here's to a song of glee

admit it ;))

if you were alive and able to see movies in 1983-1984, this song has magic:

Heres to the old times and the best of new ones
Heres to a song of glee
Finding our way from illusions to realities
Hoping to wake up from this madness
Hoping to see you smile ( ;) )
Pushing our way to the limit of yours and mine

Im growing up, getting down
Putting my both feet on the ground
With all my friends behind me
How can I go wrong this time?
Im growing up, getting down
Think of reality came around
Not just waiting for the daybreak
Expecting the sun to shine
It doesn't shine all the time

am on friendship thoughts this lunch hour because:
1. HB prevailing upon me to make peace with nemesis because she loves nemesis na and nemesis was so nice to me at lunchtime (proof: she said i lost weight ;)) )
2. because dd is also friends with a friend of mine ;)) hahahaha private joke. ... we're back in comfy mode.
3. i wish i could miss class to watch dear friends dress up, dance and sing (and look funny and laugh at themselves hehehe!) "sumayaw, ..." at the parangal ek
4. and because life is good :)

forgiveness

Sometimes I look back and think about past kagulohan, and tsk tsk to myself, and get amazed at how I and others I'm with ever got past those kagulohan. Or sometimes when I think about how much I've changed in some ways, I think about how I was before this and I wonder if I could ever have gotten here if I hadn't been where I was.

And when I do that, I try my best to forgive my past self, the one who understood less, knew less, was more uncertain, had a lot of fears. I forgive my past self who was me at another time, and I forgive myself now for having been that self. I wouldn't be at my better place if I hadn't come from where I come from, if I hadn't been who I was.

I try to do myself this favor regularly. Not because I want to excuse my shortcomings but because I want to give myself credit for wanting to be a better person all the time.

And this takes place every day. :)

winning status message

Boardmember Bans' status message on his yahoo messenger today:

Mahal mo ba ako dahil kailangan mo ako, o kailangan mo ako dahil mahal mo ako?

Hehehe! Ang bongga!

Visit Runes Cafe
Tomas Morato Ave.,
across Chili's

two emails

the one that made me laugh

V!

I'm now off to Maine, the other northern(n) corner of the
US. I should perhaps visit Florida and Souther(n)
California. Then I can claim to have visited the four
corners of the continental US this year. All of my
vacation plans with friends fell in the month of July
this year. Soon I will need a vacation from vacations
:)

I'll try to take more enticing food pictures for you.
I don't take pictures of people because they aren't
edible...unless you are a cannibal :P
I will also try to find more phallic symbols to
entertain you :D

-- from a good friend who's just come back from a vacation in Seattle where it appears from his pictures that only ten people populate that uber cool place, plus this very tall tower they call the Space Needle. hehehe!

FRESHLY ADDED: Pics in question from and by FWI

The Space Needle and FWI's very own


YUM-looking Crabpot Boil :(


FWI Self-portraits
My friend, the First World Imperialist. Thanks for the loan of the pictures! :D


Discover Beach
One of my favorites.

yellow yellow pink!

Image202.jpg
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

it's been some time since the two sisters and i gathered round the flaming cauldron, and exchanged souls... err, witticisms ;) ...err, wisdom :D

apparently, the Universe, in Her all-knowingness, so too noticed. and was only too eager for the exchange of spells to occur, She had to close down two swimming pools to make it happen.

just do it, She said, setting down Knights of Columbus at our own private pool complete with Ramon; and even messed up the usual Plan B, with big Pool Closed signs.

so sit and sip and chew and talk and chuckle did we. even though we had to put on bikinis to do so (maybe next time it won't be necessary!), and lug around all our gear, and spend a fortune on taxi rides.

plus precious to us three is that nobody else quite knows just how much we've all three been thru together. like, really. like really x one million :P

(because at one point, someone had to go to NYC and chat to us from there! :D)

so we got and appreciated the set up, and settled ourselves against each other on a Saturday morning, funky fun footwear and all.

not quite there yet

still negotiating a u-turn.

spent years denigrating, no critiquing with an intelligent eye, the scientific method :D

the reductionism. to pare down the complexity of life to a few variables and a few arrows, and live to tell the tale? make conclusions, recommendations and predictions even :)

to tend to hold invalid one person's in-depth subjective world :D, for reasons of non-replication and non-validation

to generalize to one and all even when women often clearly have a different experience

to develop technology that extracts but fails to give back.

understand, these were my most important readings in women and development. i did reports on the above, and chewed these ideas.

now, i am somewhere that values application of scientific principles to human life. in fact, if you can't do it, you're stuck.

aahh, i am somewhat lost but finding my way.

flailing arms, and all that.

expanding the repertoire

speak softly but carry a big stick

hehe! my 30-second speech that left the class speechless made me pause for thought :D. my certainties make them lose their tongues, so i must regroup my various selves for a powwow.

apparently, i've imbibed this culture/ practice that when certain opinions/ events/ positions come up that are contestable, suspicious or seedy :D, one must speak up to point out :D. one can't let things just pass without comment, can one?

but i don't wanna be the official feminist police, i think! even in the face of remarks like, Filipino women being so caring and nurturing that they rush home to care for kids and household needs even when they are so busy at work is like, our cultural advantage. we're good for it.

hello?! yeah, but have you ever truly taken a good look at the faces of working mothers? can't you see they are so often stressed and worn out with no time for themselves? did you ask how it is being the heroines for such a cultural advantage? :D nowadays it's called the multiple burden, burdens being heavy difficult things, and multiple meaning many heavy difficult things.

or the one about, but aren't women secretly the real power in the family because they know ways to manipulate the men so things can go their way. hello?! if power and resources were already equally shared, then women wouldn't be forced into such a life-enhancing skill as learning to manipulate :D i mean am sure, they'd have lots of other things they could do with the time and energy that would be freed if they didn't have to manipulate. and instead were freely encouraged and enabled to make suggestions and decisions openly, without fear of reprise and reprimand.

so you get what i mean, if that makes you speechless yourself :P

i must learn to provoke thought and discussion, and not just set off the bombs, leaving merely, debris.

hehehe.

are, too

listened intently to alfredo who was in a state over one of the cinemalaya movies. :) won't elaborate, it's his story to tell. however, want to pick up one of his ideas on what is really a movie that's, well, cinemalaya.

he said, the movie that he liked presented "gender concepts" (for lack of a handy term) as givens. the movie showed liberating ideas of personhood, sexuality, humanity, love. in that movie that he liked, as opposed to the movie he objected to, these were, as he said, given.

in the business of advocacy, ... no, scratch that. in the process of creating a better world where more people can breathe better because they can be, it makes a bigger impact when things "are". at least in the way that alternatives are presented. here're our dreams: they already are.

at least that's what i've observed too in the countless trainings on gender-sensitivity and awareness that i have been in. instead of hemming and hawing over potentially controversial ideas (being apologist about it, in a way), a good trainor will forge right ahead and present these as givens. if you're matter of fact and confident, participants will intuit your conviction and sincerity, and take notice. better yet, if you can show (again, matter of factly, as givens) rather than say. if they find the ideas appeal to them, they will mull it over or ask for elaborations and clarifications. in any event, these will stick in their minds, and grow. "aha, puwede pala ganun?"

learned this the long way, you could say. when i was just beginning to facilitate trainings, i agonized about how to show and convince participants that feminism isn't a bad word. but now i go right ahead and say feminist out loud.

contradictory energies

today the sun moves into leo which brings fire -- passion, excitement and go go go energy into our lives.

however, mercury starts to move backward in the sky which means communication breakdowns, a universe-imposted time to review and reflect on your decisions

plus venus moves into virgo which makes it imperative to be particular about those we love.

dig that?

never go home at 11 pm

If Only: The Terror Model to Teaching Appreciation

a list to check if you ought to watch If Only:

1. Do you prefer the straightforward scary approach to learning as opposed to the nurturing subtle approach?

2. Do you have a fear of death?

3. Are you fond of suspense-thrillers and horror movies?

4. Do you think Robert Downey Jr. should be taller?

5. Do you prefer a slap in your face rather than a softer play on your heart, or the tickling of your mind?

Hehehe! I sound too harsh.

The movie's message IS sound. :) Appreciate what you have. Love her/ him/ her/ him (that which floats your boat).

It's just that it really goes out of its way to SHOW you. Hehehehe. Very literal. In your face.

But my, that Paul Nicholls is a cutie.

p.s. gf, thanks. twas fun!

good morning

our early (a very subjective concept) dance:

roommie washing dishes
rice is cooking
i move around her, making coffee

and i can't help myself
i poke her in the side

wahehe!

she jerks, "oist!" and splashes
some water my way
the floor
aargh.

i move to the other side, and
get the canister
i want to poke her other side too.

i resist.

"i'm so good.
i resisted to
itik you."

"yes," she said, "restrain yourself."

i know.

;))

Can I?

I wonder, can I write? I thought of this out of the blue, and asked DD if she thought I could write something worth reading, and write it well. She asked if I had any more silly questions, VV :D.

But seriously. :D

I can put words together, that I have always known from childhood. I could always pass all of my schoolpaper exams, and I loved to read and knew many words.

I took up Journalism in college, not out of an overwhelming desire to be a journalist, but it seemed like, from a long list of the unknown, it was something that I knew I could at least do. I really didn't learn too much in my major college courses, as friends and I from the same college would joke. They didn't either. I guess writing or journalism anyway, is not something that you really really need to study for years to be able to do, and do well. It can help, but it's also really up to you.

I liked college for the perspective it gave me on many things, and not for the journalism courses I needed to pass.

