to me. You can’t brush aside what I have to say about my experience with you all because these are valid concerns and I want them recognized.

I guess I hurt his pride, a little girl like me disrespecting an engineer like him coz he went storming up the stairs and commanding the foreman in this loud voice, "Ok finish this by Friday, we have to finish this by Friday (implying that they didn’t want to have anything to do with me by Friday.)"

By this time, it was getting funny. I put the engineer in a temper, hihihi :-P. So I waited for him to calm down while he commanded his men about, and then followed him upstairs where they were doing stuff. By then he had calmed down too, and we started talking calmly and straightforwardly about all the things that needed doing.

As we should have done from the start. If only they didn’t carry around this attitude with them that this little girl need not be taken so seriously!!!! Well @#*@ really!!!!

In the middle of the afternoon there were like 8 men swirling around the house doing many things simultaneously – fixing the aircon, doing the shelves, doing the leak, putting in bulbs. See what can get done if only people do their work as they should. And now I know who to talk to for each specific task.

Well hopefully, things settle down by the end of this week, and I can start beaming :-), not just wait for happiness to catch me unawares.

P.S. Incidentally, my horoscope this week says this about yesterday: On Monday there is a Full Moon in Pisces in the communications section of your chart. This is likely to blow one or two conversations out of all proportion, and facts may get lost in an emotional haze. The Full Moon is also in opposition to Mars, and this could mean that tempers become frayed if things aren't 'just so'. If you feel yourself getting annoyed, then be prepared to stand back and count to ten.

*GRIN.*

7 days later

I adore the new place, I do.

But in the meantime, I feel like I've just been thru the meat grinder, and I'm pork giniling [ground pork].

P.S. Why didn't my mobile post to flicker include the text? Anyone know? :-( Had to edit this, this am when I feel much better. :-)

I long

For Sunday when I won't care if the rest of the house is a mess, for as long as I can lie all day in my cool aircon room, empty of stuff save for me, a book, and my bed.

I will read the Josephine book until the very last page.

And if these lashings of rain should continue, I'll sit on the parquet floor and watch it lash away, as if Metro Manila were one big washing machine.

Wednesday

Torrents of rain.

Torrents of RAIN.

TORRENTS of rain.

Torrential rains.

TORRENTIAL RAINS.

MEGA TORRENTIAL RAINS

!!!!

(giggle)

askew but spinning

Something’s not quite right in my universe. It’s like when your Nokia cellphone batteries are old, and the indicator says it’s full but at the last minute, ooops, dead batt.

The Elusive Back Massage
Have been feeling the stress on my back in the last few days and dreamed of getting the ache kneaded away at the neighborhood salon, the only salon left around here that still does a full back, head and arm massage for a hot oil treatment.

Last night, no go. Had to wait for the boss to emerge from a meeting lasting well after dinner so I could discuss some matters with her. It’s also called the art of boss-ambush, now and then needing the sacrifice of a chance for a back massage. The non-ambush option meant more headaches later, so might as well.

Ahh, tonight. Another golden chance. Only to find out a few minutes before leaving for the salon that my boss went there to get a haircut herself. Quick! Cancel cancel! If life that moment were a browser I was hitting the back button repeatedly!

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with meeting the boss at the salon. :D In fact, it could be fun. But there are good days for such, and better days for such, and tonight was not the better day, in my humble opinion :D


Detour to the mall
Another salon.
Receptionist: Name please
Pansy: V______
Receptionist: With a B for Baboy or V for Victory?
Pansy: (Huh???! but recovers after a second) Victory.


Victory not

On with the hot oil.

Attentive Assistant: (asks several friendly questions to set up some chemistry between us)
Attentive Assistant: Oooh, are you pregnant?? (obviously noticing my belly bilbil buy-on puson tiyanich :-P)
Pansy: Err, no (smiles)
Attentive Heedless Assistant, still persisting in the warm niceties: Oooh, you just gave birth?
Pansy: (So sorry to disappoint this continuing to be heedless assistant) Err, no (smiles)

Sigh. Hahahaha. What to do. (laughing YM emoticon right here).

And I still didn’t get a back massage. :-( Just a head one.


Hihihihi. ... Ok, time to pack. I pack from 11 pm to 2 am daily. I have almost completely moved. My books – done. My butt – soon. My belly -- ditto.

Sanity and stuff

Fantasy1
Ahhh, it's but 1:30 pm on a Monday and I am a tired flower (LOL, how seedy that sounds).

I want to hide in the cabinet from the rest of the world. Maybe I can bring a reading lamp with me, and the Josephine B. book.

Fast forward thru time and space, and cash considerations: Me on a beach in my pumpkin bikini, glorious sunshine. SNOOZIN'.

Wahahahaha! This fantasy rocks.

Prelude to a looming post on labels
I was walking to the office yesterday (it never fails when I walk by myself I get to think) and I thought that, fortunately, each one of us is always a little mad.

And if I seem perhaps more sane than others a greater portion of the time, this is in fact, my particular version of crazy. So sane as to be mad. As to be me ;-).

Pink Pansy

You know those scenes in Sleeping Beauty where two fairy godmothers have a running argument on the color of Aurora's gown?

With magic wands,
One goes, "Pink!"
The other, "Blue!"
And then back to "Pink!"
Then, "Blue!"

And so on and so forth, while Aurora is twirled around the dance floor by a Prince Charming.

Currently, I am Pink!

I didn't plan on it. I didn't expect it to happen. I used to be BLUE - in all sorts of shades. But now, am somehow always some kind of pink. Not all, but some, sometimes straight thru all the weekdays.

Song break

Working late at the office tonight, we could hear the office caretaker singing to the videoke channel downstairs. Priestess and I got jealous. Besides, Peepai brought up that poetic song Insensitive that's probably every girl's song at one or two or three points in her life.

So, a newly downloaded song later, peek at Peepai's site for the lyrics, and the volume turned up, we were singing along ...

Ending up with a partial astrological analysis of the lyrics!

How do you numb your skin, after the warmest touch? - Saggitarius line
How do you slow your blood, after the body rush? - Capricorn line
How do you free your soul, after you've found a friend? - Aquarius line
How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again? - Pisces line

All together now:
Oh you probably won't remember me
It's probably ancient history
I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
I thought that you might have, some advice to give
On how to be insensitive

sisterly love

miss_donna: sister!!! help
miss_donna: i get my exam results in less than an hour
miss_donna: SCARED
themundaneandthedivine: exam results of?
miss_donna: heh?
miss_donna: AS exams
miss_donna: half an a-level
themundaneandthedivine: hehe
themundaneandthedivine: sister
themundaneandthedivine: hug thyself
themundaneandthedivine: :-P
themundaneandthedivine: there's nothing we can do at this point except be happy
themundaneandthedivine: :-D
miss_donna: hmph.
miss_donna: jonny just rang me to tell me his
miss_donna: he got 2 B's, 2 C's and an E
themundaneandthedivine: so how come he got his first?!?@!
themundaneandthedivine: that's cheating!
miss_donna: he goes to a different school
miss_donna: he gets more than me
miss_donna: i only get 3!
miss_donna: he's already done his general studies (a load of crap in my opinion) and i only do 3 subjects instead of the normal 4
themundaneandthedivine: that's what i like about you sister
themundaneandthedivine: you're not normal
themundaneandthedivine: :-D
miss_donna: lol

Some Lessons on the Run

on currently one of Life’s More Major Agenda Items:

also

Sometimes it’s like we’re all still, and supposed to be, in kindergarten

1. It helps to hold each other’s hands.
2. It’s great to keep the hopeful face and the positive heart of the trusting child. We don’t know everything but we have faith that everything will work out, when it’s supposed to.
3. No single person has THE answer to the question or the problem. And yet paradoxically, the answer lies in each one and in all.
4. The Goddess helps those who help themselves. While there are no certain answers, we seek and traverse each path that seems the most loving at each time.
5. We each have our things to contribute and to share, each contribution not exactly the same as the others; some have more to give, but each gift is precious. Di ko kaya ang ginagawa niya pero ang mga kaya ko ay gagawin ko.

