naliligaw (na post)

It always happens quite quickly. I may be a woman of few desires (a few desired men :P) but I always seem to know within the length of the first real long time together that I want him. I can go for years and years without truly wanting anyone (except vestiges of the last one wanted), meet one and know within that first day that I want him.

I say I want him because I read somewhere a few weeks ago that that’s the more honest utterance. It’s how the Spanish say I love you, “Te quiero.” I want you. Gusto kita.

Perhaps many days and nights later, when I would have had the chance to get to know that one, I’ll look back on that first episode and smile ruefully at myself. I may not have known what I was getting into. I would have realized just how little I knew the guy when I first said I wanted him. Standing atop many complications and complexes later, I could have struck on the head the girl that was I, the one with the lovestruck eyes on that first day, “Silly woman.” Because it is never as simple as it seems on that first day.

But if I really think about it, I have yet to change my mind about those that I desired, and got into relationships with. I may have fumed and ached and cried, been in bliss and laughed till I almost died. But they all had to happen. I have never (even if I may have said otherwise many times) really regretted them. I know I wanted them. I want them no longer as of this time but the truth is, I did.

For the most part (there have been exceptions and I enjoyed those too), I have been attracted to men with a sense of their personal power – the ones who knew what they wanted, knew they were good for something. The ones too who knew they wanted to talk to me, and did so. If you stood them all in a line, they mostly wouldn’t look the same. Except that if you started to get to know them better, you would know.

Then too I have always had this overwhelming (lol) desire to be held, to hold hands, to touch base physically. I have probably wasted many long moments and conversations, not being truly in that moment together, but yearning instead for the touch of the hand, wondering endlessly if he was going to take mine. I find that I look for that reassurance that I am wanted, in that touch of the hand. Sometimes I’ll need that touch even before I can even share more of myself. Pleased and confident, I can say, this is who I am, and I am glad we want each other.

******************************************

Whenever I am asked who I loved the most, I will say I loved them all – the different me’s that existed at those different times -- with all of the passion that lies quietly and fiercely within me. And often, I cry and grieve just as much and just as hard for the loss of my illusions, my hopes and my dreams as for the real love and connection that existed. If not harder. All those wish-we-could-have-done-that’s and wish-we-could-have been-that’s, they are the real stakes thru the heart in the times of loss and leaving.

But it is when you grieve that you know what you truly want. Some of those desires and daydreams wither away, but often in moving on, you are clarified of just what lies in your heart, and how what was, in fact, wasn’t.

Today I grieve for the loss of an almost-romance. I may be grieving too early, or too late. Or just at the right time. Scott Peck would say as he does in The Road Less Travelled, that I am being honest and adjusting my map of reality. I find that I am no longer comfortable chasing after my romantic dreams of me with this wonderful person. I want to give them up.

(I also find that the universe has lately been very kind. I have had to lose my hopes for men, people who were/ are truly wonderful, with whom I can picture having warm friendships with for a lifetime. The ones with whom your spirit says – “Yes, I have known you, and I have loved you and wanted you, and I will always carry that knowledge and that caring within my very cells.”)

It can only get better from here on, but in the meantime, I grieve.

Comment to the Right

Sayang, I lost my 20++ comments to the million miles for love post last year, and all other comments prior to October. Of course, Priestess has long told me that the free Haloscan account has limited memory, but I neglected to focus on the stuff I would like to read many years from now and giggle over.

I can't remove haloscan yet coz of your comments from October to today. Sorry sweeties, I am sorry for all your ruminations on this blog that have been lost, but maybe we're done with those already. Thanks for the gift of yourselves.

Comment to the right, care of Blogger. Thank you for your cooperation. Hehehe!

ang sarap ng may pinagsamahan

Spontaneous. Napailing ako kagabi noong naisip ko na bigla na lang kami nagkaroon ng "parang kailan lang" moments ng isa kong kaibigan. Sabi ko sa kanya ng mga bandang tanghali: parang kailan lang noong gusto mo siya pero hirap ka. pagkatapos ng maraming taon, gusto mo na naman siya pero ang saya mo na. ang ganda mo.

Noong bandang alas 9 ng gabi siya naman ang nagsabi: parang kailan lang na nagdinner tayo at sinusuri ng kanyang mga mata ang puso mong puno ng pagmamahal. ngayon, iba na.

Napailing ako at napangiti. Nakakatuwa naman isipin kung paano nananatili ang pagkakaibigan sa maraming yugto ng ating buhay.

Nagbabago din ang pagkakaibigan, madalas sa nakakatuwang paraan. Halimbawa na lamang kung paano nag-iiba ang lingguwahe namin ng aking kaibigan ayon doon sa kung ano ang lingguwahe ng iba pa naming importanteng kausap. Minsan, panay English ang text. Sa susunod na buwan, Filipino naman. Pero noong isang taon, panay Ilonggo ang aming kuwentuhan.

Hindi rin nagbabago ang prinsipyo: Kung saan ka masaya, eh di suportahan ta ka.

(Kahit ba minsan madalas nagbabago ang aming isip kung ano ang makakapasaya sa amin, o di kaya alam naman namin na hindi talaga makakapasaya ang isang bagay. Minsan, may mga bagay lang na dapat daanan. Paano ka matututo kung hindi mo dadaanan? Salamat na lang sa Diyosa at may mga kaibigan. Tutal, nandoon naman ang tiwala sa isa't isa na mahahanap din ang tamang timpla. Kumbaga sa adobo, try and try again hehehe.)

Commitment. Ang pagbibigay ng panahon. Ah basta, ang sarap ng may pinagsamahan. :-P

truthfully

Surprise, I'm kind of happy you showed up.
Truthfully I
I'm finding finally.
Truthfully you
You helped me find at last.
Truthfully we
Are finding out what's true.
And Truthfully I am finding out what's you.
Truthfully, I really can't explain, I'm floating, I'm smiling again.
Truthfully, I can't ignore you, cause I've been waiting for you.
Truthfully, I'm not desperate, I haven't changed my mind since we first met,
But the last thing that I want to do is to tell you that I'm right for you.
Truthfully I
I'm finding finally.

-Lisa Loeb

Dun

Sabi ni Scott Peck, maigi daw ang taong may "perception of the miraculous." Kasi life is amazing.

Sa ibang/kabilang (lol, priestess) banda, i claimed my porch last night. Una kasi bagong linis so di maalikabok. Pangalawa kasi home alone ako tapos parang I needed air (airing? :P). Tapos ang sarap kasi ng view at kaharap talaga ang moon-rise. May modern-art touch pa dahil minsan sumisilip-silip pa ang buwan sa gitna ng mga electric wire ng Meralco. Tapos malamig pero di sobrang lamig. So yun, happy. With matching pangungulit sa lahat ng mga souls na gustong mag text back sa akin (super text din kasi ako at ayaw ko kasing akalain ng mga dumadaan na tinitingnan ko sila).

Sa ibang banda, kakatuwa yong may mutual kilig moment (wala lang). O di kaya yong may mutual recognition that an important conversation is taking place.

Sa ibang banda pa, ayaw aminin ni HB na siya talaga ang trainor ko sa kakulitan. Hahaha.

halt the presses

stop!

i need a one-week all-food-supplies-in vacation from my wonderful life!

to file my files, clean my floors, think my thoughts, smile at my pictures, read my books, and massage my aching calves.

hehe.

red stuff chase

bigla na lang nagsulputan sa aking buhay ang mga bagay na kulay pula.

pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko sa opisina nitong bagong taon, may bago akong ergo chair na sobrang ganda ang pagka-RED. bright red siya. hindi ko siya hiningi, di ko nga alam na nag-order pala sila dito ng mga ergo chair. pero sa totoo lang, ako ang may pinakamagandang kulay ng silya dito. grabe.

pangalawa, bigla na lamang nila akong binigyan ng red optical mouse (si fred ba ang pangalan ng aking optical mouse? hehehe). eh, truthfully (titulo ng isang kanta na hinahanap ko sa win mix pero di ko mahanap) sobrang daming taon ko na tiniis ang dati kong mouse na ayaw magparamdam sa aking CPU. may morning ritual na nga kami nun kung saan hinihila ko at hinahampas si old mouse para maramdaman siya ng CPU. magkaibigan na nga kami nun sa tagal ng aming pinagsamahan.

tapos, noong isang linggo sinabihan ako ng ka-opisina ko na binilhan niya daw ako ng optical mouse. na red. grabe. ganda.

noong isang araw naman nakatanggap ako ng red bag na gamit na gamit ko na at kasya ang aking mga papeles na bitbit araw-araw (mapagkunyari kasi ako). sa katunayan, natapunan na nga yata ng kape ang bag. hay nakupo.

nakakatuwa naman. at maraming salamat.

nangangailangan din po pala ako ng red thong sandals dahil sobrang paborito ko ang aking red thong sandals. gusto na niya ng substitute, lalo na kung mas bouncy sana ang kapalit.

o siya, itaas ang bandilang pula :D

p.s. nahihilig talaga ako ngayon sa pagmuni-muni sa mga pattern ng mga pangyayari.

from song to song (365 days in between)

last year, a showband sang the songs.

this year, "we" did it ourselves :D

@ the priestess' party


26th year of pisces-rising freedom (hehe)


my hand is better than the mic!


my other bf and i
(hmmmmpf, the one who often changes his minds about dates, at the last minute, but sings a mean sinatra... hehehe bitter)

ALL PICS COURTESY OF OUR GODDESS FRIEND :-) (thanks HB for sharing!)

Big But

But, frankly, my dear, that is not the point.

And so goes, my wise and inspired self to my awed self, in my own personal version of "Gone With The Wind."


(And I really really really love it that that* is not the point! Hehehe!)