In fact, I often thought, I can put words together, but what shall I write about? My content became my overriding concern, and it amused me once when I hazarded to take the university paper exam, and I knew absolutely next to nothing about the issues they asked applicants to write about. Not surprisingly, I didn't pass.

So I thought leave the writing to those who know a lot, who know more than I do. I will set about trying to know more.

But in fact, I started to earn my living writing. Writing feature stories for a Sunday magazine. It started out ok, but I grew bored with charities and the like. Or perhaps I did not really have the patience to apply myself and improve my craft, without falling asleep in the process.

Then too I fell in love with women and development, and left the magazine. Then I got into my next job which was not primarily writing, but involved that too. My boss could always count on me to write my part in the stories, err reports and proposals, we were weaving together.

Still and all, there were others who could write so much better than I could. A dear older friend would take my draft and fly away with it, till it became a beautiful piece of work no one could argue with. Her words can take your breath away. We have always urged her to write her novels.

Plus the fact that I can't write in Filipino. It frustrated me that I can't write in Filipino when there is so much that can be done if only one could.

Then I came upon this blog. You can say this blog has saved me from myself. :D I can write at will about anything in the world, and sometimes be read, and sometimes not, and it's just about me and my little world. I can be utterly careless with my grammar, whether I capitalize or not. As I said, a way to soothe myself.

There are days that are so much easier for my blogging. On days like this I would blog before I would work, because it seems like I can't work unless I get some stuff out of my system.

But then again, this isn't really writing. I wonder still if I can. And I will never know I guess unless I do.

Advice

I am lying in the middle of bed, horizontally, legs crossed in the air, wondering if dare i suggest that you read Should You Leave?

Might it not be the last thing I ought to do, to suggest so directly, and thus, destroy in one fell swoop any chances that you would do so?

I myself am in the middle of many dilemmas, to read further and further, ignoring my need to get my pink pen and mark the passages that move me or make me think or make me laugh? Or why not stop and ponder these passages more in the silence of my room in the middle of bed, in the middle of fever breaking?

If I left the book lying around somewhere you might find it, would you pick it up and read one of my smileys or two, or find for yourself, bits of you and me and us together in the stories and the thoughts and the adventures of intimacy and autonomy? Or would you ignore such a pointed hint, knowing already that this is a book I am presently holding close to my chest?

Or maybe I have, in the course of being a weird girl who reads "self-helpy" books for fun, already made too many suggestions and recommendations, that you can't help but think, oh, this is another one of those, and one that can wait. It too, shall pass, like some of my enthusiasms? I understand that over-enthusiasm can be off-putting, and drive one to retreat, instead.

Or how about if i read to you or tell you some of the stuff in it that excited me, would that interest you too? And would some of the warm glow and expanded understanding that I have experienced, rub off too on you?

But maybe this book is really all about me, and I am the one who needs to read it. I should quit wanting to share all my I-likes with all my I-likes, them who are also preoccupied with all their They-Likes or They Like Not. (But what about the part where he, a guy, discusses and enthuses over what a feminist psychologist pointed out, that in modern society, too much is made of autonomy at the expense of the special skill in connection that women have? That couples will seek partners for their ability to be autonomous, and yet give no value for the special skill to connect? Was that not food for thought?)

(But don't let me give you the wrong idea here either. Kramer doesn't simply make the case for connection. Rather he even goes on at length about the need to stay yourself in groups, in interpersonal relations. Still, he tends to want to tell those who want to bolt their relationships because they can't stay, to stay and try it the other way; and those who can't leave because they want to connect, to leave.)

Maybe I can leave it to chance, knowing that the books we need to read will come upon us. After all, I was looking for Kramer because of his other book Listening to Prozac that is listed on my syllabus, but I ended up with Should You Leave? instead.

Maybe I should just blog.

updates: the life of me

am losing a job. i might be gaining one. (i don't know. i've changed. other "jobs" might be opening somewhere else where i might not only be useful but growing. shall i create them? hehehe!)

my relationship with "ovaltine" has progressed too quickly. first, we were making all these arrangements for our first date. but we ended up talking a lot but not eating anything (waaaaah). then so soon, we have already progressed to apologies. apologies for missing our second date. not only did it promise lack of food again, i am also sick. as i asked priestess, does she think we will make it?

maybe it's because of peter. third-party peter kramer has gotten in the way. i am crushing big time on peter who popped up over the weekend. i can't put him down.

or maybe because of alaxan. i've renewed my relationship with alaxan. exercise snubbed me and gave me body pains, and fever. alaxan breaks my fever quite quickly. or maybe it was the coffee.

Just messing around while the sky showers. Or is that roommie? She left me snuggled up on the half-couch with the fuschia whatchamacallit pulled up, with Peter and Cameron close to me (ahh Cameron. He's a bit old though.) She insists on showering.

What, already? And it's only Monday.

:P

going the extra lap

still and all, I have learned.

that there is always always always better timing at work in the world than i can ever hope to set up (hehe!) and i am glad to learn to make it work for me

that i can have endless patience, and then snap, and it needs keen observation to figure out the breaking moment. and the person responsible to make sure that that moment is known to myself, or is intercepted (before the world explodes)... is me (hehehe).

that after all, all that we need ever ask of ourselves, and our intimates, is mindfulness. that we are are aware and are mindful of where we are and what we are doing. to be our mind's little person, so to speak, observing what we are thinking and feeling. and we can only hope that our loved ones also be mindful of us, and us of them.

that i do want to grow :D. and that you can always stick with the people who want to grow too.

swimmingly

i wonder why we hardly ever get to spend our weekends or bits of our weekends together. well, we do, sort of.

i would like to :). weekends are my specialty. i love weekends, love that the sun can shine or it can rain, and you can be (deadlines and other anxieties be damned). i love that time can stretch interminably or shorten quickly like multi-colored rubber bands. that there are chunks of time, and loads of ways to hang out, like pulling each other's hair, eating food in all sorts of unhealthy combinations, getting some fresh air, catching movies, walking. walking, walking, walking. there are places with less cars and less smoke on a weekend.

or reading. reading, reading, reading. it's not even that i don't get to enjoy my weekends because i do. weekends just are.

but hardly a weekend goes by when i don't wonder at some point, why there's a weekend, and there isn't you in it. (awww. sad.)

;)

going back to one of JT's

while i tend to keep my friends, my books and even my clothes that don't fit me anymore (lol), i tend to get really sick of songs i really really liked for a loooooong time. after college, there was a time when we were really into carole king, carly simon and james taylor (yes i was at his concert at the folk arts theater, and yes, nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for the rest... where you lead, i will follow ... up on the roof ;))

but blame it on the music compilation at the spa we go to. it brought back this song (seriously that compilation could drive you to weeping if you were having a massage and feeling heartbroken):

If I present it to you with a flower in the moonlight, shiny and new,
well, you couldn't say no tonight, if I keep my heart out of sight.

thanks dd for the taytol.

Ghost in the Footspa Machine

Ghost in the Footspa Machine
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

whoooops!

ouch.

that hurt.

(always taking things in the spirit in which they were not intended. hehehe.)

The Thursday Scene

So we're in our moody-looking sala (read: with soft lighting because the fluorescent light refuses to turn on), watching/listening to tv (roommie is watching while am transfixed by my email that i resisted the entire day in order to finish my readings and my succinct one-page paper, goodie ;) ), having coffee, and getting ready to know more about marriage.

Isn't that cute? Two single women in their thirties on a Thursday night about to venture into marriage :D. It's so cute I want to say it again. Yes, we're going to learn all about marriage! Hehehe!

Technically, I am since it's my class. But as everyone within sitting distance knows, they also get to know what I manage to know in them classes.

So, I am not learning about marriage in order to get married ;) but because when one studies family and family relations, marriage is part of it.

Ah, but even without them readings, you'd be surprised. I know some things. Lol!

I used to say I could never counsel two sides of an "issue" or rather two persons involved in a situation. Too difficult! But maybe I meant, not with friends anyway.

But sometimes these days, I wonder if I would be any good at couples counseling. Would I kick the man out on the butt ;)? Hehe. But sometimes I think I could do it.

I'm sure I'll find out one of these days.

Sun Conjunct Venus

WAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA.

WALA. ;))

Ganyan lang talaga ako.

Humahalakhak mag-isa.

Wahahahahaha.

Sun Conjunct Venus makes me so happy.
;))

wadever wadever. :P

an introvert's high school memory ;))

when i was a high school little girl (as opposed to being a 30+ little girl), my gf and i loved the movie SOONER OR LATER, starring Rex Smith (yeah, that curly haired thingie hehehe) and of course, Jessie :) (i don't know the teen actress' name :) ).

and that movie was actually based on a book. and the book actually had a sequel WAITING GAMES. my gf and i then, we were huge fans of these books, and that movie, and this song.

Stars that glisten
Lips for kissin'
Honey, listen
It's true
No one ever
Loved ya better
Love ya honey
I love you

love pie

but but but ....

but isn't it that way naman talaga?

life and loving can be, and are, too, scary, and heavy, and all that.
it's true.

it's also true that it can also get warm, and cozy, and funny, and fun, and fuzzy, and sexy, and all that.
that's true too.

but it's only pie when you make the filling with the crust, and put whipped cream on top. it's not pie when you just have the fluff without the substance (the mango bits!).

baking can be hot work.
(but what do i really know, our oven is still "virgin" hehehe)

pie for two. to go.

but anyway.

back to that salad. ;))

company

the times that i miss birthday girl the most is when i long for company i won't need to speak to :) ... when we don't have to say anything to each other (when there is nothing urgent that needs to be shared) but we want the pleasure of each other's presence ... usually while reading ... in case any of you were wondering if we were just staring into space hehehe! ... and because lately i've been wanting, and having to read a lot, and sometimes want company other than mine, but can't speak while reading ... gf, i think of you a lot (hehehehe!)

this dynamic comes up a lot too with bf, this not needing to speak in the company of :), but maybe sometimes too much. with little time together, i worry and compensate for all the other-me's that aren't in the moment but wanted to share in their particular moment already past, and stuff the moment too full ;)). because i liked those other-me's too (lol) but they already got up and left the table, and went somewhere else, and i worry that they left no forwarding address.

i worry too much, little fussbody me. :)

day off

at the start of the week, i left town (lol, not too far) with 20 friends/ sorta officemates, in high spirits.