It has been liberating for me to know that I don’t know much, and I lend my support to those who know more than me, with the understanding that they don't know everything, either. We are just one in our love.

It has been ok to have been scared, to have been sad but in the end it has helped to surrender the outcome and yet have the faith that there is a bigger purpose to all of this, and to try and understand this purpose in our hearts at every step and turn.

It feels good to know that, damn, love always works! Love always begets love. Yong pagmamahal sa mga kaibigan at sa pamilya ay laging nagbubunga at bumabalik.

I am sorry to have to keep talking in riddles :-), and thus, end up sounding like one enormous cliché. But what I can do? It really is all that!

Those who know and understand will know and understand with their hearts of what I speak. Someday, this is going to be one long hearty chuckle, on an ocean of love, that is eternity.

I so ADORE

Kakapanggigil!!!!!! Galing-galing ni Jet Pangan and Agot Isidro sa Baby, the Musical!!!! Ang cute-cute!!!! Ang funny-funny!!! Bagay na bagay!!!!

Hehehehehe!!! Fan!!!!

By some stroke of good luck (thanks roomie and friends of roomie!), we got to see the full dress and technical rehearsal of Baby the musical last night. What fun!

Some of my favorite lines, phrases by the Lea Salonga character:
"...Marriage is an anti-social act."
"It turns talented men into husbands, and brilliant women into wives."
"...your disposition, and my inner beauty."

One of my favorite songs in it is, What does it matter that I love you? (ahem hehe!)

Of course, Lea Salonga is Lea Salonga. And Gerard Salonga is Gerard Salonga (very entertaining to watch him conduct). And the cast is great; the sound system, though, needs some more tweaking.

But really, Jet (!!! SIGH !!) and Agot stole the show!!!

They spent many minutes under the duvet together while scenes were played out in other parts of the stage. Huhuhuhu!

Text galore

Don't you agree sometimes that texting is like a full-time occupation?! There are days in the office when it seems like all I've done all day is text (for work)! My poor mouse-and-text hand. A thousand messages. Communication.

Those I cannot text, I heart you. ;-)

Capricorn, Aug. 15

Having a healthy sex life can be tremendously healing and therapeutic. That's why you need to take account of your sensual desires, even if you've been raised to ignore them. Give yourself permission to have lustful thoughts and feelings. These sentiments are a profound source of personal power. Your mate will be happy to indulge your need for physical intimacy. If you're single, look for a love interest who is comfortable in their skin.

Hehehehe!

Doing the Deed

Image230
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

And this is how I ended my three-day stint as an ultra-rich pansy. Hehehe!

CONGRATULATIONS, Everyone!!! There you go Mumsicle!! ;-) The deed is done! We have a house :D.

MWAH!

Blueberry Crepe

Image213
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

HEAVEN ON EARTH, Philippines, Metro Manila, Quezon City, Cafe Breton.

HEHEHE.

See the Priestess taking pic with her phone ;-)

Tonight, it's the singing, not the song ;-)

Love, love will keep us together
Think of me babe whenever
Some sweet talkin' girl comes along, singin' a song
Don't mess around, you just gotta be strong

You better stop (stop) cause I really love you (really love you)
Stop (stop) I been thinkin' of you (been thinkin' of you)
Look in my heart and let love keep us together
Whatever (a-ba-da whatever)
I will (ever), I will (ever), I will (ever), I will (ahh)

Clapping and whistling

(Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da)
(Da da da da, da da da da, da da da da)

Love will keep us together
Captain and Tennille

Wala lang, my life as an echo, and a visit from the goddess

How can I not but be an echo, echo, echo, surrounded as I am with witches and priestesses, and goddesses, (and samurais even), enveloped as I am in their eternal love, and ageless wisdom? Love and wisdom is in the air that we breathe, the water that we drink and the food that we partake of. ;-)

Hence, my life as an echo, echo, echo. I tend to repeat repeat repeat the things that I imbibe and understand in my efforts to practice love :-D

So I think that at any given moment, we are always faced with two choices, to go with fear or live in love. It is always a present choice, a choice with consequences rippling in ever widening circles, -- giving love now leading the way to giving more love later, and so on and so forth.

Pagmamahal was never easy, but it is so much easier than living in fear.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind!!!!!!!!!

Remember to open your eyes!!! ;-)

I should like! ;-)

I should like very much to glide down Maginoo St., in a paperboat, on the way to work. It was raining so hard. I wouldn't want to miss work because of rain. I like the people.

I should like to walk up the street, when it's cool and quiet after an afternoon of raining so much, to grab an adobo pan de sal with DD, to talk things over, but not too much. Some things can do with a little less talking over. (DD probably agrees.)

I should like to stop knitting my brows when so many people want so many things of me. Work things. I only want to put the phone down and say "Ssssshhh." (Still, I attend to the things they need when I've taken the time to unfurl my forehead.)

I should like to dab a large spot of avocado green paint on his nose just because I can.

I should like to wave my magic wand over roomie so she'll feel better enough to stand on the deck of SM Baguio (the best SM in the world, sigh) and admire the magnificent view.

I should like does not seem grammatical at all but I should like to make it so :-P (should, meaning I should because I feel like it; like because I like; I should like ;-) ). I should like to twist language to suit me.

Strange Trivia

1. How many pairs of shoes do I keep/ have in my office room? (It was spontaneous. They prefer it here than in my stuffed shoe cabinet.)
2. How many nights in a row have I had beef dinuguan at that airy resto up the road? (It's real good :D).

errr, that's all for now.

new things over, around and about me

1. read that at the time of Josephine Bonaparte, a book cautioned against exposing girls who were getting their periods to "spicy foods or to music in an immoral key"
2. a newfound instinct for incense
2. burn your fears in the fire of your love :-)
3. comb your hair to soothe your spirit
4. sway to the sound of your soul singing (hehe i like the alliteration)

7 things to tell from my cup of coffee

Image206
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

1. I like my coffee strong and sweet.
2. I like coffee.
3. I like to think am strong and sweet :D.
4. Aqua is my now favorite color (and pink :-P).
5. I was once a pansy, a crystal ball reader said, and I am fixated on the idea :-P (obviously)
6. I imagine our attic in the colors of my cup.
7. I tend to get distracted at longish meetings.
8. (In the style of Imelda who starts with 7 and ends up with more) I like to sit beside DD -- whose notebook that is -- at meetings because she's interesting to sit beside with :-P (it saves on text messages).
9. And as much as I like to be silent, I also like to blog about nothing much :-P

Walang Salita

Hmmm. Just came from another blog, Akira's, where the two characters in a series of stories often spend time with each other without saying much. I don't know why, but this appeals to me so much. I am drawn to togetherness that needs no words. I would like to be in more relationships that don't need so many words spoken.

And that desire is not even a judgment on all my relationships that are full of words and conversations, and laughter. I love and enjoy those. But I still can't help wanting more silence, hahaha! Am sure it would make others uneasy, and others would find it strange.

And it's not like I don't even appreciate the magic and power, the necessity and clarity, of words. In fact, am even too particular about words and concepts. But I would like to revel in the silence! A silence that needs no explanations, that attracts no notice, is just part, another marvelous part, of the passing of the day.

:-D

P.S. And I would like this silence, or I imagine this silence -- togetherness and silence -- with someone someone (lol).

Pagmamahal
I still think (it's like my streamer of the moment) that you really can't go wrong with true love. And I really would rather not explain and elaborate because the answer is in the silence (now words necessary ;-)ehehehe, or a truth that takes no verbal proof!).

Aha!!!!

lovely-warm-pinks
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Guess what this color palette means?!?! Hahahahaha! Am so happy to be me :P :D

Again, please

You know when you're happy for no reason? :-D Well, this week it's not like that. Three days into the week and I feel so blessed. As my friends and I like to say, there's more more reasons.