*That being when you feel _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ... BUT ...(again please) that is not the point. hehehe!

da bes da bes

i have a new bed. i like it. it's new but it has character. i feel it will grow along with me. i'm beginning my life with my bed with a single mattress in the middle of a queen-size cute four-poster :D. it's a metaphor for my new life (lol).

for the past two days i've found myself walking shoulder to shoulder with girlfriends along side strees, cold streets, warm in the sisterhood. that's the real "'Hood," dude.

i've also been spouting scott peck :). am on page 51 of A Road Less Travelled. when the reader is ready, the book is waiting.

i also like this song, vonda shepard's version -- "could i have this dance for the rest of my ... (week)?" *warble, warble, warble*

more warble *happy birthday dear priestess, happy birthday to you*
you're dabes, dabes ;-)

truliliks

Just like for the men of your sign, V, the position of today's planets, could put an end to the relatively bleak period (lol) you've been going through in your love life and in your creativity. If you haven't found your "soul sister" or "soul brother" yet, this period of time is quite promising. You're going to have fun and meet some very interesting people, who are able to change your life around!

O YE! BRING IT ON! (lol)

uhuh

It was funny how in the smoky bar, Cancer gf and I kept tilting heads and nodding eyebrows in agreement over many many things. Went with the sound “uhhhm,” but with the jazz music it was really all head nodding and eyebrow action. In the almost darkness.

One, we agreed (and I lifted my bottle to her in salute) that yes, I had no right to disturb her wallowing in her moment of sorrow and disappointment by pointing out the good things in her future (particularly that moment in her future when she will look back at this moment, and remember this sorrow so fondly and affectionately like a dear benighted friend).

Two, when she asked about this guy who breezed by last week whom I found charming, and I said, nah he’s not gonna “work” ‘coz he’s got criterias, we nodded heads once more. There’s no love to be found in criteria. True, it helps to know what you would appreciate but love is not a job application process. You see a person’s pathos, a person’s joy. You love a person. That’s it.*

Three, we each brought up work but nodded once, twice in agreement to postpone the discussion.

Often, we nodded in between conversations and confessions, knowing where the other is.

When we were not nodding, we were talking about stuff other people other matters that we haven’t placed our hearts and souls in, so.

Beside us, Aquarius gf jotted down things in the dark, so too absorbed.


*It can also mean a committed relationship if in settling with one's self one decides for love to involve a relationship or marriage. But then again, one can also decide to marry for convenience. The same gf, two weeks ago, dipping her hand into a bag of Chippy said that she could probably live with marrying for convenience. :P

W is for Wednesday

Hahaha. I don't know what they made of my thought -- said in class -- that a family of two Virgo people and two Capricorn kids makes for a quiet family (but a loving one, i said ;-) ). I just feel this is so true, and hence why I often feel I have a ready understanding of "earth" men. I have been in training for it all my life, the female version of the "father of the zodiac" - Capricorn. Anyway, I really just wanted to say it out loud -- hihihihi. I am all ready to be the psychologist with zodiac and feminist perspectives! There'll be no one like me!

Other "funny" things are that my teach said she wanted to be "parented" by me, after reading my reflection paper on parenting. Hehehe! I am scared for my future children, promise. Just a two-page amalgamation of thoughts from here there and everywhere including the very loving and wonderful nanay maya to scorpio aemon.

Also, I think there's nothing like a Capricorn that's showered with love and affirmation -- that's the Capricorn that flies! My theory is that there's something in the Capricorn psyche that needs affirmation that s/he is lovable and good enough, and with that kind of assurance, there's no telling what Capricorn can do and can be.

Anyway, am pretty sure this is the week when I know what I want and that makes things "sparkling." I can picture it, almost unconsciously.

33 Butingtings You Never Knew and Don’t Need to Know,

1. I wish I could talk feelings with ahem so we could help each other grow. I am tired of holding mine in a cute pink bag.
2. I am scared to death of ice-breakers! Hahahaha! I mean I’d hate to facilitate icebreakers!
3. I am a fan of blue jeans though I can’t wear them all the time.
4. I like string bikinis, they are easier to wear (particularly in some far-off beach somewhere where you don’t think you know anyone until a sorority sis from college yells out your name. Hehe!)
5. I liked the strawberry shake forays brother and I did over the Christmas break. Yummy!
6. I like that my sister can ask me advice on what clothes to pack for her trip to the Philippines and I know exactly what she means
7. I want to go to New York but not for work because I’m not convinced I’m convincing. Maybe on the lotto is a better idea, hehe!
8. Cancer girlfriends bring me comfort!
9. I am super territorial.
10. I am a lyrics person.
11. I lost my shoe lust last year but it has resurfaced this past week. Aaaaargh. It resurfaces when I am feeling impoverished during birthdays hehehe
12. I would like a new job, but what?
13. I live on a street where the numbers are not necessarily in order.
14. I like to make butingting, as in sometimes I really look for something to butingting and have many piles of butingtingkables
15. I like sitting at bars. Really.
16. I hate it when someone likes me just when I’m liking someone who doesn’t like me. I’d rather be left alone and not have to be reminded about rejection.
17. I also gather that the people who love us for no reason that you can think of are blessings and we must accept them as such but sometimes my grace urn runs dry.
18. So one of the things I’ve asked of myself this year is to have more grace.
19. One of my main pet peeves in life are People Who Mean Well, particularly the ones who mean well maliciously.
20. I was so pleased with a friend of mine who dropped by several days ago coz he was so very charming – very sweet. Nice.
21. I thought beginning the year with a trip to Boracay when the rest of humanity was already slaving away was too indulgent but it turned out to be one of the best things ever. It’s something warm and bright to think about when the blues hit you.
22. I will like a song to death and get tired of it and never want to hear it again till the next century.
23. I don’t feel the same way about books as I do about songs. I keep most books but have lately been training myself to give away those I can live without, and even to give away those I love just to be able to share the words.
24. I like it when sometimes I am aware I am consciously “loving” someone – a friend, family member – providing emotional support.
25. I'm so glad I feel better about work today than I did two days ago.
26. I hate it that ahem hardly ever reads my blog. It's indifference! What more evidence do I need that I must move on? (Oooops, back to angst ;-)

26 for now, perhaps 7 more tomorrow.

On second thoughts, sunny skies at night call for a celebration! Yahooo!
27. I want ahem to show me his world because when he once described showing it to me, I wanted to give him the chance to do so (hehe! may patronizing drama)
28. I have stopped relating my furniture to ahem. Hahahaha! Funny me but that's truly good news.
29. Actually when I'm at my most secure I have already moved on.
30. And when you've truly moved on, it's all right that you've moved on.
32. Who would have thought getting my leave and budget requests approved would make me feel this cheerful?
33. I am after all, quite simple.
34. I also believe that the Egyptian Temple Priestess has moved on. :D
35. What I envy about married couples is their regular sex life. Hahahaha.

And I meant to stop at 33.

bugger

i can't figure out why a friend has gone all tweetams on me. i mean i've still been me so i don't know what changed. obviously, it wasn't me. hehe. it makes me feel helpless coz if suddenly he becomes masungit it'll obviously be also not me (just another random occurrence in the universe).

as for this dance with another friend. i've decided not to like him anymore but then he talks to me so i feel open and then he withdraws, for whatever reason. oh bugger this stupid dance. so now i feel i have to withdraw again just so he won't think i'm chasing him. and withdrawing is so unnatural when you just want to be.

mwahahahaha. i have funny problems.

"if there was even the slightest doubt that tomorrow the sun would somehow not come out ..."

There's a particular block of streets north of my office that induces/ seduces/ catches me unaware with what-have-you thoughts. My short trek for pan de sal (following a hunger pang) made me think that love is recognizing, appreciating, and honoring a person's humanity (ang kanyang pagkatao). It's I love you because you move me, because I see you. :-)

*****************************************************

but of what use is it to see someone if they don't see you anyway. ;-) just for the heck of it, diet coca cola?

and then sometimes, some people see me and i know it looks like the real thing. but i don't see them the way they see me and them seeing me reminds me of me seeing someone else who doesn't see me, and all that convoluted arrangement of "see's" and "me's" just ends up as a lot of energy gone haywire.

ayaw ko talagang may gusto sa akin kapag may gusto akong iba na ayaw sa akin.

hehehehe.

*****************************************************

This afternoon, they moved me. (But it's not love yet ;-) hehehe!)

My friend saying she was transported by the sight of Van Gogh's Sunflowers. Our other friend saying, he does believe she will survive in New York.

Akira writing about the heartbreak kid and the heartbreak kid's ex-gf.

Apo Jim writing about his underwater buddies. Ang galing galing ni Redford White! Hehe.

Ala saying she does not want to migrate to Australia for two years starting next year but she will anyway.

Jazz Don’t

The emote-emote girls and I were discombobulated (dismayed, shocked, flabbergasted, banging heads against the wall) to discover that the universe had other ideas about our planned jazz date.

We’ve had plenty of jazz dates in the past and they have always turned out to be musical dates of beauty – we’ve trooped from Monk’s Dream (Jupiter) to Monk’s Dream (Rockwell), been present at Jazz Nights at the 70’s Bistro, and have even popped into other obscure jazz places in the metropolis. We have also swooned to free jazz concerts in the malls or at UP, and been to swoon in front of Diana Krall, etc etc and so on and so forth.

So when we decided to bring HH to Merk’s Bar at Greenbelt, we thought we’d be assured of a quality jazz night – after all Merk’s Bar is marketed as a jazz bar in one of the more tony places in town.

But, no. Nooooooooooooooooo.

Their Saturday showband was simply horrible. But I think it was mostly the shock that did us in – the shock of such a band at such a place and in view of the undeniable fact that we have loads of utterly cool jazz groups and jazz singers. We’ve seen them!

So what was this?!?!

Fortunately HH and his unfailing sense of the absurd came to his rescue and he had a hilarious time giggling at the percussionist’s expressions during performance.

As for me, I had vodka.

storytime

Once upon a time there was a certain siopao that wanted to know if it was espeyshal. And this zerten siopao didn't just want to know if it was espeyshal in its flavor and nutrition to just anyone! But no, no such thing and no such luck! This siopao specifically wanted to know if it's espeyshal to only one zerten chinez! We don't know why this is so. One reason could be the lack of certainty serves to fuel the siopao's fixation!

Adding to the siopao's dilemma was the one zerten thing in this edible situation. If the siopao asked, the answer would certainly be no. Promise. Because the chinez has yet to learn the word yes. (Much like a favorite two-year-old's and some adults whose favorite syllable is "No" just because.)

LOL. So the siopao is stuck in the steamer.