:D

i missed them :D
i missed being in a large group of people whom you know and who know you :D
i missed having to be somewhere at 8 am or else i would be left behind, and i enjoyed harassing all my seatmates at the meeting place, in the van, at the conference room :D

i spent most of the day in the meeting on Fiolo laftaf, putting together some reports needed during the meeting. i enjoyed it :D. i missed having to do something that would be useful to many, and not just to me.

i enjoyed the meals together.
i enjoyed flirting with them, boys and girls alike, and i enjoyed whispering/ writing notes, analyzing, while the meeting was ongoing.
oh, i also enjoyed taking note of the differences in process and participation, between regimes :D

still, long after my enjoyment had run its course, and the day had technically ended and a new day begun, they were still meeting! under the rain.

lol. that part, i didn't long for. and by that time, i was panicking about wanting to go home, and having to read :P

isang tagay ;)

ay nakadaan ka na.

happy birthday tita eds ;)! nawa'y nakakasuot ka na naman ng mini-skirt diyan sa iyong Alemanya. nawa'y magaling ka na mag-German, at sana makamit mo ang iyong mga inaasam-asam. :)

am tired of titles :D

you know when the "missing-moment" fills you?

popped up online, after dialing THAT prepaid isp one million times. to see if he's online.

he's not.

;))

i love psychology+

YES, it's true. I LOVE psychology.

I find all my classes interesting. I look forward to reading my readings. The discussions always make me want to go off and read further on spin-off topics. I borrow related books from the library and surf the net for more information and articles by the theorists. I wonder how the various concepts can be used and are being used in therapy, I am fascinated by the real-life therapy stories told by teachers. I want to get to know my teachers, find out how they got to be who they are (hehehe). I even take note of how they teach their classes, for in case I get to teach the same classes in the future.

I also love going on a psychological-labeling spree (pinning psycho-pathologies on each other and pointing out psych processes that we come across in daily life) with roommie, another psych major, and one of my alleged role models (hehehe!). Indeed, it becomes a daily case of a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

To be honest though, I am not yet a good student. With the load that I have, I do have to read everyday. But my absorption is still slow, sometimes I need to reread the readings to internalize them. Plus I am still learning the language and the concepts so am not yet very articulate. You know when you are starting to understand but can't say? Also, my concentration is shot when I get upset over my life. But I do have to push myself to speak out more in classes -- to maximize this moment, so to speak (and my tuition hehehe). I can't help but speak out only on those occasions when people say something i totally disagree with. Then, I get all red in the face and sputter my protest (hehehe!). I do want to experience my classes fully as this semester won't happen again :). I want to be in this now.

Still and all, it's grand. (A far cry from forcing myself to get curious about economics, hehehe. If I tried really really hard, I could get a spark. But nothing like this.)

So there. I just wanted to say. Now I have to go catch my thoughts for my thought paper due later. They're still at large. And I'm getting alarmed.

:) +

Today’s a funny day. My Wednesday teacher was hilarious in acting out her examples to the various concepts that make up the object relations approach to personality. Like mirroring. She said with the “mirroring” concept, she understood how it is that couples in love can spend hours just staring at each other without talking. It’s just like staring at yourself in the mirror. It can be terribly fascinating. For isn’t it that when you’re in love, you’re mirrored: “Here at last, is someone who sees me! And thinks my rabbit teeth are great!”

Anyway, it was interesting finding out about object relations – about how babies start to find/ lose security/ love/ warmth in their first objects (usually the mother’s breast) and how their reaction to this can start off emotional patterns that they can take to adulthood if unresolved. I kid you not, it’s not some far out sci-fi fantasy, it can actually all sound very possible. So much so that now I want to study more about this approach, and go into therapy myself (hehehehehe). Just to get clarified on some of my more destructive emotional habits :D Or maybe I really just want to talk some more about this stuff with a practicing therapist.

Especially after yesterday.

I was sat in class yesterday in depressed mode as I had been the entire morning, precisely wondering about my emotional dilemmas, and wondering what should be the lesson for me in this current impasse. It was such a repetitive and real situation, and tiring too, that it’s quite clear as day that I have to learn something from this. So I was sat there, half-listening to my Tuesday teacher, not meeting anyone’s eyes and thinking if there was something really wrong with how I was feeling about this certain emotional issue, and half-thinking that I should really go and talk to someone about it, just to get a perspective. (It gets tiring analyzing yourself, and putting it aside doesn't always work.)

So anyway, so many of the things that unknowing Tuesday teacher said spoke to me as I was sat there, facing him by the aisle at the very end of the room. We have been discussing the various stages of personality development, and have just gone past the part where it says daughters develop fascination for their dads, and sons get more attached to mothers. And Tuesday teacher was saying that a parent’s “abandonment” often has many traumatic effects on children, especially a dad’s leaving on daughters. I put abandonment in quotes because we’re not talking here about parental fault, but certain circumstances, and how a child chooses to react to these, and how sometimes this reaction carries over till adulthood as an emotional habit, or schema.

After the lecture, as has been our routine, teacher set aside some time for meditation. And this session he had us go back to the time when we were six. Immediately I was in the house that I grew up in when I six, I could not see myself but I could see inside the house with “my” eyes, as a six-year old. I was going around the house kitchen to dining to sala, back porch to aratilis tree to laundry area and some of the scenes from those times flashed thru my mind. One of this was of me sitting on my dad’s thigh, as kids will. At this point, I started getting weepy so in the middle of meditating, I kept wiping my eyes with my fingers (how embarrassing was this, right, in a semi-public situation), but as what happens when you start to cry, you can’t just stop. Especially when the scene became my mom and I listening to voice tapes from my dad when he spent six months in Japan around that time. And I remembered he used to send letters addressed to me when he was away then. Oh dear. I had to reach over into my bag for my pack of tissues for by this time I was crying complete with sipon.

Of course, Tuesday teacher NOTICED me by this time. He came over to me, and said, just go with it. And “you’re a good girl, you’re a good girl.” He ended the session by saying for everyone to look to him and smile.

Smile. It was a good experience despite the crying jag. I realized I have “abandonment” issues (nobody’s fault, ok these things happen) and I had joked about this to a loved one last week. IT WAS A JOKE when I said that. Hehehe. I can probably say that I do have abandonment issues from past lovers but this was the first time I learned of abandonment issues from childhood.

Anyway, earlier in the class someone had asked teacher what should be done about past traumas? And one of the things he said was about staying in the now, leaving the past, and dealing with the actual issue/crisis happening.

Time to deal :)

P.S. Incidentally, about ten years ago when my dad was leaving for another stint abroad, I spent hours on the phone with an ex, crying over it. Which was a bit strange considering that by that time I'd lived away from home for eight years already! Anyway. ;)) I'd always remembered that incident because ex was so pleased with me then (how strange that as well).

The Tuesday Something Extraordinary Happened

you know how these things go. you're in a particular context, with a particular mind-set, with a particular state of spirit, at a particular spot, at a particular time. and something happens that seems to have been meant JUST FOR YOU. ;)) that you never expected.

You, Universe, you're very naughty. Thank you (but did it really have to be with 15 other people??!!!? hahahaha. It's pretty hard not to judge one's feelings, to just experience them, when one finds one's self crying in a room with 15 strangers.)

Will write it up some time :).

this week's forecast

There is a New Moon in Cancer, V, which sets the stage for new beginnings within your current relationships. As Saturn prepares to leave Cancer for another twenty-nine and a half years, you have learned a number of lessons about your relationships. You now know a great deal more about which ones really do work and which ones may not be in your best interest. This is your chance to take the initiative and to focus on creating a strong bond that will develop and get stronger as time goes by.

the real reason

the real reason am more comfortable on the desktop than Piolo laftaf is because i had my desktop table especially made to be shorter, many years ago.

hehehehe.

and Piolo gets too hot on my lap. :P

sandy dreams

in two weeks we are going to the beach :D

we are going because three people are celebrating birthdays :D

and we would like to celebrate on their behalf :D

hehehehe.

not one, not two, but three excuses.

and these three people won't even ever know :D

hahaha.

p.s. oh tita e, your birthday warrants a different celeb. take your pick: mishka adams? brass monkeys? oyster boy? you pick, we do. ;) lab you :P you are always thought of. so far away. why doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore. it would be so fine to see your face at my door. -carole king :)

it "pang"-ed

alarmed by the sight of my beloved nemesis' files on one of my tables, i frantically burned my files onto various cd's, wanting to erase all traces of me from what was once my territory and soon to be favorite nemesis'.

burning done with, i took a deep breath and pressed the delete button. three times for three directories.

v_as_herself
v_2004
v_2005

owwwwww. owwwww. owwwww. my life and times for 8 years. my personal files, letters, bills, thoughts, resources, diary entries, chat logs, music files, lyrics, and a million and one pictures.

gone. never to be found in that hard drive again. (windows prompt: this directory is too large for the recycle bin. delete permanently?). delete, indeed. like i was never here.

thank goddess for nero :D.

for as long as ...

as sung by my old favorite Ms. Julia F. the androgynous daw (hehehe)


As long as we have hope, prayer, and a little bit of time to
Get us there, hope, prayer and time
-- written by Gary Clark

as if ;))

as if i knew anything.