1. I finally have cable again (hahaha!)
2. I had such a great time with a great friend last Sunday, discussing house things over while seated on the floor of our soon-to-be attic.
3. Another friend called up from out of the blue :D
4. We finally gave notice to our landlady, and paid our rent. All is well and she is an angel.
5. I had such a great time walking in the rain and in the breeze in UP last Sunday with another great friend.
6. I had such a great time eating adobo pan de sal from Alex Grill (P39 for i love you - 3 pieces hehehe - pan de sal) while watching Amazing Race 5!

Whew!!!

And then yesterday, even if the rally bored me (there are rallies I greatly enjoy),

7. I had such a great meal when I got back to the house from the rally. Barbecue, rice, indian mango and bagoong! YUM! YUM!
8. And then we've started regular meditations on Mondays!

Finally,
9. Today, I am finally on holiday which gives me time to do some personal stuff that have been waiting to be done for some time now.

WOW.

Bless me and everyone :D

P.S. Oh and in a month's time, I had about a thousand page views here, never mind that about 800 of that is by me, hihihihihihi!

cool!

Monday meditations :D

The animal in me

The weekend could be quite intense, as Mars trines Pluto and Venus opposes it. Some less than desirable feelings may begin to show through - so take it easy, and don't say the wrong thing in a fit of temper.

Ahhh yes, did my share of ranting this weekend. I felt a tad guilty for raining on Customer Service's day but they just weren't giving appropriate service beyond the "We'll note that down Ma'am," which really just means "Adios baby, kiss your request goodbye!" or "Tweedle your thumbs till the next century comes to a close."

And my rant did get results :-(. Surely, I do not wish to have to rant to get things done.

Still, I note the lesson from this experience which is to pay my bills on time! It's not hard to do but I have a particular dislike to paying my cable tv bills.

So it's also true that I did sabotage my service. Now, however, I am paid up and reconnected, and beginning a new chapter in my life with my cable tv provider. Hehehe. Thanks to that Angel who finally got things done when she realized I wasn't getting off the phone till she did something. Thanks Angel, I hope never to rain on your parade again, but you were the sixth I had talked to in six days.

I actually had another bout with the learn-how-to-put-foot-down universal lesson plan this weekend, but ok, ok, the lesson is learned already, the story need not be told :-).

oOo
Imelda
Jee wiz, cheez whiz!

oOo

And, :D!!!! Hehe. "Strangely sweet," in the words of a dear emotera friend.

Hehehehe!

bikinibabeandbro Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Aemon

"Phone." His cuteness!

Image169 Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Velvet beneath persnickety petals

A palpable change. Have been slowly but surely clearing my room of stuff, organized and paid my bills
the last few days, and suddenly I am home again. In my room where I am me. I feel connected. I breathe again.

oOo

Yes, thats it, I thought to myself earlier tonight in a reunion with old gfs, perched cozily on bean bags
around a low table with an open box of pizza (but it was the spicy pasta we all took a liking to). Thats
love. Love transcends all barriers, defies logic, is after all beyond it. It is a true impulse and is not
any less for having been given. Having recognized it, I am inspired.

=====
*Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey*

-At the beginning from Anastasia the movie

Literary Promiscuity

The truth is, I am a book slut. I cant stick to just
one. I am passionate about many - I am passionate
about the back of the book blurbs on books I have yet
to start, I am ecstatic about the first chapters of
those Ive finally begun, and I quite lust for the what
happens next in books I am in the thick of. ...
Tonight on the verge of finishing two dear tomes, I
start on MOTHER WIT: A feminist guide to psychic
development. It reads like the answer to a personal
plea. :D

=====
*Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey*

-At the beginning from Anastasia the movie

On a Binky Lampano afternoon

He's singing, and crooning, and screaming, and shrieking. My soul nods and sways and grooves to his every note and gyration-- for Binky Lampano never stays still, singing. He's nodding and shaking, and singing from the walls, the door, the stage.
 
"But I was told if you got your heart in the right place, everything's gonna be just fine!"
 
We find ourselves on the same vibration, well-matched, this Tuesday afternoon, him on my PC speakers, and me at blogger. It's been going on an hour now, and we are quite well-matched.
 
"Just get outta here and live your life! Don't be a fool and never try! "
 
(Lyrics from Alley Song by Lampano Alley)
 
oOo
 
Here's what my horoscope readings have to say about me today. Patronizing buggers! Think they know better than me!
 
1. You're in a right sulk today, dear Viola (hmm patronizing tone! I take offense hahaha, joke).  ...  Instead of retreating into your shell with an ugly smirk, just say straight out what you want from your relationships, be they with lover or family.
 
Ehehe!
 
2. Better get out that to-do list -- you know, the one you've been deliberately hiding from yourself.
 
Hehehe! I have lots in different bags and pockets :-P
 
oOo
 
I miss Binky Lampano. DD, Buddha and I used to follow his band around.
 
"Ganyan lang, ganyan lang, ganyan lang. Ang buhay natin ay ganyan lang!"
 

TV giggles

1. "Congratulations for being a true person!" Kris Aquino to Desiree del Valle on The Buzz! Hehehehe!
 
Let me just imitate that great (greatly ambiguous) compliment: My friends, congratulations for being true persons! Totoong tao, mwahahahaha :D I dig ya!
 
2. Two funny (so truly Pinoy :-P) ads I caught for the first time today: the Rexona guy raising his arms at every available opportunity (nagyayabang ba), and the "brownout" ad for Globe text and receive (pasaway at pasweet na anak).  
 
3. Yehehey, the Amazing Race 5!!!! Saw a full episode for the first time!!! Cheering for the cousins' tandem for taking their fun moments, and for the father-daughter duo for comeback gumption! Can't wait till they get to the Philippines. There's no telling what can happen!
 
Giggled at that Ch. 23 Amazing Race teaser for next week: "Natanggal si Alison and Donny. Away kasi ng away!" Hehehe! Cute pa naman ang Donny.

Necessary Violence

Damn, it hurt. I was pummeled, hit, stepped on, pulled and pushed from side to side. Many times I felt like shouting ouch! Damn, it felt good! I was on the brink of pleasure and pain and laughter because many times it was also very ticklish.
 
I was hurt. Yet I only paid P300 for it! (and even less actually because they were late).
 
Hehehe. Talk about violence with the aim of getting de-stressed!
 
Worth every peso. Visit the Family Indulgence Spa, across Fersal Hotel on Malakas St.

Closing shop

After a solid six days of meetings (wow, new blogger posting interface, I just noticed), and eating, broken only when on Monday we went to a mob, INDEED, I am a tired vegetable in red and white. And to think for the most part I just 'actively' listened and took notes, but still. And to think that of all the people in my organization, I am already at the bottom quarter for tolerance for long meetings and endless days of work! (Meaning, it's been longer days and nights for the others). And to think, other colleagues still have activities tomorrow!
 
Tomorrow, I will think of other things :-) and take in new experiences:
1. I will to listen to the sound of rain falling on our soon-to-be new house.
2. I will daydream of each room, in that soon-to-be-new house.
3. I will go on some construction materials adventures with roomie.
4. I will accomodate her need to go on more laptop-discovery tours, or rather at this stage, they are already laptop choice-affirmation tours (hehe!).
5. And perhaps in the evening, I shall hang out with the pisces-girl somewhere cool and refreshing. (I think I want some kamias shake.)
 
I want to thank the good souls who have been kind and patient and loving with me this week, and lent a hand at the exact moment I needed it (yes you my cute cuddly charming and funny officemates) and those who continue to be kind and patient and loving with me, after so long :). May I in turn rise to the occasion.
 
And to those who are currently in the grip of their personal "lives," I wish you deep breaths, go on ... deep breaths, deep breaths, innn, ouuut, innn. If it weren't funny, it would be funny, right? Which probably means, it IS funny :D.

Not a moment too soon, and not a moment too late.

In the now.

In the now is in this moment, and what this moment is.

oOo


Thoughts on process.

(Hehe, right now, my blog is only for those who want to move on to page 2. Page 2 however has a beginning. It starts with page one, the main one, this one. :D)

My What Next

If you were to ask me what
I will be doing six months from now
I would say “I know what, but, I know not.”
“Yet.”