But not really. The siopao is bored in the hot steamer so has been making forays into other counters and kitchens, just seeing more of the world, and an occasional broad chest. Sometimes though, thru zerten occasions, it could seem like the siopao might could would know the answer to the siopao question.

But, no, foiled again. There's no answer to the espeyshal question. Not anytime soon, and perhaps never.

May the food gods and goddesses grant the siopao the best of luck, as it goes on to other cafes and food courts, with less regrets than the maximum possible number, even as in its heart, it does know that it is espeyshal to itself.

the end (as of today)

good am lyrics

If there was ever a chance
That the moon would never shine again
If there was ever the slightest doubt
That tomorrow the sun would
Somehow not come out
If such a thing could possibly come true

-More Than The Stars, NATALIE COLE

i asked joannie

if you were the goddess, what job would you give me? and she rattled off:

documentor
teacher
counsellor
events organizer
columnist
travel agent (joke daw)
tour guide
website manager
food critic
with matching comment: chester, kailangan mo nang sumulat ng travelogue

as for her, she would be: actor, ama and psychic reader.

thanks, chester!

but

1. it makes me feel really guilty, and
2. my internal brook bubbles forth spoiling the effect. lol.

i am being

unreasonable.

my last blog for the day

why is it that my idea of a great date is lying together outdoors on a banig/sarong reading books?

hehehe.

i can't imagine.

(re work re work. obviously it's a worthwhile project. but i can't imagine how.)

because i can't seem to shut up today

here's another post:

after years and years and years, i heard from my friend T from the UK who's now "doing the mortgage thing," hehe!

i also got a sweet letter from my favorite Pisces girl :-)

and this yet other Capricorn friend has been really thoughtful these past few days,

and did I tell you about my other friend's chest? hehehehe!

and I got touching a card from older wiser sister M, of whom I am often scared but who has the most love in her heart, promise.

and i got together with long time gf S yesterday --

here's to another year of unexpected surprises and blessings, and luuuurve, as Rudie sings it, "I feel it in my fingers..."

hahahaha!

kibit balikat "''Ma!" as in "no answer"

Sabi Nila (kung sino man sila) kailangan, "face your fears." So naisipan kong magtapang-tapangan ngayong araw ng Bagong Buwan (New Moon :P). Siguro kaya di niya pa rin ako binabati dahil may gusto siyang iba at nagugulohan siya sa sarili niya kung paano niya sasabihin ang news sa akin. Baka naging sila noong party kamakailan (hahahah :P!)

Kasi bakit pa ako pinagpayuhan ng psychic na sa loob ng isang taon, dapat isipin kong wala siya talaga, nang sa gayon pagkatapos ng taon, hindi na magiging mahalaga kung nandiyan pa siya o wala na nga. Di ba ang galing ng technique ng psychic? Kunyari wala para sa di katagalan wala na nga at ok lang. Pero relax lang muna kayo mga pare at mare, at iisang buwan pa lang, di pa isang taon. Hindi ko kayang ibigay ang buwan at araw ;-)

Tapos, balik trabaho na ako. Sa totoo lang, noong isang taon pa ako nagdesisyon na lilipat na talaga ako mula sa trabaho ko sa taong ito. Para maiba, dahil walong taon na po si bulaklak dito. So, medyo sawa na ako. Pero paano na yan at ang pinakamalaking proyekto ng aking programa ay magaganap sa taong ito. Hindi ba naman maging some kind of asshole ako pag iniwan ko yon? So in the meantime, stuck ako dito with my lukewarm feelings. Hindi magandang pangitain ang may lukewarm feelings ka sa isang proyektong mahalaga pero baka mas masamang iwanan ito kahit pa ba hindi ako ang pinakaimportanteng nilalang para sa mga magaganap (hindi talaga!). Kaya tinitiis ko ang aking lukewarm feelings at ang kagulohan ng lahat ng preparasyon.

Dagdag pa, hindi rin malinaw sa akin kung saan ko gustong lumipat. Hahaha. At sa krisis ng ekonomiya at krisis ng mundo, sakit ng ulo yata ang mawalan ng trabaho. Ewan ko. Sa ngayon, nabibighani ako sa aking inaaral pero hindi pa rin malinaw kung magiging maganda nga ba ang kalalabasan, kung ok nga ba ang area na ito, ayon sa aking kutob, at kung magiging magaling nga ba ako sa area na ito, ayon sa aking ini-imagine. At dahil kasisimula ko pa lamang, halos wala pa akong alam. Pero pinagmamabuti kong galingan ang aking puwede nang gawin sa ngayon. Pero dapat maging bukas pa rin ang aking isip at attitude sa ibang options para di rin ako ma stuck sa ideya ng bagong field na ito, kung saka-sakaling hindi pala bright future ang pinupuntahan.

At bago ko makalimutan, mahal ko talaga ang mga kasama ko sa trabaho. Bilang Capricorn, napamahal na sila sa akin, alam man nila yon o hindi at whether or not mahal man nila ako o hindi. Pero ang hirap na rin ng trabahong walang sinasantong skedyul dahil nakadepende sa mga developments sa mga isyung sinusubaybayan at nilalabanan. Hindi naman maiwasan, alangan namang hayaan na lamang natin na tumaas ng tumaas ang utang ng bansa, o kaya'y pagkitaan tayo ng husto sa mga bagay na lubos na mahalaga sa buhay tulad ng tubig at kuryente?

Kaya malinaw pa sa tubig sa baso ko, nasa kondisyon talaga ako ng hindi ko po alam at nagmamatyag pa ang aking puso kung ano ang maganda.

Pero bago ko makalimutan ang lahat, bagama't marami akong hindi alam, sobrang dami din naman ang aking kailangang ipasalamat katulad ng pagmamahal ng pamilya at kaibigan, kalusugan, tirahang maganda, at pati na rin ang aking sariling maganda, tabain, matalino, tamarin, nakakatawa at bornotin.

So, yon na nga, 33 na nga ako. Wish me well, at ako rin, ikaw, "I wish you ;-)!"

my happy thought for the day is that of a

BROAD CHEST.

hahahaha! i wish!

heart thanks

Am thankful to all those who specifically wished me all that my heart desires :D

The hitch is that currently i really don't know what exactly my heart desires. It is lost in thought and half-formed half-dissolving desires and prefers to go to sleep before midnight.

It only offers clear instructions about food trips, like last Saturday's to Breakfast at Antonio's, Tagaytay.


My Spanish Fritatas. Frightfully good ;-)

Thanks to this cute couple for the treat.

Happy Anniv! It's good to share January 8 with you.

And thanks too to all those who know who they are. Hehe!


P.S. There's a New Moon today full of good intentions :D

January 10: New Moon in Capricorn
This new Moon shines in Capricorn, a logical, persistent
earth sign that's very concerned with achievement. Put
these two forces together, and you've got a special celestial
opportunity to realize your highest ambitions. Start
planning to take over the world (or at least your little
piece of it) now, and the practical, efficient influence of
this new Moon will give a little rocket fuel to your
take-off. Just be prepared to hold onto another important
Capricorn quality as you see your plans through --
patience. It's a virtue, remember?

This new Moon will especially influence those of you born
under the cardinal signs, particularly Libras born October
10-14, Capricorns born January 9-13, Aries born April 7-11
and Cancers born July 10-14.

P.P.S.
I think love also means "worrying" about the state of mind and spirit of your friends. Wala lang, sometimes I find myself second-guessing where beloved creatures are at :-) (and i mean girls :P)

makahilibion

Huhuhu, claimed a present at the post office today that makes me want to weep! (oh yes, i am pisces rising and weepy! :P).

It's my A Woman's Diary for 2005 and each week you get to note down these things:

1. Last week: i enjoyed these blessings/ triumphs
2. Last week: I faced these challenges: disappointments
3. This week: I will
4. This week: I will hope for/ pray for/ meditate on

It also comes with marvelous quotations from women such as "there are many, many gates to the sacred, and they are as wide as we need them to be." by Sherry Ruth Anderson and Patricia Hopkins in The Feminine Face of God, 1991.

And, last but not the least, it comes beautifully illustrated with the magical works of Susan Seddon Boulet including Athena below.




As the velveteen dd said, "your wonderful mother." It's from my wonderful mother, indeed! Thanks so much Ma, love you ;-)

rituals: endings and beginnings

I've had a reflective (and food-happy hihihi) past few days, and am in a good spot on my mountain goat's climb (truly i am a pig slash mountain goat mwehehehehehe). It is sunny but cool on this spot!

I want to salute (*salutes* hehe) my favorite people on the web's rituals for ending 2004 and beginning 2005. Click the links and read more. It's never too late :-D.

1. the desire for a brown dog, and other such relevant things.

"on new years eve, keri and i sat by the fire, and made a list of 100 things about ourselves. the goal was for them to come out as quickly as possible, and completely devoid of thought. well, not devoid of thought, but the intent was for them not to be premeditated. a stream of consciousness if you will. though a rather long read, my list is below [above]. why i feel compelled to post this list here, is rather a mystery to me, but such it is."

2. Find the post entitled Let Go,
1 January 2005
"After the stroke of midnight, after we hooted and hollered and blew our horns, after we exchanged "Happy New Year"s and "I love you"s with our families via cell phone, after we clinked glasses brimming with champagne, we each grabbed a balloon and went outside.

Earlier, we'd made lists of fears, anxieties and issues we wanted to let go of this year. We rolled each scrap of paper into a tiny scroll and tied them to the balloons. "

3. Andrea made a list and placed it in a bottle.

4. Ala found 5 words or phrases to sum up 2004

5. And lastly Gingmaganda listed out 100 things she is thankful for in 2004. Hehe, I like her list! I initially wanted to make one but copped out, I would incriminate myself too much or feel too guilty! Wahahaha.

Happy growing! Lean towards the sun!

:-( :-) ;-)

I feel traumatized today from lugging my very full and heavy pink backpack and another satchel across sand dunes, over water, to the airport, to the plane, to the cab. Plus there wasn't time for breakfast or lunch. By the middle of the afternoon, in a meeting, you could barely coax a smile out of me, I felt so tired.

But dang, Boracay was so good for me. Sea, sun, sand, food and the best company. There's nothing like the real thing baby.