I DON'T.

hehehehe.

am just trying to pull answers from the air, maybe like this, maybe like that, and also (i promise you), maybe the way it is already :)

or all of the above.

i guess this is when we have to be creative. this is like making movies. that's not such a good angle, sweetie, can we shift a little more... maybe like this, maybe like that.

MAYBE.

(videoke cue: Maybe, there'll be no falling stars this time around, I still believe that ... Maybe... hehehehe)

after all, we already have an all-star cast. :P

kung anu-ano lang

literally. be warned.

Dr. Pansy
a few days ago, i had two long and engaging separate conversations with two friends about FLU. YES, the dreaded, never-again-please, not-until-i-can-forget-how-weak-and-useless-and-lupaypay-you-can-get f*** flu. :D

yes, it was the flu that i had. i'm also inordinately happy to have diagnosed myself correctly in the end. i know it started as a sore throat and the usual, but i guess the lowered resistance made me succumb to the terrible terrible flu.

it was fun discussing all the symptoms and agonies with the two. shared misery is indeed ... a joy. hehehe.

Pansy Cleaner
today i am staying home to work ( ;)) ) and so because i am home working, i also cannot help but get absored with some household tasks. for instance, cleaning the ref. yes, so far i have cleared the ref of two leftovers, some nice ulam from a few days ago (lunch), and the remnants of the offending strawberry-choco (that led to the flu) -- dessert! hehehe. don't you like cleaning the ref this way?

Weathergirl Pansy
i think nagtatampo sakin ang weather (sobrang superstar complex ko).

it's been raining so consistently every day starting from about 5 to 6 to 8-9 in the evening that i've taken it to be some sort of weather rule for june, and have been announcing it as such.

well it just rained, and it's only two pm.

hmmmp!

true love

you know the drill, you noypi you. you weren't really planning to stay up half the night. but then they brought you the videoke machine. still, you weren't really planning on staying the whole entire time. BUT they brought out the karaoke machine. ... and YOU, yes you noypi you, you CAN'T resist the songs. it's not genetically possible. no matter if you weren't the one holding the mic, no matter if you almost never held the mic or chose a song. still the songs kept coming and you were stuck in that room, standing or sitting, it doesn't matter, but singing.

yes, singing, under your breath or with ten others singing screaming. even if the lyrics went against all reason (from here to eternity???!!!!???!), still the songs kept coming and you were singing, and soon, it was three am.

hehe.

i really only take the videoke plunge with people i truly love, either because i know they will accept me no matter if i shame them with my singing, or i love them no matter what they will think of me! (amounts to love in either direction). hehe, such a big deal but i can't sing to save my life, unless, i really have to. i guess.

now it's time for bed as it'll be time to swim in a few hours, and I CAN'T WAIT TO SWIM. my body craves the water (i can swim to save my life if there are no waves, hehehe).

happy birthday chester. i love you. ;)

Flowers for you, on this lovely evening
Though they have no words they share my feelings
As we walk along the avenue
Pardon me, I just can't help staring at you

synchronicity saturday

i have a lot to say, i have nothing to say. both me. :D

***

let's try the first option:

i went to school to get my i.d. it's not my prettiest :D but it'll do.

i went to the library to check out books on synchronicity, among other things (have a class report on synchronicity). got hold of one by carl jung, and synchronicity: the inner path to leadership by joseph jaworski. i sat down and flipped thru the second one to see if it was worth borrowing. and i didn't get up for two hours. i was hooked!

it reads like an autobio but is really not just an autobio. (the best way to illustrate/ explain your points is really to tell the story of your life, i think. it's from the heart that way.)

anyway, this guy who was like your typical driven successful busy person, was sat down by his wife one day. she said she had met somebody else and was leaving him. needless to say, he was surprised and devastated. he hadn't seen it coming. he was one of those persons who was always so focused on doing what he was doing to the exclusion of all else. so i guess one of the things that suffered as a result was his marriage.

the "tragic" thing that happened made him rethink and reflect on his life and his person, and his being. he started reading and writing and reflecting, and as a result became more open. he realized the more powerful way to live was not to control life, but to flow with it. to be "open" and "alert" and "conscious" so that things could happen.

for instance. he went on a six-week holiday to europe by himself. he learned a lot and all that, and he said that he didn't always want to be alone. and he noticed that the universe provided him with the company that he needed. when he went to dinner in a restaurant in cannes, a woman passed by his table. their eyes met and they smiled at each other.

after a few minutes, the woman, noticeably a bit chagrined by what she was doing but nevertheless determined to follow her instinct, came back and asked if she could have dinner with him, and she would pay for her share, etc. so he asked her to sit down with him, they talked and learned about each other and spent a day or two in each other's company.

and then... (pp. 48-49, section on the art of loving)

The day Bernadette was to fly to Paris, she came to my hotel room. It was a Sunday morning, and I was sitting on the veranda, soaking up the sun and watching a regatta out in the bay ... I was listening to beautiful music and was very content and happy, alone with my thoughts and memories, restful and peaceful. Bernadette came to my door. She said she had to see me one more time to tell me what the last few days had meant to her. She said I had deeply touched her life ... In ten minutes she was gone...

As I sat in my room, tears were running down my cheeks. It was not out of sadness that I wept, but because of the realization that I had had a profound effect on someone else's life. That was the first experience of its kind for me. And I knew why I had been able to help her -- it was because her well-being was a matter of my ultimate concern. I had given to Bernadette my interest, my understanding, my knowledge, and all that was alive in me. I had given my life to her for a few days and apparently had enriched her life, while at the same time, enhancing my own. ...

...the lesson that I learned from this encounter was life changing. ... when we are in this state of being where we are open to life and all its possibilities, willing to take the next step as it is presented to us, then we meet the most remarkable people who are important contributors to life. This occurs in part through the meeting of our eyes; it's as if our souls instantly connect, so that we become part of a life together at that moment. This is not at all about sexuality, not about maleness and femaleness. It's about human beings connecting. At once there is an instant trust and intimacy -- we belong with the other for a moment.

***

oooh, how beautiful. :) and this book is not at all about bernadette. and he was just starting. it's really about when people suddenly work together, as one, as if in a different state, things just gel. but am still reading it, so that's all you get, and you can go and find and buy the book if you want ;)

i guess synchronicity can happen when we all learn to be open, to be alert, to be in the now, and we recognize deep in our souls that we are all related, we are one, all parts of the same whole entire beautiful universe. ;)


***

george bush and you and i. gma and you and i. euuuuuurgh. hahahaha.

but you know what i mean, if you know what i mean :D

and besides, one of j. jaworski's main points was that leaders have to have self-knowledge, they must have an inner life, and a reflective journey. hehehe.

***

then i left the library and went to the bank, and had hot sour sinigang (yum) lunch with the synchronicity book. then i went to a bookstore so i could be standing up after lunch, then i walked a long way to claim something at the photocopiers (hehehe, it was another book, silly), then i went to another bank, then i dropped by the grocery store.

then here i am with the wind blowing my hair, typing away on piolo (hahaha instant laftaf name) on my lap, and copying this book, like i'm not supposed to.

:P that was just three paragraphs silly, free advertisement and recommendation.

oh, and it's raining. i got home just in time to grab my pink shirts from under the drizzling sky.

more minutiae

ahhh, classical conditioning. after two readings, my eyes started to droop and i actually had to nap at the coffee shop where roommie and i met up to study. and it was barely midnight. hehehe! this was so much the stuff/ MO of my childhood, all that was missing was a pillow.

promise, Vaseline shampoo works for me. hair is shinier, more together, like magic.

ok, goodnight lurkers :P thanks for coming.

essay: becoming me

sigh. i am not sooo very interested in myself today. i would much rather maki-chismis in the lives of freud, jung, reich, etc. but i have to do both.

hehe. i just love to complain when my life is going great ;))

let me leave you with this though-provoking thought :P

are you one of us?
Freud viewed the genital character as the ideal type. Genital characters are people who are sexually mature and capable of orgasm. Libidinal energies are no longer dammed up since such people have located appropriate love objects. (Theories of Personality, Richard Ryckman, p.44)

SIGH. *roll eyes* Another romantic.

:D

tats

it was a good sign. that i am getting well.

i could sing along to the divas giving their all to the this-song's-dedicated-to-tatay portion in yesterday's noontime show. (the week before that i badly wanted to sing along but couldn't find the energy).

except that pretty soon, my throat had grown a boulder. nakakaiyak naman mag-emote emote no. kahit nakiki-sing along lang hehehe.

anyway, hope yesterday was good for all the tatay's of this world, who know parenting/ tataying ain't easy. especially the ones who know, tatay's have got what it takes to be ilaw of the tahanan also. what's needed is the willingness to practice.

hala, galingan niyo ha. eh nag-tatay kayo. matuto maging lampara. hehehe.

and of course to my tatay, who does his best ;)

Fragment (consider revising)

I don’t tell my stories when asked. My soul does not unfurl that way. Rather, asking will win you a smile or a sigh or silence. My words and my pictures follow their own rhythms. But thank you for asking (that is my most recent improvement that I am indeed grateful to be asked).

I try to ride my tides, calling when words pour forth, when my eyes twinkle, high. Or low, often brought at ebb before your door. Connect with me. I am sad. You don’t have to make me happy. I merely want to touch you or sit in the same room, breathing.

Or channel the airwaves, comb the clouds into some cumulus highway between us. Who cares if we’re saying nothing much at P6 a minute. The thing that matters to me is that you’re at the other end. “So what did you eat today?” Funny, that always makes us laugh. But really, I want to know. Not that it matters what you chewed today, my love. Just that I could ask.