For the truth is, I know not exactly
Or where
Or how
Or what. (I lied, earlier :-)!)

Just that I know
I will know
When the time to know
Is right.

This is a time for learning to know all about listening to me in the moment. This is what the runes revealed, on my self I must rely. Guess what it meant? On my centred self, I must rely.

The Reluctant Spiderman Post

(For Dahon)

Uh-oh.

Am I going to be the only one with issues against Spiderman the movie?!?!

I must find some reinforcements before the pansy gets trampled by the madding crowd! Or worse, elephants! Hehehe!

Contain thine ire and read some more :D

A pansy love story

FUN for the brave :-P

Here's how I stumbled upon my real love story.

Leave A Tender Moment Alone

This song popped into my head tonight :D. This one's for you Saree, from our good ole college days (hahahaha, feeling ancient ... nah :D).

by Billy Joel

But if that's how I feel
Then it's the best feeling I've ever known
It's undeniably real
Leave a tender moment alone

@ Gmail

having colored conversations ;-):

themundaneandthedivine
yourgoddessfriend
comeflywithme
foliage
churyaa
chroniclesofprizefighter
spicytuyo
ninais
midnytpasta*

when you log in, check your blogger dashboard page for a link to your gmail account.

*under protest (hehehe!)

p.s. scooterbug, where are my postcards?!? :-(!?#*? ... one or two or three, sometime soon? ;-)

panoramic photo, in words

in my email inbox,
a gf's email - nice long meandering,
punk, well, lives
:D.

not,
his.
still,
i am.

lightning likes brgy. central, i think
rain follows shortly
as always.
maya and i: a raincheck

dd brought me mango crepe
a scoop of vanilla ice cream: still frozen
the mango: still warm.
she pretends she doesn't want any but eats some :D

online:
painting your walls viola, and shelves and beds
on blogs:
keri has a secret. pssst, she said; the color olive, among the greens on a leaf of faith.

later,
reports,
meditations,
peeks into books.

that's my
today.
i
think.

this week, a review:
Monday: meditations with gfs
Tuesday: three witches meet
Wednesday: online
Thursday: i forgot
Friday: disagreement with the central dilemma in Spiderman 2.

Obsessed

my-desktop, originally uploaded by Pansy.

Hehehehe! My desktop!

Would you move a million miles away for love?

This is a hypothetical question for me, because it has never come up. Maybe it belongs to that class of questions we often take up with intimate friends to while away many a lazy afternoon, something like that gut-wrenching dilemma -- toothache or heartbreak? Or it could be one of those non-applicable “trick” questions that seem to bring out “the true colors” of one’s character. Something in the realm of an ex-lover asking me -- if he were the Russell Crowe character in the movie A Beautiful Mind, would I also stand by him the way the wife did in the movie version? I think I answered no, and that is perhaps one of the main reasons why we haven’t ended up together! Hehehe! But I digress.

I think the above is an interesting and entertaining question, perhaps more applicable to Filipinos whom we see living – working heartbreakingly hard or thriving – in most parts of the world. In fact, if there were jobs and lovers to be found in Pluto, maybe we would be there too :-).

Mulling over it, I think I would have answered this question differently at various parts of my life. As a teenager awash in romance books, and firmly entrenched in the Cinderella syndrome, I probably would have said yes, faster than you can say, well, yes. After all, wasn’t lurvvveee the entire point of living? (At this point, I would like to assure everyone that I am definitely already at least 17 years older than this younger self, and much less blind, hehe!).

Several years ago, I might have said, well, maybe not move away strictly just for love?!?! Hello?!?! Aren’t we our own persons?! And isn’t love just the icing on the cake? What kind of crap is that to give up your personhood, and your world, just to be with your love?!? What a surefire way to end up unhappy, and ultimately, unloved. ... So maybe my final answer then might have been, yes, maybe move a million miles, but not just for love. I’d have to make sure that I would be moving for a job and love, or an education, and love. Love, alone, I would have said, just wouldn’t have been reason enough.

Well right where I am typing this at this very minute, the question brings to mind my many friends who have made such a leap, and yes, are still actually making many other leaps.

HB and her love made a pact to each other not to be separated for long periods. So while this decision entailed many sacrifices for HB, it was their decision, their judgment call as a couple to value their togetherness more than many of the other things that moving away together a million miles, placed in the balance.

Despite long nights with us pleading with her to proceed with more caution, my tita in Germany took a huge leap and left for Europe last year with the possibility of not coming back for a very long time -- to try and see if love with her German guy could work out. Before she left, a friend tried to shock her into being sensible by conjuring visions of Pinays’ heads in bottles stored in European basements by their murderers (sorry for this graphic illustration, but he was doing it with the aim of “making her see sense”). She’s still there with her now-hubby, and we are looking forward to rollicking on the beaches of Boracay with them this coming December.

I also remember a dear Kastila (hehehe!), a dear friend from Spain, who followed his Filipina girlfriend from their European university home to her country, in a spectacular reversal of roles. Turning his back on his decidedly bigger income, he came over, found himself a job, and started living a more austere and slightly poor life as a Spanish guy in the Philippines, victim to the constant kakulitan and jokes of his nice and sweet officemates (us, hehehe!). Many mosquito bites, and bouts with food poisoning later, he and his beloved were wed, and are now with kid, in Latin America.

My point is not the happy endings because, the truth is, there are no endings, and like I said, they are still taking leaps. I am just happy for the fact that these friends of mine looked closely at their options, and, probably with their hearts thudding in their throats, made their decisions aware that these involved making sacrifices, and yet also potentially involved reaping rewards.

Where I am right now, would I move a million miles away for love? Some thoughts, some more complete than others:

1. Sacrifices are sacrifices. They involve loss, heartbreak, and they probably won’t feel good. In fact, they probably will feel extremely painful. … My thought as of now is that maybe, if we learn to discern with our hearts, and follow our intuition regarding some “sacrifices,” maybe the “pain” that these sacrifices bring will actually lead us to more joy.

I think a person wondering whether or not to move a million miles for love, faces the huge great big unknown. As such, it would be easy to say, stop, enough already, be sensible. But what if out of fear of the unknown, out of fear of making too big a sacrifice, the person fails to see the potential for joy, and yes, love, that this sacrifice could bring?

I don’t have the answers, just the meditation that in making decisions, we be aware not just of the potential pain but also of the potential joy.

2. Let me also argue the flipside. Romance can be fatal, a dear teacher has said so many times. In our world women are socialized, brought up to think that they only prove their worth, become persons, when they are in romantic relationships. Without boyfriends, husbands, partners, men in their lives, women become losers. Hence, spinster and old maid are derogatory terms, rather than words simply stating one’s preference or current choice.

In the name of romance and love, many’s the woman with blinders who has ultimately given up herself and sacrificed her life. In that sense and that context, I say f*** romance! I ask you, f*** love too?

3. Hehehe! That latter query brings me to that classic autograph question. So dear Watson, What is love? What is the true nature of love?

Answer that for yourselves, dear readers, if you have gotten this far! (hehe!) All I really wanted was to shoo away the romantic notions we have of love that often quite literally bring us to our knees.

And also, if you are not yet on a journey, to interest you in a personal/ spiritual quest on love. :-)

Those who want to share about love, please do so freely on the comments box below. I would love to hear and learn from you. :-)

4. I think beyond fear, and pain and joy, we ARE love :D

Would I move a million miles away for love? ;-) At this point, your guess is as good as mine :-D.

Key Phrases

Energy drain.
Feel your center.
...
The off-kilter ferris wheel.
Listen to the silence in your heart.

SOUL CARD 1:

FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS
Will blaze a trail by finding the right words.
Listen to the silence in your heart, and you will know.
You are where you need to be right now, it is part of preparing yourself.
There is a lot of support from the universe for what you are supposed to do.
You have the vision, and the capacity to work towards that vision.

SOUL CARD 2:
Stop going around in circles.
Take the other option.
Another classroom with more friendly mentor-student energies. Brick.
Decisively, end this to free your thinking energy for the other thing.
Listen to the silence in your heart, and you will know.