I've gotten back the gift of looking forward, instead of looking all the way baaack all the time. Yippeee, yippeee.

time of your life

Song for the closing of the year, and the coming of the new.

"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"
by Green Day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I dare you

I dared me! But am too shy to advertise my Mondo Beyondo List so openly. It's somewhere available to those who really want to know :P

After all, Mondo Beyondo lists, says artist Andrea are the dreams and wishes you are scared to admit even to yourself. But with writing down, you begin to create the energy that could actually manifest them!

May we have the courage of all our dreams :D

It's three days before 2005, perfect timing. Click click!

Notes from Christmas Eve

Twas the night before Christmas, and I had momentary peace and quiet and my Dad's laptop.

When I don’t try to force something into what it is not then I save myself the anxiety of ensuring that it becomes so.

@ my grandparent's house in Oz
My brother can remember from as far back as he was three. While my memory is generally zilch, this house and I contain some pretty startling and memorable stuff from many years particularly from when I was in college and onwards. After all, I have probably spent at least 20 and at most 29 of the 32 past Christmases of my life in this, my grandparents’ home. And Christmases is nothing if not a significant season.

I remember lining up with some cousins to use the landline back when mobile phones were not the norm. We lined up so we could call our sweethearts spending Christmas with their families in other parts of the Philippines. I remember setting aside some of my Christmas money so I could leave behind my share of the phone bill.

Then there was the Christmas I was greatly worried over another boyfriend. My girlfriend antenna was up but there was nothing I could do from practically the other end of the country. A psychic relative, an aunt once removed who told fortunes from a deck of cards and once predicted another uncle’s demise scared the shit out of me by commenting that I seemed to be having problems in my love life. I barely breathed every time I passed by her; her unsolicited but ultimately accurate prediction sent chills up and down my spine.

Then there was the Christmas I stayed on the cellphone till morning giggling and chatting with another guy, oblivious to or rather ignoring the fact that in the silence of the night, each one of my sleeping relatives could hear my end of the conversation.

Another secretly despondent Yuletide, I would sneak to our bedroom and grab some precious privacy to be able to cry my heart out, at the beginning of a lingering process of saying goodbye. And wasn’t it just the other year when I all too regularly checked my email for messages from another guy, which came or didn’t come but at a different pace from the one my heart desired.

This year, I am willfully without longing, and circumstantially without attachment. I think of mostly my friends as I idly watch and smile at the antics of countless nephews and nieces. I have no angst but am simply nursing a cold.

A-choo! Bless me and you :-)

Whew

Five cities in eight days. I am back in the first one for the next five days. It's been fun so far, if tiring (it's this insane trip we make every year and tiring is right at the center of it along with the perks :-).

In the meantime, prayers for those who perished in the tsunamis :( Unbelievable.

Today, my agenda is work and THE LAST TWO EPISODES OF SATC!!!!!!!

Maligayang Pasko :P

Dahil sa iniiwasan kong mag-panic sa mga usaping buhay-buhay (buhay ko), inaalagaan at inaalalayan ko muna ang aking sarili. Minamasdan (sabay akbay) ko ang mga sandaling nakakatuwa. Kapag hinhayaan kong bukas ang aking mga mata at bukas ang aking isip, mas nagiging malinaw sa akin na madali lang din naman pala matuwa at maging masaya.

Hindi mabigat ang buhay kung ito ay napapaloob lamang sa bawat hininga. Kapag tinatatanggal ang lahat na maiingay na laman ng isip. Nakakapagod din kasi ang magalala. Hindi ko na muna bibitbitin ang mga hindi ko kailangang dalhin.

Sisikapin kong magawa ito.

Ay! Iyan na nga ang ibig kong sabihin. Ayaw ko ng may kailangang iisipin.

Gusto kong mabuhay sa bawat hininga, sa bawa't sandali.

Hanggang sa muli :P

Merry Christmas

Happy Christmas everyone :-)

And happy birthday to all my Capricorn friends, lovers and brother, starting tomorrow. Hehe!

[Interesting excerpt: "The swings in mood are not the only reason some Capricornians deserve the adjective based on their name - capricious. They can be surprisingly and suddenly witty and subtle for the quiet, reserved individuals they seem to be, and they also have a tendency to ruin things by unexpected and utterly irresponsible bouts of flippancy. In certain individuals in whom the characteristic is strong, the temptation to do this has to be resisted with iron self-control. Another unexpected quality in some Capricornians is an interest in the occult which persists in spite of their naturally skeptical turn of mind."]

It's exactly 12 hours before I fly and start my official Christmas break, and I want to thank everyone for being part of my life. [Hehe! Everyone talaga?!?].

Love to you and yours :-D,

Pansy on a journey.

Living In

Coming home at midnight from church* I find a note on the kitchen table for me: “There’s an unhealthy fruit salad in the veggie part of the fridge. Check it out.-HH”

Hehe. That made me grin. It’s my friends, the German couple with the Filipino family name. I’ve been living in with them for a week now.**

It all started last week when they arrived straight from the airport on their flight from Europe, and I sent them away. Yes, I did! Hehehe! I had them literally drop their bags and made them go away, shoo shoo. For at least an hour and a half, I said!

It all sounds terrible and un-Filipino like in hospitality, but ‘twas utterly necessary, believe me. They arrived a bit earlier than expected on an evening that capped a mad week of putting things in order – some construction and electrical work, some carpentry, some putting things away and a lot of continuous cleaning! And to put it bluntly, I wasn’t done. My files were still strewn across the floor. Yes the dust covered floor and I stank after a day of cleaning.

An hour or so later, with help from friends, the place was in order and we all succeeded in half-scaring the European guests out of their wits. “Surprise!” everyone yelled, when they returned from temporary exile.

So, now it’s been a week of meeting up at the dining table in the kitchen or even on the stairs, chatting long into the night or over morning coffee until it’s time to run to our respective appointments and schedules for the day.

It’s comforting to hear other people moving about in the house, to have impromptu in-house coffees and snacks, as well as the space and freedom to spread ourselves around without getting in each other’s way.

And it’s mighty convenient to have a six-footer in the house when the light bulbs need tweaking. Hehe.

Merry Christmas, Emote Gal and HH. Great to see you.

_____
*or to put it more accurately, coming home from browsing at a bookstore after coffee after a church Christmas cantata starring friends
**because roommie abandoned me early in the Christmas season!

Christmas Prezzies!

Yes! I've been getting some prezzies! Here they are:

1. a yellow racerback tanktop
2. a box of incense
3. a pink bag
4. a purple scarf
5. blue silk lipstick case with mirror
oh, and i won a tea set in a raffle. hahaha! it's cute though.

My favorite prezzies to myself! Here they are:
1. my silky blue tube top :D (I lab it)
2. my light blue slip dress
3. my new denim mini skirt
4. my copy of The Time Traveler's Wife

I am accepting (hehe kapal!)
1. letters
2. plants
3. original works of art

I'll post my birthday wish-list another time :P Don't worry, it'll be a from me to me list. Also the presents from my ever loving parents would take over this blog so that's another list.

My wild wish list includes a laptop and a trip to the other side of the world :P ... and more lab. hahahaha.

So.

Is it my fault if I feel attached? Anyway, is it a fault? Do I really have to change? Do I have to change everything? Change some?

I don't know.

[Why do I have to change something that makes me happy, also unhappy sometimes? Perhaps to let in more happiness, and other "unhappinesses." Hehe. How can I lose something that's been in my pocket for so long? How can I just throw it out over the water?]

Maybe that's a really good answer, this I don't know.

I'm sure I'll know soon enough. After all, I have graduated from other goodbyes. They needed a firming up of resolve, a time frame. If it's really letting go that's needed, I'll come round to it. Just not this minute.

Not while I'm still standing on shaky legs. At least, am not holding on to the walls. Hehe!

Everything is a good thing, even when the world turns blue. Today it's yellow ;-)

(Sssssshhh. Just thinking aloud ;-)

angels on the loose

in addition to my usual protectors :D

M whose good humor and enthusiasm (especially for activities requiring costumes hehe!) beyond 40 is a daily inspiration,
another Virgo M who said to give my my salary before my receipts (hehe!),
E or B or G whose blood boiled many times over in behalf of my transcript (many many thanks, you didn't have to but you wanted to, to my great benefit),
and my brother P who's been really nice about our sked.

MANY THANKS.

Project

Unsticking from the moment. Day one.

Fractious 2

Alvik: Help. What bookstore has the best collection of children's books? :-)

Me: Tuloy later 730 sharp second and last belly dancing practice :) :) :)

Ay mali.

Fractious

I'm fractious because ...

I can't get my Mindanao sked right. I mean I can't get my own way hahaha. Well I might be able to but I also don't want people to be unhappy about it. So my problem is how to make sure that everyone is happy. Not that they are overtly unhappy or that they can't handle their unhappiness. I am worried that they will be unhappy and I don't want them to be so.

I'm also fractious because belly dancing is sitting squarely in the middle of a desired (by me) work stretch, but am not really in a bad mood about it. I just wish it wasn't in the way hahaha. But I can take it.

I'm also not in a position to ask for anymore concessions, favors, and considerations from everyone, or to complain, because I already have :D and I want to start pulling all my weight and more again. Because I want to.

I'm also feeling very teary today. But I feel it's self-indulgent. Sometimes being tearful is just because you're choosing not to be busy when you ought to be.

And yes, I had a great, if tiring weekend.

I'm tempted to bury myself in DVDs this Christmas at Sikatuna but that's just a passing feeling. I'm sure I'll both be bored and greatly enjoy the Christmas reunions.

Hahaha, I am fractious without a doubt.

Whew

Why does eight pm send me into a panic thinking there's little time left to finish?
But past midnight, I always get my second wind, sailing right past two,

and into my bed I go.

FULL DAY TOMORROW.
(and the day after that)
(and the day after that)

On Sunday, I spa and I shop. Mwahahahaha.

Or Maybe Not.
(Don't let Mercury hear me!)