I too try to ride your tides, knowing that high will get me nowhere with you if you are at an ebb. Then I am like a fly that you are fond of, one too many questions and you shut the screen door on me. Fly, cute you may be, but let me sleep.

When the calendar brings us together, then you tell me your stories, sometimes, unbidden, from memory, from whatever. Then I am glad.

my schoolgirl days

i even dress the part.

hehe.

been running around my corner of qc in jeans/skirts, tanktops, hoodies, sneakers and bookbag all week.

hoodie and socks because i've been quite sick. i've only been mustering up enough energy to drag myself to my most important errands and to school. bookbag because i still have work, because i've been sick, so i've been lugging some papers around.

i've even gotten whiffs of that classic student-feeling: oh no, class again today. LOL. don't get me wrong. I am SO GLAD to be going to school. but it's kinda strange to be going to classes four days a week. i definitely AM a school girl already.

i have even BEEN to the library. spent four hours there. got my housemate to give me the tour since i've never been to this school library. we went home with 7 books: boy, those books were HEAVY! that tired me out so much, i went right to sleep on the couch after coming in the door. hehe.

i have four different teachers. i have loads of classmates -- we have big graduate classes, from 17 to 20 people a class, that's a lot. am glad for the mix this semester though, have more people of more ages, from more fields.

there are soooo many pretty girls at school (including me hahahaha). hehe! if i were a guy, i'd be in love every day. hehehehe.

what else? i have to learn to commute to school some days. too many getting-off-and-ons though. that's my excuse this week.

the 12-unit load isn't a joke though. i already have loads to read, and i want to do advance reading because my head's first language still isn't psychology. (it's love. hehe! i mean women and development.)

for one class we need to get to know an "abnormal" person and write up his/her story. because teach wants us to learn understanding. guess who i thought of? hehe!

for another class, we are going to spend time at either the terminal ward of a children's hospital or with some seminarians in far-away tagaytay. but we're not supposed to seduce the seminarians. ok, ok, children's hospital it is! hehe.

wish me luck and a new pair of sneakers (the other one gave out on thursday ;)) ).

eavesdropped

1. It's only in relationship that you find out quite repeatedly that yes, you, too are an evil person. Eat dirt, so there.

2. Have you ever liked someone so much that you literally have days when you just want to follow them around? (I HAVE).

3. Have you ever missed someone you liked so much that when you couldn't get in touch with them your scowl made the kanto dog howl in hurt, and thunder crackled in the background? (I HAVE but the thing is I'm scared of thunder.)

4. Have you enough percentage brat and evil person that when sometimes you miss someone you like so much, you quarrel with them first chance that you get, without really meaning to, just because you missed them? (Ahh, now we're talking)

FINE! (not) FINE! (not) FINE! (not).

5. The thing is, when people are beginning to like each other, they ought to cancel some flowers and chocolates in favor of first aid kits and life preservers. Here goes, I have sharp edges and can poke you in the eye. Try to survive. In the end, I'll thank you for it.


CRASH! There went my self-erected halo again. Dang it.


PS Thanks to all the kind souls who have offered to take me to the doctor. I have been feeling ghastly, 'tis true.

lagnat ever

question from the audience: Si Ryan na ba ang right guy for you?

Juday: (smiles) It's too soon to tell. I hope so.

;))

p.s. partial kasi ako sa love stories na nangyayari dahil nagkasama ng matagal at nagkakilanlan. ;))

ZZZICK

Last week on a lazy sidetrip to 7-11, the Priestess made me buy this strawberry flavored choclit. Little cuties they were, and yummy too.

A few days ago, I fed some to boyfriend, and fed some to myself (hehe, he had the good sense to say no at some point). But I did drink water!

Still, the day after that.

There I went again. ZZZZOOORRE throat.

So the next day: runny nose.

And yesterday: runny nose and cough.

Today: I AM REALLY SICK. DANG! I woke up in a fever, with a dripping nose, and cough.

It's kinda fun just snoozin' here at home in front of the tv, a pile of books, the internet and anything I can pull out of the ref ;)) Hehe.

But I will have to run out to the grocery store when I pull the last piece of tissue from the packet.


P.S. Yes, I am taking medicine, liquids and vitamins. :)

but, seriously

i firmly believe i deserve another Boracay weekend.

hehehehe.

promise, universe.

tickle tickle (you thoughted)

Image108.jpg
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Meet Duma. Duman. You thoughted. ;) :P

Bless.

Duman on fuschia sheets, 3 hours old.

soulfully

soulfully yours

my super mode/mood/mod/moon of the moment.

i am soulfully yours/mine.

soul-sister 1 keeps calling me "mahal". i love it :D

on a rainy evening

There are times when I like being needed. Times too when I wish some people didn’t need me in the exact time and way they needed me. But I guess, in the balance sheet of life, I would rather be someone people need (every now and then? :) and not in a continuous stream? except by babies, maybe?). As if life worked like a balance sheet. But love also means going out of our way for those in need.

(And I thank all of you who have gone out of your way for a me in need, even when it was so clearly a bother :D or against your will, or against the normal nature of your personality hehehe.)

Sometimes I am lonely, and think that people, sometimes, get lonely (if not most of the time.) They want someone to talk to. When I am lonely, I resolve to be the someone that people can talk to when they are lonely :). (Hey you, you can talk to me when you are lonely.)

It’s taken me all week to find my stillness :). And still, I can’t sit with it for too long a spell. I seek/ sought company. I found some company.

Nor did I really escape it. Other things got in the way. Like the urgency of having my aches and pains kneaded out. Like going with an old movie-mate to the current movie craze (so-so), or choosing top colors with roommate, or enjoying a drink or two with work friends, that which we could not do for the longest time, so busy were we!

Other things that you stand still for: a regular guaranteed fun date with a gf at a cute movie (A Lot Like Love is good! ;), dinner with those people who understand what makes your heart beat, and wish you all that in spades.

And then love. Love sits across me in an easy chair, looking at me amusedly, affectionately. I know, love, that lately, I have learned quite a lot. :)

Visayas days and nights

Inspired by the Priestess’ bits of Bacolod, here are some of the snapshots in my mind of my last two weeks :)

Sitting beside Priestess, hot tired and hungry – cranky -- in a church in a sleepy Capiz town for a cousin’s wedding, watching this “butler woman” ordering the entourage about, admiring the way my other cousin’s tangerine ensemble floated on top, and wrapped sexily round her legs.

The huge shower that jettisoned water onto one’s tired and battered body in the spanking new house we borrowed in Capiz for the occasion, almost bare of any furniture but complete with all the soaps and shampoos one could ever desire in a grand bathroom irresistible to a Capricorn heart.

Taking off for Dumaguete mostly by myself, starting out from our house at the outskirts of the city at half past nine in the am, enjoying our tall perch at Supercat, saying goodbye to the Priestess and her very entertaining nephew at the Bacolod Ceres terminal – the South terminal mind you – enjoying a long bus ride south, arriving at Dumaguete at sunset, catching a glimpse of ahem in his curly glory (lol), catching the forest-bound jeep, and basking in the warm welcome of girlfriends at the Forest Camp, in the early evening in our cozy bahay kubo complete with tuko. Hehe.

Early mornings, breakfast coffees with girlfriends at the Summer Camp for Young Men in beautiful surroundings, river, rock, trees and grass. Sans regular cellphone signal though and convenient transport to the city.

Heartstoppingly cold spring pools, refreshing tingling addictive.

Sleeping with HB :): making siksik ourselves and two cots in the small space (bale a cot and a half space) between two bamboo beds in our nipa hut room. Love makes lack of space possible.

Midmorning sunshine, me talking on the wonders of mutuality in relationships and sexuality, on the importance of communication, and nurturing, and expressing feelings, and of evolving into complete persons, with partners who will hold up half the sky, with 8 young men. Talking sex with 8 interested looking young men. Lol. It is worth every minute every second if they all grow up and make women happy :), if they all grow up and become happy in themselves in their persons, without abusing anyone, and being sensitive of the power relations that exist in our society.

More joyrides: at the back of a minicab, at the back of a weapons carrier with a full moon gleaming down on the serene Dumaguete waters.

More good food: in partnership with HB, we sought out our favorite vinegar-related ulams – seaweed salads and grilled fish, there’s this particular fish that’s all over the Boulevard in Dumaguete that tastes so good. Then dessert and coffee with the goddesses at Mamia’s – mango crepes and cheesecake and coffee and… Indian mangoes. Hehehe.

Forty young men getting emotional, and supportive, and being loving to a prostitution survivor, and the survivor enjoying the love and support and respect of these young men who will surely make the world a better place for her and her children and other women.

(Remember: if there were no demand, there would be no supply. The Summer Camp for Young Men aims at changing the attitudes and practices of young men on prostitution.)

And then Apo Island :). I am always happiest in sea, and sand, and sun, with friends. Snorkelling holding hands with HB while following Randy, the kindest cutest boat captain that side of the Philippines. (We have his number if you want his help at Apo!).

And then the loveliest room at Bethel fronting the Dumaguete sea. Slept beside HB no matter if there were two beds! Hehe.

Chatting with ahem and HB late into the night at Bethel :)

Early am tricycle rides with HB to the airport, breakfast under the sun. Hehehe.