SOUL CARD 3:
It's up to you.
You have the capacity to imbue the house with spirit.
A Sunday kind of day. Garden set, books around. Calamansi and pineapple juice.

SOUL CARD 4:
Conflicted but you can help it.
An impulse based on love is good.

:-)

Stop by the The Center for Touch Drawing and stare at those beautiful soul cards.

When Saturday is a Sunday

Image105, originally uploaded by Pansy.

A lovely lovely day ...

When I woke up on Saturday, I caught Tin Cup on HBO (nice!) and made arrangements with The Priestess for brunch. After fuming and feeling sad at the sheer stubborness of the Kevin Costner character, I showered and dressed in cheery RED and white SHORTS, a tee shirt and my nice chinelas (hehe!). Shorts are the pansy's ultimate favorite wear :D, and perfect for a breezy windy Saturday-Sunday.

We landed at Baang, our new favorite coffee shop down by Morato. (You see you can do Baang several different ways :-D: Such as Saturday brunch for a plate of Filipino tapa or tocino with great coffee, or as after-party place for nice coffee and cake, or for afternoon refreshments: dig their black forest freeze.)

Ordering, our goddess friend interrupted by cellphone, exclaiming over Milan the movie and protesting over the choice of lead actress (well HB, we still think, Claudine was great in that movie hehehe!)

Seated at Baang, had a wonderful time catching up with the Priestess, and this is when I thought that easy and effortless intimacy, between partners and between gfs -- between "mga magka-relate" really -- is a gift of time together, trust and unconditional acceptance.

Took a long walk along Morato and ended up poring over many yummy books at Books for Less at Roces including The Priestess current rave, a book of triangles, a shape I often reflect on, for its many advantages and unique strength :D.

A leisurely soulful freeflowing Saturday is in the tradition of Sunday's best. :D

Pictures to share

Mischief-maker, ever ;-)

lee Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Gf, I smile with your smile :)

rudie Originally uploaded by Pansy.

I have beautiful gfs :)! And I don't mean their looks :-) (they are cuties but that's not what I mean :-) )

greenbelt gfs Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Stolen shot by the Priestess. I wonder what those thoughts were about?!?

stolenshot Originally uploaded by Pansy.

am listening

Learning to trust your intuition is key if you're going to realise your personal power. Too often, you let others tell you what you should be feeling and thinking. By isolating yourself from the crowd for just an hour each day, you will begin to tune into your subconscious and understand who you really are. Some radical changes will result from your newfound independence. Break free of restrictive relationships and situations.

Interesting week

and to think it's only Tuesday.

First time
It was my first time to be in a mobilization dispersed with teargas. Yes, strange but true (but knowing me, maybe not at all strange). ... On occasions that involve or potentially involve violence, men always seem more "trigger-happy" if you get my drift. Many of them will provoke violence, heedlessly, un-mindful of the consequences. Mothers will want to stay safe, always thinking of the safety and security of their children, knowing that there is more at stake than what is immediately visible in a heated moment.

I wish more men would think of their children.

Questions
(ah basta ah :D ... questions...emailed to the universe)

Can you feel the wind blowing?

at this moment

Oooops, not my house. Next, please :-). (Dahon, this reminds me of Claire and Henry house-hunting and Henry running to the back window to look at the view.)

HB, Thanks for the support :D.
Rudie, Thanks for sharing :D. Enjoy _____! (Well you do, but I just want to say it, haha!)
Roomie, You're madaldal but I love you anyway :-D.
and you, I miss you ;-) (MWEHEHEHEHE!).

Talking to myself and feelin'... Hanging around, some kind of happy clown, rainy days and Tuesdays ...make me happy!

Yum Things To Come

As I complained to my friend who won't show me his pics of his new apartment in-the-works, it's the journey not the destination :D. And I've got the entire New Age-psych-spiritual-gobbledygook universe backing me up on that one, so there! :D

I, myself, am excited. Currently anticipating many things yum.

We hope to move into a new house sometime soon, and it's taking all my willpower not to start packing my bags, and labeling boxes and bags (i.e. third floor, second floor, third floor). I have almost written down the guest list for the housewarming party, and plan to ask for flowers, plants, and good wishes (*GRIN*). I am ready to get a tape measure and see where my favorite blue bookshelf is going to go.

Also. I am letting loose a journal into the world, in honor of Rudie's birthday. Came across a copy of the journal version of Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much and want to share it with those who can feel it ;-). Told the Priestess I couldn't possibly keep it, since there is no way that I am a "woman who does too much!" Hehehe!

Was going to give it to you Rudie, but am still giving it to you too, in a way. It's such a huge book and am sure you'll be happier to have everyone involved in it anyway, share-share-love-love person that you are :D.

Ok folks, have just the kind of week that you need ;-) (no pressure for it to have to be happy!). Let's anticipate together the coming full moon in Capricorn. It's on Friday, and we're on! ;-)

Gone walking ;-)

One my truly serious reasons for not wanting to move into a condo a few kilometers from my own present personal galaxy is because it would deprive me of the pleasure of walking to the corner store (ang tindahan sa kanto), our own "personal" 24-hour convenience store that happens to sell my favorite choclit for quick comfort, ehehehe (one of these days you might think I need to be on those Oprah episodes on emotional eaters).

Particularly on rainy stop dry stop rainy stop cool Saturdays like today. Am off walking and will take a raincheck on writing about this Sunday Saturday.*

*I'll leave you with that assignment :-P. When does a Saturday become a Sunday? :D

And happy birthday today, Rudie Mae Brown. Found you another birthday gift. Dang, but I already got you one before this one. I hate it when this happens! Hehehe, Capricorns!

Just bloomin' ;-)

Hihihihi. Am such a! Such a distracted pansy ! Such a head in the clouds woman! If you need me, or need me to do something for you, you better trip me so I can glance up, and go, "huh? oh yes! you wanted the ..." And I bet, I'd be happy to do it for you :D, and hopefully, I don't lose the strand of ... doing ... it.

Oh, I'm a happy Viola ... for the most part. ... Oh, ok, I admit it. I AM a happy Viola. Grin. There's just no explanation. Well, there is ... but it's not really THE explanation ... am really just happy... Like an internet addict floating from link to link, getting mesmerized (word of the month), oohing, ahhing, soaking it all in, and going my way merrily again, with no direction in mind ... But yes, I am an internet addict. Hehehe!

After a refreshing trip last week, I had some TRULY BORNOT days, where I am so glad for you if you did not cross my path at all (hehehe!). It was so bad it reminded me of when I was young and Capricorn, instead of 30++ and Capricorn :-D.

Then I started the week with a list of Things To Do, all very good intentions. But then, there came Another List of Things To Do, not of my doing, but that's just the way it is. So now I end the week with my Original List of Things To Do, having had to do The Other List of Things To Do. But what the heck, I don't really care. What I mean is, I don't really mind it :D. There is still the weekend to do some doing.

In the meantime, I surf and blog, and I am happppppy.

When a period is not punctuation.
The Priestess has this thing when she hears/ feels something "pop" (oh, it's not for me to really explain about this "pop" ;-)) each month, and it feels some kind of alay, an achy feeling that's not painful but is uncomfortable, as if a part of you is tired and just wants to crawl under the sheets in a cool airconditioned room (but then again we can't really have parts of ourselves going off to sleep, can we, leaving other parts behind??? Unless we were manananggals or something?).

So about two weeks ago, I felt this "alay" feeling somewhere in my abdominal area, and the Priestess and I guessed that this must mean that in two weeks, I was getting my period. I mean I've certainly felt this feeling before, but am only noticing it now, what with the Priestess and her "poppings" (hehehe!).

Yesterday, I got my period. And today, I woke up to a cellphone reminder, saying simply, "Period." A reminder I set two weeks ago when I felt that feeling.

Wala lang :-D. The wonders of being in touch with one's body.