Mercury Backing

Suffice for me to say that a Mercury retrograde period (about three weeks when the planet Mercury appears to move backward in the sky) means all sorts of foul-ups with regard to communications and detailed arrangements. Virus attack your pc? Lost your keys? Plane delayed? Misunderstandings over how and when to meet someone? These are all the symptoms of a Mercury retrograde.

Astrologers also say that there’s a good side to this period. It invites you to take a step back, and review. To take care of all that’s left burning on the back-burner, to assess where and how you are, some lag time utterly necessary for moving on.

My latest Mercury retrograde story: Finally, got the aircon. Cajoled, whined my way into getting the grills finished today. On the way home, it suddenly occurred to me that there might not be a proper socket/ saksakan for the thang?!?!.

Hahahaha! I was right, unfortunately. You ask, how could I have missed that. Honestly, I forgot all about it. There were all these boxes of files lining the walls. So had to arrange another day of workers. Huhuhuhu.

Ako at si Mercury ay walang kasing galing! Hehehe. And I’m not even an astrologer.

Excuse me while I sing

Let me interrupt your day with a song.
*adjust face to sufficiently mournful expression, proceed to about-to-wail stance*

I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love has passed me by
And all I know of love is how to live without it
I just can't seem to find it

So I've made my mind up I must live my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love

There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for

All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can

What lies in the future is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that I've been wrong
But for now this is my song

And it's goodbye to love
I'll say goodbye to love


WAHAHAHA! I love it! It suits Christmas, the typhoon season and cold cold beer. I do declare, this song reserved for me in that videoke session that will surely happen when the Germans come to town. Right, tita eds? ;-)

Tizzy

Am in a tizzy. I have exactly six days (to the very hour :D) before our house guests/ house sitters arrive (hello there you two :P), and I have set myself the goal of putting everything in order before they arrive (to the very minute).

The bed is in a mysterious state somewhere. With this furniture maker, there’s no way to know if he’s actually putting in the last nail or still growing tree seedlings. The “ventilation” is going to be delivered tomorrow. Actually, there’s cement dust and my files all over the room they’re going to be sleeping in.

Still, even without the mattress that I hope to find and order on Tuesday, the sheets are ready. Roommie “stole” one of the pillows for them so we’re still awaiting those.

Elsewhere, not so important but also in the works are curtains, a center table, and knives. Haha. As a friend once joked at the mall, “Pasensiya na po. Bagong kasal.” Setting up house sure is hard work. Difficult but right up the coordinating Capricorns’ alley. (Other examples of Capricorn coordination are flight schedules and trips hahaha.)

Actually, all of the above is only 4/6 of the story but going into all the details at this point in the nation’s life, is just crass. (But true nevertheless.)

MORE HAHAHA’s. I had the greatest time at sweetie godson Aemon’s belated birthday party last Saturday. Wait, belated birthday COSTUME party. That was one of those classic my-colleagues-are-so-cute-and-funny episodes in life. I mean, isn’t a kids’ party where adults have fun before, during and after just the best? (Promise, I think Aemon had fun too :D). Some of the more cute endearing amusing and irreverent concepts, errr costumes (in no particular order):

1. B as person in a time of SARs
2. J as a lesbian (hahaha)
3. S as a DVD seller
4. M as one hot cowgirl-punk mama!!!! (my personal favorite for the no guts no glory factor)
5. William Wallace’s kin in magnificent kilt from Nova
6. his housemate Pocahontas, and
7. Wendy who never left Peter Pan’s side

So! Congratulations to that sashaying belly dancing mama, and the rustling by in a big robe tatay: parents of Peter Pan. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Am glad to be with you in this lifetime :D

(PICTURES MIGHT BE POSTED HERE SOON.)

Scary Shit

So, aside from this super-typhoon bigger than the Philippines heading our way tonight. ...

Guess what really releases the monster in me? I think it's an extremely Capricorn trait.

Getting humiliated in front of people is what. Especially being caught off-guard about it. Even if there never was any ill intention. Even if if you look at it another way, I was probably not humiliated. I can remember that the times I blew my top at people involved this type of scenario. Where from a Capricorn perspective, it was almost a "setup."

Sorry.

The good news is there's a better way. Think you've got a bone to pick with me? Take me aside, and bring it up, and we can talk about it.

Breakfast

Josephine back from a visit to Josephine brought back Napoleon. Ooops, Napoleones.

Breakfast care of the French Revolution.

:D

Midnight Meditations

Ahh, the sweet sound of message alert. Beep once = instant happiness. Hehe.

********************************************

Roaming thru the house on an editing break
Closing doors against the cold, turning off
Normal lights turning on energy savers:

I stand before the kitchen admiring
The closed door making the room cozy
Reminding me of my mother’s clean
English kitchen solace against inescapably
Cooler temperatures alien to my tropical skin.

In the softer white light, this room accented soft pink and baby blue.

Peeking thru the pocket garden, I stare up at my
Second floor window, brightly lit.
That is where I work.

In the semi-dark I sit on the sofa marveling
At the cold that pushes in thru half-opened windows.
This - this weather, neatness, this feeling of home –
is the best time yet.

Sincerely Sorry

Noel Cabangon is so endearing.

Loyalists and more trooped to the AFP Theater last Saturday at 7:30 pm for his Medjas concert.

At this point I would like to sincerely apologize to the following:

Buddha for forgetting to invite him to the concert. Hehe! Peace.

The Priestess for my being confused at her asking whether or not it was ok to miss Medjas. I thought it was a non-question...(oops :p) but now I agree, it was a valid dilemma! Hehehe! Peace.

My official excuse is that I myself wasn't so sure until the last few hours prior that I was watching. I've been sick. I missed a conference. I was going to see some relatives that night.

But no, I was able to go.

Kulang na lang talaga ice-cold beer.

I don't know what it is about Noel. He he has always been able to maintain his humility and being down to earth, even in the face of talent, artistry, and ever-growing popularity. Walang yabang, pa-ulit ulit ang thank you. As in, pa ulit-ulit. While beaming.

Bago pa ang tee-shirt. Orange. Hehe!

Aside from his trademark cool voice, and endearing original songs, you also missed:
a. the cool loveable dance interpretations. ang cute! promise!
b. aiza seguerra singing kanlungan. ang sexy! talaga! mas magaling pa kesa kay noel! hahaha.
c. cookie chua singing, of course, and her comment: "Sabi kasi ni Noel, 'kapag mag-all-black ka, mag sash ka ng red.' Kaya heto, brown na lang." (hehe!)
d. and last but not the least, Capricorn Cabangon's mega super explanations! hehehe! including but not limited to: 1) why his name onstage appeared baliktad, 2) why he opened with Up on The Roof 3) why they moved the concert to November and 4)what Medjas means.

Capricorns! They have their similarities!

And I will stop myself from sharing his explanations because.... :D ... errrr, because because.

P.S. Natatandaan mo pa ba? No'ong tayong dalawa ay unang nagkita? Panahon ng kamusmusan. Sa piling ng mga bulaklak at halaman.

Ako ay aso

Been barking like a dog these last few days. I wish I could say that it was just to develop my abs (don't you agree that coughing builds your abdominal muscles, just very loudly?), but something's stuck in my tonsils. Could it be love? hehehe!


For J.W.D. from two weeks ago
(You may agree or disagree JWD)

You with your
Wistful smile
Rueful thoughts
And quiet dreams,

You seem to me now
More loveable, more reachable
More real.

Than when you knew all the answers to life’s questions.
talked quite a lot.
and laughed so boldly.

You’ve embraced the world
Plumbed your hidden depths.
And emerged anew.

No longer larger than life
But living.

*Raises white flag*

I really like going with my feelings ;-)

Two hours after ... I felt, oh, ok. "So, what's the matter then?"

When I'm ready to talk like that, it's a good sign that I can listen and won't take every word against you no matter if the word is "and." Hehe.

So *rolls eyes* I'm over myself.

See you around. ;-)

research subject: I

Process documenting case study V

1. First reaction:

rising above it
"maturity"

2. Second reaction:

sulking
"I really don't want to talk about this right now."
"I'd rather stay disappointed."
"I don't want to be negotiated out of feeling disappointed."

Hehe! Sulking's good. Best leave me to it. :)

Oh.

(the sound of me being disappointed)

Am so disappointed.

In my disappointment, I am detached wondering how I should react.

a. do I want to cry?
b. do i want to walk off from this day where, aside from this disappointment, my doubtless sleepless and stressed boss was being temperamental to my chapters, leaving me to wonder really about our program for chapters.

Or not. My mind jumps ahead of my reactions, wondering about the universe and all that (hehe). What does it all mean? :D Me wants to know.

I guess, there's a part of me that's grown above every day's occurences, big and small. Doubtless, it is a lesson for me. Is it a lesson in living life more? Is that what it means? Is it a further lesson in surrender and letting go?

You see, I am happy. So, while this disappoints me, it does not take away from the fact that I am happy.

(Takes a long drink of water.)

Happiness does not take away the fact of disappointment. Nor water (But it helps).

Also, I've learned time and time again that things always work out for the best. Damn it.

So I wouldn't really know what this all means until it unfolds itself. Or maybe it means nothing at all.

Huhu. Hee.

Tooosdays

A friend asked me to coffee. Another to a movie. Rommie texted to ask what I was up to.

But sorry, world. Tuesdays don’t work for me. I have therapy, and then I have sex!

As in! It’s set in stone. Like this….

“Rooo-mmieeeeeeee, it’s time for djuuuu-uuuug.” (with matching loud singsong tone, what with she in her upstairs lair and me on the shorter sofa downstairs).

But no, she ignores me in favor of her work. You see work sometimes gets in the way of Sex.

Hihihihi.

Anyway, I enjoyed myself by myself. I pounded the sofa in amusement.

“Steve, I can’t have sex anymore. I have a brain! I miss ESPN and blah blah blah blah.” That was Miranda to Steve on their sex-abundant (too much so) honeymoon.”

“Brady saw us having sex! He’s scarred for life!”
“Charlotte, he doesn’t even know where his nose is!”

Also,

“I could really be with you. … but …” Carrie and the owner of Hotel Vasectomy, to each other.

I like those first six words.

Brownie

I went for the brownie -- sticky, chocolatey, with nuts. YUM. :D

What's Your Dessert Personality?
Got this on the email. Post yours on comments? :D

Pick your favorite dessert from the list below, then look to see what psychiatrists think about you!