Other snapshots, I’ll keep to myself :P

In the heat of the summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you
And nobody needs to know
-The Corrs, summer sunshine

hmmmmm

the boat is sinking, the boat is sinking,
group yourselves into ...
everyone :)

united by love, are we :)

i feel a sea-change.
i want the sea-change.

i don't want to just take up where i left off,
when i left manila exactly two weeks ago.

i don't want to be the same me that i was.

learning about the power of now, how do i
hold on to this new improved wanna-be consciousness (:P)

i don't want to forget.

if it's truly in my heart, maybe i won't forget.

but i feel i will always need reminding :)

***

you "getting" the "spirit"
of my loved ones
moves me deeply.

it brings things to a whole different level.

i never even knew it would be
this
important
until it happened.

bless.
i feel blessed by you :)

p.s.buhuhuhuhuhuhu

i'm back (somewhat)

in one more minute, i'll be officially nagpupuyat, napuyat. quick, must change clothes and jump into bed.

i had an eventful week. to all those involved (hehehe): thank you for the experience, the learnings, the love, sorry for the hassle, the heartburn, the flak.

:) peace.

2 seconds to go!

I Like

1. I would like to be in picture in a keychain with a jowa. Hehehe.

2. Lounging rights – Having eaten breakfast seriously and solemnly (enjoyed it tremendously!) at their bar, and ordered shakes besides, D and I took that to mean, we had beach lounging rights at Nigi Nigi. Thus we lounged: reading,snoozing, swimming, keeping an eye out for flying umbrellas!

Yes, flying beach umbrellas can kill you.

And so we snoozed with one eye shut and another eye in a slit on the lookout for FLYING UMBRELLAS THAT CAN KILL YOU!!! (hehehe, the wind was that strong that it kept uprooting umbrellas from the sand).

And I told DD that if I screamed, to just go right ahead and roll to the sand, it meant…A FLYING UMBRELLA WAS ON THE WAY!!!! (and don’t forget, that can kill you!!!!)

3. Having walked the beach in search of father, and not finding him, we sat down on the sand, and took our first phone pics together (after all we were in Bora together). And sooner than soon, father passed by with tito. Hehe. Stop looking, and JUST SIT IN THE WAY, and “it” will come.

4. Hotfooting it back to the courtyard, we arrived upstairs with a clatter, just dying for a pee, …*peed*… turned on the tv, and caught the Kristine Hermosa and Aga Muhlach movie on tv. Yahooohooo, nice surprise. I love watching cute enough Pinoy movies. Oh, the Aga character died.

5. I like that on our first night in Bora, my head ached so badly (pounded all the way from Roxas City to Bora), we merely went for a quickie at Andokito’s and Biogesic and a shower, and went to sleep. And the next morning it rained so hard, we stayed asleep!

6. The next morning, we went back to the Nigi Nigi bar, where I ordered D’s order the previous day (but this time there were no papayas in the fruit bowl :( ), I sat facing the beach, opened a laptop, and started working. LOL. A deadline knocked on the door and showed up, but no way was I going to work indoors.

7. Also, I swam with the waves and sang Ally McBeal songs in my head. The sea felt silky on my sunblocked skin.

AS FIR TREES WILL, Bora, the lazy relaxing way, third time in a row.

hard habit to break

the guilty pleasure of working.

lol.

promise, there's just too many loose ends ;)). don't want them hounding me to the beach!

it's really the pleasure of tying loose ends :) (some anyway! the others WILL hound me)

i refuse to be harassed by the prospect of the trip to the beach, and my disorganized state.

i got a new pinkish bikini instead.

wahahahaha [properly witchy laugh].

"the power of orange knickers"

hehe. i love that title, borrowing from that song and the singers who sang it (i know one is damien rice, is the other tori amos?)

and so, IT IS FINISHED. :) the world has visibly shifted course, headed where, we don't know yet.

i have been so busy, three days' worth of astrology emails have piled up in my inboxes and that hardly ever happens! hahahaha.

the lists continue
i, v, maker, bringer and carry-er of long endless daily lists in the last frenetic month (it clears the head, and enables one to make checks :P), continues with this habit. it appears that i have created for myself another frenetic vacation.

gee whiz, cheez whiz. sometimes i am really strange in the head.

i only have today to prepare and do the most urgent errands.

like root around for my orange bikini. my love handles can't wait ;))

the power of i love you

read someone's i love you to someone on a blog.

how powerful this: i love you.

i love you, makes me stand still.

i want to stand still for: i love you.

it's as honest and as i love you as you can get, i think, uttering i love you.

if the truth be told, i am not used at all to, i love you.

i wonder why the world (people) suffer from an i love you drought. such a simple thing, so essential, and yet so lacking.

after all my life, i realize, i love you is a verb.

hey mother, i love you.
hey father, i love you.
and brother, i love you.
and sister, i love you.

and me, you, i love you.

random notions from my low-batt mind

the beginning of goodbye

am back at the office. when our "lipat-bahay" looking jeepney (filled to the brim with water dispensers boxes of stuff, two lcd projectors, three laptops, a printer and officemates) pulled up at the office gate, friend M said "we're home!"

yes it has come to that.

i sat in front of my pc, and remembered i had shorts and a tee shirt tucked somewhere around these papers, and i thought, "yehey, i can get more comfortable!"

YES, IT HAS COME TO THAT.

this office is now home, without conscious permission.

it hasn't been bad, just tiring :). everything's also been mildly successful if i may be allowed to say. some things fall thru the cracks, some stuff are mildly embarassing, but largely, everyone has come together and pulled thru. and these are the things that have always mattered to me from the start, at this office of ours.

for the last 8 something something something years.

the togetherness and the people ;). (and the internet!)

the togetherness under tyranny and tears, in mischief and mayhem, the food, the pa-gandahan, pa-cute-an, the things that we learn, the stuff that we laugh about.

[capricorn g and capricorn me were sitting in a corner whispering about the boss being weepy, and getting weepy ourselves,... ahhh capricorns]

[old pal e hung out at the congress, making all sorts of sarcastic remarks such as we might get charged extra by the caterer for one of the guests appeared to be wearing one of the table-cloths.... hahahaha]

that's what made me stay for more more more more :) (above and beyond the call of duty, i must now move on, for i believe, there is no more use for me where i am now :D ... i am already weary of the actual work assigned to me hehehehe).

two more days, and i am leaving. ooooh, things will never be the same again :)


moving on

hardly slept today. woke up at 8:15 from my 6:20 am bedtime just in the nick of time to shower and head out the door. but it was quite fun. i can fend off tiredness and sleepiness for as long as i don't have to present anything ;). i'll just run around for you.

but then again
J friend: hi migs
J: how was the opening?
v: hindi ako tinetext ng jowa ko

hehehe!
[the space to be able to complain of such a matter. being put-out is a privilege one can enjoy, for as long as one doesn't take one's self too seriously] <--- "do you agree with me that a bracket feels differently from a parenthesis?"

after all, wasn't it also you who said, ay, amo ka na gali ya? indi ko ya sang amo na ya.

other aliw things
practically brought my entire filebox on everything relevant to the activity, to the activity, in various well-labeled folders. (no wonder i didn't sleep, i organized parts of myself :P).

also really enjoy seeing the camaraderie of staunch feminist and the "boys" under her command. goes to show all kinds can mix well too, under negotiated terms. like "b, where's my coffee??"

and h and em made a great exhibit! thanks h and em!

and also
carted home five pinangga shirts today, four for men!

seeing the men in my life soon, bringing along some pasalubong.

leftist?

leftist? left-leaning? progressive? socialist?

yes, my left boob leans to the left if left to itself.

hehehe.

3 down, 5 to go

still smiling ;)

notes short quick

fast intense changes ....

this has been an intense period at work
then i go on an intensive 2-week vacation (my neverending thanks HB for your flash of inspiration, thank you!)
then i go back to work for 10 days (i think)
then i start having an intense time at school!

like... whoooooa! ;))

i hope i don't sob all over myself for lack of transitions ;). nah, it's ok. the past 9 years have been transition enough :D

time to move on. ;)

i love you life, i love you world.

(ang arte arte arte mo na V ;)))

short quick notes

YM was made for kulits like me and you, and all my kulit officemates (hehehe redundant). We may be anti-globalization but we're definitely pro-YM. ;))

It's no longer the off-season. Am back in style! ;))

Yon na muna! Uwi na ako! May bukas pa!

the off season

noteworthy

gf: indi ka angayan. wala gid any amount of bitterness.

it's a miracle, promise. hehehehe. it's one of the noteworthy things in my life these days. how happy I am for this certain couple. hehehe! as in :) i could kiss them both. (overrrrrrr, but true.)

cheers to you :)

tulala tutula

ako'y

nababaliw
nabubusog
nauuhaw
naaaliw
nagmamahal
nasasabik
nananadya
nangungulit
naguumapaw
natutulala
nagtatatalon

umiibig.

ano na nga iyon ulit?
nabubuang
nagiging matino
nagiging mas matalino
nagniningning
nawawala at nahahanap

lahat ng ito
ipinapasalamat.

that season

and so mother universe, what's a girl to do? who is oh so oh oh oh oh uh oh.

:D :P :D :) la la la la la la.

life as prayer ;)

How do you pray? Andrea asks. A lovely SuperHero post about praying. Here's my favorite bit:

But back to that line about daring to pray. I've never identified with a particular religion, but prayer in some form has always resonated for me. I think I've been praying for a long time and calling it other things. 'Manifesting', 'asking the universe for help', 'sending out good energy'. All the lists I've ever written that have gone into magic boxes are prayers. All of those paintings done in a fury of emotion, all of those mornings spent writing, all of those drawings-- deep prayers. Or the time I wrote that letter, the one that was so difficult to write, and afterwards I dropped it into the fire. A prayer of letting go.

There is a line in a Rumi poem that I've always loved, "There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground."

Perhaps you pick up a musical instrument or sing in the shower, maybe you take your dog to the puppy park and bask in the joy of unconditional dog love, maybe you hike in the woods, practice yoga or volunteer at the soup kitchen. Maybe you salsa dance into the wee hours of the night.