Jolly Meal
Like this afternoon, I got REALLY hungry. Hehehe! But we were in the middle of a mob (a rally, if you will... a protest-action... a traffic hazard... or an expression of one's politics... or standing up to the subversion of the will of the people! so there! hahaha ;-)) so it wasn't the thing to disappear in the middle of the noise barrage, and pop (:-D) into the nearest Jollibee, the one at the corner of the spot on which we were so mobilized.

But anyway, after the mob, we did go into the Jollibee, and once again I was a happy Viola with my jolly hotdog and chocolate ice cream shake, and a regular glass of diet coke. Hahaha! (and a table full of jolly officemates ;-) too)

Life is often such pure wonder ;-)!

And a diary, too.
Oh, and after all this blogging, got this urge some days ago to dig out my green journal from someone from years ago and start scrawling away... you know, with ink and all, the old-fashioned way ;-).

A Lazy View

This is what the beach on Samal facing Davao City, looks like when you're a lazy pansy, who opted to put her feet up on a chair to read the Da Vinci Code instead of running straight into the sea :-D. (Swam later :-D).

Image236 Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Refreshed

Davao was good for me.

It was a happy Viola that flew in from Davao, late on Saturday night. Dressed as me in the most-est -- low-rise camel shorts, light green top, and sandals -- PLUS a splendid red-orange sarong printed with fishes in gold (originally a present for someone, but obviously I've claimed it, hehe!) – I felt, REFRESHED. Unlike other trips that would leave me bereft, lonely, tired or disconnected, this time around, I felt FULL. How so very different from the sniffling, tired, and harassed me that flew off at break of dawn on Wednesday.

Aside from the obvious benefits of being refreshed, this feeling is noteworthy because my rune reading mentioned it -- that I would take a trip and that this trip would be good. I didn’t expect it as it seemed like it was going to be nondescript travel. But I was wrong.

Scorpio Boss
It was my first time to work closely with the Scorpio boss. I kept feeling my way thru it, not sure if the Capricorn staff was supposed to take care of the Scorpio boss or not. I was at my diplomatic friendly best, all supportive and helpful. And Scorpio boss was fun to be with -- boy, was I glad she was in a good mood! Her passionate self spent four hours talking, and gamely singing and partying with the other chapter folks that night.

It was good for us both to get to know each other, and work together.

Through the overhead projector, dimly.

The Davao Activity
My main purpose was as one-person reference manual on all things pertaining to our national office. I am happy to say I was of help, and that it was a good thing that I was there to clarify some things, and to give relevant information.

I was also happy to be there. It was a fruitful exercise in organizational diagnosis and strengthening, and I think only good things can come from the Davao people undergoing such a process. The facilitators were very good. They know and appreciate the importance of our organization; they are steeped in the movement, and had organizational tools and tricks at their fingertips. And none of the protective pride and arrogance that may come with having too much of a stake in the process and the outcome. Plus, they were quite funny.

I also enjoyed the rare novelty of listening to Cebuano/ Bisaya. It has peculiarities and humor all its own.

Post Planning
I contemplated long and hard on de-virginizing my taste buds and tasting durian fruit for the first time (also at the vehement urging of Scorpio boss, a durian fanatic). I was almost going to with the Davao chapter people, but I was overtaken by events.

I met up with Pisces Girl and her Davao friends. Or more accurately, met up with her friends and then some four hours later, with Pisces girl and more friends. The four hours in between involved meeting up with nice friendly strangers and taking an exciting ride in a nice car through kilometers of bananas. The exciting part was this: we were almost running on empty (read: gas indicator blinking red) in a deserted part of the highway near the Davao Penal Colony (read: heinous crime prisoners said to walk “freely” thru the banana fields) unfamiliar to all three of us in the car, and with no cellphone coverage. Think __________________(insert title of horror movie here). Hehe!

The next day, we trooped to the nearby beach on Samal Island, part of the magic that is Davao – beach five minutes away, and mountains fifteen minutes away.

Thank Goddess for the fish sister and her friends, I was able to experience a little bit more on this trip. And hence, at the end, was refreshed.

Hope to get back there sometime, for a longer look-see, with more natives to share the beauty of their home city with me.

Thank you to everyone who took care of the goat girl -- from friends back home and in Germany who kept me company thru lonely moments at the convent, to the accommodating Davao chapter people especially its tireless Sec-Gen, and to Pisces girl (and her friends) with whom I share many things divine.

Postscript


My Stash. Obviously, I went amok for sarongs, brilliant aquas, oranges, soft pinks, royal blues! Aaaaaaaah!!!!!!!! Heaven is a confusing place. Made it back in time for the afternoon session, shaking from hunger, blinded by sarong nirvana (hehehe!). Disclaimer: People asked me to buy for them, so it wasn’t all mine, let me make it clear ;-).

As if from a novel. L said that the durian season in Davao is also a season of death. Apparently, the ecstatic pleasure of eating durian – the overpowering aroma, the unique taste, the heat that suffuses one’s body – comes with the risk of ostentatiously upping one’s blood pressure, leading to many an untimely death of a durian-loving denizen.

Short Notes from Last Sunday

Psychic-ese, part 2
(Part 1 has yet to be written because life has to be lived :D)

Some sisters and I (not nuns :-D) were talking about psychics and readings, and how the best psychic is the one who is grounded in the person’s reality/ persona/ energy, and the best readings are often those that are interactive because the psychic is able to fine-tune and adjust their “radars”/ third-eye/ images to you. (Skeptics will recommend that you give no clues to test if the psychics can really read but this is often counter-productive. Hehe! A bit like karma, you get what you put out!)

a prelude to a friend’s post on why she interrupts
I thought about this after having a conversation with a dear friend, wherein I was verbalizing my 25 cents worth (oh, and they’re often worth quite more than that, hehe) on some of her very personal issues. And I thought how helpful it is when she jumps right in and says a quick reaction or two to whatever it is that I am saying whenever we are having one of these conversations. Because then I need not cover half of the universe of possibilities, formulate an entire theory, or gallop away on my high horse. Instead, we are grounded, real, non-judgmental and supportive, and are able to more quickly offer our fine-tuned kindness and support, and our different perspectives.

For quite often we need our friends to see the forest when we only see the trees or to see the trees when we are mesmerized by the forest. Or when we think hurt, and forget to think love. Or think love, without thinking anger.

Shoe stories
Now you know that I am not really so very deep :-P after all

I just love it when after trying so hard to wear a pair of shoes, and not succeeding for one reason or the other – just not my mood this year, too bright, too dull, too whatever – I come back to it after a year or so (it could take years, believe me), and suddenly that old half-forgotten pair of shoes is my new best friend.

This has happened to my brown sneakers that I bought in Amsterdam in 1998, that was my best friend last year. This last week or so, it’s the red pair. :-P

Break even
Have a cold. So went to the grocery store for emergency supplies: tissues, box of premium orange juice, calamansi, oatmeal, nonfat milk, vitamin C and iron supplements (for my memory hehe), wheat bread.

And a chocolate bar. Hehe. Chocolate for comfort and calamansi for nutrition. Perfect combination, affirmed the Priestess.

Right. Am not supposed to drink coffee as this sucks out the body’s Vitamin C that I sorely need right now. But I can’t stand not drinking coffee. So I figured, with all my vitamin C replenishments, and the coffee, I’d just about break even. What? I won’t get well? :-P

Single, hard-headed and partially up to no good.

Davao, Wed June 16

Eyes crossing in and out for sleepiness!

Bad Day for Blogs

Am sick again! I have too much fun.

Hehehe! I think am enjoying this bad day concept too much such that it can't be a bad day anymore. SIGH.

Nurse, add more calamansi to the IV please.

P.S. That btw is my gmail. Anyone else want gmail?

The Late and the Divine

An excerpt from my horoscope for today wants to talk to all of those who color my world:

Have patience and compassion for those that have problems being on time. Some folks may not be there on the dot, but they provide the world with other things besides punctuality.

HEHEHE! How self-serving.