If you were making a dessert and you had your choice of those below (or if some great bakery was baking the dessert of your choice), which would you choose?

1. Angelfood Cake
2. Brownies
3. Lemon Meringue
4. Vanilla with Chocolate Icing
5. Strawberry Short Cake
6. Chocolate on Chocolate
7. Ice Cream
8. Carrot Cake
9. Cherry Pie

NO .. You can't change your mind once you scroll down! So think carefully, what your choice will be!

OK - Now that you've made your choice, this is what research says about you!



Angelfood Cake... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items. A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times

Bownies... You are adventurous, love new ideas, and are a champion of underdogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you whip out your sabre. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.

Lemon Meringue... Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have many friends.

Vanilla with Chocolate Icing... Fun-loving, sassy, humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation. Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a fiend for life.

Strawberry Shortcake... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You can be overly-emotional and annoying at times.

Chocolate on Chocolate... Sexy, always ready to give and receive. Very creative, adventurous, ambitious and passionate. You have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside. Not afraid to take chances. Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.

Ice Cream...You like sports, whether it be baseball, football, basketball or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate, but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.

Carrot Cake... You are a very fun-loving person, who likes to laugh. You are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warmhearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

Cherry Pie... You have a sparkling personality, with a wicked sense of humor. You have an honorable idea of right and wrong and seek justice for all. Your love of art and technology give you many hours of pleasure. You don't make friends easily, but your true friends are many.

lotion potion

YUM. There's the shimmery kind, there's body and soul oil, there's lavender bedtime.
:D

aha!

Tan tanan tanan tanan tanan tanan tanaaaaaan.

(the sound of me in pink panther panty this Saturday)


LOL! Pasalubong from the boss ;-)

(Hmmmp.)

(a soundless kumod, kusmod, pout, pang-hiwi)

Contorting my lips to in-between a frown and a pout, suffice for me to say that I miss you.

Wala lang, number 2.

Of gratitude and grace

Have let “strangers” into the home this last few days, and been kindly offered the lessons of their selves.

(Oh, they have been brought to me by HB. Thanks HB!)

There is Manong carpenter’s genuine concern. He rescued an old rattan shelf from the sidelines of the garage and gave it a fresh lick of varnish, of his own volition. He disbelieved the claims of the bragging electrician. He didn’t rise to the bait of the men next door who wanted to know if he was making a killing from putting tiles to our kitchen wall (just so the adobo doesn’t splash, you know ;-), as if I know how to cook anything including even adobo?!). He’s not making a killing because there’s no killing to be made.

I am so grateful for the fact that there is finally someone that I can finally trust, who’s not just putting me on, who’s not giving off testosterone [yabang, pare!] simply because that’s how men know how to do it, particularly when there’s a group of them together. Finally, there’s someone who appears to be genuinely helpful, and sincere, and who’s on the level when we’re talking about costs.

Feckin’ sigh of relief. Oh universe, let there be more men like Manong.

Then there is Yaya Siony’s ultra-mega-super-bilis-and-super-efficient-to-the-trillionth-degree work style. No matter that she straightened up the heart-shaped mirror I purposely put askew. Oh dang but that woman packs a punch. Whirlwind S cleaned up everything she set her eyes on, even outside the windows! She washed, ironed, cleaned, mopped, sorted, folded --- completing in 8 hours what we encourage our other ate to do in two-three days, and by ourselves, takes months. Good golly gee, I am amazed.

S’wonderful, s’marvelous.



On to other things:

I am currently learning three new things at the same time: statistics, group therapy and belly dancing.

I adore fresh fruit shakes. My favorites are watermelon, and papaya. I often make a beeline for the fresh fruit shake stands at the mall, and make restaurant choices based on whether or not they have fresh fruit shakes.

I also like a slice of papaya with calamansi for breakfast.

From belly dancing, I am learning discipline --how to move the hips, repeat only the hips! Control the movement of the upper body including the arms!

More important, there is the necessity to be centered. To draw oneself into one’s center, to find one’s balance so that one doesn’t topple over while trying to learn belly dancing. The spiritual aspect of this seemingly physical lesson – presented as a dancing lesson no less! – is certainly not lost on me!

I must at all times, hold on to my center. With both arms and both legs, and even my chin. Me, the one with a tendency to be scattered to the winds!

The teacher’s chant drums in my head for hours after the class is over: Chest out, center, contract, sit … chest out, center, contract, sit.


P.S. That by the way is the series of moves designed to come off smoothly in what may be known to you as the body language dance step. Hihihihi.

Yiheeheee

(the sound of kinikilig)

Wala lang. Wala talaga promise. :D

A Weirdo Out of the Water

Am going into therapy.
I have some reservations.

GRIN.

I mean I'm going into group therapy class :D. At New School.

I mean I miss UP and my familiar crowd of strange creatures from outer space with the biggest kindest hearts and the bravest boldest souls.

When Dark Lord (my favorite teacher and the one who encouraged me to go to New School) learned I had gained entrance to New School she texted: “Mwahahahaha. Mwahahahaha. My minion in Catholic School.”

Hehe! We are both agreed I need the specific training for the degree I am seeking at New School. But it is a Catholic school.

And to many of us steeped in feminism and irreverence (not necessarily related all the time :D), and conscious of the sins of religions on the persons and souls of women, being in Catholic school is really being …

A weirdo out of the water!

Yup, yup, that’s me, indeed!

My last class at UP was under Dark Lord and it, too was group therapy. There were twenty of us women from all walks of life, from all sorts of ages, wearing all sorts of shoes, lugging all sorts of "baggage" and flying and falling on all sorts of wings, with beating hearts, who met up once a week every semester for our version of “group therapy.”

We had intense complex personal and heartwrenching discussions and revelations on many topics under the general topic – Gender, Culture and Ideology. We firmly bonded, us with our varied backgrounds and different takes on our mothers, on fashion and consumerism, and on being bitches even.

That is why I have reservations that my class on group therapy with its objectives of personal healing thru group interaction (learning by doing), with my nice young classmates and other “counselor types” will pale in comparison. Ahhh, but I am putting the cart before the horse.

Not a good attitude to take Ms. Psycho. (:-P but that sounds good)

Duni, Veve

My hairdresser is all of 18, today. Golly gee! [soundtrack in head: where is the little girl I carried? ... i can't remember growing older, when did they?!?!? :-P] x one million. How they do grow up and grow tall. :D

Sistah, cheers!!!! Can't wait to go out drinking with you again, and driving too (separate occasions).

Mwah, mwah. Love, Manang J whose hair has gone all streaky now but is as straight as it ever was!

Some Notes on Lake Sebu

There I was chatting idly with the documentor I had just met, Ms. Bon and I go, “Do you know Ning?” And she goes, “Yes, Ning. blah blah blah blah” (storytelling about Ning and those FGD’s Ning told me about years ago with the lumad and the evil settlers! ... Hehehehe, Hi Ning!)

I don’t know what to say about how it just happened again that I found myself in the vicinity of Ning’s life and important milestones/ persons/ locales. It’s a bit like how I met Ning in the first place. I just get thrown into her path regularly. In 1999 (was it?), Magya came by our old San Pedro 8 house and told me about this nice cute and funny Fil-Brit girl who had come to the office, with whom we must hang out (Magya and I being frequently thick as thieves).

So there I was at Lake Sebu, inadvertently stirring up the dust from Ning’s previous travels. Ahhh Ning, we are meant to be, I see yet again ;-).

Another thing. Staring at Lake Sebu, it became pretty easy -- a consciousness slipping over smooth as silk -- to see how the land belongs to the lumad. Can you imagine them? People indigenous to the land, whose land it is, who fish, and live and breathe with the lake and the land. The land is their life and they make their life with the land.

Sa kanila talaga iyon mga kapatid. Kitang-kita, maliwanag pa kaysa araw, ang nagiging masamang epekto ng tinatawag nating “development aggression.” Ang pagpasok ng kung sino at kung anong negosyo sa ngalan ng kaunlaran na nagpapasira lamang sa mapayapang pamumuhay ng mga lumad at laluna na ng kalikasan. Para bang napupunit na styropor na nakakarindi sa tenga.



At some point during the three-day meeting I attended, we took an hour-long boat ride around the Lake. Huddled in my sarong (me being lamigin), I sat pensive and silent, my stillness and lack of words disturbing some of the people I was with, being so at odds with the men’s joviality, for they were mostly men in their forties and fifties during that boat ride. They asked, “Mingaw man kaayo ka ‘Day?” (Why are you lonely?).

The thing is, I wasn’t. Lonely. I was happy! I was just annoyed that I was riding a motorized banca when I would rather have been rowing / kayaking round the Lake, losing myself in the stillness and in the silence. At least until I start to scare myself and row back to the resort for some company, hehe!

Being an out and out introvert, I live in my head :P. (But I can be fun too ;-)).

Journey home

Oct. 29, Friday

At ten on that bright and clear morning, I perched my butt behind the man driving the motorcycle and we went riding up and down the road surrounding Lake Sebu. There was the lake shimmering under the sun, in this beautiful pocket of South Cotabato; and there was I smiling at the thought of me and my hot pink backpack riding a motorcycle on these empty roads (albeit behind a man :P). I was being taken to Surallah, half an hour away – I was going “wheee!!!” in my head at the same time that I was facing the delicate problem of how to stop myself from sliding down the seat and bumping into the driver’s butt each time we went downhill! A predicament. My shoulder bag nestled in front of me came to my rescue, saving me from embarrassment and allowing me to chat companionably with the guy about this and that.

He said: “Yes. That’s a corn field.” “There are actually three lakes in this area.” “Yes, they have tilapia in that one too.” “Oh the waterfalls are that way on the road to the right.” Hehe, interview portion, in other words.

Half an hour and a hundred bucks later I was on the non aircon bus in Surallah, happy to be back in the land of GPRS signal. My email inbox listed: your free astrology.com horoscope for the day, astrocenter.com, and today’s tarotscope. Plus I could see that my high school batchmates were at it again – sending one-line personal messages to the entire egroup.