This is all worship. This is all prayer. Laughter is prayer and also tears. I think prayer is about honoring life, about being alive, about worshiping our own aliveness in the world & feeling a connection to spirit and to others.

Your Inspiring Self
Also in my inbox is the latest eletter from SARK about you and your inspiring self! To remind you and me that each of us, we are all love-worthy ;)! And in this way we are better able to love others and their inspiring selves.

For your tiny and large kindnesses, for your glad heart and
your confused tears, for your stumbling and yearning. For
your endearing soul and rare insights, for your impossible
moods and hopeless moments. For your rage and despair
and explorations in shadows and darkness, for your
resistance and conflict and refusal to feel good, or do good
things. For your selflessness and especially for your
selfishness. For your pathetic vulnerable times and for all
your splendidly human moments. For your incandescent
spirit and ingenious escapes. For your will and suffering.
For everything that you’ve tried to hide. For your failings and
attempts and for all that you have lost and found. For your
regrets and loneliness and for every fear that has ever
stalked you. For your neurotic bumbling. For radiant
knowledge and countless expressions of love. You are
inspiring to me because you are exquisitely YOU.

Isn’t it funny that what we most try to hide or conceal is what
others find most inspiring or endearing about us?

I want to encourage you to know that you are inspiring to me
and others. I invite you to revel in your inspiring self!
Especially when you feel the least inspiring.

Your Inspiring Susan
(AKA SARK, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy)


As for me, I have lately been conscious to rephrase my life as prayer. Not to get bogged down in complaints, and the Stuff That Go Wrong, and to stop Trying Too Hard on Stuff That Refuse to Cooperate (hehehe!), to fill those with love, and transform to prayer instead.

And to say no, and let go of those I cannot do :P (who am I kidding anyway? I am just a flower ;)) ).

Have a blessed weekend!

5

cinco de mayo - May 5, 2005
One of the stellar moments of the day to go on the offensive is 1:29PM PDT when the Sun in Taurus and Mars in Pisces link up through a 72-degree pattern. This type of alignment is based on dividing the zodiacal circle of 360 degrees by the number five. The quality of five -- numerologically -- has to do with change, evolution and consciousness-raising. The upright five-pointed star or pentagram is a symbol of spiritual advancement. Meditating on the deeper significance of this image can give you an enormous vitality boost -- particularly as this is the fifth day of the fifth month of the year (celebrated in many communities as Cinco de Mayo).

A bit of detail up there for all the da vinci code fans ;)

Moreso, spent the night with priestess energies, the Dark Lord and her minions consorting over steak, eggs, and lots of kinds of syrups, talking about reincarnation, past lives, the right to sexual fantasy, pornography, women being both victims and agents, etc. Very Mona Lisa.

Moreso, had a blessed day, with everyone helping out my sinking ship (hehehe overloaded promise) without my having to ask, with sympathy and support, and even understanding from the boss! Golly gee.

This is when 5 is not a failing grade, but a welcome break.

a tale of tonight

i was trying out my new flash (FLASH!) disk, and then my pc (precious to our office for now, holder of precious letters) wouldn't boot. windows died on me, friends hovered around, looking for stuff amidst my mess, offering cd drivers, etc, not wanting to get deeply involved but itching to put their hands on the pie...pc.

eventually they went downstairs and eventually i joined them for yet another amalgamation of differently-cooked tunas: new tonight tuna sinigang tripled with tuna tapa and my first choice, tuna belly.

left to myself, i extracted some files, and it worked, and my system was humming happily once more. followed the trail of a friendster blog announcement, and thought i'd look up an old attachment's forever, and voila, there they were before me, and how pleased i was to see them. hold her hold her hold her like you love her (as you do) when you're being snapped :)

click click i surfed some more among friends and acquaintances' photos and snapshots of their lives but as i do, i grew bored with friendster, and left. and called up him whom i love and my heart grew warm and fuzzy. giggled, talked, laughed out loud, and talked about the future in between thoughts of now, my fractured tailbone and his scratchy throat, and whether or not i can or would or could or want to. no need to. good if yes, good if no. and maybe i would. well i would just that my now is that i miss you so, and not that which would not solve it ;).

hello world card

dear wise and understanding universe
(hehe, good mood na),

we have exactly 6 whole days before the riot starts. :D.

i mean the 7-day office togetherness errrr ... meeting, conference, meeting, congress.

i hope it all comes together and i don't forget anything major, like telling everyone what time it is, or what year this is, or that one puts on one's bra first before one's shirt. (but pansy, you don't have to tell everyone what year this is because if you trust them, they will know ;) )

because only i know what i'm truly capable of.

and that includes walking out on everything if it gets truly exasperating ;)). i hope i will count to ten, remove myself from the mix of convoluted energies ;)), and say, ...

on the 17th, I CAN, and I WILL! ha! ha!
;))

but anyways, it's not worth it getting tired and ugly and sick over all of these ;). i just hope we will do a good job, and that i can stop myself from kicking anyone who will say otherwise (and i can bet you one or two or three or 76 will.)


blessings

and i want to thank you world card, for the following:

1. wise, loving and understanding migo (hmmmm intriguing) who 'gets' astrologically-designed meltdowns ;))
2. super wise, super loving migas who have been around for a hundred years, and still do this thing every day of their lives -- love me at whatever time and whatever day and at whatever state they may also be in.
3. having been able to tell, boss number three today, that am outta here :D wow what a relief that was. i can't take it anymore, having too many bosses. but i have a resolution to write her to tell her i like her and love her, and it's nothing personal.

i just want to be by myself for a while ;)).

work-wise.

back to work. mwehehehe.

anew na nga ba yon?

Anyway.

When I step back from my drama, I am amused. So. This is my moment. My, how it has changed from my previous moments.

;))


It's a bit like your long-lost tita telling you, "Ikaw ba ang anak ni? Ang laki mo na!"

I have a new list of frequently called numbers/ resource persons. I'm drawing from new models.

"New" only because this is "new" once again to me. But they have always been there.

I have "new" considerations, "new" dilemmas, "new" heartaches, "new" parallel worlds.

Mwahaha. New anew.

Life goes on, you brat

Sorry universe, ang kulit ko. (pangit mo)

Never ko na gets.

Now lang.

:)

Sticks lips, snout out in a long ugly pout in an attempt to avoid further melodrama.

Hindi ko pa kayang sabihin. Sasabihin ko na ba?
Kapag sinabi ko ba, hindi na ako masasaktan at tuluyan ko nang matatanggap?

O siya.

Hindi ngayon.
Hindi ngayong minuto, hindi ngayong oras, hindi ngayong araw.
Ni hindi ngayong lingo.
Ni hindi ngayong buwan.

Ni hindi ko nga yata dapat tinatanong.
(para pag nagtatanong ka kung kelan ang suweldo, dalawang araw lamang pagkalipas ng pagkuha mo ng suweldo)

Dahil hindi ngayon.

Hindi ngayon ang oras ng pagkikita, at pagsasama.

At huwag ka na lang magtanong kung kailan kasi hindi magkakaroon ng sagot hangga’t may gana ka pang magtanong. Baka kapag nagsawa ka na sa kakatanong at kakaproblema, saka pa lang magkakaroon ng sagot kaya,

Huwag ka na lang magtanong.

Nakatunganga.

KABLAG

Dropping everything for some sweet and yummy ve-je-te-bels
(as in everything -- letters to speakers, lists, documents, thoughts, worries, panties and all :P)

at our local walk-in wok in.


Everytime I look
Into your lovely eyes
I see a love that money
Just can't buy ...

Anything you want
You got it
Anything you need
You got it
Anything at all
You got it
Baby

aPROPoS of nothing

Today's Props Propped in front of my CPU in front of me working away at one million letters to prepare:

1. tishu
2. orange-flavored loviscol for adults,
3. and lagundi forte (supposedly for cough but really for constipation ;)) or if it were up to HB for everything that could be wrong -- heartache, money problems, fever, you name it, lagundi takes care of it ;) and the best thing is, THEY DON'T HAVE LAGUNDI in the US of A, mwahahahahaha ... not in Secaucus anyway)

I feel a bit like that song that goes:

I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste
A flannel for my face
Pyjamas, a hairbrush
New shoes and a case
I said to my reflection
Let’s get out of this place

Past the church and the steeple
The laundry on the hill


soon enough, I WILL.

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime
If you want me to--I will.

For if I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.

that makes two of us

sabi niya: i love you very much.

WELGA ng Women

And so, we're off!

I mean WE'RE ON!

Salamat sa Priestess sa pagsusulat.

in the country of separate nows

how a moment of good cheer
metamorphosed into tears
in the space of a second
the space of an email
opening.

i am in the country of separate nows.

that's how it is.

i type and wail in YM emoticons.

ignoring my colleague at the back, chattering chattering chattering

(GRIN: i like you promise but i want to cry now.
you're not in my now, you sitting at the back of me.
but thank you for working with such delight.)

i am in the country of separate nows.
i am in the country of separate nows.
i am in the country of separate nows.

now.

A'IGHT!!!!!!!