The Obligatory Harry Potter 3 Post

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

1. I agree with samurai girl's fervent feelings about Daniel Radcliffe. Didn’t that scene where he was in bed, reading under the covers just make you want to slip into the bed with him?! … And those lips! (smirk, dirty old woman alert :D)

2. Remember that scene when Harry was on scary bird (sorry didn’t catch his name :-D, I’m a simpleton), flying low over this wonderful lake by Hogwarts? Remember he was holding on tight? Well it was because the Egyptian Temple Priestess screamed out, “Pangapyot!” to him, just at that moment. (And if you had a time tunnel, you could go back and catch that moment when the Egyptian Temple Priestess advised Harry.) But the thing is, this is the first time I’ve learned that Harry can understand Ilonggo. Hihihi… wizards!

3. Also, I ruminate on that stone, that stone that Hermione threw at herself thru the window. Just imagine! If it hadn’t looked like the stone that someone had thrown at her thru the window, then she might never have thought to throw it! Nice thoughtfully recognizable stone :D

4. This time tunneling thing. I love it. It’s so Time Traveler’s Wife. Thank you for lending it to me Dahon via the legal book-smuggling efforts of the aforementioned Priestess :D.

5. You know when you scream at the scary parts? It’s the best! It makes every peso of your P65 peso worth it. Even if it makes the people in front of you look over their shoulders with alarming frequency. Hihihihi. Besides, it wasn’t just me. It was also (mostly?) the Egyptian Temple Priestess! And I bet she would blame the Dementors for it!! Scary!!!

Oh what fun :D. Especially after having cleaned out a 16-page document the whole afternoon.

P.S. I haven’t read the book yet. What an illiterate person I am.

My Elements

Thanks bestfriend witch for the quiz. hehe! I agree that I am the least fire than anything else. Am I really more air than water? What do you think sisters?

Find out your elements!. Take the Ivillage quiz!

Am I Right for Him?
(What kind of question is that?! Eeeewww! Rather, is he right for me? And just who is he??? LOL!)

Whatever your Sun Sign may be, you most likely display a mixture of energies based on how the four astrological Elements configure themselves in your chart. Most people feel primarily one or two Elements' influence in their lives; finding out which ones rule you can indicate what types of mate you attract and how you match up with them! Just remember -- whatever your Sun Signs or ruling Elements are, there's nothing that a little love and a whole lot of understanding can't smooth over!

My Results
You scored 40% Earth
You approach life in an Earthy way -- you're grounded, sensual, practical and reliable. Perhaps you have some Earth Signs in your birth chart. If your Mr. Perfect is an Earth Sign -- a Taurus, a Virgo or a Capricorn -- he's probably attracted to you for your dependability and loyalty, not to mention your utter sensuality. The Water Signs -- Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces -- also make great matches for Earth Signs; if your man is a Water Sign, he's a bit of an emotional dreamer who appreciates you for the way you provide him with a firm, steady base. If he's a Fire or an Air Sign, yours might be a case of "opposites attract"! If he's an Aries, a Leo or a Sagittarius, he might find your relaxed, sensual nature a bit too, well, relaxed; if he's a Gemini, a Libra or an Aquarius, he might be interested in something other than your witty repartee.


You scored 30% Air
You've got the markings of an Air Sign -- a Gemini, a Libra or an Aquarius. You may have some Air in your birth chart, since you tend to approach things from an intellectual point of view and can't sustain an attraction to someone who doesn't stimulate you mentally, first and foremost. For that reason, your Mr. Right might be an Air Sign as well, as yours would truly be a meeting of the minds (and wits). If he's a Fire Sign -- an Aries, a Leo or a Sagittarius -- he might not be as into art and literature as you are, but he's still likely to appreciate your scintillating wit and fun, social nature! If he's an Earth or a Water Sign, you two might be meeting on some other level. If he's a Taurus, a Virgo or a Capricorn, he loves your mind but might wish it were a bit more focused or dedicated; if he's a Cancer, a Scorpio or a Pisces, he might try to get you to spend more time at home with him, emoting.


You scored 20% Water
You may feel Water's influence in your birth chart, since you certainly feel it in your daily life -- you're sensitive, emotional and deep, possessed of a poetic and romantic nature. If your man is a Water Sign as well -- a Cancer, a Scorpio or a Pisces -- you're probably a great match, since you share an intuitive connection and you both have compassionate, understanding natures! If he's an Earth Sign -- a Taurus, a Virgo or a Capricorn -- he loves you for your deeply emotional nature, and loves to provide you with the grounding influence you need. If he's a Fire or an Air Sign, yours may not have been the most natural or immediate of connections -- which isn't to say it can't work between you. If he's an Aries, a Leo or a Sagittarius, he might find you a bit too clingy and sensitive for his tastes; if he's a Gemini, a Libra or an Aquarius, he might be a bit put off or intimidated by the emotional way in which you approach the world.


You scored 10% Fire
You've got lots of Fire energy motivating your actions and desires; you may have some Fire in your birth chart. If the man of your dreams is a Fire Sign -- an Aries, a Leo or a Sagittarius -- your connection will be truly hot and a lot of fun. However, your relationship might just be combustible, so watch out that you don't burn one another alive! If your Mr. Right is an Air Sign -- a Gemini, a Libra or an Aquarius -- it's also a good match; Air fuels Fire and helps it spread, and Fire Signs always keep Air Signs interested and guessing! If your man is an Earth or a Water Sign, yours might be a bit less than a perfectly smooth and flowing relationship. If he's a Taurus, a Virgo or a Capricorn, your heady energy and risky behavior might put him on edge; if he's a Cancer, a Scorpio or a Pisces, you might be a bit too insensitive for him -- though he's so sensitive himself, he probably won't say anything about it.

And that's my fun for today :-D.

P.S. Champorado or choco donut?

Why I love OPM, part 1

(It may really only be part one, but who cares?)

Sixteen years (as in exactly!) after moving into the metro as a young provincial lass (not exactly, but kinda), I have never and will never (not that I really want to) metamorphose into the sophisticated worldly urbanite.

For one, I will always have a soft, often gleefully enthusiastic spot for OPM! And will always do “tangkilikin ang pelikulang Pilipino!”*

Because don't you just feel that it is in OPM that one can find the sweet Pinoy soul? Our gentle and loving essence? As in! You know.

It’s like this old Rey Valera song, that goes:

Tandaan mo na lang ang sasabihin ko sa 'yo
Ang pag-ibig kong ito’y di magbabago
Kahit malayo ka sa piling ko
Umula’t bumagyo ayos lang
Wag kang mangangamba ayos lang
Kumusta ka mahal ko ayos ba
Sana’y di pa rin nagbabago…

______
*As of this moment, my goal though is "tangkilikin ang pelikulang French," even just one or two!

P.S. Kumusta ka mahal ko, ayos ba? ;-)

See you later, girl

Last night, had that traditional-landline-to-landline-giggle-giggle-complain-about-everything-because-I'm-happy-anyway* phone conversation with the-one-who-got- married-on-my-birthday-and-who-lives-right-across-the-globe** girlfriend.

Thank you for calling. And follow the links! Hehe! (still your usual bossy Capricorn friend :-P)

*Because if you were really unhappy you probably wouldn't be complaining, you'd just be in silent despair.

**If you stick a very very long stick from Panay Island, Philippines and push with all your might, it'll come out at her Germany hehe!

Long locks

(to the tune of Francis M: Cold Summer Nights, round and round it goes, but isn’t that Spandau Ballet?)

I have long hair. It’s official. And I am the official saying so (hehe!). It goes past my very short neck (hehe) and bobs about somewhere on my shoulders.

I keep noticing it because with the onset of the monsoon season, I no longer feel the need for the refreshing ponytail (oh but I love ponytails too!). Especially because when I rush out of the house in the morning, my hair is still some kind of damp. And after lunch, especially when there’s a typhoon, it’s still damp. Caramba!

Feminist that I am (oh yes :D ), I have always been open to suggestions made by male SO’s about my hair. I don’t own it as much as I own my shoes so I kinda go ahead and try what they are fantasizing about (ehehe). A few years ago, I had it cut barber-short. I liked it too. In fact, it suits me better than long.