Forty minutes later, the bus wheezed into the station at Marbel, Koronadal. I smiled my way into the non-stop aircon bus for Davao, skipped to the donut place for some supplies and a pee, got into the bus, and scowled at the tinted windows that stopped me from looking at the world outside.

Another forty minutes later, almost into General Santos City, the bus ejected us into another bus already en route from Gensan to Davao. Goodie, goodie, great, I was all for arriving earlier in Davao. Bus number three had clear windows, and I made myself right at home in my two seats – whipping the curtains out of the way, tucking my feet under my legs on the seat, ogling the view of winding roads and mountains, reading pages from my book, snoozing. Two and a half hours later, I got off at SM City Davao (hehe, they were having a sale!).

After the toilet stop and ignoring hunger pangs, I hied off to Aldevinco in a cab. I desired more of those hugely colorful sarongs for a skirt and for a bedspread, and perhaps to give away to “remind you of me.” :-P

Half an hour later, my mature self let go and I made my way to the airport. Flight was delayed for two hours! The last PAL flight from Davao is always delayed but I don’t mind being late anytime as long as I can get to Manila in one piece and without traumas. As I have gained in years, so has my uneasiness with planes. I had my meal, changed into less travel-worn clothes, slung a new pashmina round my neck (it gets cold in that airplane I tell you!) and got on board.

No my trip didn’t end there! I got out of the airport at a quarter before ten in the evening! I decided to take the bus because I couldn’t be bothered to wait a long time for a cab at the departures hall and the coupon cabs just cost too much! Imagine this, I paid P23 bus fare, would have paid almost P250 for a metered taxi, and about P800 for a coupon cab! Amazing. For as long as my hurtling bus didn’t take on holduppers. Hehe.

At 11:30 pm, after 13 ½ hours travel time, military checkpoints in Mindanao, and having tasted three tilapia dishes – fried, escabeche-ed and grilled fresh from Lake Sebu – in three days, I was finally home.

I put down my bag, took a quick shower, and went out to meet a friend I haven’t seen for many months.

Hehehe!

New School Quickie

Oct. 30, Saturday

Saturday morning, the Priestess volunteered to accompany me on my day’s mission: enrollment. I was off to my new school to officially join the ranks of its studentry (stud entry, Microsoft Word corrects me) but seeing as I had traveled 13 hours the day before and had had only four hours sleep to renew my energies, I ended up with only one hour to make some headway. I set my mind to at least claim my admission slip at the new school.

I was wrong. When we got there, I had all of half an hour.

It took one minute to get my admission slip. In fact, it took longer to sort out all my papeles.

The Priestess and I started laughing. My admission slip came with step-by-step registration instructions, as well as a letter detailing point by point (as in #1, #2, #3, and so on and so forth) my standing and the requirements I needed to accomplish at the new school (such as completion of some prerequisite subjects that I did not take up in my undergrad). We were laughing because at UP, it could take you up to two days just to try and find out exactly what your standing is! Especially if you’re a “complicated” student like we were sometimes ;-). In fact, it could take you several days trying to get up your nerve to ask “the authorities” just what your standing is, and then you need another couple of days to put the pieces together once you start pleading your case. No one person can tell you exactly what it is or if one person can, it appears that that one person is hiding behind several filing cabinets in a locked room in the topmost tower of a decrepit school building, and only he knows the real score! Really! Hehehe! Not even the UP President knows what he-in-a-tower knows!

And get this, that’s just to find out your standing! We’re not saying you’ll have been in possession of your registration materials by then! Hehehe! That could take up to next semester!

We doubled over laughing! At the end of half an hour at New School, not only did I have my admission slip, but I was officially enlisted, checked and assessed. I needed only to pay my tuition, so there!

But the tuition! The amount could stop you laughing for the entire schoolyear, hahahaha! The joke’s on you! Hehehe.

Anyway, at the end of registration, we said that we preferred to have experienced having to survive in the jungle, before undergoing easy-peasy enrollment. Rather than the other way around!

What else? After lunch, we wandered around a home depot in Ortigas, lusting after lamps, ladders and this mirror that just makes you look beautiful! I mean more beautiful! I must go back and claim it!

Then in the middle of browsing undies in the mall, something “challenging” happened! But I think we did quite well. (Well done, gf, promise :-))

Later that night, tired out, three of us (with roomie) fell asleep on three sofas. Hehehe.

P.S. This day too I finally tasted fresh durian!

2 weddings and a walk

Oct. 31, Sunday

And yet another thing about going to the provinces. Right away you notice the air! Metro Manila air is filthy! Out of the metropolis, it is immediately clearer and fresher!

Sunday, girlfriend and I decided to walk to UP to enjoy its car-lessness. Fresh air! We walked out of the house fresh as daisies from our showers. We soon realized we had showered only to feel immediately grimy and stinky from passing cars. How ironic that in order to get to UP where the air was fresh, we had to inhale transport fumes on the way.

We sat for a while at the Sunken Garden to enjoy the sky, and at the sight of an airplane, talk about how flying freaks me. More irony here: to enjoy the peace and quiet of our spot, we sat facing each other, the better to watch each other’s backs for anyone who might walk towards us with bad intentions. Yup, cellphone grabbers and the like.

Later, at HB’s to get my Psych book (Hi HB! Thanks HB!), we saw Monsoon Wedding on DVD (Hi Ning!). Gorgeous gorgeous movie! I gained my new favorite male character -- the father in this flick. That’s the man! Vulnerable, loving, tough, strong … picks himself up, dusts himself off, and starts all over again.

We also saw Laws of Attraction, but after Monsoon Wedding, Laws was like, in Kati language, daw tae. Hehehehe! Vulgar but true.

Five Million Burps Waiting to Happen

Nov 1, Monday

Packed our high spirits and good intentions and trooped to the swimming pool for a reunion rendezvous with Ramon, aka the caretaker of “our” pool ;-) Unfortunately, Ramon said he did not really miss us. Hehe, denial king. The good part was we had the pool to ourselves for the morning :D.

When our stomachs called out for lunch, we moved to our planned “treat of the day!” Hear this great news ladies and gentlemen from Iloilo, we moved to … tan ta na nan… Nes and Tat’s!!!! At their new branch at Congressional Avenue!!!

As you Ilonggos will attest, Nes and Tat’s or rather Tatoy’s Manokan (Nes and Tat’s is Tatoy’s progeny) is many an Ilonggo family tradition, and is certainly a local institution. Many Sunday lunches of my elementary and high school life was spent gobbling down the tasty native manok and seafood at Tatoy’s Manokan. As in, gobble/ lamon/ eat yum yum yum. And who cares if your classmate and your other classmate and their families are at nearby tables and yet another classmate and her or his family have just pulled up the driveway. They too are gobbling. It’s that so reliably good.

Later, going away to college and for work, our concept of homesickness and homecoming inevitably included Tatoy’s. Was there ever a sembreak or Christmas break that did not include a trip to Villa Beach for Tatoy’s -- and later when it was put up practically beside the mall -- Nes and Tat’s? No, never. Otherwise it would have been tantamount to not having come home at all.

But now the good news is here they are in QC. And they were open this November 1. And we were the only customers when we waltzed in. We oohed and aahed over the familiar menu. We talked our way, no, consciously entertained ourselves thru the painful intervening minutes between ordering and being served. We drank a full glass of water each.

And when at last, our meal arrived – kinilaw na shrimp, kinilaw na tangigue, lechon manok na native, pork chop and to each her own drink – loud grunts and groans could be heard from our side of the restaurant. Haaaaaay, ka namit. Namit gid ya! Namit times one million! The kinilaw dishes were freshly made, and the vinegar was chock full of panakot – bell pepper, onions, and chili pepper. The manok was oh so tasty. And the rice was one bandehado (hehe).

As the Priestess put it so succinctly – Kung ari ka di, daw malimtan mo na lang ang mga problema mo. (hehe! If you’re at Nes and Tat’s, all your problems melt away!) Comfort food finest!

Actually we were a sight to behold! Visible for being the only customers, highly appreciative, and voraciously eating, we must have hugely amused the staff scattered around the resto. We were initially suspicious when they came bearing three cups and three saucers after all that we had ordered had already arrived. It turned out we were being given free dessert!!! -- – ginatan and kalamay hati – and we were only halfway thru our meal!!! We sighed with gratitude, and much much later, sated, we ordered coffee to go with the divine kalamay-hati.

We urge you, please, please, please visit the kanamit-namit Nes and Tat’s at Congressional Avenue, and give them no reason whatsoever to pack their chickens and head back home! Here, we want them, in their authentic splendor!

And isn’t a November one spent stoking one’s appetite for living also appropriate to the day?

(For the rest of the account, check back again when I've managed to burp :P)

Lazy Tuesday

Nov. 2, Tuesday

Hehehe, I also have funny days with roomie. We bicker all the time, like some old married couple attuned to each other’s ways and “weaknesses.” We bicker for fun and in jest (when it’s serious, we go into our own rooms, or chat thru our issues). We eat, we laugh, we shop and go for beauty treats.

This Tuesday, we were up to some mischief ;-). Giggling like two naughty kids afraid of being caught by the teacher. Oh, you’ll know soon enough!

We also discovered this new books and coffee place along Morato that has divine siksik (as opposed to fluffy as in pan de sal) tinapay to go with their coffee. Unfortunately, you buy before you read. But at least this means a bookstore is now open in Morato after the malls are closed. This has been a long-time need of us QC denizens.

At another bookstore, I also discovered two books worth giving me for Christmas (hahahaha). One is on spiritual activism by Claudia H. and the other is a book on birthdays, stars and numbers that contains an accurate and flattering description of January 8’s – hehehehe!

But anyway, I was also the good person (not good woman, because reproductive work needs to be done by all, men, women and children including gays lesbians and asexuals) for having done my laundry, mopped the floors, and done some ironing this day!!!!!

I am getting the hang of this blog as diary thing! What does it matter if I bore you to tears with all the details for as long as I get it all out of my system! :D

As I inherited from my sister turning 18 this Monday (ohmigod sisterrr how you’ve grown and I am ancient), TTFN. Tata for now!

Off, soon

I'm excited ;) (but hungry).

It's time for another trip!