:P :D :) MWAHAHAHAHAHA

just rambling (sheeshkebab2)

nerviyus.

every time i think about how tomorrow is Sunday, and that means there will only be two days left between tomorrow, and Wednesday, I get nerviyus indeed.

clearly, i am tempted to panic.

i must remember to do one thing at a time, even as we will try to anticipate. sorry, when you're organizing a big event, anticipating is what needs to be done.

all my days are spoken for, until May 16. ggggrrrrr. (this is my particular drama this summer. hehehehe.) spoken for. oh well, at the very least i already know what i ought to be doing from tonight until next next Monday.

count my blessings! :D count my blessings i command me!
1. HB is a sweetheart! HB is goddess-sent! HB holds up 3/4 of the sky. i do 6/8 of the 1/4 and about 2/3 of the sky in the other galaxy.
2. co-cap-co-league is sweet.
3. this is actually a GREAT project if a highly stressful one.
4. many of the participants are really HELPFUL.
5. i got good grades last sem (methinks they could have been better)
6. honey with the 3 o'clock habit
7. one million other blessings. hehehe. (including the fact that cable wasn't cut contrary to the best educated guess)

lalalala

anyway, roomie and i are throwing a huge party when we graduate in 2008, cross your fingers and legs. hahaha! she insists i'll catch up with her. you're all invited :D

lalalala

my drama next semester is going to be swimming in theories :D. i'm sure i'll panic at some points. am sure i'll be very interested but think if only it weren't too much. am sure some of y'all gonna ride some of these theory waves with me. (thank you in advance. one never learns that one only learns by one's self. others will also learn, whether they like it or not for (wo)man never lives by bread alone, but with wheat bread and peanut butter too).

i'll be enrolling in cognitive psychology, advance personality, family relations psychology, and abnormal psychology. wahahahahahaha! golly gee. i'll be a nut case. hopefully a learned nut case.

lalalala

my next feel good thing to do is change the sheets :D

futureminder quote

What I search for, I find. What we neglect escapes us.
Sophocles

Such is our responsibility. :)

sheeshkebab1

Nicely put.
Here is your single's love horoscope for Friday, April 22:

Start a new project today. Like finding the love of your life. Or
finding the life you love -- which can, they say, create the necessary conditions for the love of your life to appear.

lalala

It's not funny. But I won't dwell on it.
TOO MUCH WORK SPOILS THE ENJOYMENT OF THE WORK.

lalala

imagine. pumapangit na ako!!!!!! (kahit cute ang orange jogging pants... as in everybody wants a piece of my pants ;).

Not Good. Sometimes, beauty is everything. :P

too busy

everytime i pass my living room, and sit on the sofa for but ten minutes,
I MISS IT.

"sa diin? kat ta!"

For my queen ;) You can be the queen in my life, if I can be the king in yours.

Well I'll follow you wherever
When you lead me by my nose
On another big adventure- I suppose
Then you lay me down in clover
With their petals on my back
I should make some time
To do more things like that...

Won't you sing to me your poetry,
Won't you take me to your home,
Won't you be for me forever
So I'll never be alone
And just one thing...
If you're my queen...
Then it's a beautiful thing...

chaka khan

ka-OA-han
tak-an
vornot
ggggrrrr.

OC-ness should have its limits when it's getting in the way of moving forward to no dire consequence except being too particular!

there are consequences to forever corrections, and saying no at some point also means being responsible.

fax it.

moans

Hahaha. I mean, love sound bites. I mean sound bytes on love. Moans sounds so much more interesting though. :P

Thank you for being the kind of person who’s not looking for perfection but revels and recognizes the humanity in each person, and knows how to love that humanity.

Thank you for loving perfectly imperfect me, and same to you. :P

I didn’t know it could be that simple. Aside from being complicated, it is also that simple!

**

At odd bitter moments, a gf or two and I would talk about how we have trained some men so well. For other women. You know when a guy has learned so much from you, has become a better person, … and then someone else benefits.

GRIN. I did say, odd bitter moments.

Right now, I can only but be grateful to all those wonderful women who have contributed so much to the person that you are.

So it becomes all right to have loved and lost, and be loving again. Because the circle is so much bigger and broader than any connections I, or any individual, may ever have created. The loving goes on.

**

Girl, I need you to support me on this because I love you and sometimes we need things of the people we love. Support me on this? Know what’s being supportive or not? :) It is always “in the spirit in which something is said or done,” conscious or not (blame Freud). After all, we have had so many rich and rowdy years of supporting each other, this shouldn’t be anything different.

More of the same.

Love.

**

I also want to talk about me loving myself. Allowing my self my mishaps, misapprehensions, amusements, questions, nervous laughter, concrete fears, etc etc etc. That’s all ok. That’s part of me learning and loving, and nothing I say or share can and should be used against me. :P

Take it seriously, with a grain of salt and a lot of love.

**

At ok din kaya, kung iparamdam mo rin sa mga mahal ko, kung kinakailangan, na mahal mo ako? :P

**

Girlfriend love: i love i love i love getting back together with two other best friends this week :).

Funny in one conversation when we said how I seem to have higher expectations of girlfriends. Hahaha. Girl friends matter promise.

parteh of three

we have a new colleague at work, and our partnership of two has grown to a party of three (barring the presence of bosses, themselves a non-party of three hehehe). now this has actually not provoked any big thoughts and emotions from me (yet), but is presently significant in that we have only two desktops in our little room.

so as not to confuse you any further or lead you on in a merry way as to the importance of this post in your now (:P), i only mean to say that using my laftaf on another desk has changed the world for the better. i have opted to use this "boylet" (must think of a name, boylet comes up as a close synonym to toy :P) not only out of need but also because the office has gone wireless.

anyway. i am greatly pleased with where i am currently sitting, and typing. it shakes up the molecules around me a bit.

(i have taken down my clothesline of lists from next week but have started doing this week's "laundry." right now, there's four big to-do's).

thank goddess for lab ;P

between asterisks

You inspire me. I like that in a guy.

I like that in a person. But rarely do I get inspired. And rarely by a guy.

Person.

:)


***

I should allow myself to be more inspired more often.

:)

***

Sometimes we have to choose. This person-friend or that person-friend. When interests clash, when there is love and affection all around, but you can't be everywhere, for everyone at once. Choosing is sometimes more loving.

Perhaps, next time.

***

We have to respect the goodbye moment.
Grab it, give in to it, be in it. Fully.
Goodbye.

***

Spent the day in great company. Sinamahan ako ni M/ sinamahan ko si M.

***

Disrespected my throat yesterday. Now I'm sick. My tonsils are inflamed. I hope this doesn't escalate into a full-blown sick weekend.

***

Don't rain on my parade :)

***

My love is happy. And so am I :)

***

Kanina, I was beaming. Iba pala when you're beaming. I was happy, and I was beaming, and I thought to myself I should beam more often.

:D

planned procrastination

means having my way with myself? ;)

means taking your pleasure when you can?

means taking the time for yourself? with your loved ones? and your friends?

an hour or two or three away from work CAN change the world for the better promise :D

like a hot shower can. or licking an ice cream cone. or a massage.

but what i only meant to post was.

i asked gf, what time she wanted to flee the office so i can plan my procrastination accordingly.

don't feel like walking home alone.

but sometimes, your imagination can take you lotsa places.

Plan B. Or Plan A. ;)

Interesting

Interesting
Originally uploaded by Pansy.

Lesbianism as the answer to competition between women.

Hihihihihi. Hahahahaha. Hehehehe.

Best friends ah.

:P

ganito lang yan

NAMASTE :)

"hugot from the heart" kung si gf pa. hehehe.

bongga ang april 12, 3 na ang major learnings ko from when i woke up at 7 am. hehehe.

monkey see, monkey do

Sometimes it really is as easy as all that.

When you come face to face with your true intentions, when you recognize your heart's desire. It's there. That's it.

Snap of the finger, blink of an eye.

When I said, I wanted to actualize myself :D
When I said, I wanted to love more :D
When I said, I wanted to do this instead of that :D

Blink. He's there. He's all that. And I am learning a lot. And he's not doing anything new. Just being himself. And I am learning all that I can. And in a sense, it's got "nothing" to do with him. Because it's about me.

But then. We, all of us, are one.

So he's also probably learning too. And am just being myself.

And everyone else in the area (this is a wireless thing that needs no setting up) is learning too. And all of us are learning from each other, and making waves of love.

And that's the sort of thing that can stop earthquakes. Monkeys :D

:)

Let us read and dance, and so we will not hurt the rest of the world!-Voltaire

Finding the time to enjoy yourself in the company of others soothes a troubled mind. Play makes work fun. Cheerful thoughts infuse the day, and a gesture of appreciation goes a long way. What you say, people like to hear. Because you see how the pieces fit, you recognize and can create harmony. Being childlike or with children should bring a smile. Whatever the activity-discover the joy.

na ewan.

Masaya kasi magtrabaho kapag maraming kasama. Lalo na kapag mabigat ang trabaho, gumagaan kapag mayroon kang kasama nag-poproblema.

Tingin ko kaaway ko talaga ang magtrabaho mag-isa sa mga bagay na mabibigat.

Tingin ko blessing talaga noong nakatrabaho ko na si HB sa gender-gender and women-women.

Nalulungkot din ako kapag may pinapagawa na mabigat tapos di ka man lang ma-ayudahan ng boss mo sa sobrang busy niya na. :( Para kang naiwanan na ewan.

these crazy days

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

lol

the best day of my life today ;))

Clothesline of lists and a paper quilt be mine today.

motto

Kahit anong mangyari, sa susunod na dalawang araw, HINDI AKO MATITINAG.

Ha!

Hehehe. I have work galore rising around me. And I sit here, amused at it all. I had the feeling this is the summer I'm going to need to pretend (read: internalize) that I am really a workaholic :P.

A workaholic in love. I double dare you V!

I am SUPER

Here is your love horoscope for Thursday, April 7:

Your sweetie's calling out to you, but so is the office. The daily
juggle can be disheartening, but don't try to be a superhero. Prioritize so
there's more time to play with your partner.

;))


P.S. THANK YOU. :) Sweetness abounds. If I had a transmogrifying machine .... calling Calvin and Hobbes ;) pa-borrow.