But now’s the time to grow it long. I like the feel of it when am in spaghetti’s. Or spaghettini’s. I wish I could say, I have long hair, in the sense of “girl, ang haba ng hair mo, abot hanggang floooor.” (expression used to mean a girl is getting attention that she wanted, or that she likes?). But, that is not yet true. One of these days, though, it shall happen ;-), you betcha.

Am an optimist, and I admit it ;-)! It hurts less and feels better. I highly recommend it :-D.

But in the meantime, am shampooing and brushing, and “it follows” (sumusunod sa galaw mo, sumusunod ;-))!

P.S. Sorry roomie but your energizing shampoo doesn’t do it for me :D. Still, I believe you, for you. Happy birthday tomorrow!

Follow Your Bliss

JOSEPH CAMPBELL: If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.

Gazillions

Gazillions to do!!!!!
Pansy, pay attention!!!!

House-hunting, maybe

As intutive reader Bong said (this is all my own words so please excuse him if I get it all wrong), imagine what it is that you want (in this case he was referring to work), and how you would feel doing what you want, and feel that feeling. The opportunity will manifest itself. The universe listens.

Walked around in the rain yesterday afternoon, looking at townhouses. (I love walking around in the rain even if it's so tiring! Hehe!). It made me remember all the reasons why roomie and I chose this apartment, three years ago, over the others that we looked at.
1. The bedroom windows take up one whole wall.... airy!!!!
2. There is air and light from both sides of downstairs.
3. The bedrooms were bigger than most of the usual apartments.
4. The kitchen counters were longer than most of the usual apartments.
5. Being part of a compound adds to a feeling of safety, that there are others around you. It's not immediately the street!

There are really only two things that could be better where I live right now. Closet space and the cats!!!!!

But here's my working townhouse.
Airy, with large windows. Has a porch, has only two floors, but three large bedrooms. Has an airy area at back for doing the laundry. My clothes must get their amount of sun :-)! Kitchen too that gets some air, to dissipate all the cooking smells. Huge closet space and some space that can be made into a work area. Does not need to be air-conditioned (ahhh, the cost of electricity!).

In two words: airy and bright!

See you, house of momma ;-)

Saturday

One myth shatters.
The memories shift.

Still,
many matters are clarified.

in the stones

Here's some of what my rune reading on the 21st of May had to say.

That this is a period to learn to be self-reliant. To try not to give and receive help, to not reach out, to not be abused. To keep to myself for a while. This was the theme, and the runes say that this is important.

(So if anyone notices that I've been keeping out of your hair lately, this is it. Not a bad thing. Just my For Now.)

Paradoxically, the runes also said that I should be alone in crowds, and not by myself in my room. I write this up because one of my most peaceful, happiest moments lately was lying in the hammock -- a most splendid comfy duyan -- at Terra Rikka, reading Josephine B., and listening to my colleagues drink, sing and carouse (laughing by myself at their jokes! hihihi) at the next table. To be in company and yet not be company!

Also, I have noticed that I tend to be happier at home when roomie is around somewhere. Or if I know that am going to go out and breathe different air with a friend at some point in the day, rather than have the whole day to myself (even though I need to sit down and write a gazillion documents, and for this I need to be alone for long stretches :-D. Or get a laptop and work at a coffee shop, and get mugged on the way home. Hehehe!).

Other stuff that came up, noted down here in a rush of words: lovelife (what you sow you reap, so you sow good, reap good in a year), female authority figures are good (follow what your boss has to say), yes there is enough resources in the family on the matter of houses, there's going to be strange communication from someone from your past (hmmm, did that just happen yesterday. maybe?), partnership with someone but not about love will be fab.

Corrections and additions might come care of the owner of the lost and found green notebook :D

TMaTD Friday

The Divine

Had a date this am ;-).

With one of the only two (or four?) people in the world who can summon me across Metro Manila on a Friday morning (not on time though, hehe!). Daddy-O.

GRIN. Spent a few hours on updates on the Towers of the Philippines and their various antics -- the comic, the tragic, and the heartwarming. As anyone from a large, extended family knows, it's always a bit Isabel Allende's House of the Spirits-like, very magic realism.

[aside: and having just recently emerged, blinking, from the years of the French Revolution via part one of the fictionalized version of Josephine Bonaparte's diaries, life is always a bit the same through the centuries!]


The Mundane

1. Do I eat oatmeal before a party? Am sooo hungry, and I love milky oatmeal on a cold rainy day. But dinner-party's starting in an hour!!!

2.
TMaTD: hmmm this is not healthy behavior ... (talking about TMaTD clicking activities :-P)
TMaTD: fax who cares ... (gives up on self-judgment, indulges anyway)
thevelvetd: there's no such thing as snooping on the internet ... (supportive)
This is how stalkers are created.

3. Oh, and my copy of the Da Vinci Code is lying desolate in the postal office. I just got the notice today. It awaits me! (thanks to the kind Capricorn soul who sent it :-) ). Your rewards will reverberate from this lifetime to the next ;-).

P.S. hehe!

Dancing behind closed doors

One of the frills of being alone in an office room is dancing to Michael Jackson (that alleged perv hehehe!) to your heart's content, without anyone knowing!

We are the world, we are the future .... HUH?!? Hahahaha.

Dogged Evening

For the third time in the month of May, Ive found myself having to announce (declare? explain? ASSERT!) to the next door neighbors askal dog that I live here. And therefore could he please quit barking and move away from my gate so I could get in?

To Whom It May Concern

:-P :D :-) teee heee heee

An important matter on names:
I'm on a baptizing spree, and have named myself different names for different people (just this moment and maybe only until 12 midnight). I am Maria Eula to the Lioness because we are new non-Catholic fans of Mary. I am fat eula sings with the eqyptian priestess because I also must have a name only for her blog, and if you will visit her blog, you'll know why (no there isn't a fat picture of me there, but there's a poem and it's not about me :D hehe! but i can relate with it, but more widely ;-) ).

Ahh, but I am sweetheart to myself. Hehehehe! And will always be HB to HB (unless I forget and remember our real names! :-D).

Sightings

My friends have been in the company of my ex-bfs in this past week. What a happy thought!!!! There's Proof! These men - well, 2 -- exist! I once had a lovelife!

Hehehehehe! [pansy chuckling, poking fun at self].

122 years ago

Maybe it's the way a pansy in the fields looks up at the sky, that celestial events are so fascinating. Here's what astrologer Kelli says about next week.

Rare Transit of Venus: June 8, 2004
Get ready for an extremely special, very rare astronomical event: On Tuesday, June 8, the silhouette of Venus will cross the disc of the Sun. It's like an extraordinary kind of eclipse -- the last time it happened was in 1882. This won't happen again until 2012, and after that not until 2117.

Astrologically speaking, this rarity has some amazing implications. The life-giving Sun represents consciousness, while Venus symbolizes the feminine -- the power of love, relating and consensus; the principles of diplomacy and protocol; artistic endeavors; and (last but not least!) money or value. With Venus so tightly aligned with the Sun, these ideas are likely to be very much in the zeitgeist. Look for women of power (Condoleezza Rice, Martha Stewart or Hillary Clinton, perhaps) to be in the news -- or issues of women's power. Important partnerships may be announced in the financial world, or a milestone in world currency, or news about conduct or propriety. Venus is a lover, not a fighter, so this transit could also be promising in terms of a worldwide peace movement.

On a personal level, relationships may be profoundly influenced, so be mindful about matters of the heart -- be sure to balance the give-and-take. Bear in mind, too, that Venus is retrograde during this period, so things may be going on beneath the surface in the love and relating department. This may not be the best time to make permanent decisions about partnerships (though you may be tempted to!). For best results, keep the lines of communication -- and your heart -- wide open.

'Tis June

Get into the habit of believing. - egroups horoscope. I LIKE that. [full smile]

As for my lovelife, "there may be competition you're not aware of. If you don't make a bold move soon, someone could steal your beloved away." - Russell Grant horoscope. I DON'T LIKE that. [ominous toothy grin]