I have never been to Lake Sebu. I can sit by the side of it, and look pretty, or ugly, as I see fit (for as long as none of the chapter people are looking or they might send me packing).

Part of what I love about trips is deciding what to read during. It's time to pay a visit to my bookshelf :D. I want something funny but absorbing. I can't read straight thru absorbing but heartwrenching books. I always need to put it down, and muster up enough courage to face what's in store. Bravery is needed everywhere, everyday, be it in one's own life or in one's reading matter.

The best work trips for me are when I can go and observe, and not have to be resource person.

A trip is always a new short life span. You get to carry a mini-wardrobe for just the right number of days (an adventure in itself). You're a "you" just for the trip.

giggle

i do declare that belly dancing is sexy.

even if not one of us newbies could do it properly.

even if i got more exercise mopping and sweeping the floor prior to belly dancing.

oh, my creaking back and jiggling belly.

:P

Grocery girl

The case of Eunilaine vs. Glori’s


Eunilaine – or Yonileyn as we fondly call it -- has been my grocery store since 1992! (hehe) Even when I moved two jeep rides away, I still went to my original Yoni near my office. Or failing that, the Yoni nearer the new home.

Yonileyn only really fails me because it does not carry my toothpaste (a reason to mall when I run out) and because when they started fixing Kalayaan Avenue, it became too taxing to cross the street for the dust and the exhaust fumes. (I picked up my tissues and wheat bread at the winning Breadwinner convenience store instead.)

We even buy birthday gifts from Yoni!! (hehe!)

Now I live nearer a Glori’s. It’s a tad more expensive because it’s open 24 hours but I can walk to it. I can still ride a trike to Yoni if I insist. But at any given time, it’s a toss-up between the two. Why so?

It’s more exciting to shop at Yonileyn because they carry more goods. And they carry more single-girls fetish or fad goods such as the bottled green tea and all Hershey chocolate flavors and roomie’s and my cereal of choice – almond nut crunch! As they do bottled kimchi and the occasional cute candle-holder.

But if you’re hankering for rice and ulam and can’t be bothered to cook, there’s loads more Pinoy food places by the Glori’s. It doesn’t stock my favorite since elem days Granny Goose tortilla chips (yes priestess, they are unfortunately on the GMO list :D) though. Also, my old reliable brands for laundry soap and fresh milk can’t be found at Glori’s. I often find myself pouting while scouting around that place. But then again, they have nachos :D

But the real honest-to-goodness reason I go to Glori’s -- my personal treat on grocery runs -- is this little magazine stall in it. This yummy mag shop has all sorts of house and home magazines on sale all the time.

Grin. Supplies for the addicted. For this vice, I’ve switched laundry soaps.

can you spot the stripes

can you spot the stripes
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Furniture tour

(no Mang Gil required)

Spent Saturday with roomie, which seems to be the first entire day we spent together since moving house. (Talk about the realities and perils of “marriage”! Hehe!)

First order of the day: breakfast. My heart said Pancakes! But it was too late for McDonald’s and for the information of those in the UP Village area, the new Pancake House only delivers for orders of P500 and above (too spoiled-brat a breakfast even for two spoiled brats like us).

Later, walking down this unglamorous road, we chanced upon a store selling leftover (leftover from huge sheets) mirrors at 70% off. So what do you know, brushing your teeth while gazing upon thine countenance will soon become a reality in the house of bless (how romantic, hehe!). Sale freaks are we :D.

Next, we peeked into this warehouse that opened up an entire galaxy of fabric possibilities – oh the things that you can do with your sofa, curtains, rug, chairs, etc. They didn’t have too many funky and fun fabrics but it was an interesting place to be (they had this nice blue floral fabric that will surely get the Priestess’ ire and also costs an arm and both legs). I also got a quote for making over our loyal but dying divan. This simply means I know what maximum price to whittle down from once I find myself a fantastic but cheap upholsterer – in whose hands lies my fantasy of baby pink dining chairs and orange ottoman! (:p)

Then we sallied forth to the Union Square showroom along Scout something, almost at the corner of Morato St. Rattan ravers will surely be in bliss! They are having their anniversary sale and are giving great prices especially for those coffee table and two chairs combos. Promise, great prices! But I am so done with the ethnic look so we moved on.

Next, we moved to the place that used to be the premier shopping place in Metro Manila (hehe back when you could still see cogon grass along EDSA!), is now renovating itself quite well but remains to be Magya’s nightmare place, so that roomie could buy herself a very practical, functional and quite cheap bookshelf. With glass covers for herself who loathes dusting. Hehe! (my fantasy of hardwood barrister bookcases and display shelves remains, of course, but we gotta do what we gotta do, and I still have a long life to live).

Plus this pink space capsule for bread that you can chew on the moon (baw tikal na gid na ya ;-))

Then we flew back to Metro Salon to clock in some beauty time. ;-)

P.S. There’s going to be a Philippine Furniture Fair at Megamall in November!

Joyride

Stumbled out of bed early on a Thursday (well, earlier than usual hehe) for a daytrip round town and country with the HB. I love long rides, and I squealed (squeal gid ya, daw pig!) when I found out Mang Gil would be driving. He’s this nice man who drove us – the naughty crowd – on an office trip to Pagudpod last summer (the one who didn’t quite manage to get the “welcome to Pagudpod” archway onto our pics, spoiling the cheesy campy effect :D).

So away we went to Microtel hotel at Gen. Trias, Cavite. Cavite always reminds me of an old flame (the one that always blew out but kept being reignited.) It was once no-man’s land to me, area of he-who-shall-not-be-named, now back to being just Cavite at the far side of the world. We checked out Microtel for a seminar we’re having soon.

MICROTEL marks: Great coffee!!!! (as roomie did say repeatedly). Spacious rooms. Newish and that counts. But the thing that got my attention were two seagrass lounge chairs that are so comfy, once you sink into it, you never want to get up.



Off we went to Tagaytay. There’s this nice traffic-less road that takes you directly from Microtel to Tagaytay in less than an hour. It made M. Gil very happy! We went to Residence Inn.

RESIDENCE Inn: It ain’t gonna work for our purposes. Since Tagaytay was the epicenter of one of two quakes that happened recently, the venue has to be earthquake-proof (as if). It didn’t pass my earthquake test because it has a zoo in it full of pythons and snakes and in the event of earthquakes those babies could break out of their glass cages and swallow me whole. Hehe, me who still has loads of plans cooking in the oven.


But I love driving around Tagaytay. There’s the great view, one can hop restaurants and go on a fruit-buying spree. Bag of Beans coffee shop and restaurant is such a sweet lil place. I fancy a boisterous and cozy brunch there with good friends galore on my birthday. Come, let’s squeeze into a van, and go! I hope to pick at everyone’s choice of dessert, and sit there, simply beaming. [Tita Eds, let’s go?! Say yes or you’ll break my heart!]


ESTANCIA Resort had this small pool bubbling invitingly when we drove in. It has a bigger pool that looks simply divine (I am always attracted to swimming pools and have been known to pick a place on the beauty of its swimming pool); you can swim around and around it without ever stopping. Its restaurant though looks like just the kind of place to go to if you’re having an affair (hehe HB and I both thought this at almost the same time). The de luxe rooms look ok – great view, and spacious. Overall though, the air is that of a place that once was new but isn’t anymore. What’s with old musty resorts that don’t sit quite right? How can hotels and resorts age gracefully, or are we too fixated with newness and shiny paint?


A longish nap thru roads strewn with wooden furniture stalls (hehe) and we were in Binangonan, Rizal. We drove into LAKE ISLAND RESORT, and it was heaven. I immediately felt rested, so peaceful is its atmosphere. Am not normally drawn to places made of all-native materials but this place, it’s like there’s not a hair out of place. We drove in at sunset, my least favorite time of day and it was just idyllic, didn’t feel depressing. You can fish, sing, swim, run, sing, kayak, eat, and seminar (hehe, new verb) at Lake Island. The food’s said to be great too!




HB and I started sweet-talking the Lake Island person to allow us to book a wedding there (they don’t do weddings anymore). It’s such a cozy-cozy family gathering kind of place, I can just picture relatives from all over the islands congregating for an exchange of vows (HB’s and her Lovey’s ceremony, silly :-P).

Last stop, we went up the hills again, this time to SEVEN SUITES at Antipolo, near Valley Golf and Bali Gulp resto (hehe, nice humor there). This place has loads of potential. It’s also great for a romantic dusk wedding (HB’s and her Lovey’s!!!!!!). They seem to be in the process of fixing themselves (lots of repainting, renovating, reconceptualizing going on) so I truly hope they do it right because they have a great little spot.

Up on the third floor, they have this balcony where they regularly book romantic dinners for two overlooking Metro Manila (yes, you can order privacy to go with your dinner.) It’s so perfect for when HB proposes!!!!!!!! Hehehehe!!!! Even though, they ARE already married!!!! Who cares!!!!! It’s still perfect for a proposal, and when he says yes HB, you both can step into the jacuzzi. Hehehehe!!!


Tita Eds, you can cap your anniversary at the Seven Suites!!!!!! (you should know, you’ve been there!!). “Cap”, because as you know, in the morning and noontime of that day, you will be in Tagaytay. Hehehehe!

They have a pool too. Ms. Comfy Capricorn that I am though, I think they need to update their rooms some more.

But the best thing about the joyride is quality time with the HB. The woman whose personal motto/ rejoinder and favorite line is and has got to be “But why?????” HB, no one else has your all-abiding curiosity and need to know exactly why or why not simply because your intelligent mind requires consistency between ideas and action, and your big heart requires unity of mind and heart.




Hehe, I always learn a lot from you, kulit. :D

that dress

I don't know about headaches and restlessness HB. joanna says the earth is fixing itself at its core, and we can feel it.

all i know is it's that dress of mine. it makes noteworthy natural/ environmental events happen (hehe superstar complex to the trillionth degree) along with good stuff. last year it was a typhoon that literally stopped me on my tracks on my way to boracay, and almost sideswiped my scrabble game (aha but i still won). and yet the sisig was quite good that night.

last friday, it was that earthquake while at the topmost floor of a mall. and getting accepted into a new MA program.

that dress :D